


Not A Fantasy, Not A Dream, It's Just You and Me

by brunetteandblond



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, has a happy ending, it's sad but happy but sad but happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-05-31 19:53:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 109,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15126716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brunetteandblond/pseuds/brunetteandblond
Summary: Emily Prentiss and Jennifer Jareau are supposedly just friends and colleagues in the BAU. But, both women have feelings for the other. Taking a risk, they decide to begin a relationship. What happens when cases, kidnappings, bosses, and Will threatens to destroy what they have? Jemily w/ slight Moreid. Trigger warning: there are highly mature scenes later in the story. COMPLETE





	1. Nobody Loves You Like I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds nor do I own the characters!

Most of the agents of the FBI had left to go home when Emily Prentiss knocked on her co-worker's door. JJ was known for her late nights in Quantico, and Emily usually shared the blonde’s workaholic habits as well. The profiler heard a muffling sound that was hard to depict coming from inside her office.

Curiously, Emily knocked on the door again and called out, "JJ! It's Prentiss. Can I come in?"

Among the weird sounds coming from behind the door, JJ replied, "Yeah, come in."

Emily frowned. JJ's voice sounded off. As if she were trying to sound cheerful, even though she was obviously upset. Immediately, the brunette entered the cramped office to find JJ sitting at her desk. Her eyes were puffy and her cheeks were pink. This worried Emily. It was rare to find the blonde to be so unhappy.

"Jayje, are you okay?"

JJ quickly looked down and started to search through the papers on her desk, to make it seem like she was busy.

"Yeah, I'm fine," She lied nonchalantly. "Just trying to get my stuff together." She hoped that if Emily didn't see her face, she wouldn't be able to profiler her.

Emily nodded even though she could tell JJ was not telling her the truth. She didn't have to be a profiler to know something was wrong with the liaison. "Are you going to Will's this weekend?"

JJ shook her head somberly and whispered, "I'm going to get some work done at my place. I feel like I haven't been home for a while."

Emily groaned, hating how JJ was always working. "JJ, you need a break. You work harder than any of us. Do you want to hang out at my place? We can watch a couple of movies, eat junk food, sleep in…" As Emily counted off things that they could do, JJ's face fell further.

Trying to hide her depressed state, JJ put on a fake smile and stated, "Thanks, Emily, but I think I just need a weekend to myself. Maybe next week?" She got up from her stiff chair, still avoiding the curious stare of her co-worker.

Emily tried to hide her disappointment. She was looking forward to the idea of the blonde staying over at her house. "Okay, but you are always welcome. Anytime. I know how hard it is to relax."

JJ nodded, but she didn't really take any of her words in. "I appreciate it. Really, I do. I bet Morgan or Garcia would love to have that weekend with you though."

Emily inwardly groaned. She wanted to have the weekend with JJ. No one else. She pleaded, "Yeah, but you are so much better company. Don't work too much, okay? There is such a thing as over-working."

JJ sighed and rolled her eyes. "Okay— Mom," She tried to joke. Emily could sense her friend's fake humor but laughed anyway. It made the room feel uncomfortable. JJ cleared her throat and told the brunette, "Have a good weekend, Emily."

Emily could tell JJ wanted her to leave. So giving up, she responded, "You too, Jayje. Come by if you ever want to relax or talk… or anything. I'm here."

JJ forced a smile and mumbled, "Will do. See you on Monday."

* * *

Emily finally sat down with a wine glass in her hand and Chinese food on her lap when someone knocked on the door. After hours of preparation, Emily was looking forward to this quiet night. She groaned as she got up to see who exactly was at her door. She silently prayed that it wasn't Garcia, who had implied that she wanted to get together with the brunette. Emily was completely surprised to find a different blonde at her door.

JJ was standing there, looking like a total disaster. Her hair was in a messy bun, her makeup was everywhere, and she was in her pajamas. Emily could only gape at the sight of the liaison, who never looked less than professional. JJ blushed, embarrassed of her own actions. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come. You are obviously busy." JJ turned back around and Emily grabbed her arm, preventing her from leaving.

"No, Jayje. Don't apologize. I asked you to come. Come inside, I have enough Chinese food for us to share," Emily insisted as she took an emotional JJ inside her small apartment. "How does Pad Thai sound?" The brunette grinned at the blonde with hope.

JJ returned the smile and said, "Sounds amazing, thanks, Em."

Emily rushed to her kitchen where the rest of the food was. When JJ couldn't see, she blushed and let out a quiet squeal.

"What were you going to watch?" JJ called out as Emily prepared the plate of food for her friend.

"Oh, one of my favorites, Momento. It's strange but good. But we don't have to watch it. I'm happy to find something that we both would like to watch. Or we can just talk." Emily poured another glass of wine and brought the meal into the living room where JJ had sat on her couch.

JJ gratefully took the plate and cup, smiling at her colleague. "I'm good with whatever. Momento is a good movie. I think I saw it with Morgan once."

Emily raised her eyebrows in surprise. She had no idea that anyone else had seen one of her favorite movies, let alone her team.

She pondered outloud, "Really? When did you guys have time to watch movies? I feel like this is my first break since I have started working in the BAU."

JJ laughed, for the first time not feeling a weight on her shoulders. "Yeah, it's hard to find time to relax. Actually, I think I watched it at Morgan's place when I first joined. Elle was there too. She tried to drag Reid along, who was new at the time as well, but he didn't come. It ended up just being a bonding moment for me, Morgan and Elle."

Emily nodded, listening to JJ thoroughly. It was strange for her to listen to JJ about a time in the BAU that she wasn't apart of. "Elle was the girl before me, right?" She asked curiously.

"Yep. We were super close. She was the first person to let me in. Coming into a team of Hotch, Reid, Morgan, and Gideon wasn't the easiest. Especially since Reid didn't let anyone in at the beginning," JJ explained as she started to eat the meal. She already gradually became more peppy, like her normal self.

"I can see how that could be difficult. It was hard enough when I joined." Emily admitted carefully. She was surprised to find JJ laughing at her statement. "What?"

JJ grinned and teased, "Em, you had the biggest stick up your ass when you joined. Honestly, I thought you would never put your guard down."

Emily frowned, but she could tell that her friend was joking. However, it stung a bit, still feeling self-conscious about how her team had thought of her. "I never had a team like this before I got here. I was used to sharing no personal information."

"You are all profilers. How much more personal can you get?" JJ asked, still chuckling at her friend's insecurities.

"We don't profile each other, JJ. It's a rule."

JJ snorted with a small eye roll, "You don't honestly believe that, do you? Everyone tried to profile you when you first joined. No one could figure you out. You made it though, that's all that matters." JJ smiled happily at her friend. "I'm so glad that you are here. As much as I love Garcia, having another woman on the team is so helpful. Morgan and Reid just don't cut it."

"They both love you to pieces, Jayje. Everyone does," Emily admitted and blushed immediately. She cleared her throat and added, "I think Hotch praises the ground you walk on. You can do no wrong in his eyes."

JJ shrugged as if it was no big deal. "It wasn't always like that. For a while, he was convinced I couldn't do the job. I think he thought I was too soft. Elle stood up for me, though. She's probably the reason why I'm still on the team." She smiled nostalgically at the memory of her old colleague.

"She sounds wonderful. It was definitely big shoes to fill. You must miss her."

"I do," JJ answered quickly. "But Elle couldn't handle it anymore. And I don't blame her. She was a badass, but she couldn't save herself."

Emily frowned, noticing that she was making JJ sadder, not happier. "I'm sorry, Jayje. I wish she could still be here for you."

"Yeah, but then you wouldn't be here. Prent— Emily. You fit in, okay? Me, the team, we will always be here for you. You don't have to be alone or feel secluded," JJ reassured her. She felt the room getting warmer. They intensely looked into each other's eyes, feeling their pulses quicken.

"Thanks. I've never had a family like you guys before. I'm still not totally used to it." Prentiss smiled and squeezed JJ's hand. "I'm here for you too, JJ. I know you carry a lot of the cases on your shoulders. You can let that go, too."

JJ tried to smile, but tears entered her eyes. She let go of Emily's hand and wiped her tears.

"Sorry," She rambled. "I don't know why I'm crying, it's dumb."

Reluctantly, Emily put her hand on JJ's shoulder. "Dumb? Jayje, if something is bothering you, it's definitely not dumb. What's going on?"

JJ shook her head as if she were shaking away her feelings. "I'm fine, Emily," she grumbled. "Just a bit emotional. So want to watch the movie?"

That wasn't a satisfactory answer in Emily's opinion. "The movie’s going to wait. What's going on, JJ? You've been acting down recently. Are you and Will okay?"

Will's name struck a nerve and JJ shuddered. "We're fine. In fact, he proposed."

Emily tried to hide her misery. She faked a smile amongst the confusion. "He proposed? That's great, isn't it?" She pretended to be thrilled for her friend. But she couldn't be more upset. Though JJ was never hers, she realized that if JJ had Will, she would have no need for Emily.

JJ scowled. She had purposely tried to avoid this conversation. She knew Emily would be curious, it was only natural. "Yeah, Will's great." She paused, realizing she had to come clean. "I haven't actually said yes yet."

Emily raised her eyebrows at the younger liaison. While the news had excited the agent, she could tell something wasn't right. And while she would be thrilled if she didn't marry Will, more than anything, Emily wanted JJ to be happy.

"Can I ask why?"

JJ shrugged and looked down at her food. Suddenly, she had lost her appetite. She drank the rest of her glass of wine.

"He's great. I'm going to say yes, I guess. It just startled me, that's all."

"Oh, so it was a sudden proposal? Was it romantic?" Emily chewed through her words. She tried her hardest to sound supportive of her friend.

"He actually proposed over the phone," JJ admitted sadly. "He started mentioning me quitting the BAU and moving to New Orleans and it freaked me out a bit. I feel really guilty for not answering him. I sort of… hung up on him."

Emily cringed. Nothing scared her more than JJ leaving the BAU. She could handle her falling in love with a man or even marrying someone because she at least had her as a friend.

"Well, that's understandable. It's a huge step. Are you really thinking about leaving the BAU?"

"I don't want to," JJ said without hesitation. "The BAU has been my home for so long. It's hard to imagine a life without it. But it's hard to maintain a relationship while working here. You know that. Just think of Hotch and Rossi."

"He could move here," Emily grumbled, hating the gender stereotype. "You shouldn't have to compensate, Jayje. You should do whatever you love."

JJ smiled at the older woman. "Is it wrong that my job might be a higher priority than Will?"

Emily shook her head. "Of course not, JJ. Just because you are a woman does not mean you have to drop everything for a man. And if Will loves you, he'll understand that."

"Thanks, Em." JJ breathed with deep gratitude. "Talking to you makes everything just so much clearer."

Though it was a compliment, Emily wished that JJ felt more than gratitude for her. She knew it was selfish, but she wanted the blonde for herself. And it tore her apart to see her be with someone else. But, Emily wanted JJ to be happy. And if Will made her happy, then what else could she ask for? However, something was still off. Never once did JJ reference her feelings for Will.

"JJ? Can I ask you something personal? It may cross lines."

JJ was curious. Emily sounded embarrassed and frightened, which was very unusual for the confident profiler. She replied, "Of course, Emily."

Emily took a deep breath and questioned, "You love him, don't you? You're not just settling for him because he is a nice guy?" Emily looked into JJ's eyes, and couldn't be more surprised by her reaction. Emily was expecting her to profusely explain her love for the detective, but all JJ did was tear up. "Jayje, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend—"

"No, you didn't offend me." JJ choked out. Emily put a comforting hand on her back and took the food off her lap. JJ laid her head on Emily's lap. Emily brushed her fingers soothingly through the blonde's hair. And while this action would have been normally very sensual for Emily, it was calming for them both. "Will is a good guy. And that's hard to find. He loves me, you know? And I love him."

The brunette could read between the lines. "But, you're not in love with him."

JJ nodded, sobbing harder into Emily's lap. "I don't know what to do," she cried out. "I think I could be happy with him. But I don't want to just end up regretting it and hating him for it. I don't want to hurt him."

"You're so selfless, do you know that? You put everyone before yourself. Will, your friends, the cases, the victims. But JJ, sometimes, you have to put yourself first. If you don't see a solid future with Will, you can't marry him. In the long run, it'll hurt you both more."

JJ took a deep breath and whispered, "I was pregnant. That's why he proposed. I told him I was pregnant."

Emily definitely wasn't expecting that. She froze, not knowing how to respond to that news. "JJ, you're—"

"I _was_. Miscarriage. But you should have heard him when I told him. He was so happy. Proposed immediately, like the gentleman he is. And when I told him I lost it— he said that the offer still stood. A better man than I'll ever know."

Emily's eyes watered. JJ lost the baby. It killed her to think about it. "Jennifer, I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"It was my fault. I killed it. I could've had a family, Emily. A son or a daughter. A husband. A dog, maybe a cat. A safe job, and I lost it. I killed it." JJ looked up, empty inside.

Tears fell down Emily's cheeks, hating the way the blonde was talking about herself. "No, JJ. You did not kill it. Miscarriages are so common in the first couple of weeks. You didn't do anything."

JJ shook her head, disagreeing with her. "It was a sign. A warning that I can't have a normal happy life. I can't have a fucking baby, I can't love my fucking boyfriend and the most important thing to me is my fucking job."

Emily bit her lip. She pleaded, "JJ. Listen to me. You are the best person I know. You deserve happiness more than anyone. You deserve a child and a family and anything else you want. But sometimes, there are drawbacks. That doesn't mean that you don't deserve that happiness. Maybe Will isn't the one. Maybe you belong with someone else. And you can have their children."

None of the words were sinking in. JJ only heard words, not their meaning. "He doesn't even blame me, for killing it."

Emily almost violently grabbed a hold of JJ and declared, "You. Did. Not. Kill. Your. Child. Okay? I know. I killed mine."

That stole JJ's attention. She turned to Emily, confused about the statement. "What are you talking about?"

Emily sighed, wishing she could go back and not have said that. But now that she did, she realized she had to admit some things.

She confessed, "I got pregnant when I was 15 in Rome. I had an abortion. No way in hell was the ambassador's whore of a daughter going to have a baby."

"Emily…" JJ murmured speechlessly, searching the brunette's eyes for some answers. "Why haven't you told me this before?"

More tears ran down Emily's cheek. "I'm embarrassed. I tried to forget that part of my life. I made so many mistakes. But having that abortion, it wasn't one of them. Yes, I killed my child. But I wouldn't have been a good mother. I was either always high, drunk, or having sex at the time. There was no responsible bone in my body. Sometimes, sometimes things happen for a reason, JJ. And I know that it feels awful right now. But you did nothing wrong. You will have kids someday and that picture perfect life. You have time."

JJ nodded, moved by her speech. "I'm sorry you had to go through that alone. You have no idea how much I appreciate having you as my best friend. I love you, Emily."

Emily bit her lip. Those words. Those couple words. Her world seemed to have spun in a circle. And while those words weren't said out of romance, they were said from the heart. And that mattered just as much.

"I love you too, JJ. But you can't marry Will."

JJ grinned sheepishly at the brunette. "I know."

Emily sighed. The air got a little less heavier and she stood up. "I'm going to get us some more wine and we can talk about a lighter subject. How does that sound?"

"Great, actually."

Emily walked over to get a second bottle of wine and returned to find JJ laying on the couch. Emily grinned at the sight. "Hey! Where the hell am I supposed to sit, couch hog?"

"That sounds like a you problem," JJ joked.

Emily rolled her eyes and fell on top of the blonde. She groaned but joined into the fits of laughter. "You are quite the pillow, Jennifer Jareau."

"Thank you, Emily Prentiss." Their eyes lingered on each other's. And while Emily told herself that it meant nothing, JJ was starting to feel something, something that was deep inside her for a long time.

* * *

"Oh, come on, Em. You can't tell me you haven't had feelings for Morgan. You guys are like partners. With the work we do, emotions go wild." JJ said as she launched another piece of popcorn into her mouth.

Emily shook her head, grinning at the playful girl. It made her so thrilled to see JJ look so happy for a change. "Of course Morgan is attractive but I've never had any feelings for him. What about you? Huh, JJ?"

JJ blushed at Emily's quirked eyebrow and revealed, "Of course I'd like to know what he's like in bed, but never I have never had feelings."

Believing her statement, Emily asked, "Okay, what about Reid? When I joined I totally thought you guys were a thing."

JJ burst out laughing and blurted out, "Me and Reid? You couldn't be more off. For a profiler, you seem to have no idea about romance."

Emily grunted and rolled her eyes at her friend. "Shut up. I don't know! You were all so tight when I joined. Any of you guys could have been dating and I wouldn't have been surprised."

"Reid and I were never a thing." JJ reiterated clearly. She didn't want any misconceptions. "We went on a date once. Way before your time. But nothing came from it."

Emily raised her eyebrows. She was merely joking about Reid, but to find out there could have been something there made her curious. "Was the date bad?"

"No," JJ shared thoughtfully. "It was actually nice. He took me to a baseball game. But— we just acted as friends. I mean, there was no romantic spark. Like I said, nothing came from it. Purely platonic."

"Wait— Reid didn't ask you on another date? That's insane. Who would go on a date with you and not want to be with you?" Emily realized how gay that sounded and cringed at her own words.

JJ blushed and stammered, "You'd be surprised. And what about you huh? I've never met anyone you've dated."

"That's because I haven't dated anyone," Emily explained simply with a shrug.

JJ gaped at the brunette. "Don't lie," She said and playfully hit Emily's arm. "You've been in this team for two years and you haven't dated anyone? Em, I know our job is super busy and complicated, but that's crazy."

Emily shrugged again, trying to not let JJ's words affect her in any way. "Well, it's the truth. Believe me or don't"

JJ's mouth stayed open. She found it impossible that a person as beautiful as Emily hadn't been dating. "Tell me you have gone on dates since you joined."

"Dating isn't my thing. I hate it, really. I'm not the best at relationships," Emily admitted, avoiding JJ's glances.

JJ tried to understand what that meant. For some reason, Emily's lack of a love life bothered her. Even though she wasn't a profiler herself, she tried to look through the steel walls of Emily Prentiss.

"Oh boy. How bad was the breakup?"

Emily glared at JJ. More than anything, she hated talking about romantic relationships. Especially with someone, she thought so highly of.

"I haven't broken up with someone since college. One night stands, I can do that well."

JJ tried to not have a reaction. She wasn't expecting that, and she definitely wasn't expecting how she herself felt about that.

"Really? Interesting. Okay, how about Hotch? You guys had so much tension when you first joined."

Emily rolled her eyes. "Ew, Jayje. Hotch is like your dad. He's like the dad of the team. Even thinking about it grosses me out."

JJ laughed and agreed, "Sorry, I guess that is pretty disturbing. God, I was so scared of Hotch when I first joined. I think he literally gave me nightmares."

A grin spread across Emily's face. She loved learning these small details about her favorite blonde. "Aww. I can't imagine you being scared of anyone. You're the strongest person I know. I don't think I was very afraid of Hotch. He reminded me of all the adults I grew up around. I guess that was why I was so standoffish."

"You had that in common with Elle," JJ mentioned quietly. Emily quickly realized that she had never heard that name more than with JJ presently. It seemed… off to her.

Hoping that she wasn’t invading personal privacy, Emily tried to mention casually, "You're talking about her a lot today. Is there a reason why she is so much on your mind?"

JJ bit her lip. "No… I'm sorry. I forgot that talking about someone you don't know could be quite annoying."

"Well, I think you need to get it out. It's obvious you're afraid to talk about her with the rest of the unit. I mean, everyone is. You don't have to worry about me. I was merely curious."

"I just miss her a bit, that's all. She was my first friend in D.C. She meant a lot to me. But— she didn't let me in. She was struggling for so long and didn't even tell me." Her smile left. Her face looked tired and anxious.

Emily quickly came to her rescue. "Hey, what happened to her wasn't your fault. She didn't let anyone in. That's her fault. Not yours, not anyone else's."

"You do it too, Emily. You don't let anyone in either. Sometimes… sometimes that scares me. I don't want what happened to her, happen to you. I need you too much." Tears re-entered the liaison's eyes, and so did Emily's.

No one had ever said something as passionate as that to Emily before. "Jayje, that won't happen to me, ever. I can handle myself."

"Please," She whispered slowly. "Promise me that if you ever become too lonely or depressed that you'll talk to me. And won't try to handle it all by yourself. Because I couldn't deal if you left me like Elle did. Like Gideon did."

Emily rested her forehead against JJ's. "I promise, Jay. But you have to promise me too. Because if you didn't come talk to me, you might be engaged to a man you don't love right now. You have to promise to let me in as well."

"I promise," JJ said, feeling the attraction radiate her skin. "And I promise, that for the rest of the night, I won't hold anything back. I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

"Me too," Prentiss promised simply, cupping JJ's cheeks.

JJ looked away, knowing that she was going to ask a question that she already knew Emily didn't want to answer. "Em, why don't you date? You can't honestly tell me that people don't constantly ask you out."

The brunette sighed. She knew JJ wouldn't let it go. "I don't like to get personal. And the last person I truly dated— it didn't end well. And it almost ruined everything for me. Especially since my mother promised she'd disown me if I continued the relationship."

JJ stared at her, waiting for her to continue. "You can't just stop there. I need details."

Emily glared at her friend. Opening up wasn't her strong suit. But Emily realized that JJ was her friend and that this is what friends do. Share.

"The lovely ambassador didn't really approve of me and my girlfriend." It came out. It was hard to discern who was more surprised. Emily never thought she would ever come out to any of her colleagues. And JJ— she would have never guessed that Emily would have admitted that she swung that way. Prentiss froze. She didn't know what to do or what to say.

JJ could see how embarrassed and afraid the brunette was and wanted to make her feel better. "My dad never approved of anyone I was dating either. It was never to the extent as yours, but a lot of families deal with that."

"I've never— Jayje, I didn't mean to tell you that," Emily admitted, tears silently falling down her cheeks.

JJ sighed and wondered, "Em, do you really think that I care?"

Emily looked up into JJ's eyes. JJ smiled with admiration and adoration for the woman across her. Emily matched her warm grin.

"That means everything to me. I have had so many sexuality fears." She laid down on the carpet of her living room. "I'd overcompensate, which coincidentally ended up in an abortion. Apparently, I couldn't do anything right."

"I hate that you had to go through that," JJ voiced with a fiery passion. She laid down next to Prentiss. "I hate that your mother made you believe that being gay was wrong. But it isn't Em. You know that, right? That you are perfectly normal?"

Emily wiped her falling tears. "I've never felt that way. That's why I've never came out. To anyone. Since my girlfriend, obviously."

"Did you love her?" JJ asked curiously.

"I was in love with her. Katie meant the world to me. She was everything. But I wasn't willing to come out, and she was. She wanted to leave the country, travel, get married, have kids," Emily listed, her voice shaking.

"That sounds beautiful."

"It does. But I said no. Without my mother, I had no money. Katie said we didn't need it— but I didn't know how to live poor. I didn't know how to live without the connections. So she left the country, and I joined the FBI."

"Have you talked to her since?" The blonde asked.

"I don't think I could. She's just a memory of all the things I lost. And while she was also my best friend, I do my best work alone."

"Well, you have me, Emily. I know that you like to be secluded. But sometimes you need your friends," JJ declared and grinned at Emily.

Her dazzling smile enchanted the brunette. So much in fact, that it almost made her forget that JJ would never feel the same way. "I'm starting to learn that. And I have the best teacher."

But something still bothered Emily. More than anyone, even her boyfriend Will, JJ talked about Elle. Not that it was wrong to talk about an old colleague, but for JJ it was strange.

"JJ, we're being totally upfront, right? So I can ask you a personal question?" At JJ's affirming nod, Emily continued, "What's the story with Elle and you? I can tell that you are trying to hide something about her."

JJ cursed to herself. She thought that she had avoided that topic. Then again, it was her fault that she had kept mentioning the name.

She took a long, deep breath and determinedly said, "Elle and I slept together sometimes."

Emily tried to hold in her amazement and confusion. She was expecting JJ to know that Elle had killed that man on purpose, not that they were fucking. "Oh," she hesitated. "Did you love her?"

JJ shook her head. "No, it was to blow off steam when we had a rough case or when we were lonely. I mean after she was shot, we didn't. She wouldn't let me back in."

"I'm sorry. For both of you. I had no idea that it was that personal for you."

"You must see me so differently now," JJ uttered, grimacing. "You probably thought I was so pure and now I'm that slut who had benefits with her co-worker."

Prentiss immediately got up and stated, "Jayje, of course I don't see you differently. You have the most integrity that I know. And besides, I got pregnant at 15. Who am I to judge? Don't you remember, all of my relationships are one night stands? That way, no one finds out I'm lesbian."

"At least your mom knows that you're gay. Not that I'm not into guys— I am. I'm just into both."

"How did I not know this about you?" Emily joked.

"Because you don't notice any romance even when it is right in front of you. And I thought that every gay person has a gaydar." They both burst out laughing.

"Oh come on! Like you knew I was gay." The brunette was surprised to see JJ shrug. "What? You knew? How?"

"I wasn't positive," JJ confessed. "But the whole team wondered when you first joined. Not that it was bad or anything. But you never once looked at Morgan with puppy lovesick eyes. That was a big sign."

Emily rolled her eyes. "Seriously? What else did they know about me before I said anything?" While it was a playful tone, JJ was worried that she would offend the agent.

"Well, they all guessed that you had mommy-issues. But they did have you pretty wrong at first. They all thought that you joined the team because you wanted to get ahead politically or spy on them," JJ said, but at the sight of Emily's frown, she added, "But they were all wrong. Emily, you know how much they love and trust you."

"I wish I could have made a different first impression. I was so cold at the beginning. I had no idea—no idea—how much this team would mean to me. How much of impact each one of you would have on me, " Emily admitted sadly.

"It doesn't matter how you got here, Em. It just matters that you're here. A part of the team, opening that tough shell of yours." JJ got up and cupped her hands around Emily's face. "We all trust you with our lives, Emily. I personally trust you with everything."

Emily stared into those blue eyes, and nothing else mattered in her life. She knew that with JJ, everything was going to be okay. She couldn't hold it in anymore.

"JJ, I'm glad that you aren't marrying Will."

Confused by that random statement, JJ asked, "What? What do you mean?"

The profiler blurted, "I'm in love with you. Completely and utterly in love with you. And I know that you probably don't feel the same way, which is fine. I just had to let you know. And maybe it's because I'm slightly tipsy, or possibly because I literally couldn't handle holding it in anymore. You are the most beautiful person. You're intelligent, bright, caring. And I'm being totally stupid—"

"EMILY!" JJ shouted, yelling at the brunette. Emily was too stunned to continue. "Shut up for a second and kiss me."

Without a moment's hesitation, Emily leaned into the most perfect bliss she had ever experienced. All of her emotions were running wild, but none of that mattered. She was with JJ. Emily Prentiss was kissing Jennifer Jareau.

They took each other in. Embracing each other. In perfect harmony, they fell back onto the floor and became entangled with one another. Time seemed arbitrary. They were lost in each other, but they were truly both home for the first time.

"I— don't," JJ started to say between kisses, "Want this to be a one-time thing— Like it was with Elle. I don't— want— to be friends."

"Good," Emily agreed simply. "I don't want to be friends either. Jayje, wanna be my girlfriend?"

JJ stopped kissing because she couldn't control her laughter. "What are you Em, five years old?" Emily shrugged and kissed her neck. JJ groaned, "Okay, I guess not. Sure, I'd love to be your girlfriend. As your girlfriend, what exactly would that entail?"

"I think," Emily said between each kiss, "It means we go to my bedroom."

JJ grinned. "I think so too."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Criminal Minds or the characters but I wish I did!

They woke up tangled in each other's arms. Two days they had spent together, and it felt like only a minute. Neither of them wanted to leave the bed. And they only did so when they needed to use the restroom or eat food. They tried to avoid getting up at all. But now, it was Monday. And as the alarm rang, neither of them got up.

JJ groaned, "Do we really have to get up?" She wrapped her arms tighter around the brunette. "I think they could do without us for a day."

"Are you kidding?" Emily whispered. "They couldn't last a day without you. Besides, wouldn't that seem suspicious if we both didn't come to work today?" She breathed in the blonde's scent. She'd never get used to it. To any of it. Never, in a million years, did she think she could have the woman of her dreams.

"Yeah," JJ admitted sadly, "But how long could we hide it anyway? I mean, we can try to hide it. But it's going to be difficult. Every time I see you I'll remember these couple days, and I don't know how I'll not blush and smile."

"Making you all hot and bothered, am I?" Emily whispered seductively.

JJ let out another moan. "Jesus, Em. Don't. You're going to make us late." She turned around and tried to get up, but Emily latched on. "Emily, we have to go. You know that."

"Fine. But I call the shower firs—"

"FUCK!" JJ shouted as she crawled out of bed. "I don't have any extra clothes."

Emily snickered, "Jay, just wear one of mine, it's no big deal." She grabbed some close from her closet and threw some at JJ.

"We have totally different styles. Somebody is going to notice. At least Penelope will." JJ decided as she looked closely at the clothes.

Emily sighed. "I think you are being overdramatic, but if you are that worried about it, if we hurry up, we can stop by your place on the way." JJ nodded, acting more nervous than usual. And Emily definitely noticed. "Jen, what's up? Is it us?"

JJ quickly shook her head. "No. We are perfect. I love— I love us. It's just, I don't know how to deal with all of this. I haven't even broken up with Will yet. I'm just a bit anxious I guess. We really aren't allowed to date. It's against the rules, and I love this job and—"

"Jayje," Emily interrupted, putting her hands on JJ's shoulders to steady her. "It's all going to be okay. No one has to know. And if they do, we'll deal. Like we always do. No one in our team will rat us out. And if someone like Strauss finds out... we'll work through it. I will never give up on us."

JJ sighed, reassured by her kind speech. "You're right. Of course, you're right. Thank you. That makes me feel so much better."

"You take a shower first and calm down," Emily told her and leaned in for a quick kiss. "I'll make us some breakfast."

JJ raised her eyebrows at the brunette. "You can cook?"

"JJ, babe, what can't I do?" Emily teased with a huge smirk.

The blonde rolled her eyes and threw a pillow at Emily's head. The brunette gasped playfully and threw it back.

"Jesus, Em. I'll go, I'll go." JJ kissed Emily once more on the cheek and then ran into the bathroom.

Emily grinned and shook her head. She couldn't be happier.

* * *

"I'm glad that you both have finally joined us," Hotch said sternly as Emily and JJ entered the conference room.

Emily rolled her eyes casually, like she normally would have, but JJ blushed suspiciously.

"Sorry, sir. Em— Prentiss picked me up, my car didn't start this morning." They avoided each other's eyes, knowing that if they looked, they would never be able to look away.

JJ gathered her things and stepped up to the projector to present their case while Prentiss sat down at her normal chair. Morgan watched her carefully, knowing something was off.

"Nice break, Prentiss?" He whispered with a slight swagger.

"Of course, Morgan," Emily said harshly. "I didn't see you for a few days."

Morgan raised his eyebrows and chuckled silently. "Damn, Prentiss."

"CHILDREN!" Hotch called out to Derek and Emily. The two quickly turned their attention back to Hotch and JJ as they tried to contain their laughter. "Thank you. Please continue, JJ."

JJ continued her case review. Three girls, with no connection or similarities, are all dead in Garner, North Carolina. Just a typical case for the BAU. At the words, 'Wheels Up,' every agent got up and headed to the jet. This killer was killing with only days in between. A victim could turn up any time now, and they couldn't risk any more deaths.

* * *

Prentiss purposely sat as far away from JJ as she could. But she realized halfway through the short plane ride, that choosing to sit next to Reid wasn't the best idea.

As she tried to read the case file, Reid spurted out, "Isn't that weird to think about? There is a whole different species of bacteria in hairspray? Just think about all the times you have spray—"

"REID!" Emily shouted as she was starting to get a headache. "Can we please just talk about the case?" She told herself that next time she should sit next to Rossi.

Spencer, only slightly offended, nodded. "Right," he said before he looked through the case file. "The first victim, Olivia Stoltz, died from three stab wounds."

"Which is different than his second, where he strangled her. Why the change in M.O.?" Emily added. She tried to stay focused on the work. And though it was working, she couldn't help but keep going back to the memories of the blonde in her bed.

"Maybe the second was more personal?" Reid suggested.

"Stabbing 17 times was definitely personal too. Its overkill shows that the kill was sadistic and sexually motivated," Prentiss theorized. "And that's not even including the third victim— who died from blood loss when thrashed on the floor." She shook her head, trying to get that visual out of her mind.

"Maybe the UnSub was trying out different methods," Morgan said from behind them. "We've seen it before."

"That also explains why he would be killing so close to each other. He may be trying to find the most satisfying way to kill his victims." Reid added thoughtfully.

"Which means," Emily gulped. "More victims and less time in between kills."

Emily and Spencer shared an worried look. They knew this case wasn't going to be an easy one.

"Victimology," Hotch began, looking as stoic and driven as usual. "Let's start there. Why pick these girls?"

"They are all under the age of seventeen," Morgan stated. "But they look nothing alike. The first and third victims were blonde, and the second had her hair dyed blue. They were all different sizes, different classes, different schools."

"Maybe he doesn't care about that stuff," Emily offered, glancing through the pictures of all the dead girls. "Maybe he is purely sexually motivated and chooses his victims by convenience."

"Then why would he kill them so violently? This has to be personal on some level," Derek said, getting angrier by the second. It tore him up to see things like this.

"Either way," JJ commented, talking for the first time. "The media is going to have a field day. If this UnSub's only motivation is to get as many girls as he can without a type, no girl is safe."

Emily could hear the worry and fear in JJ's voice. All she wanted to do was hug her, hold her, kiss her, and tell her that everything was going to be okay. But she couldn't. And she physically felt pain from it. She shivered and noticed that Morgan had noticed. He looked at her with calm eyes saying, 'Are you okay?' She gave him a reassuring smile, but he wasn't convinced.

Hotch checked his watch and said, "We're going to hit the ground in a few minutes. When we land, Prentiss and Morgan will go to the last victim's body site. See if you can find out more about the victim? Reid and Rossi, you both will visit and talk with the parents of the victims. JJ, you and I will go to Garner PD. We need to get the media handled before this turns into a storm."

Before everyone retreated to themselves again, JJ and Emily shared a quick look, making sure the other was okay. Of course, neither of them were okay. But they had to do what they had to do. Emily turned back to the doctor. "Reid, what's Garner like?"

Reid started to ramble on about statistics of the small town near the city of Raleigh. Emily tried to listen as hard as she could, but every thought was on Jennifer Jareau.

* * *

Garner was smaller than Emily had expected. Not many restaurants, not city-like, but not like a small town either. Secluded, but unconnected and distant. Big enough for two major high schools, but too small for a bookstore. A paradox in some ways.

"I could never live in a place like this. There isn't even anything to do," Morgan snorted as they drove through the town to the third victim's residence.

Emily chuckled. "Yeah, it's cheap though. All of the victims are middle class or lower. So what do you think that it means that each body was found in a different part of town? One in a lake, one in a trash can and one in an abandoned factory. Why?"

"Maybe he's just trying to not get caught. Adapting. Which is never good." He said grimly. As he drove, he took a quick look at Emily and caught her looking at her nails. "Prentiss, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Emily replied without hesitation. "I just hate cases like these."

"You mean all cases?" And while it was a joke, his tone was nowhere close to playful. "This isn't you. I know everyone has a breaking point, but we have seen much worse than this. What's up?"

Emily wished that he would stop talking. She hated lying to him, even if it was for a good reason. "Nothing. I'm fine, Morgan. I swear."

"We had a break for the first time in months and you are more tired than before," Morgan said out of worry for his friend and partner. "Are you having nightmares, Emily?"

Emily sighed. She felt terrible to lie to him. "Derek, believe me when I say that I'm fine. I'm actually better than fine."

Derek took her words seriously and didn't say anything else on the subject. "Why would he go from dumping a body in a lake to a trash can? If the UnSub is smart enough to change dumping sights, wouldn't he go somewhere that has less evidence? He goes from smart with the lake to risky with the trash. It doesn't make sense."

"Maybe he respected the first victim more. Maybe he felt more guilt. Or, maybe he thought that the second victim deserved less. Maybe he thought she was trash. We've seen that before." Emily theorized carefully.

Morgan nods, but he seemed uncertain. "Something just seems off about this case. Like something is missing."

Emily couldn't disagree. There was an odd sense that the UnSub was playing a game with rules they didn't have knowledge of.

"I think we are supposed to turn here," She said as they entered the more factory district.

* * *

"Nothing," Derek muttered with a bit of anger. "There was nothing at the crime scene. No fingerprints, no pieces of fabric, nothing that could tie us to the UnSub. This guy is as organized as it gets."

The rest of the team sighed as they looked through the photos of the previous crime scenes, lost of how to proceed.

"Reid, there's nothing that connects these victims?" Hotch impatiently asked the nerdy profiler.

"Besides being teenage girls in this town, there is nothing. There is no sign that these girls knew each other existed, there is no sign that they had friend connections." Reid said heartlessly.

"It's a small town," JJ said quietly. "There has to be a connection somewhere."

"Well, actually, it's not that small of a town. The area radius is small, but the neighborhoods are clearly well separated. It is highly likely that the girls have never heard of or seen each other," Reid refuted.

JJ shook her head, disturbed by the fact that the team had no leads. "What am I going to say to the public? We have nothing to go on. Nothing that points us to an UnSub besides the fact that these were girls who were alone while walking home. It's going to put this town into a frenzy."

"Agent Hotchner!" A detective called out as he ran into the small room where the team had set up. "Another girl has gone missing. Skylar Chappell. 15, here's her picture."

"Based on when the other victims died," Reid stated. "We have twelve to fourteen hours to find her." The tone of the room flattened even more. Everyone was on high alert.

"Morgan, call Garcia. Get her to get into the victim's internet history. Maybe they have a commonality there. JJ, make a statement to the press, get the whole town searching." Hotch turned to Prentiss and Reid. "Go talk to the girl's parents. Find out everything you can."

"Hotch," Morgan started. "How are we supposed to get anywhere without a profile? We know nothing about this UnSub. We all know something is off about this guy."

Hotch nodded in agreement. "When you are done calling Garcia, you and Rossi will go check out local bars, public places, ask around if anyone is a known sexual assaulter. I'll comb through the reports here with JJ, maybe we'll find something here."

"This is a long shot," Morgan said with a slight edge of fear.

"I know." Hotch agreed. "But it's all we have."

* * *

"Mr. and Mrs. Chappell, I'm Agent Emily Prentiss and this is Dr. Reid, we're from the FBI in the Behavioral Analysis Unit." Emily shook hands with both devastated parents as Reid awkwardly waved from behind her.

"Was she taken by the man who took the other girls?" The mother asked her hand twitching back and forth.

Emily took a deep breath. This was definitely part of her job that she despised. "Let's go sit down somewhere. We can talk everything through."

The husband and wife nodded and took them to their living room. They all awkwardly sat around. "Agent, how long do we have to find her?" The man grunted, obviously not sober.

"She has some time. We are doing all that we can to find her at the moment, but I have to ask some questions that might not be easy to answer. Is that okay with you both?" Emily asked.

The couple looked at each other and nodded.

"When did you notice that your daughter was missing?"

"Skylar didn't come home from school. She walks home, you see. And she always called if she was going to be late. And when she didn't, with everything going on, I called the police right away." The mother whimpered as she spoke.

"You did perfectly the right thing. Mr. Chappell, can you give Dr. Reid a description of her exact route from school to home?" Emily directed to the husband.

He nodded and took Reid to the kitchen where they could talk in private.

"What is your daughter like, ma'am?" Emily questioned with a sympathetic look.

"She's kind. Intelligent. Never gets in trouble. She knows what it's like in the real world. It's her dream to be a doctor- pediatrician. She loves little kids." The mother smiled in memory of her daughter.

"Can you tell me if she has been acting any differently or paranoid in the last couple of weeks? Any unusual mood swings? The smallest details could tell us a lot."

The mother took a few seconds before answering. "She's a good girl. Always kind and respectful. She's been acting normal, nothing out of the ordinary."

"Would you consider the relationship you and your husband have with your daughter to be healthy? Are you all close?"

"I'm more close with her than her father, but I guess that's normal. Isn't it? Agent Prentiss, how much time do we have?"

Emily was torn. Was it ethical to tell a grieving mother how much time her daughter had left? "Usually, the first twelve to twenty-four hours is very crucial. But ma'am, we are confident that we will find her."

"Why Sky? She's only ever been a good girl." Her mother asked, tears falling down her cheeks.

"I couldn't answer that. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Your daughter, you, and your family do not deserve this. I'm so sorry that your family has to go through this. Is there any reason at all that you think could make your daughter a target? Any bad friends? Drugs? Clubs? Boyfriend?"

The wife kept shaking her head over and over again. "She goes to school, comes home and does homework and sees friends on the weekend. She's a better daughter and student than I ever was."

Emily reached into her pocket and pulled out her card. "Call me, if you think of anything. No detail is too small."

Mrs. Chappell took the card with a nod. Nervously, she whispered, "Do you really think that you all will find my baby?"

"I have faith in my team that we will find her," Emily replied, trying to keep the woman hopeful. "But you have to put on a brave face and stay straight. And make sure your husband tries to stay sober. He can't help us if he is drunk."

She nodded and Reid and the father entered the room. "Ready to go, Prentiss?" Spencer asked her, holding the map. Emily nodded and they both left the house, with more questions that they had before entering.

* * *

"She's a normal kid with a normal family. She was coming home on her normal route," Emily informed the team back at the station.

"Her route was clear, nothing there that pointed to a struggle. But it was out in the open, anyone could have seen it," Reid added.

"So how do these seemingly normal and good girls get targeted like this?" JJ asked the team, confused on what was happening.

"Every teenager has their own secrets. Big or small, they are there. Maybe they will tell us why they were chosen." Emily suggested grimly. She shared a small glance with JJ. Being a female, this case hit close to home.

Morgan then got a call. Picking it up, he said, "Hey, baby girl. I'm putting you on speaker."

After putting the phone on speaker, the voice of Penelope Garcia came through. "Hello lovelies, you asked me if there is a website that was common among each victim. Well, I found it. Each girl had a Tumblr account- which for you old fogies is a social media community specializing in outsiders. It's not as popular as other social media sites."

"Okay, what type of information is out there that the UnSub could find? Have they posted something similar? Could it be used to meet people?" Rossi asked the savvy tech analyst.

"Well, I'm glad you asked. None of them used it to find people from what I can tell, but they did have one thing in common. They were all apart of this one LGBTQ community. In fact, they were all apart of this one group. They posted and emailed and instant messaged each other." Garcia told the team.

"So what?" Rossi asked. "They were all gay?"

"Well specifically, from what I can tell from the posts, the first two victims were bisexual, the third victim was lesbian and the fourth identifies as queer," Garcia explained from over the phone.

"None of the parents mentioned that," Reid said with slight confusion.

"Kids hide this kind of thing, kid." Prentiss reminded Reid sadly. She and JJ shared yet another yearning look. Now, it really hit close to home.

"Emily's right," Garcia added as she typed more things into her computer. "This community was specifically for closeted people."

"Good job, Garcia," Hotch thanked her. "Can you see if anyone voiced their hate for these people? And also see if they ever discussed where they lived or a meeting place."

"Will do, Captain!" Garcia said light-heartedly and hang up.

"So, is this a hate crime? If so, it's a totally different story." Morgan mentioned with deep hearted pessimism.

"Morgan, Rossi, Reid, will you three re-interview the parents? Ask them about their knowledge of their child's sexuality. JJ, Prentiss, I have an idea that might not work, but I'll need your help if it does." Hotch told the team.

Reid, Rossi, and Morgan left while JJ and Emily were left stuck in confusion. "Sir?" Emily asked after a few minutes of silence. "What is it that you would like us to do?"

"I want to set this UnSub up. I want to go undercover. I thought since you both are female, you could do a lot better than me at making an account." Hotch directed the two agents.

JJ and Emily looked at each other awkwardly and nodded. "Okay, let's do it."

* * *

"Most of the parents had no clue. The Chappells knew and were supportive from what I could tell. The second and third victim's parents were clueless, and the father of the first victim seemed to have knowledge of his daughter's sexuality and was angry about us asking." Morgan reported to the team. "Nothing stood out. It seems like none of the kids were out to more than close friends and family."

"We got a message!" JJ shouted as she turned to the computer. "Says that they want to meet and talk about a similar situation."

"Bingo," Rossi said. "This has to be the UnSub." Anticipation spread through the air, encasing each person.

"Tell him, yes, but we get to pick the place," Hotch ordered JJ.

JJ typed a reply and after a few seconds, she got a reply. She cleared her throat and announced, "He asked where and when."

"Tell him 30 minutes at the park benches at Lake Benson Park," Hotch told JJ.

The blonde nodded and typed a reply. After a few seconds, she said, "Done. He said he'd meet us there. Do you think this is going to work?"

"I think it could. Garcia, just in case, can you try to track down the user— find an address or name?" Hotch asked, talking into the speaker.

"Will do, Sir," Garcia replied and hang up the call.

"JJ, do you think you could make yourself look younger? We need someone to at least lure him. He'd know it was a trick right away if he didn't see anyone there." Hotch asked JJ.

JJ frowned but nodded. Emily was more worried about her girlfriend than the blonde herself. Emily thought that JJ was never supposed to be in danger. "Sir, can't we find someone else?"

Hotch turned to Emily surprised that she imposed. "JJ knows this UnSub, Prentiss. JJ, are you comfortable with this?"

JJ looked between Emily and Hotch, torn between her job and her lover. "I'm comfortable, Sir. I can do this."

"It's settled then. Let's get a move on. Prentiss, help JJ get ready. Car leaves in fifteen minutes." Hotch ordered the team before they dispersed.

Silently, with a touch of awkwardness, JJ and Emily walked to the bathroom after finding clothes and makeup that could help JJ's appearance seem younger. Once they reached the bathroom, JJ turned to Emily, knowing that there was a storm headed her way.

"Em, I'm so sorry. I didn't- I know you don't want me out on the field but it's my job." JJ searched her face, looking for a sign that they were okay, or even if she was angry.

But Emily shielded her emotions. She rebuilt those walls that JJ took down only a few days previously. "I know. Let's do this quickly. We don't have much time."

Her words hit JJ hard. JJ would have preferred anything besides an emotionless Emily. She would prefer her to be yelling at her, screaming at her, anything. "Emily, I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, you did nothing wrong." Emily knew she was turning herself off. She just couldn't let JJ in- especially if something were to happen to her today. She couldn't open herself up to that pain.

JJ bit her lip, holding in her tears. "Don't do this, Emily. Don't close yourself off from me. Going into the field doesn't change what we have. You would be doing the same thing if you were in my position and you know it."

Unfortunately, Emily did know it. And she did know how much of a hypocrite she was. But she couldn't handle this. "You're right. I have to go. I'll see you when all of this is over."

Leaving JJ there speechless, Emily left the restroom with tears in her eyes. She tried to separate herself from everything. If she isn't attached to anything, when it's gone, it'll hurt less. At least, that was always her motto.

* * *

They were all watching from different areas of the park. Eyes were on JJ always as she sat on the park bench pretending to play on her phone. It took all of Emily's effort to not stare at her. She couldn't- no- she wouldn't lose her. Not today. Not after everything that has happened. But she also knew she couldn't blow her cover. So she couldn't watch her.

And then- someone was coming towards JJ- but it wasn't the UnSub. It was the first victim's father, who she immediately recognized. With the earpiece, she heard him say, "Agent Jareau, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be looking for the girl?"

JJ looked around quickly, knowing that this was definitely something that could blow her cover. However, Emily couldn't hear what she replied because Garcia called her. Picking up the phone, the tech wizard shouted, "Emily! Is everything alright? No one is picking up their phones."

"JJ's undercover, we are trying to catch the UnSub, but she is almost being blown. The first vic's father is chatting with her-"

"Wait! Are you talking about James Stoltz?" Garcia shouted with worry.

"Yeah," Emily asked confused with where she was going. "Why?"

"He's the UnSub! I tracked his location through Tumblr!" Emily was stunned. She immediately hung up and opened her coms with the team.

"Garcia found out James Stoltz is the UnSub. I repeat- JJ is talking with the UnSub right now." She harshly whispered. Morgan caught her eyes and they both quickly ran up behind JJ and the UnSub.

But the UnSub must have heard them because he immediately took out his weapon. Emily's heart beat faster than ever. She almost let out a gasp when he put the gun to JJ's head. JJ quivered with nervous fear. "Drop your weapons!" The father shouted. "Or I will kill Agent Jareau."

Morgan and Emily turned to each other and put down their guns. "Mr. Stoltz. If you let her go, you can have a chance. A trial."

He grunted. "Yeah, right. I killed three girls and I put a gun to an agent. I'm going away for life. Or death penalty."

"If you let her go," Morgan told the UnSub calmly. "And tell us where Skylar Chappell is, the death penalty will go off the table. And the jury could see that you have a conscious."

Mr. Stoltz rolled his eyes and snorted. "That girl deserves to die. She's infecting all impressionable girls with her satanism."

"Was your daughter infected, Mr. Stoltz? Is that why you had to kill her? Did you find out that she was more into females than males?" Emily asked the UnSub with apprehension.

"She wasn't my daughter! She was overcome by the devil! Going on these hellish websites promoting their disease." He snarled, his spit flying out of his mouth in all directions. He pulled on JJ tighter, causing Emily to flinch. "They all had to pay for their sins."

"And they did. But the girl you have gunned hasn't committed any of these sins. She just got engaged to her longtime boyfriend, Will. She wasn't infected. You'd be killing someone pure." Emily told him, lying through her teeth. Anything- she'd say anything to get her girl back.

He looked at JJ, sweat trickling down his face. "I just wanted to save my baby from the devil. And help some other girls." He was diminishing, and everyone knew it.

"I know, sir. But you have to let her go. We can then find the other girl together, and we can send her to a place where they can professionally purify her, I promise." Prentiss told him, praying that this would work.

He looked between JJ and Emily and eventually pushed JJ over and fell to the ground. Immediately, Morgan got his weapon and put him in handcuffs. Emily ran to JJ who began to sob. She wrapped her arms around the blonde and they both fell to the ground.

"I'm so sorry, Emily," JJ repeated over and over again.

Tears came to Emily's eyes. "Are you kidding me? You're sorry? I'm so sorry. Jayje, I'm so sorry I blocked you out."

"You can't do that to me," JJ commanded fiercely. "Ever again. Emily, I need you to trust me that I won't die and leave you."

"I do," Emily said, holding her tighter. "I'm just glad you're okay." They didn't even notice all the confused looks they were receiving from the rest of the team before Hotch told them to give the girls some space. None of them knew why the two were so emotional, but they knew that their relationship wasn't just a working one.

"Are they gone?" JJ asked in a whisper as they both looked around to see where their team had gone. At Emily's nod, JJ leaned in for a kiss that could last a lifetime.

* * *

After finding the girl, The team was too tired to go fly home: it being already 11:00 when they were done with paperwork. So, they decided to stay in Garner, or Raleigh as there are more hotels there. As they all entered the Inn, they were all surprised to find Will LaMontagne Jr. waiting in the lobby.

Emily's face fell. Seeing Will was surprising for everyone, not just JJ. It scared Emily more than anything. Will could give JJ the life she deserves, and Emily knows that.

"Will?" JJ asked as she walked up to him, looking as confused as everyone else. Once she reached him, he hugged her, and she didn't refuse it. "What are you doing here?"

"You didn't come visit me this weekend." Will reminded her, his accent shining through. "And you didn't answer your phone. I thought something was wrong. I called Agent Hotchner and he told me that you guys were here."

Emily refrained from glaring at Hotch. JJ looked overwhelmed, obviously embarrassed by the way that the team stood there, watching. Hotch cleared his throat. "Let's leave them alone."

It took all of Emily's will to leave them, not knowing what was going to happen. She hoped, prayed, that JJ would follow her. She went to her room, avoiding the rest of the team. Without doing anything beforehand, she laid on the bed. Her thoughts were going faster and faster in her head. All the possible scenarios were playing and anxiety was growing in the pit of her stomach.

However, only a few minutes later, JJ knocked and entered her room. "Em…" her voice trailed off, looking torn.

Emily knew right away what that face had meant. "You're not staying, are you?"

JJ had tears in her eyes. She knew this was hurting Emily, but she had to handle things before anything else could continue. "Emily, I'm so sorry. I need to talk things through with him."

Anger rose up in Emily as her walls were building back up. "So you can't just say: I'm breaking up with you, I'm not in love with you?"

JJ shook her head. "I can't- he's a good guy. A really great friend. I might not be in love with him, but he deserves to be treated well. And I- I'm losing a lot with losing him. This- us- as right and special as it is… it's a huge risk."

Though JJ was just being brutally honest, and even though Emily understood it wasn't malicious- her words caused pain for the brunette. It tore through her heart. "I know that he could give you so much more than me. I just thought we were more than a risk."

JJ's eyes swelled up. "We are. Emily, I love-"

"Please go." Emily interrupted, not wanting to hear the ending to that sentence. "Please Jennifer, I can't do this right now. I'm tired."

Tears fell down JJ's cheeks, knowing that nothing she could say would fix what had already been said. "Okay." She lingered for a second before leaving the hotel room.

Emily sluggishly changed her clothes and put her hair in a bun. She tried to go to sleep, but her brain wouldn't turn off. She started to shake. She realized in one moment, that she was afraid to be alone. In her pajamas, she got up, walked out of her room and went to someone else's. She knocked on the door to find Reid with Star Wars pajamas on.

Spencer was utterly confused. Never had Emily shown up at his door. He didn't think they were ever that close. "Emily…?" He asked, not yet have gotten to sleep.

"You know when you offered to talk about the book to movie adaptations of Harry Potter? Can we talk about that now?" Emily asked, shaking and trying to not cry.

Reid noticed all the signs. he could tell that Emily wasn't okay- and wasn't going to be okay for a while. "Sure. Come inside."

Emily smiled, happy to just be with someone. She followed him inside and they both awkwardly sat on the small bed. "Thanks, Spencer." Without thinking, she yawned.

Reid grinned. "Emily, are you sure you just don't want to sleep? You can stay with me. I mean, the bed isn't big but- it's shareable."

Emily raised her eyebrows. She would have never expected that Reid would be so okay with her staying with him. "Thank you, Spencer. That- that means a lot."

They both dug into the covers and hugged the corners of the bed. Suddenly, Reid whispered, "Emily, there is something I have been meaning to ask. Why did you- why did you tell Cyrus you were the agent? I mean, you could have said I was the agent- but you didn't. You let him torture you for me? Why would you do that?"

Emily sighed, knowing exactly what he was referring to. "Because you're my family, Spencer Reid. You're like my brother. And I would do it again and every time."

Spencer smiled to himself. "I'm so sorry I was a jerk to you when you first joined. I was having issues." He paused. "I hope I didn't make you think that I hated you- because I think of you as a sister as well."

"It's okay, Reid. Really. I knew that wasn't the real you talking. I'm just glad that you were able to get clean."

Spencer rolled over, surprised she had known so much. "You knew?"

Emily rolled over as well, staring at him. "I'm familiar with drugs, Reid. My best friend during high school was addicted to drugs. And I hate to admit that I dabbled too. You're so strong, Spencer. For getting clean."

"I'm still an addict," Spencer grumbled.

"But you're clean now. And that's all that matters."

Reid stayed silent for a second, not knowing if what he was going to say was going to cross any lines. "Are you in love with JJ?"

Emily raised her eyebrows, surprised that he had found out, especially out of all the team. "How did you-?"

"Why else would you be here so upset? And you weren't upset before Will came. It's the only logical answer."

"We- we slept together. We decided that we were going to secretly date. But, she could still have feelings for Will."

"I know. But I see the way you both act around each other." He said with a touch of sadness.

And Prentiss definitely noticed his sudden mood change. "Do you love her, Spencer?"

"I don't- I mean I do- just not romantically. I- I think I have feelings for Derek." Spencer admitted, afraid of the reaction that he was expecting.

A small smile grew from her lips. While she had not expected that- she wasn't surprised. "Me and you- Spencer. The unit gays."

Reid grinned and laughed. "I guess so. I have never told anyone that. I'm glad you came, Emily. You made my night tolerable. And if things don't work out with JJ, you can always hang out with me. I mean you can either way."

"Of course. Thank you. You've made me feel so much better. Now that we know each other's secrets, I don't think there is any way we won't be hanging out together all the time. Besides our gay nerd asses need to stick together."

Reid, for the first time without the weight on his shoulders from the secret he had been keeping in, muttered, "Goodnight, Emily."

"Goodnight, Spencer."

Without any romance, the two slept near each other. Even touching. Neither of them remembered a time previous that they had felt more comfortable sleeping next to someone who isn't a significant other. Eventually, through the night, they both wiggled into each other's arms. During this night, two damaged souls were starting to get healed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! More chapters are coming soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Criminal Minds :)

Emily woke up from an alarm. Groaning, she turned it off to find that it was 7:00. She got up, remembering she shouldn't be alone. Yet, she was. But there was a note there in the spot Spencer had been. Reid wrote that he left an alarm and went to go get food to bring up for them both and that she should shower. Emily grinned at the writing of the nerd. She yawned, got up, and headed for the shower, getting a start on her day. It took all of her focus to not think about a certain blonde who was intruding all of her thoughts.

After a cold five minute shower, Emily got out. Realizing the stupid mistake she made for not grabbing clothes beforehand, she wrapped herself in a towel and walked out of the bathroom, expecting Spencer, but finding JJ.

The blonde's jaw dropped. "Are you serious? Reid?"

Confused, Emily asked, "What?" But then it dawned on her. JJ thought that she and Spencer had slept together- or more specifically, had sex. "JJ, this isn't what it looks like."

JJ crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "Sure. You're just naked in Reid's bathroom for no reason. You just happened to stay with him all night. And when I came in here in the middle of the night after I broke up with my boyfriend, you totally weren't all over each other. You were in each other's arms, Emily. Arms I was just in one night previously."

Though Emily was happy about the news of the breakup, she knew she had a worse problem on her hands. "Jayje, we were fully clothed. Come on, you know I wouldn't do this. We were just comforting each other. I'm gay, remember?"

JJ snorted as if that wasn't a good excuse. "Oh Emily, we both know you have slept with men before."

The words hit Emily like a ton of bricks. When she told JJ about her past and her abortion, she never thought that she would have used it against her. Ever. JJ was surprised that she had said that as well. She knew how harmful it could do to their relationship- but she was angry.

Emily bit her lip. Nothing came out. Instead, Reid entered the room, looking upset. "JJ, why are you yelling at Emily? What's going on? We all know that Emily and I didn't sleep together. Neither of us have any sort of romantic attraction to each other. Emotionally or physically. And what you just said to her was uncalled for."

Emily was surprised that the doctor stood up for her like he did. She turned back to JJ who looks like herself is about to cry. "I haven't had sex with a man since high school, JJ. And I may have severe trust problems. I may have even thought that you were going to leave me for Will. But me and Reid- you really thought I would go there? Or to anyone else besides you?"

JJ was saddened by her own actions. She regretted immediately what she had said, but no apologies could come out of her mouth. Instead, Morgan came into the room, looking confused. "Hotch said we are leaving in twenty. What the hell has happened? Why do you all look angry and depressed?"

"I don't know." Emily snapped, gathering her things. "Why don't you ask JJ? Spencer, want to have breakfast in my room?"

Reid nodded and grabbed his stuff. "Sure. I'll get my go-bag." He followed Emily out of the hotel room.

Still confused, Morgan turned to JJ. "What happened?"

After JJ wiped a tear, she said, "I caught Prentiss and Reid sleeping together." She un-clenched her arms, looking ashamed.

Anger rose in Morgan. "What?"

"After I broke up with Will last night, I wanted to find Emily, she was my wing woman, I guess. And when she wasn't in her room- I panicked. I went to find Reid- but inside was he and her wrapped around each other."

Morgan's jaw clenched. "Come on. We need to head out." He walked out the door, with JJ following close behind.

* * *

The plane trip back to Quantico was awkward, to say the least. JJ and Emily sat as far away from each other as possible. Emily sat with Spencer and JJ sat with Derek. David and Hotch sat in the middle, confused by the weird tension.

"She didn't mean it," Spencer whispered to Emily. "You know she didn't mean it. She would never have said something like that to you if she wasn't angry."

Emily snorted. "She wouldn't have said it at all if she really cared."

Reid tried to hide an eye roll. Being best friends with Emily was infuriating. "She does care. She just thinks that we slept together. Just like you thought she slept with Will. It's a misunderstanding for everyone."

Emily nodded but looked over to find Morgan angry as well. "Sure, well then why is Derek just as pissed? He believes her."

Spencer blushed. "Why on earth would anyone think that we would go for each other? No offense, Emily."

As Emily and Spencer continued to talk about the absurdity of a relationship between the two of them, JJ ranted to Derek about their relationship. "I mean why would she give herself up for him?"

Morgan was irritated with JJ. As much as he liked the blonde, he was tired of the complaining. "Maybe because she wanted to save him? I would do the same for any of you."

JJ was annoyed that he wasn't helping her. "Come on, you're supposed to be on my side, here. You know, trying to figure out what we missed about the two of them."

"JJ, we both know that they didn't sleep together. I know you're mad that you found them in bed together when you wanted to get into bed with Emily, but that doesn't mean she did anything with him." Morgan tried to say calmly.

"Then why did you act angry when I told you?!"

Morgan shrugged. "You needed someone to get angry with you. Besides, if I thought my girl was getting into bed with Reid I'd be upset too."

JJ looked wide-eyed at Derek. "You know? About me and Emily?"

"Well, you broke up with Will last night and the first person you wanted to go to was Emily, and when you found her in Reid's bed you were pissed. I mean, it's the only thing that makes sense. Super hot- by the way."

JJ glared at him, but then eased up. She realized that he was right, about everything. "You're right. Emily would never sleep with Reid. I'm just jealous and tired. And afraid, that I messed up with Emily big time."

"If you guys are meant to be, it'll all work out. Talk to her about it. We have-" Derek checked his watch. "Twenty minutes before we are supposed to land."

JJ followed Morgan's advice and walked to the back of the plane where Spencer and Emily were sitting. She tapped Spencer's shoulder. "Hey, Spence. Can I take your seat for a second? I need to talk to Emily, alone."

Spencer looked at Emily to make sure it was alright to leave, and at her nod, he got up and walked over to Morgan, who looked a little more like normal. JJ sat in Spencer's seat and looked up into Emily's eyes. She expected to find anger but found sadness instead. "Emily, I'm so sorry."

Emily avoided JJ's eyes. She heard the sincerity in her voice, but she didn't want to hear it. "I would never sleep with Reid. And if you think I would after- after all the things we did, then you don't really know me at all. I don't tell someone I love them and go off sleeping with someone else."

"I know. I was just angry. You just left, Em. You didn't even let me explain what I was going to say to Will. I was breaking up with him! Not going to be with him." JJ tried to explain with a level head.

"And I'm sorry about that. I told you that I can't do relationships well. I run off at the first problem. And I am sorry for that. I truly am. But I'm not sorry for hanging out with Reid. And I'm not sorry for staying the night with him." Prentiss told JJ.

JJ nodded, trying to show that she agreed with her. "You're right. You shouldn't be sorry about that. I'm sorry about me yelling at you for that. It was uncalled for and wrong. And I'm extremely sorry for what I said. About well- you know. I have no excuse. What I said was wrong and shameful and I can't believe I said it."

Emily looked up at JJ for the first time. "I know you're sorry, JJ. And I believe you didn't really mean it. But you have to know, I don't do relationships. I can't handle it. And yes, I have trust problems. I thought you were going back to Will."

"Emily!" JJ said a little too loudly. She slouched when she realized that Hotch and Rossi had turned back to look at them. "Emily I am never going to go back to Will. Or anyone else for that matter. I didn't just sleep with you because I was emotional. I have had feelings for you for a while. And if you take me back. I will show you how good we can be together."

The brunette bit her lip. As upset as she was with JJ, her offer sounded wonderful. "JJ, I can't just let go of my trust problems. I trust you, I do. But I have so many walls. So many that I don't know if you can take them all down."

"Can't I at least try?" JJ whispered. "Can't I try to take down those walls? Can't I try to let you love me? Don't we deserve to be happy?"

Tears entered Emily's eyes. "We do. But I can't promise you that I won't be a mess. I can't promise you that I will be a good girlfriend."

JJ chuckled. "I already know that, Em. But you're my mess. And you're my girlfriend. Nothing else matters. You just have to remember to let me in."

Emily nodded, trying to not let her tears fall. "I'll try as hard as I can."

JJ smiled for the first time in hours. "So does that mean, does that mean we are together again?"

Emily shook her head with a smile. "Jennifer Jareau you are such a girl. Of course." She took JJ's hand underneath the table. They turned behind them and saw Derek and Spencer grinning at them, Reid giving them a thumbs up.

This left Hotch and Rossi even more confused.

* * *

Emily and the rest of the team walked into the BAU to find Garcia waiting for them. Once they walked into the office, she collapsed on top of JJ, in her normal smothering fashion. "Don't almost die ever again!"

JJ chuckled and wrapped her arms around the agent. "I'll try, Penelope." Garcia let go and turned to the rest of the team.

"Emily," Garcia began, "Someone is waiting for you. I didn't recognize him, but he said that you knew him. He's standing at your desk."

Emily frowned and looked around Garcia to find someone she never expected to see. He looked empty and closed off, just like she remembered him. The rest of the team's eyes followed. Emily gulped and said, "Thanks, Garcia. I got this from here," She flashed a quick fake smile to the rest of the team. Her eyes lingered on JJ for an extra second. She hoped that JJ couldn't see through her.

The brunette walked away and went to her desk to talk to her guest. "John."

He turned to look at her with sad eyes. "Emily," His raspy voice echoed as he wrapped his arms around her. "I haven't seen you since- well- I don't remember since. You look good."

"Follow me, let's talk somewhere privately." She turned around to find the whole team staring at them and trying to hide it when she saw them. She tried to not roll her eyes. "Let's go outside." She took him through the office and towards the door. She could feel JJ's stare on her and tried to shake it off.

Once they reached the inside of the elevator, she didn't have anything left to hide. "Johnny, what are you doing here? We haven't talked in years."

"I called you. Multiple times. You didn't answer. I mean the strange girl told me that you were on an important case, but, I mean- it's me." John murmured without a harsh tone.

Emily sighed, annoyed that she had somehow offended him without her even trying. "I was on a case, John, and it wasn't an easy one. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have not picked up. What's going o-" She stopped talking when the elevator doors opened. They walked out and headed outside.

Once they were far away enough to be out of earshot from everyone in the FBI, he blurted, "Matthew's dead." John's eyes glared into Emily's, searching for a reaction, though knowing he might not find one.

A short intake of air was the only bit of movement she made. This definitely wasn't how she thought her day was going to end. "How?" was the only thing that she could ask.

"His parents said that he had a heart attack," John told her.

Emily bit her lip, trying to keep everything inside. "Had you seen him recently?" She didn't know what answer she was hoping for.

"Yeah," He said. "A couple of times."

"And how was he?"

"He was Matthew," John informed her with a small shrug. "He was rambling. A little chaotic."

That wasn't the answer she was hoping for. Emily read between the lines of the little information that she was given. "He was using."

"I don't know," John replied, rubbing his chin self consciously. "Probably." He stuffed his hands into his pockets and looked down at the ground.

Emily stared at him, knowing something was off. "There's something you're not telling me."

"The last time I talked to him, there was somethin' different." He looked up to see Emily look concerned. "He was talking crazy. But the - uh - the fear I can't quite explain it- it was real."

Her attention peaked. "Wh-what was he saying?"

"He said 'Johnny, they're gonna kill me.'" John whispered as if he thought someone was trying to listen in on to their conversation.

Emily's eyes widened. "Who's they?"

"He wouldn't say." He gulped. "He said that they already murdered a guy from Georgetown named Tommy V and made it look like an accident."

Her pulse quickened and she went into profiler mode. "Do you know anyone named Tommy V?"

"No," he insisted as he crossed his arms, getting cold by the outside air. "Look, he was probably just paranoid. But with what you do for a living now..."

Emily nodded, debating what to do. "Yeah, yeah." She didn't know what he was asking for her to do.

"I mean you're one of the only people he ever trusted, Em."

Her face melted. "Okay. I'll look into it, John. I promise. But I can't promise that I'll find anything."

"All I'm looking for is the truth, Emily. We owe him that." John agreed.

Emily nodded. "Do you have a place to stay, Johnny?"

"I do. I wish that we could talk with better circumstances. It's been too long." John said kindly.

"There is a reason why it's been so long, John." Emily reminded him curtly.

John's face fell. "I guess you're right. I'll see you around, Emily. Call me with whatever you find." He left a quick half smile before he turned around and left Emily to stare after him, grief overwhelming her.

Her legs felt loose, and she barely felt it when she fell to the ground, her head throbbing. She began to shake as her breaths shortened, but she never seemed to catch them. She curled up into a ball and began to rock back and forth. She hadn't had any of these panic attacks since she was younger.

After some time, Emily was never sure how long, someone wrapped their warm hands around her. "Emily, you're frozen." He took off his jacket and put it on her shoulders.

Emily looked into Spencer's eyes that were full of worry. "Don't tell JJ. I'm okay."

"You're not okay. Emily who was that?" He asked her, not knowing how to handle this situation.

Emily shook her head, took a deep breath and stood up, her legs wobbly. "I'm fine. I have to go talk to Garcia." She tuned out any other words that came out of Reid's mouth. She walked back into the building and ignored everything else around her. She walked to find Garcia, who thankfully was right outside of the elevator.

"Are you-" Emily didn't let Penelope finish.

"Can you find someone for me? I only know his name by Tommy V and he lived in Georgetown. He's dead." Emily avoided eye contact, knowing Garcia would be very worried.

"Yeah, of course. Is there anything you need, Emily?" Garcia asked, looking at Spencer who was behind her. He shrugged, not knowing what was going on either.

"No, just get information if you can. Quick. Uh, do you know where Hotch is?" Emily asked, clasping her hands to try to get them to stop shaking.

"He's in his office," Penelope told her.

Immediately, Prentiss walked away and headed for Hotch's office. She knew everyone was watching her, and it took all of her energy to avoid their stares. She knocked and entered agent Hotchner's office.

Aaron looked up and saw the devastation in Emily's face. "What's wrong?"

"Um- I just found out that an old friend of mine died," Emily told him, trying to keep herself together. She anxiously pulled on her sleeves on her jacket.

Hotch's face turned sympathetic. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Do you need to take some time?"

"Um- there's a chance that he may have been murdered. And there might be a second case." Emily told him, slightly embarrassed.

Hotch was full of concern. He had never seen Emily so... broken. "What do you need?"

"Just some leeway to check it out."

Without hesitation, Hotch replied, "Of course."

"Thank you." Emily thanked him.

"Emily, if you want to take a few days and let us look into it-" Hotch started to say before Emily interrupted.

"Matthew was incredibly messed up. And I hadn't seen him in a long time. But he was important to me." Emily told him, surprising herself when she opened up for a second.

"At least let us help you," Hotch insisted sincerely.

Emily was torn. On one side, she didn't want anyone to get into the past she was going to uncover. But- if she was being honest- if she really wanted to find the truth about what happened to her friend- she needed her team. "Thanks."

She turned and walked out of the door to find Garcia already there waiting for her. "His name is Thomas Valentine, age thirty-five, found dead in his home from dehydration, as a matter of fact."

This wasn't looking good. Either there was a huge coincidence or a conspiracy. "Thanks, Garcia."

"Emily," Penelope began, "Everyone is worried. Can you tell us what is going on?"

Emily could tell that the team was tired and withdrawn from their previous case, even if it was still early in the day. She realized it wasn't fair that they didn't have the information that she had. She decided to work on it by herself for the time being. "I am going home. I'll explain it all tomorrow. There is nothing to be done today. I need to think everything over. Alone." It was a lie, there was much to be done, but for her to do alone.

"Okay. But Emily, we are all here for you, no matter what's going on." She told Prentiss with a smile.

"I know. Thank you." Emily walked away, knowing that she could be breaking every friendship she has with the team, but without any care. She walked past the bullpen to find the rest of the team standing in front of the elevator as if they were waiting for her. In the middle was JJ with her arms crossed and her face creased with worry.

"Like I told Garcia, I'm going home. I'll explain everything tomorrow after I have some time to think things through." Emily said as she reached the elevator, hoping they would just stand aside.

"Prentiss, We aren't on a case. No matter what's going on we can help." Morgan informed Prentiss.

Normally, it would be easy for her to just hide things from everyone, but she adored her team like they were her family. It killed her to not tell them, but she didn't want to be a burden. And she definitely didn't want them to get into her life. "I appreciate it. I do." Emily exclaimed. "But I can't handle it right now. I hope you can respect it. If you're really dying to know what's going on talk to Hotch. I need to leave."

After a few pregnant pauses, Spencer stepped away from the elevator and said, "I hope you find the answers you are looking for. We will be here for you when you need us."

Emily smiled at her friend. "Thank you, Spencer."

Gradually, each person stood away from the elevator. The second was Rossi, third was Derek and last stood JJ, who looked confused and desperate. "JJ, I have to go."

She stood up a bit straighter and crossed her arms. "You can't shut everyone out, no matter how much you try."

Emily knew exactly what that meant. "Trust me, Jayje."

JJ sighed and separated from the elevator. "You know I do."

Emily walked to the elevator and went inside. She was entering the rabbit hole, never knowing if she was going to return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Review! XX


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Criminal Minds, but I hope you still enjoy the story!

The team gathered in the bullpen, all worried about their friend. Hotch was the first to arrive, and gradually they all entered the room. Once everyone was inside, Hotch closed the door and cleared his throat. "So, Prentiss left?"

"Yeah," Derek grunted, sounding offended. "She said that you knew what was going on. I don't know why she told you…"

"Emily informed me that an old friend of hers, Matthew I think his name was, passed away and that he may have been murdered," Hotch told the unit. "And that there may be another body along with it."

Everyone stayed silent. They definitely weren't expecting anything as bad as this. Garcia then piped up, "She asked me to look up this guy, his name was Thomas Valentine, died of dehydration. I also found out that her friend, Matthew Benton, was said to have died of a heart attack."

After a few minutes of silence, Morgan questioned, "What's the connection? Are the police investigating?"

"No, the police aren't. And I'm not sure there is a connection," Hotch answered. "Right now, we're just helping a colleague. We owe that to her. So I suggest we talk to families, see if there is anything suspicious."

"Is Emily okay?" Spencer asked Hotch, the one person who seemed to know what was going on with the rogue agent.

Aaron sighed and replied, "I don't know. Let's just try to help her as much as I can. Reid, David, and Morgan, can you guys visit Matthew's home? Do as much as you can. But also keep an open mind."

"Hotch do you mind if I go visit Emily, make sure that she's okay?" JJ asked her boss quietly.

"Please just keep us updated, JJ. That would be very helpful. Make sure she isn't holding anything back, either."

JJ nodded and left the bullpen and headed for her girlfriend's apartment.

* * *

Emily finished her third glass of wine and took a closer look at the picture of her, Matthew, and John. Memories filled her vision, and she didn't even notice she was crying until her tears dampened the picture. All the memories she had tried to block out all of these years have started to resurface, and she just wished that none of this was happening. That's why she left that life in the first place, no matter how much she loved Matthew.

She jumped when she heard the knock on the door. Groggily, she called out, "Come in." She didn't feel like walking to the door, even though that was the unsafe thing to do.

When the blonde entered the house, everything seemed to freeze over. JJ immediately walked over to the brunette and wrapped her arms around her, letting her sob into her shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Em. I'm so so sorry." She held Emily's head in her arms and she soothingly stroked her hands through her hair. "Were you close to him?"

Emily nodded and lifted her head up. Her eyes stung, in pain from all the tears that have gathered up from all of the years. "He- he was my best friend when I was a teenager. We met when I was 15, and he was my first true friend. He made me feel loved for the first time. Matthew was messed up, and I was probably the reason. And all that's going through my head is what if this is all my fault?"

JJ brushed Emily's bangs out of her face and smiled at her. "This is not your fault, Emily. The only fault is his heart if it indeed was a heart attack or whoever played a part in his death." She kissed Emily's forehead and leaned her own against hers. "Everyone is looking in on the case, Em. We're going to figure out what happened."

"I'm so grateful. For you, for all of you. What are they doing right now?" Emily asked curiously.

"Talking to Matthew's parents," JJ told Emily, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles. Emily cringed, causing JJ to raise an eyebrow. "What?"

"They aren't mentioning my name, right?" Emily asked, worried. At JJ's shrug, she added, "They'd kick them out if they mention my name."

JJ raised both of her eyebrows. "Uh… why?"

"They really weren't a fan of me. Thought I was a bad influence." Emily admitted quietly to JJ.

JJ began piecing the sporadic clues together. "Was he- was Matthew the- the father?" She blushed, embarrassed to ask such an awkward and private question.

Emily sighed and shook her head. This was the kind of question she had wanted to avoid. "No. But he went to the abortion with me. He took care of me."

JJ frowned, seeing the pain in Emily's eyes. "I'm sorry, babe. I wish that this didn't happen. I wish you weren't in pain. I wish I could make you feel better. Is there anything I could do?"

"Kiss me," Emily said in a small whisper.

With little hesitation, JJ placed her lips on the brunettes. It was soft and kind. Careful- yet desperate. JJ cupped Emily's face, holding her. They both fell onto the couch and caressed each other's faces. For the first time since Emily has found out about her friend's death, she finally stopped shaking.

They were in the middle of kissing when JJ received a phone call. They stopped and JJ answered when she saw that it was Hotch who called. "Hey, Hotch. What's up… yeah, I'm here with her… she's doing okay… yeah, I think we can come to the office… okay, we'll be there soon… bye."

JJ turned back to Emily, frowning. "I guess that means we have to stop this."

"Yeah, unfortunately. Apparently, they have information for us. Are you sure you are up for going? They would understand if you didn't want to come in."

"I'm good, JJ. Thanks. I feel a lot better." She kissed the blonde one more time. "Let's go."

* * *

JJ only let go of Emily's hand when they entered their office building. When the elevators opened, they were met with everyone from the team, all with hesitated worry.

"How are you doing, Emily?" Garcia asked as she offered a hug to her friend.

"I'll be better when I get more information," Emily answered honestly.

"Well then," Derek began, "I guess we gotta give you a quick briefing." He gave her a sympathetic smile, and Emily was grateful.

"Let's go," Hotch said as he directed them all to the conference room. Once they all sat down, he cleared his throat. "Matthew was officially killed from a heart attack. The mortician didn't think anything of it— especially since he was a drug user."

The team looked with anticipation at Emily, not knowing how she was going to respond. Emily nodded, this not being a surprise to her. "Matthew has had drug problems since he was 16." She paused, giving this great thought. "So there is no evidence of foul play?"

"Actually," Reid informed her. "Both bodies had ligature marks on their wrists."

Emily raised her eyebrows. "That's either murder or one hell of a coincidence."

"Our thoughts exactly." Morgan agreed. "So we went to visit Matthew's parents to see if there was anything suspicious."

"Where he died in his bed," Rossi told Emily, "there were marks underneath his bed as if the bed was scratched against the hardwood floors. And there were marks around the bed railings as if there were ropes where he was tied down."

Emily didn't know whether to be worried or upset. Each fact made murder seem more plausible. "And what did the parents say?"

"Not much," Derek confessed. "The mother was unwilling to answer questions— they kept referring to a devil in Matthew as if he was possessed. They seemed almost glad he was dead, but I don't think they did it."

"I don't think they would do that either. But his parents always thought that there was something wrong with him just because he didn't believe in god." Emily snarled.

"It also didn't help that once at the mention of your name they told us to leave," Derek said carefully, watching her closely for her reaction.

Emily frowned, gulping. She was afraid of this happening. Hotch turned to Emily kindly. "It was quite a reaction. Is there something you haven't told us that we need to know?"

"His parents didn't like me. They thought that I was a bad influence. They thought I was the cause of Matthews acting out." Emily admitted in an embarrassing whisper.

"That's it?" Hotch asked seriously.

"That's it," Emily replied, not completely lying.

"I found something else. A connection to both victims." Garcia told Emily. "They both were in Rome for the same week. There's a church there, Santiago de Compostela. There are about 10,000 pilgrimages a year."

Emily raised an eyebrow. "He's always been against the church. In fact, his parents once tried to get a priest because they thought he was possessed."

Rossi's eyes widened, coming to a strange realization. "Do you all see the pattern here? The scuffle under the bed, the drugs, the possession, the pilgrimage?"

No one else knew what he was talking about except Emily, who was following exactly what he was saying. "You can't really think— an exorcism?"

The team looked stunned. Reid added, "It's possible the stress could have induced a heart attack. Especially with the history of drug use."

"That would explain the timeline of the dehydration with the other victim." Emily theorized, starting to believe this theory to be more likely.

The only one not convinced was Morgan. "Look, guys, I'm willing to say we might have an UnSub who ritualizes killings as if they were exorcisms, maybe, but right now, we don't even know if we have a crime yet."

"Morgan's right." Hotch agreed sadly. "We have to take a step back. Emily, did your friend who informed you of your friend's death know about the pilgrimage?"

"I don't know. I'm going to contact him. He's the only one in Matthew's life I trust."

Hotch nodded in agreement. "Do that and come back. We need to start profiling the UnSub if there indeed is one."

Emily nodded. "Can JJ come with me?"

Hotch looked back and forth between each girl and nodded. "Good idea."

* * *

Meeting John in a coffee shop seemed like the easiest of options. Not too loud, not too quiet. Not too personal, at least for Emily. In the car, on the way to the meeting place, JJ drove, knowing that Emily wasn't in the right mind to be driving anywhere. JJ took her hand in the car, and they stayed like that until the reached the coffee house. Though they didn't talk, all the feelings, the emotions, were unsaid.

Once they parked, JJ looked deeply into Emily's eyes, looking for a sign. She didn't know exactly what she was looking for, she just hoped to see something. Emily smiled and cupped JJ's face. "You didn't have to come with. I can do this alone."

"You know I never want you to be alone. Ever. This- us- this is what we do. Be there for each other. I know that you are struggling, and that is why I am here. It's not because I think you can't handle it." JJ informed her, smiling at the brunette.

"God," Emily said with no hesitation. "I love you." She kissed her cheek with passion and took her hand away. As much as she wanted to spend some time with JJ on their own, this was more important than them.

"Let's go," JJ instructed sweetly. "I want this case to be over for you."

They both left the car and walked to the inside of the cafe. Immediately, Emily spotted John who stood up at the sight of her. Emily took a deep breath and walked over to her old friend. JJ followed close behind, knowing that Emily had to be the one to initiate this.

"Emily," John said once the girls reached him. "It's good to see you again."

Emily turned to JJ, needing a bit of support, which she got with a smile. "John, this is a good friend of mine, Agent Jareau."

"JJ," The blonde said as she shook hands with the man. "Nice to meet you."

"You too. I haven't met any of Emily's friends before." He turned back to Emily. "Not that I'm not glad to see you again, but I feel like this is more about Matthew than catching up. So, have you found out the truth about what happened, or do you have any questions?"

"It's a case, Johnny. I can't explain the details of it currently. But I would like to ask you a few questions if that is alright."

John nodded, looking a bit overwhelmed. "I hope that I'm not under arrest- or anything. This isn't an interrogation, is it?"

Emily shook her head. "Of course not. I just want to ask you about Matthew and the last time you talked to him."

"Okay," John said, looking cocky and annoyed.

"So Matthew didn't mention anything else about Tommy V? Like what he knew him from?" Emily asked, hoping that something that John knew would help them with the case, or at least provide her with some much-needed answers.

"No," John admitted. "He wasn't making much sense the last time I talked to him."

"So he never mentioned anything about a pilgrimage to Rome?" Emily asked him, knowing John was acting as if he were hiding something.

John gaped at her. He never thought that Emily would have found this out. "He- how did you find out?"

Emily glared at him. "Plane tickets- they have records of them, John. What do you know about it? We both know that Matthew isn't religious."

John sighed. "He isn't. Matthew created a web bulletin to create a support group for people who felt betrayed by their faith."

"So that's how he and Tommy V met." Emily theorized out loud.

John nodded. "My thoughts exactly, Emmy."

JJ cleared her throat, still noticing something was off. "Why didn't you tell Emily that in the first place? We wouldn't have gone through all this trouble."

John glared at the blonde and Emily raised her eyebrows, surprised that she had spoken out like that. "I didn't think it had to do with it."

"Well if it was the connection between Matthew and the other victim, it was important." JJ snarled, annoyed by this man. She didn't know if it was because he seemed like he was hiding things or because he knew Emily differently than her, but she didn't like him.

John looked at JJ closely, trying to understand her. "You're quite fierce, aren't you. No wonder you and Em are such good friends."

"JJ," Emily said softly. "Can you call Garcia and tell her what we just learned?"

JJ was irritated that she had to leave, but respected Emily's wishes. She got up and left the cafe, leaving the others alone. Emily turned to John. "She's right, you know. You could have told me all of this earlier. What are you hiding?"

"The priest that Matthew and the others visited- he died. And I didn't want you to think that- that Matthew had a part in that." John admitted, tapping his foot rapidly.

Emily's face fell, not knowing if she could believe him. "Johnny, please be honest with me. This can change everything if he was apart of the death somehow."

"He wasn't. I would know. He wouldn't have been able to not tell me, you know that. Especially with the drugs." Emily nodded, hoping that her old friend was telling her the truth.

JJ walked back into the cafe, looking more sullen than before. "I just called Penelope. She thinks that there could be a new victim. Morgan and Reid are coming back from the victim's house right now."

Emily's face whitened. "Another? Did Garcia say what Morgan and Reid saw? Do they think that this was the UnSub?"

"She said that Derek is full on board with our theory. Apparently, the fiance of the third victim couldn't even say his name, as if she was a reason for his death. There were scuffle marks as well. Our theory seems correct." JJ informed Emily. "And Garcia also says that Rossi is talking to a priest that might specialize in what we think happened to the victims."

John stood there, confused. "What are you guys talking about?"

Emily turned to John and said, "We have to go, John. Thanks for your help. If you think of anything else or want to admit anything else, call me. Please."

John nodded and Emily and JJ took their leave. Once they got into the car, Emily stated, "I'm sorry about him. He is- frustrating."

JJ began to drive back to Quantico and replied, "You don't have to apologize for him. He was your friend when you were a teenager."

"Well, there weren't that many English speakers that were around my age in Rome. But, yes. He was my friend. At the time, he was one of my best friends. Along with Matthew. It was just us three. I joined their group late, though. It took a while for John to accept me into the group." Emily confessed.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through that, Em. I wish I could have been there with you when we were teenagers."

"You probably wouldn't have liked me. I was very different then than I am now." Emily admitted sadly.

JJ snorted, "Same."

"JJ, John told me that the reason why he didn't tell me about the trip was that while he was there, the priest died, and he didn't want us to think that he played a part in his death."

JJ stayed silent, not knowing how to respond to that. "Do you trust him, Emily? Do you think that John was telling you the truth?"

Emily shrugged, not knowing exactly what to say. "John and I were never as close as I was with Matthew. So do I completely trust John? No. But I do with Matthew. And I believe that he couldn't be capable of murder unless someone he loved was at risk."

"Would he have killed for you?" JJ asked curiously. She tried to keep her eyes on the road, but she couldn't help being focused on the brunette.

Emily sighed, knowing where JJ was going with this. "I don't know. I think at one point he would have done anything for me. And he did."

"Emily, I don't know if you don't want to talk about it or not- but did you know the father? Did Matthew?" JJ questioned as she began to drive slower. She only had a short amount of time to talk to her girlfriend, and she wanted to get as many answers as possible.

The brunette inwardly groaned. Part of her regretted that she ever told JJ about the abortion. But she also knew that JJ would never give up, so might as well tell her everything now. "I did know the father and so did Matthew. You have to understand when moving from place to place, I tried anything I could to fit in. And to fit in with Rome, I felt the need to get close with John."

JJ read between the lines and flinched. "John was the father. Wonder why I didn't like him. Did you ever tell him?"

"I did. In fact, I think I told him and Matthew together. They were like brothers, whatever happened to one happened to the other. When I told them, John just left... after he told me he wasn't going to play family and be a father. I knew then that I was going to get an abortion. Matthew was kind, understanding. John always thought that he had feelings for me. He took me to a clinic and held my hand. We moved only a few weeks after that. Matthew and I stayed in contact for a while with email. I guess he passed on the messages to John. But only that lasted weeks as well. I wanted to separate myself as much as I could from Rome."

JJ tried to hide her anger. While she didn't blame Emily for anything that happened to her, she was upset about what happened to her, and she was upset with how John treated her. "I'm sorry, Emily."

"Don't be. What happened, happened. And while I still feel guilty, thinking about the child I could have had, I don't regret it. It's terrible to say, but I couldn't have had a child being a child myself. Especially without a support group."

"Would you- would you be open to having kids today?" JJ asked, hoping she wasn't pushing too far.

Emily turned to JJ with a smile. "If I was doing it with you- of course."

JJ grinned as they pulled into the parking garage of Quantico. "Are you good, Emily? Are you ready to catch this UnSub?" Once they parked, the blonde turned to her and kissed her nose lovingly.

Feeling as almost at peace as possible after a friend's passing, Emily replied, "I am."

* * *

"Paul Silvano," Rossi exclaimed as JJ and Emily entered the conference room. "He's the name I received. Apparently, he's the only guy in DC that has done exorcisms in the last few months."

Emily raised her eyebrows, amazed that it seemed that easy to have found their UnSub. "Okay— let's get this asshole then."

Hotch sighed, looking at Emily with compassion. "We did. Reid and Morgan are with him now. There's just a problem."

Emily looked at JJ, hoping for some reassurance, but she was as confused and afraid as she was.

"Father Silvano has diplomatic immunity. We can't touch him." Hotch confessed, hoping that he wasn't setting off Emily into a rage like it did for Elle.

Emily's face paled. That was probably the worst news she heard yet. "No." She didn't believe it- or accept it. She turned around and left the conference room, heading to the interrogation room. The team followed closely behind, praying Emily wouldn't do something she would soon regret.

She walked into the interrogation room where Morgan and Reid had sat across from the supposedly holy man. Upon entering, Reid and Morgan went on high alert while the priest smiled sadistically.

"Emily Prentiss. I have heard so much about you," He taunted arrogantly with ferocity.

Emily glared at the scumbag and growled, "Three men are dead because of you. Three men who did nothing wrong."

Silvano shook his head with a smile still spread across his face. "Physical death is always sad, but now their souls are in heaven. For that, their families have peace."

"Peace? You call murder peace?" Emily roared, her hand pounding the metal table.

Spencer and Derek watched the interaction with apprehension. They were both ready to hold Emily back if needed.

"Murder? I've never laid a hand on anyone in my life. Emily, these men's families contacted me. I was doing my duty for god."

"Is killing your duty for god?" Emily asked, trying to get answers out of this egotistical UnSub with a god complex.

"I've never laid a hand on anyone with malice ever in my life." He repeated once again, with a sly grin.

Hotch then entered the room, causing everyone to turn their heads towards him. "Father you're free to go."

Emily looked incredulously at her boss as the priest stood up. "I had such a nice chat with you all. I hope to see you soon, Emily." And with that the man left the room, leaving it tension-filled.

"You're just— you're letting that son of a bitch go?" Emily asked, angry tears forming in her eyes.

"We can't arrest him, Prentiss. He has immunity and the families don't believe that the victims were murdered." Hotch could tell how much this was hurting his colleague but he couldn't do anything about it.

"So what? I know the truth, justice served? He could kill other people just like Matthew! How is that justice?" Emily asked, her voice getting higher and higher. She got closer and closer to Hotch as if she were going to attack him.

"Emily, I'm sorry. But there is nothing else we can do. Take a few days. I'd don't want to see you here for at least three days. Come back with a clear head."

Emily began to shake. She stood up straighter and turned back to look at Spencer and Derek who both looked severely sympathetic. She groaned and left the room, heading for the door. She entered the elevator and as the doors began to close, JJ intervened and joined her inside the tight box. She pressed the panic button on the elevator, causing it to shut down.

"Emily, I am so sorry," JJ whispered softly with tears in her eyes as well.

"I can't just quit this case, JJ. If quitting is what it takes I'll do it." Emily admitted, crossing her arms. She avoided JJ's eyes, afraid of what she will find. Pity, fear, anger. She didn't want to see any of it.

But all JJ had in her eyes was love for the brunette next to her. "I know. Me too. I talked to Garcia and we both think that there is going to be another victim. We just don't know who. I was thinking, how about we talk to Matthew's parents? We know that they were hiding something. They might know." JJ offered, hoping that Emily still had herself together.

Emily thought this through and nodded. "Yeah, Yeah. Let's go."

JJ smiled and pressed the panic button off so the elevator continued to decline. "Good. Rossi is already down there waiting for us."

Emily looked at JJ with awe. She was now sure that the blonde was truly there for her. And knowing that, kept her going.

* * *

Emily, JJ, and David were all standing on the doorstep of Matthew's parents' house when the mother answered the door. Looking sheepish and worn out, she was horrified to find the agents, including Emily Prentiss, at their door. She was about to shut the door on all of their faces when Emily intervened.

"Mrs. Benton, please. I know that you don't like me, but you have to listen to us." Emily begged, trying to hold the door so that it wouldn't close.

"I don't just not like you, you ruined my son's life. Leave before I-" She was interrupted by her husband's approach. "Tom, they are back, with this girl."

"Andrea-" He growled, opening the door once again so that Emily and Andrea wouldn't struggle with keeping it open or closed. "Emily, what are you doing here, disturbing us once again?"

Emily turned her attention to the father, who seemed to have more empathy than the mother. "Mr. Benton, there were two other murders. Three men have been killed, and there is going to be another victim soon if we don't find him before the killer does."

Tom frowned, looking torn. Andrea snorted, "My son wasn't murdered. He was saved, just like the other boys. We can't help you."

When she was about the shut the door again, Emily shouted, "Matthew was killed by the priest! You know it, you were there! He had a heart attack from the stress on his body from the exorcism. Every single boy died from the exorcism! We know that all the boys went to Spain. Please, we don't want another boy's death."

"Matthew had the devil inside of him! He needed it to be extinguished!" The mother cried, her voice beginning to shake.

Emily could tell that she was breaking, starting to realize that maybe the death wasn't as natural as she had thought. "Matthew didn't have the devil inside of him! He was troubled, not possessed! And you know it!"

Andrea looked ghostly as Tom looked like death. "Andrea. Let the agents inside." Shakily, Andrea pulled the door open and Emily and the others followed the parents inside.

"Matthew went to Spain with other men. It would help us out if we knew who the other men were." Rossi began to explain to the parents.

Andrea turned to Emily, still upset that she was still there. "You ruined his life, you know. Before you came into his life, he was a sweet boy. Loving, and believed in the Savior. Then you came and he started doing drugs and questioning the Lord. And then you left and he began to harm himself."

Rossi and JJ watched Emily in anticipation. Avoiding the tears that were obviously forming in her eyes, she replied as calmly as she could, "Matthew would have realized that God wasn't what he was looking for in life with or without me. And he was already into drugs before I had gotten there. Yes, he began to do more serious ones, but he always had access. And I couldn't help leaving."

Andrea glared at Emily while Tom looked ashamed. "You're right, Emily. We can't keep blaming you for what happened to our son. Andrea, we both know that our boy wasn't possessed." He turned to the rest of the team as his wife inched away from him. "I think the last person you are looking for is Johnny, Emily. Your old friend."

Emily gasped softly. Apparently, her old friend was holding information in. "Thank you, Tom. We may be able to save a life with your help." Tom gave her a quick smile. She turned to Rossi and JJ who looked worried. "I think I know where he is."

* * *

After speeding over to John's house, they found already the door wide open when they reached his front stoop. Upon entering the house, they heard struggling coming from upstairs, and the three agents rushed up the stairs, hoping that they weren't too late.

When hearing a scream from a room with weird incense, the team bursts in to find the exorcism underway. Silvano and other priests were there holding Johnny down with extreme force. "Leave this place! We are doing God's work!"

Emily tried to pry out the holy water out of Silvano's hands, but it fell on top of Emily's hands and arms and Emily recoiled in pain as the not-so-holy water burned through her skin and caused her extreme pain in her chest. "Wh-what is in the water?"

"Emily!" JJ cried out as she wacked Silvano and put handcuffs on his hands. Rossi put the others in ties as Emily attempted to get through the harsh pain that was clouding her vision. "Emily!" JJ shouted again as she fell to her knees against her girlfriend who had curled up into a ball on the ground.

"I'm fine," Emily choked out. "Check on John, make sure he is okay."

JJ with tears in her eyes reluctantly left her side and turned to Rossi who had checked the pulse of his body. "JJ, you're going to have to help me get him up. I think I heard the ambulances arrive. I'll carry John, you bring Silvano down."

JJ reluctantly agreed but felt ashamed as she saw Emily clench her jaw roll over in pain. Before she helped Rossi, she sat back down next to Emily and whispered, "I'll come back, Em." And kissed her cheek, tasting the tears Emily had tried so hard to hide.

Rossi ignored the romantic interaction he had just encountered and focused on pulling a groaning John. Once Rossi had him carefully in his arms, John turned to see Emily on the floor and winced. "Emmy, I should have been there for you more…"

"Go, Johnny," Emily said breathlessly.

Rossi brought John back downstairs and to the medical persons who were entering the building. He was met with Morgan and Reid who had run upstairs to help.

Morgan immediately went to Silvano who was still trying to resist arrest from JJ. Reid, however, went to Emily who was still curled up in pain. "Emily, what happ-"

"Help JJ and Morgan with the men. I'll be okay." Emily begged as she tried to stop herself from passing out from the pain.

Spencer, following her orders, went to JJ's aid and brought some of the men down with Morgan and the blonde. The room was cleared of criminals when Emily began to pant. She was drowning in the fiery pain as she tried to prevent herself from screaming. She felt the blood drip out of her nose as blackness faded into her vision.

"Emily! Hotch was able to rescind Silvano's diplomatic pa- Emily!" JJ cried out as she fell to the ground seeing that Emily had fallen unconscious.

* * *

Beeping. That was all she heard when she woke up. Her eyes fluttered open, and in confusion, she tried to get up, not knowing where she was. But as she tried to lean forward, pain from her chest caused her to cry out in agony and fall onto her back.

"Emily, Emily, It's okay. Stop struggling." Morgan repeated as he kindly put his hands on her legs comfortingly, trying to hold her down.

At the sight of her friend, Emily began to calm down. Though she was surprised to find him at her bedside, she couldn't help but be happy that he was the one to wake up next to. Emily laid back down and closed her eyes, still extremely tired. "How long have I been here?"

Morgan turned around to look at the clock. "Almost 9 hours. The rest of the team is waiting outside for you. Should I go tell them-"

"No," Emily said certainly. "I need a few minutes before the cavalry comes in. Silvano? Is he arrested?"

Morgan chuckled. "Of course, you are stuck in a hospital and you want to talk about work. How is it that I am not surprised?" At the playful glare that he received, he answered, "I don't know when you passed out and what you heard, but Hotch was able to remove his immunity. He got the Vatican to intervene. Silvano and all of his cronies are going to be in jail for a long time."

A sigh escaped Emily's lips. For once, she could feel like she could breathe. "And John, my friend John Cooley?"

Derek became more serious about her question. "He's fine. Got out 5 hours before you did. He's waiting outside with the others. Though, by now I'm sure he's received enough interrogations to leave with Reid there." Emily nodded, glad that she could save one of her friends. "Emily, there is one thing, though. John had a lot of drugs in his system. Doctors said he's been using for years. Just like Matthew. You don't look surprised. Emily, were these really the guys that you used to hang out with as a kid?"

Emily frowned, embarrassed. Blinking several times, she told him, "Unfortunately yes. And before you ask, yes, I did take part in the same activities. But I was able to easily give it up. Others, like Matthew and John, didn't have it so easy. Derek? Not that I don't love your company, but why are you here?"

Derek looked down, avoiding Emily's eyes. "It should have been me. I mean, we're partners, Prentiss. We take down the bad guys together. But I abandoned you. I didn't believe you, I didn't have faith in this case. And now you are here, in the hospital."

Emily began to understand. "You feel guilty. Well, don't. You have every right to disagree with me. Just because we are partners doesn't mean you have to change your beliefs to match mine."

"True, but I didn't have your back, and I should have."

Emily sighed and grinned at her friend. It was nice to see the emotional side of Derek Morgan. "Derek, It's good. We're good. Take me out to dinner one night and we can call it even. Besides, with you in here with me, we're going to get enough bonding with Hotch on our asses about 'dating on the job.' You know he's going to think something between us is going on."

Derek chuckled. "Yeah, I thought about that. Honestly, I think JJ wanted to stay in here, but she let me stay, knowing that it was killing me." Emily smiled at the thought of JJ wanting to stay with her. "Hotch gave me a strange look when I decided to stay with you. Penelope also texted me multiple times asking if we are together."

Emily shook her head. "Do people really think we would really make a good couple?"

"Well, we would be a very hot couple. Actually, Reid asked me if I was attracted to you when you first joined. I think boy wonder may have had a crush on you." Morgan joked, laughing at his own statement.

Emily glared at him. "Sure. Whatever. Sorry, Derek. I didn't have any feelings for you. I'm purely gay. Very lesbian."

Derek chuckled. "Don't worry, Prentiss. You are very beautiful and sexy, but I don't have feelings for you either."

She rolled her eyes, enjoying her light bantering with her friend. "Sure. You were totally not affected at all when you thought that Reid and I slept together." Prentiss watched Morgan carefully, looking for a tell, hoping that she'd find out that he had feelings for her friend.

Derek sighed, knowing where Emily was going with this conversation. "Em, it's complicated."

"I know," Emily replied sympathetically. "But let me just say, don't let it go on for too much longer. I know that I am so much happier since I have admitted my feelings to JJ. I know that you have put up walls around you, but you just need to let someone take them down."

Derek listened to her words thoughtfully. "I know. And I don't know how you did it. Emily, you may be the only person who has thicker walls than me."

"Reid can take them down." Emily reminded him. "You just have to let him."

They stared at each other for a while, though the room was sincere. Each one knowing that the other had cared deeply for the other. He took her hand suddenly and told her, "Thank you, Emily. You're the one that is in the hospital, and you are the one that is fixing me. I don't think that is very fair."

"I know you'd do the same," Emily reminded him simply. She looked out the window of her small room and noticed that people from the team were heading her way. "I think the cavalry's coming."

Morgan turned around and saw the rest of the team approach them. He let go of her hand when he realized that Hotch had noticed their friendly touching.

"Emily!" Reid almost squealed as he entered the room. "I would hug you but I think that it would cause you a lot of pain. Did you know, that trauma to lungs can take-"

"Reid!" Emily shouted, not wanting to hear the fact that her friend was going to spew. "I love that you are here, but please don't tell me anything about my condition. I just want to see my friends right now. I would hug you too, pretty boy. If I could."

Spencer grinned at her and turned to the rest of the team and waited for someone else to address her. Rossi smiled at Prentiss fatherly. "I'm glad you are alright, Emily. We were all very worried."

"I'm good. I hate that I made you all worried. You all must be so tired waiting here. Thank you all for coming and staying. It means so much to me." The brunette admitted.

"We're a team, Emily," Hotch mentioned gruffly. "We're just lucky that you are alright."

Emily blushed, not knowing how to take that compliment from her boss. "Speaking of, can I go back to work immediately?"

Derek frowned. "Emily, your condition is severe. I don't see a scenario of the doctors letting you work immediately."

Emily turned sadly to Reid, looking for a second opinion. He frowned and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Emily. I have to agree with Morgan. You passed out from pain. This isn't going to get better from one day in the hospital."

Before Emily could retort or complain, Garcia interrupted and said, "Don't worry, Em. You can work with me. It could even be fun."

Though the thought of staying back didn't excite Emily in the slightest, she pretended to smile to Penelope to be nice. "Thanks, Pen. I appreciate it."

Emily sneaked a glance at JJ, who looked incredibly worried. She wished that she could spend some time alone with her at the moment. She just wanted her lips on hers. She turned to Morgan and tried to give him a signal to get everyone to leave.

He seemed to at least get the message and turned to the rest of the team. "Come on, guys. Emily needs to rest. We can all talk to her tomorrow. Besides, I for one am tired as hell."

"Awe!" Garcia said sadly. "Okay. See you tomorrow, my love." She blew Emily a kiss and left the small room. Emily waved to her happily.

"Bye, Emily," Rossi said sweetly. "Hope you feel better. Hotch, can I drive you home?"

Hotch nodded and seriously looked at Prentiss. "Emily, if you need anything, just call. Your priorities should be to get better."

Emily smiled and replied, "Yes, sir." At that, Rossi and Hotch left.

"Princess," Morgan addressed her as if he was her brother. "Call me when you find out when you will be released or if you need me."

Emily chuckled and smiled at him gratefully. "Will do, Morgan. Thanks for staying with me."

"Of course. Pretty boy, wanna catch a ride?" Derek asked turning to Spencer who still looked confused and worried for his friend.

"Go, Spencer," Emily told her friend. "I'm fine here with Jayje."

Reid sighed and nodded. "Okay, okay. If you're alright I guess I'll go. I hope you start to feel better tomorrow. I'll visit you later." He turned to Morgan.

"Thanks, Spencer. Go, guys." Emily told her boys. And at her order, Derek and Spencer left her room and the hospital. Emily turned to JJ who still looked upset and emotionless. Emily tried to lighten up the mood and said, "Finally some alone time, who knew it to would take so much time to get the team to leave?"

JJ frowned and began to tear up. Emily's heart began to melt, knowing how much pain her girlfriend was in. She didn't know what to say to comfort the blonde. JJ turned around, facing the wall instead of looking at Emily. "JJ, honey…"

The blonde started to sob and choked out, "Em, you could've- you lost consciousness. I left you there to pass out."

"Baby," Emily begged. "You didn't leave me. I'm fine. See come here. My heart is beating. I'm awake." When she doesn't turn around, Emily continues, "Jennifer, babe, please. Come over here. I would come over to you but I can't get up at the moment."

JJ finally turned around, her eyes red and swollen. She slowly walked toward the patient and sat down on the chair next to her. But she couldn't look Emily in the eye, so instead, she looked down at her legs.

"Jen, look at me." As JJ gradually raised her head, Emily added, "I'm okay. I'm here." With all her willpower, Emily stretched out her burnt hand and reached over and put it on JJ's.

JJ looked carefully at the hand that was just placed on her own. "Em, look at your own hands. They aren't okay. Emily, you got hurt."

"Jayje, it's the job. Of course, sometimes we may get hurt, but that doesn't mean that I'm not okay. We got him, we saved John. We did our job. That's enough for me."

"Emily, you are not invincible. You are seriously lucky. When you- when you passed out. I thought that- that-" She cupped Emily's face. "I can't lose you."

"You won't," Emily promised her.

"You can't- you can't promise that. Not with our line of work. Nothing is predictable."

Emily sighed, knowing that JJ was right. "I know. But it's my job. It's our job. But we have each other. Honey, we can save each other."

"Emily, I-I- I love you so much."

The brunette smiled at the blonde lovingly. "I know. We're okay. We are in love and we are okay. We are going to make it."

For the first time that night, JJ smiled. "We are."

"Jennifer Jareau, will you please kiss me now?"

JJ nodded and leaned in for the bliss that she was getting from a kiss with her partner. The kiss lingered for a few minutes before JJ remembered something and backed away. "Shit, Emily! I just remembered! Rossi knows about us! I was stupid, I kissed you while Rossi was in the room!"

Emily chuckled at the craziness her lover was expressing. "Jayje, it's fine. They were all going to find out eventually anyway. I'd be surprised if they all didn't know already."

"True." JJ agreed, kissing her nose lovingly. However, they were interrupted by the opening of the door. Expecting the doctor, they were surprised to find John there, instead. JJ immediately sat up, trying to hide the romantic position she and her girlfriend were just in.

"Emily," John said with a shortness of breath. "I hope I'm not- interrupting anything."

The brunette flashed a look at JJ, trying to hide her blush that was creeping up over her face. "No, no. We're good here. Are you doing okay?" John looked calmly at JJ, afraid of the blonde who was glaring at him from every angle. He looked from Emily to JJ, trying to give her the signal. Emily quickly picked up on it and rolled her eyes. "She can stay, John."

He nodded and cleared his throat, trying to dominate the room, but failing miserably. "I'm fine. Thank you, and you too, Agent Jareau. You all saved my life, and found Matthew's killer. You risked your life for me and got hurt Em. I'm so sorry."

"It's my job, John. Besides, I think you made up for it. You probably experienced trauma from sitting with my team for hours."

John chuckled with a deep wolfy cough. "They were fine. I got a bit interrogated by the nerds- the other blonde woman and the young guy. And I got intimidating looks from the older guys. But other than that, they pretty much ignored me."

Emily grinned at the thought of her team trying to scare him off. "Well, I'm sorry you had to sit through that. I really do appreciate it. But it's okay, you don't have to make it up to me anyway. Bringing Matthew's killer to justice is enough for me as well."

"Well, I owe you a lot, Emmy. I can't thank you enough." John replied, putting on his charming smile.

JJ rolled her eyes. "Well, of course, we wouldn't have been in this position if you had just told us the truth from the start."

"You're right." John agreed with her, not wanting to get the blonde more angry than she already was. "I should have told you everything. I just- I don't know. Me and Matthew, we got lost along the way. You know? Emily, you made it. Matthew was so proud of you."

Tears entered Emily's eyes. "I never- I left you guys. I left and never stayed in contact. I abandoned Matthew in the most vulnerable time of his life."

"He never blamed you, Em. He was glad that you got out. 'Our Emily made something of herself'. That's what Matt would always remind me. I think that kept him alive, Em. Whenever one of us was in a bad place we would remind each other of that." He paused, remembering that nothing he could say or do would get Emily back. "I've already taken up so much of your time, Emily. I'm so glad that you are okay."

He was about to leave the room when Emily stated, "Johnny if you need anything, I'm here. Don't turn to drugs, okay? Turn to me."

John began to cry, so he didn't want to face the women. Looking at the wall, John replied, "Take care of each other, Em. I'm so glad that you found someone. You seem to really love each other."

Emily and JJ turned to each other and smiled. And when they turned back, John Cooley was gone. Missing.

JJ watched Emily's face carefully. She knew how much John had affected her life. For better, or for worse. She knew that she was going through a roller coaster of emotions, and all she didn't want Emily to do was compartmentalize it. "Em, sweetheart, you okay?"

Emily looked into JJ's eyes. "I think I am. I've been holding on to all of this for so long. I've held on to all of this hatred, self-loathing, and pain. I blamed myself for so long. I hated myself. I thought that having the abortion would rid me of any happiness I could ever have. But I finally feel like I have started to let go of it all. I'll never forget- but maybe, I can start to forgive myself for what I did. "

"You deserve to forgive yourself, Emily. You deserve to be happy. What you did, doesn't matter anymore. Your past is your past. All I care about, all you should care about, is us. And our future together." JJ said, intertwining her hands through Emily's.

"I do," Emily said simply and kissed JJ gently. "I really want to go home with you. I just want to sleep in your arms."

JJ sighed and agreed with her. "Me too. Let me go find your doctor, maybe we can take you home in the next few hours." JJ got up from her chair and searched the outside to find Emily's doctor. Eventually, JJ found the doctor and brought her into Emily's room.

"Ms. Prentiss, I'm so sorry to keep you waiting. We are so busy here. Normally, once you woke up I would have come to check on your vitals, but I have-" The overwhelmed doctor took a deep breath and smiled. "I'm sorry." She reached out her hand for Emily to shake. "I'm Dr. Tyburczy. How are you feeling?"

"Uncomfortable. But not in too much pain. I've been in worse conditions." Emily informed her, trying to sit up more in her bed.

"Your condition is very uncommon. I was able to treat John Cooley easily, he didn't have the substance all over him. But you did. It reached your lungs while Mr. Cooley's was just external pain." She looked through the file she had on Prentiss. "Luckily, you can still recover in not too much time."

"How long do I have to stay in the hospital?" Emily asked her doctor anxiously.

"I think just the rest of day for observation. You can be taken home by the night so you can get situated back into your home. However, I would seriously recommend for someone to stay with you for at least the next week. And I don't want you to do anything physical for the next week. Then we can visit and I from there I can give you further orders."

Emily grimaced, not hearing the news she was hoping for. "Doctor, I have a very important job and I have to travel for most cases."

Dr. Tyburczy shook her head. "No traveling for the next two weeks at least. Normally, I would say to stay home, but I can tell that won't be helpful for you. I'd suggest a desk job, I can even speak with your boss if I must." She looked at the papers. "You're FBI. So I have to be the one to let you go on active duty. I won't be able to do that until I have seen you are ready for duty."

"And how long do you think that will take?" JJ asked this time.

The doctor shrugged. "Depends how well Emily takes my orders. If she stays off her feet most of the time and relaxes three weeks? But it easily could go to a month or longer. She needs to restrict the amount of stress on her body. That will determine when she can go back to work."

Though Emily more than anything wanted to get back to work, she didn't want to get worse. She nodded and thought of all this thoroughly. "Thanks, Doc."

"Medication wise, are you allergic to anything? I am planning on just putting you on the normal low dose of pain meds."

"I'm not allergic to anything, but I'd prefer to not have any pain medication," Emily told her, sort of embarrassed that she had to ask. At the confused look she was receiving from her doctor and JJ she added, "I just lost a friend. Pain meds and vulnerability isn't such a good match for me."

Immediately, the doctor nodded. "Alright. But stock up on Ibuprofen. I don't want you to be in extreme pain." Emily nodded and tried to smile at the doctor. "Good. With that, I think I will leave you both. In a few hours, I'll check up on you, and we can get your stuff together and sign you out."

"Thank you," Emily and JJ said in unison. And with that, the stressed doctor left the small room.

JJ sat back down in the chair next to Emily. "Em, are you really worried about the drugs? I thought that you never got addicted."

"I didn't," Emily said simply. "I've never had any drug problems, Jayje. It's just that, with what has been going on, I'd be afraid to like it too much. I wish his death didn't affect me so much, but it does. And I don't want the pain meds to get rid of my pain from Matthew's death."

The blonde understood everything the brunette was saying. She began to grin, watching her lover express herself. Prentiss raised her eyebrow, questioning the strange look she was receiving from agent Jareau. JJ shook her head awkwardly. "Sorry. Sometimes you're just so beautiful."

Emily blushed self consciously. "Me? Now? Jen, I'm in a hospital robe. My butt literally hangs out of my so-called clothes."

"And god am I thankful for that." JJ joked, earning a playful hit from Emily, who is beginning to cheer up. "You're always so beautiful," She said seriously once more. "In every moment of every day. From when you wake up, till you go to sleep. In your best and worst times, you are beautiful in my eyes."

Emily sighed, knowing she could never be as romantic as her. "Babe, you flatter me too much. We both know you're the hot one."

JJ chuckled and replied as casually as she could be, "Oh, little ole' me?"

Emily glared at JJ with loving eyes. "Shut up, Jareau. Maybe I should go call Derek. People think we are a couple anyway. I can just look at him from behind when we do it."

A gasp escaped JJ's lips. "I thought you had a sexy girlfriend. You know her. The one who you call babe. The one who loves you and is a girl and who makes the best love to you."

Emily tapped her chin as if she wondered who JJ was referring to. Toying with her, she said, "Hmm, she seems familiar. Maybe you should kiss me, it may jog my memory."

Jennifer rolled her eyes. "Wouldn't you're sexy girlfriend mind me kissing you?"

"Uh…" Prentiss started thoughtfully. "I don't think she would mind." At that, JJ shrugged and leaned in for yet another life-changing kiss with Emily Prentiss. "You know, I think I know exactly who my sexy girlfriend is."

"Who could that be?"

"You, babe," Emily replied simply and kissed her girlfriend's nose.

"I wouldn't want it to be any other way. Emily, I love you so much. Forever, okay? I think I'll love you forever if that is alright with you."

Emily grinned and whispered into her ear as she leaned in to kiss her, "Forever won't even be long enough. Forever and another forever after that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So finally some happiness! Is it going to stay? The next chapter is a long one. I apologize for that :/
> 
> Thanks for reading! More chapters coming soon!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Criminal Minds! 
> 
> This chapter's a long one. Thanks for staying with this story!

Four weeks later…

Emily dumped her bag of chips in the trashcan before returning back to Penelope Garcia's desk in her office. "You think they are going to ever ask us for our assistance?" She grumbled as she sat down across from the technical analyst.

"Sometimes it takes longer, EP. You have to learn to wait. Be patient, grasshopper." Garcia told her friend unsympathetically. As much as she loved the company for once, she wished it was anyone but Emily. The profiler lived for action. And while Garcia's job is very important, Emily lived for physically taking down the UnSubs.

"I don't do patient. I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow. Hopefully, she will give me the go to let me travel. I miss it." Emily admitted sadly, digging into her container of jello. "Not that I don't love you, Penelope, because I do. But this is so not the job for me to sit and wait."

Garcia rolled her eyes. "I could have told you that, Emily. I can't wait until I get my space back." She looked carefully into Emily's eyes, wondering if it was a good time to bring up something personal. "You more excited to stop doing a desk job or are you more excited to see JJ?"

Emily gaped at the question she was just asked. She thought for sure that Garcia had no idea about her relationship with a fellow blonde agent. "What?"

Nonchalantly, Garcia answered, "Oh come on, Emily. I'm known as being omniscient for a reason. I've known you're lesbian since you joined. JJ was harder to figure out- but I realized immediately when I realized you both were into each other. All the tension and subtle- or not so subtle- eye fucking- it was so obvious that you were both itching to get into each other's pants. And then you both tried to distance yourselves from each other and I just knew that you guys were trying to hide your new relationship. I just wish you would have told me sooner."

Emily frowned, noticing that her friend did truly look saddened by the fact her best friends hadn't told her of their relationship. "I'm sorry, Pen. We should have told you. We've just been so worried that Hotch will find out- and eventually Strauss- and we don't want to be separated. We both love you so much, Garcia."

After the caring speech, the blonde lightened up. "I know! Yeah, that must be a hard position to be in. But I think Hotch is secretly a softy and won't be bothered if you were dating. He doesn't want to separate his family."

Emily shrugged and then remembered something that was bothering her. "Penelope, if you knew about me and Jayje, why did you text Morgan asking if we were dating?"

Penelope chuckled. "I just wanted to mess with him. Get under his skin a little. When you first joined the team, I have to admit, I wondered if he was into you."

"Oh," Prentiss interrupted. "I am so not his type."

Garcia could read through the vague words and she gasped. "You! You know! It took me many years and lots of tequila to get it out of Derek Morgan and you're here for what, a couple years and he tells you!"

Emily's brows furrowed, not understanding what Garcia was talking about. "Uh, Pen, I'm lost. What did Derek tell me?"

"About his feelings for a Dr. Spencer Reid!" She shouted as if it was the most obvious thing.

"Oh!" Emily said, finally understanding. "He didn't tell me, though. I figured it out. I think Reid has feelings for him, too. But neither of them will admit it."

"They have to at some point! You and JJ did. I have faith that it'll happen. Hotch won't know what hit him when he realizes four members of his team are desperately in love."

"For the longest time, I thought that Morgan was into you. Was that ever a thing?" Emily asked her friend curiously.

Garcia glared at her friend. "I love Derek. As a brother. As my partner in crime. Nothing more. He's really not my type. I'm more into the nerd- not the jock. Not that I'm into Reid- because ew. I love Reid, but I couldn't ever see myself with who I feel like is my little brother. This is why I'm dating Kevin."

"He seems like a good guy, Penelope. Does he treat you right? Do you feel loved?"

Garcia smiled at Emily sisterly. "He's quite the gentleman. And oh so good in bed. I feel so special when I am with him."

"That's all anyone can ask for, I guess," Emily said with an almost sweet smile.

"Very true," Penelope agreed. "So what about you? Before Jay, I don't remember ever meeting any of your significant others. Except for that guy John who I was getting weird vibes from."

Prentiss sighed, never wanting to get personal. "I dated John when I was in high school. I was very much in the closet. And before JJ, I didn't really date much. Lots of one night stands and flings, but nothing with feelings or emotions."

Garcia seemed unsurprised. "Of course. You do tend to put up lots of walls."

Emily snorted. "Of course I do? How else do you think I managed to get through in my childhood? Besides, JJ isn't the first girl I have been serious about." Penelope raised her eyebrows, egging her to continue. "I dated this girl for about two years in Yale. We split when we graduated. She wanted to travel the world and settle down. Have boring jobs, buy a house with a white picket fence. Live in the burbs with kids and a dog. And I wanted to be an agent. So we broke up and she left. Haven't talked to her or seen her since."

"You've never looked her up? On Linkedin? Facebook? Any social media?" Garcia asked with great curiosity.

Emily shook her head immediately. "I put my past behind me always. You all call it compartmentalizing, I call it moving forward. How can I move forward if I spend time and energy looking up someone who used to mean a lot to me?"

"You've never been curious on how she turned out? Don't you want to know how she turned out?" Emily shook her head causing Garcia to groan. "Em, fine. I'm curious. I want to see this girl. What's her name?"

The brunette sighed and finally gave in. "I'll tell you her name, but you can't go all cyber stalker on her, okay?"

"Okay! Okay! I promise! Just tell me her name! We'll just look through social media. No meddling."

Emily rolled her eyes, not believing that she was actually going to reveal this information to the tech analyst. "Her name is Katie. Katherine Benn. She grew up in Boston, she should be my age. And obviously, she went to Yale with me."

Garcia nodded as she fiercely typed information into a database. After a few seconds, she squealed with delight. "Aha! Gotcha! She's on Facebook. Wanna see?" She tilted her computer screen to show Emily her home photo.

Emily looked astonishedly at the woman she hadn't seen in many years. "She looks… happy."

Garcia looked at Emily carefully and then tilted the screen back to her so that she could do more digging. "Katie Benn runs an environmental protection business that informs people about global warming. She is married to her business partner, and they have three kids. Two boys and one girl. They live in Beloit, Wisconsin and have a large house in the suburbs. That's all the surface information I could find. I could go deeper if you'd like."

"No," Emily whispered thoughtfully as she watched all the happy family photos passed by. "That's all I need."

Penelope was confused at the strange reaction. "Em? Are you really that affected by this info? Didn't you guys like break up twenty years ago? Were you really that in love?"

"I loved her," the brunette admitted. "But we weren't right for each other. It really doesn't affect me. I mean, I'm glad for her. We both got what we wanted. She got the family and the burbs and I got the job."

Trying to forget that sad remark, Garcia tried to change the subject and asked, "Environmentalists, huh?"

"Yeah," Prentiss answered as she turned to look at her friend again. "We actually met in a science class in my sophomore year. I spent all of my Freshman year alone, not really trying to make friends but get perfect grades. Katie was my first friend at college. She thought I was the saddest person. She invited me everywhere and basically pushed me into her friend group. I wasn't as close to her friends as I was her, but I spent the rest of my three years with them. Of course, they are nothing like you guys."

Garcia grinned at her close friend. "Aw, honey. I can't tell if that story is sweet or depressing. So how did you guys go from friends to girlfriends?"

Emily chucked, reminiscing about her past. Even though she liked to keep it hidden, she suddenly couldn't stop telling the tech analyst about her relationship. She had kept it in for so long, it felt good to let it out. "It's kind of a funny story. You see, I wasn't out in college. God, I didn't even really know I was gay. Relationships weren't my thing. Katie thought that was sad, so she kept trying to set me up with people. Finally, one of the guys in our group asked me out. I only said yes to be nice, but I was seriously unattracted to him. I begged Katie to help me, I hadn't really ever gone on a date. So, she went on a trial date with me. She stayed in my room and we watched Star Wars. At the end of the 'date', she told me that it was only proper to kiss at the end of the date. So she leaned in and one thing led to another and we were together."

"Aww!" Garcia shouted. "Not that I'm not a Jemily fan, but that was too cute! So did you tell everyone?"

"Uhh… kinda? We kept it a secret for the rest of sophomore year, at least I think we kept it a secret. And then we got an apartment for the last two years. So, yeah I think everyone knew. It was an unspoken thing. We weren't the type of couple to be hands-on in public."

"And your mom?" Penelope wondered out loud.

Emily began to frown. "Well, er, she actually walked in on us in my Junior year. We were in bed… naked. She thought it was a phase but tried to make sure it didn't get out. She didn't want to have an opinion of the LGBT community in her party platform."

"That's awful," Garcia commented. "So then how exactly did you both break up? You sounded happy."

"Like I said before, it was mostly logistical. We wanted different things. I wanted the job and she wanted the family. Besides, I wasn't ready to come out to the world. And that bothered her. We truly broke up when my mother gave me an ultimatum: live with Katie and be disowned or support my job and career choice. I chose my mother. That sounds terrible."

It was hard for Garcia to disagree. "Well, I guess I just don't understand. Couldn't you have had both? Couldn't Katie just have gone with you? Supported you?"

Emily bit her lip. "I… don't know. We didn't have the perfect relationship. I bet you know this already, but I wasn't good at relationships. I was worse then than I am now. I was very idiotic. And we'd have massive fights. I honestly think that the make up sex is what saved our relationship. But sometimes we were toxic. When I ended the relationship, we both knew it was for the best. And obviously, it was a good decision. Katie met this girl and had kids. And I have JJ. Katie and I may have been passionate, but JJ and I have a foundation. Substance. Love. I see a future with JJ."

Penelope grinned at her friend and batted her eyes at her. "Aw Emily. I think that's the sweetest thing you have ever said. I love you and Jayje. I always knew it was going to be you two. Just like it is going to be Reid and Morgan."

And just then, Garcia and Prentiss received a phone call. Putting the phone on speaker, Penelope said, "Garcia and Prentiss speaking! What can we do you all for?"

"Actually baby girl and CO," Morgan informed them. "We caught the UnSub. Sorry, ladies. But I think we are coming home. See you guys in a few hours."

Once they hung up Emily and Penelope turned to each other and grinned. "Guess they didn't need our help."

"Excited to see JJ tonight?" The tech analyst asked.

"Yes," Emily admitted as she balanced a pencil on her nose. "But I'm more excited to go to the doctors tomorrow. I think I'll be able to travel again. Not that I don't love being with you."

Garcia snorted, "Yeah, sure. I'll be glad I have my room back. I love working alone, not that I don't love you, Em."

Both girls drifted off into chatter before the rest of the team returned to DC.

* * *

It was barely morning when Emily woke up. She checked the time and groaned when she realized that she woke up an hour before the alarm. She turned around and scooted closer to her girlfriend who was peacefully asleep. The brunette wrapped her arms around the blonde, trying to take her in. Even after dating the girl for a few months, she still couldn't believe that she had the woman of her dreams.

JJ began to wake up at the touch of the warm body getting close to her. She grinned at the feeling of being hugged by her girlfriend. She then wrapped her own arms around Emily's arms and the brunette noticed.

"Shit, I didn't mean to wake you up. I'm sorry," Emily whispered in the darkness.

JJ opened her eyes and found Emily to be worried. The blonde tried to give her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about it. I love spending more time with my girl."

Emily tried to hide the blush growing on her face. Never before JJ had she ever really felt embarrassed. The blonde herself thought that the rosy cheeks were purely the most adorable thing and every time she saw it, it made her fall in love with Emily Prentiss a little more.

The brunette had been thinking of something a lot recently, and it was stuck in her mind. Before she lost the courage to ask, Emily blurted, "JJ, if you're here so often, why not move in?"

The blonde raised her eyebrows, definitely not expecting that from her girlfriend of a month. "Wow. Uh…"

"I mean you don't have to." Emily quickly retreated and flinched away from JJ. "Sorry, I know that must sound hurried and too soon. I know it's just been a little while."

"No, Em, honey don't be sorry. It's sweet, really. And I want to… believe me. I hate having to go back to my lonely apartment to grab clothes. But what will Hotch think? Or Strauss or whoever in the FBI who would mind us being in a relationship?" JJ explained kindly, hoping that Emily wasn't getting the wrong message.

Emily gave it a thought and agreed, "You're right. I never really thought about it, I guess. I just want you all the time. I'm being selfish."

"No, you're not." JJ reminded her simply as she moved closer to Emily and re-wrapped her arms around the brunette. "I want to be with you all the time as well. How about this: I'll bring half of my clothes and bathroom stuff here, that way I can be here most of the time but I still have the other address. I'll be wasting money, but at least we can be happy."

A smile grew on Prentiss' face. "That sounds perfect Jayje." She let in the cuddles that the blonde was offering.

"Great. It's done. So, you excited to go back in the field today? That is if we have a case." JJ asked her girlfriend.

Emily happily moaned, "God yes! I hate working in the office. It's so boring. I swear I'll only do that again when we have kids because-" She was interrupted by a phone call. She checked the phone and mouthed, "Hotch," to JJ. She picked up the phone.

JJ was left in complete confusion and excitement. Emily referred to them having kids nonchalantly, and that made JJ very, very, happy. When Emily hung up, JJ asked, "What is it?"

"We got a case. Important one from the sound of it. Hotch wants us to bring a go bag. He'll call you in a second I'm guessing. I'll shower really quick." Emily gave JJ a quick peck on the mouth before crawling out of bed.

JJ only had one thought as she watched Emily run to the bathroom. 'Damn, my woman is sexy.' Her sensual thoughts were interrupted by the sharp ring of her phone.

* * *

Everyone stared at Hotch on the plane with confused looks. When everyone arrived at Quantico, he just ordered everyone to get on the plane without any other directions or information. They all sat in a huddled group in the middle of the plane waiting for Hotch to tell them what exactly was going on. Once he got situated, he passed around the case files around to each person in the team.

Emily flipped through the file. She looked at the photos and detailed information and furrowed her eyebrows. "Hotch, not that I'm disagreeing with your decision, but you made us get on the plane with little information and the case is a serial murder of serial rapists. Not that murder isn't murder, but what's the hurry of catching someone who is killing rapists?"

Hotch and the rest of the team turned to Emily, looking surprised that she had made such a comment. However, no one was disagreeing with her. They worked on a lot of serial rapist cases, and they knew that none of the UnSubs deserved to be alive.

Hotch cleared his throat, knowing that he did have some explaining to do. "You're right, Prentiss. This doesn't seem like a case we would work on. And I know that the victims are serial rapists. But there is something that you guys should know before we continue."

The rest of the team turned to each other, looking worried and confused about the tone of voice that Hotch had. "Uh, Hotch. What's going on?" Morgan asked seriously.

"The serial rapists all live in this one city. And in this city, there is an Assault Care Center around each of the dumping sights." Hotch informed the team, tiptoeing around the bad news.

"There are approximately three Assault Care Centers in each large city. It could be a coincidence," Reid recited carefully, just as confused as everyone else.

"Once again, true," Hotch said simply. "But the head of the special Rape Care Unit isn't a coincidence. Or at least I don't think it is. We are going to work this case because the head of the unit is Elle. Elle Greenaway."

Dead silence filled the plane and each person kept quiet, except JJ, who snorted in disbelief. "Come on, Hotch. Do you really believe that she would be capable of killing..." She checked the files, "Thirteen people?"

"Thirteen rapists, JJ," Morgan reminded the liaison carefully. "She was capable of doing it once."

"She was in a bad place then," Reid debated angrily. "It's been years since that incident."

"Victims only started popping up once Elle had moved to Madison," Hotch added quietly. "I'm not saying that Elle is the UnSub, I'm just saying that it's suspicious. Besides, if she isn't, she could be a huge help. She may know someone capable of it."

Emily and David stayed quiet, not knowing the situation well enough to comment on it. They retreated to going through the case file. Emily tried to avoid looking at JJ, not wanting to know how she felt about the whole situation. It was bad enough that they were going to find the girl who the team had trusted before her, but she was also a girl that JJ had slept with.

"Elle was a friend," JJ stated harshly. "A colleague. We can't just go up to her and ask if she has killed thirteen people."

"Agreed," Hotch nodded. "So that's why we are going to ask her for help. We can't let her know that we are investigating her as well."

"She's not an idiot." Morgan pointed out. "She's going to know something is up the minute we get there. This isn't the kind of case we investigate."

Hotch thought about this thoroughly and replied, "You're probably right. That's why JJ, Reid, and Emily are going to talk to her. JJ and Reid were the closest to her, and Emily may be a buffer."

"You know that'll just piss her off," Morgan disagreed. "She doesn't like competition. She'll just want to speak with you."

Hotch shook his head. "We can't let that happen. Besides, I know that they will compete. I'm hoping that Prentiss will unsettle her and force her to talk to Reid and JJ more."

"She's going to try to insert herself into the case," Spencer rambled off. "What do we do when she wants to work with us?"

"We let her," Hotch commanded. "We can't stop her anyway. We're walking on a fine line here. We have to be very careful."

"And what if it is her?" Emily asked carefully, making sure she isn't overstepping. "I know that killing is what we're against. But what if, you know, she's making the world a better place?"

Hotch sighed, looking at Emily deeply. "That's the kind of thinking Elle had when she originally went off the edge. You can't think that way, Prentiss. Sometimes I regret my decision letting her go. But it wasn't our decision. And I knew that she had gone off the deep end. I can't promise that we can do anything if it really is her." He grimaced, hating every word that was coming out of his own mouth. Without anyone's disagreements, he added, "Okay, let's get to it. Morgan and Prentiss, can you two come talk with me in the back?"

Emily and Derek turned to each other and gave a short smirk to each other before following their boss to the back of the plane. Once they both sat across from the Chief of the unit, he stared them down.

"Is there something wrong?" Emily asked in almost a light, joking tone. She knew exactly what was coming and was very amused.

Hotch cleared his throat, obviously embarrassed. "Not wrong, exactly. You both know that dating in the workplace is against regulation and by doing it I have the right to fire or transfer you to a different field?"

Morgan and Prentiss shared another bemused look. "Sir," Morgan began. "I don't think that's necessary."

"Now, you two are great agents, some of the best the BAU has ever had. But if your… relationship gets in the way of the job, I can't let it continue," Hotch said without being too strict. "I don't know how long it has been going on-"

"Hotch, man, we're not dating," Morgan laughed with a small grin.

Hotch raised his eyebrows, surprised that Morgan would lie. "Morgan- I saw you and Prentiss when she was hurt by the UnSub. You don't have to lie to me."

Morgan chuckled, causing Hotch to get even more confused. "No, Hotch. We seriously aren't dating."

Hotch started to think he was understanding what was going on. "Oh, uh. I see. So even if you two are um… sleeping together, I still-"

"Hotch!" Emily interrupted with a yell. "There is nothing between me and Morgan. You see, I'm a lesbian. I'm not into Morgan or men in general."

The Unit Chief turned pale from embarrassment. "Oh. Okay, sorry for the accusation. I guess that means you both can go back to doing what you were doing."

Derek and Emily tried to hide their giggles as they walked back to sit with JJ and Reid who were waiting for them to explain what had happened.

"Why are you guys laughing so much?" Reid asked as the two agents joined them at the table. "What did Hotch tell you guys?"

Trying to stop laughing, Derek told him, "Hotch interrogated us about my 'relationship' with Emily. He told us that we were some of the best agents but that our love couldn't get in the way of the job."

Reid and JJ joined into the fits of laughter, but immediately stopped as Hotch came walking through the aisle and sat a few seats away from them with Rossi. "Okay," JJ whispered. "So what did you tell him?"

"I told him that we weren't in a relationship. And he thought we were lying to him! And I told him again that we weren't dating, and he took that as we were only sleeping together," Derek retold the group.

"He only believed us," Emily added on. "When I shouted that I am lesbian."

The group of four began to laugh uncontrollably, and little did they know that Hotch had seen them and knew exactly what they were laughing about.

"I swear I've never seen the man so confused. He had no idea that Prentiss was gay. Or, he just figured it was impossible that she didn't have feelings for me. Or, he's just disappointed that she isn't ever going to be into himself." Derek joked around, making himself laugh.

Emily rolled her eyes. "Shut up, Derek. Not everyone is attracted to you. And eww. I don't want to even think about Hotch liking me."

"It's not that hard to believe," JJ told her, batting her eyes at her playfully. "You are very, very, sexy."

Both boys groaned and rolled their eyes at the romantic statement. Emily gulped, not knowing how to deal with such words.

"You guys are gross," Derek muttered. "JJ and her cheesy declarations of love and Emily and her eyes looking like she wants to get into bed."

"JJ, I think we are making the boys uncomfortable. If only we could kiss… we could make them shudder."

Derek glared at his friend playfully. "Shut up, Emily. To change the subject, how about we go to a bar tonight. I think we are going to have to get intoxicated to get through this case."

"Worried about Elle?" Emily questioned curiously.

"None of us have talked in years," Morgan answered simply. "I haven't seen her since she left- and it wasn't such a happy break. Look, I care about Elle, I do. And maybe saying she is the UnSub is a stretch. But we haven't talked in years. I think the trust is gone, and that scares me a little."

"I don't need to get into it if you guys don't want to. I understand why it means so much more to you guys." Emily said sadly.

"No, we should talk about it," Morgan told her. "You need to know as much as you can about her before you meet her. You need to prepare yourself."

Emily nodded as the team began to start telling her all about the girl that she had replaced years ago, a time that seemed like decades ago.

* * *

Emily, JJ, and Spencer all went to the small Rape Care Unit when they landed in Wisconsin. When entering the building, they were overwhelmed by a wave of calm and understanding. They were expecting a hectic business and were pleasantly surprised to find what seemed like a therapy office.

They approached the desk assistant in the room they entered from. JJ pulled out her badge and said, "We are from the Behavioral Analysis Unit. Can we speak with Elle Greenaway?"

The man typed a few things into the computer and responded, "You can go into her office now, she has no appointments. But I'm not sure if there is a walk-in. Her office is the first door on the left." He pointed to a hallway on the right.

The three agents followed his directions and walked over to the first door on the left. JJ knocked on the door nervously. Each agent had been nervous for different reasons.

"Come in!" Elle had shouted happily from her office room.

The agents gave each other one last look before going inside the room of the ex-agent. Once the three walked in, they noticed the pretty office, and how peaceful it had looked. Nothing like they would think an UnSub's would look like.

Elle gaped when she saw her old friends and she stood up in complete awe. "Holy shit. Spencer Reid and Jennifer Jareau." She rushed over to the two agents and pulled them into a hug, practically ignoring Emily, who was trying to not notice how absolutely stunning she is. "Ack! What are you guys doing here?"

"We have a case!" JJ answered vaguely as Elle had finally let go of them. "And we think we need your help. If you want to assist. "

Elle didn't seem suspicious at all. "Really? Well, of course, I want to help! I'll clear my schedule for the day and we can go through the case and maybe even catch up a bit." She perkily ran over to her desk and typed a few things in. "Done! Oh, don't stand there! Sit on the couch, please."

The three awkward agents followed her orders and sat down on the couch as Elle took the opposite chair. She finally saw Emily and greeted, "Sorry, you must think I'm so rude. I'm Elle. And you must be my replacement." She stuck out her hand for Emily to shake and Emily shook it reluctantly, intimidated by the comment she had just made. "I'm sorry, only joking. I'm glad they replaced me with a woman."

"I've heard so much about you," Emily tried to say sweetly. "I'm Emily. Emily Prentiss."

"Nice to meet you. Jesus, I haven't talked to you two in years. How's it going? Where's Hotch? Gideon? Morgan?" Elle asked confused.

"Morgan and Hotch are at the local police department. Gideon quit a while ago. He uh— was replaced by David Rossi." Reid told her sadly.

Elle raised her eyebrows at the genius. "David Rossi? You mean the David Rossi? Millionaire?" At the teams nod, she whistles. "Damn. Times have changed. Never thought Gideon would ever leave the team. Sorry, Spencer. I knew how close you both were."

Reid gave her a short smile before changing the subject. "So what's new with you? Besides the job obviously."

"Not much," Elle explained to her friends. "Honestly my life is this job. It fits me so well, I feel like I am doing change, you know? Not that being an agent meant I wasn't doing change, but here I can save an alive person's life. At the BAU, we save the victims, but we leave them traumatized. Here, I can help those people. It's wonderful."

"That's great, Elle. Really. I'm so happy for you," JJ said awkwardly.

Elle began to get weird vibes from the team and began to look at them thoroughly. She knew something was off, that there was something that they weren't telling her. "Okay, what's going on, really? I knew that you all wouldn't want to talk to me unless you had to, which is fine I don't blame you. So why are you here today? Is there really a case?"

Emily started to take over, knowing that Reid and JJ had the possibility of getting personal. "There is. Thirteen men have been killed in Madison."

Elle turned all of her focus to the new agent. "Thirteen? Well, why the hell aren't they in the papers? If there is really a serial kil—"

"There is a reason why it isn't in the papers. They don't want the victims to look like victims." At Elle's skeptical looks, Emily continued, "All thirteen victims were charged for rape or even serial rapes."

Elle's mouth opened and she finally began to understand what this was all about. An uncomfortable laughter came out of her mouth, startling each agent. "You think it was me. And here I was thinking you just wanted to catch up." Anger rose up inside of her and she became impatient. "What is this? An interrogation?"

"No!" JJ shouted maybe too loudly. "No. Elle, we aren't accusing you of anything. We just thought you might know of some of the victims."

The ex-agent rolled her eyes. "Yeah right. You came to see if I was stable. Or, and this may be worse, you wanted to know if one of my clients have the capability of committing murder."

"Elle—" Spencer tried to say before being interrupted.

"No, Elle, Spencer. Right now, you don't have the right to say my name as if we are friends. This was Hotch's idea, wasn't it? You know what? Bring me to him. Put me in an interrogation room for god sakes. If that's what it takes to prove to you that your old friend and colleague isn't an UnSub." There was no shaking in her voice. Nothing but cold, hard words escaped her mouth.

JJ and Reid turned to each other not knowing exactly what to do. So, Emily took charge. "I think that's a good idea. Want a ride with us?"

Elle turned to Emily again, looking almost grateful. "Yes, thank you. You know out of all the people here, I find it quite interesting that the person who tells me the truth is someone I have never worked with. Guess they didn't really talk about me as much as you said, eh?"

The four left the building uncomfortably, heading for yet another uncomfortable conversation with the boss who had specifically said that he didn't want to communicate with the rogue agent. This day wasn't going to get any easier.

* * *

The small conference room in the police department was getting tighter as the BAU team entered. It didn't help that when Elle arrived, everyone became on edge and wanted to separate themselves from each other. When Elle entered the room, the three people already there were very surprised to see the rogue agent. None of them really knew what to do. Derek ultimately decided to approach her, realizing he still missed her.

The two hugged and Derek said, "Long time no see, stranger."

Elle let go and grinned, "Well, it's not every day you get interrogated by your own friends." She turned to Hotch, who attempted to look emotionless, but it came off being angry. "I think I have you to blame for that, don't I?" The room was silenced, becoming even tenser.

Before Hotch could retort, David stepped up to Elle and gave one of his charming smiles along with his hand. "David Rossi. It's nice to finally meet you."

Elle looked the agent up and down and snorted. "Very different than Gideon. Guess that's probably a good thing." She shook his hand willingly and then sat down in a chair at the long table. Everyone else followed her. "So, let's get this over with, alright? Get into my life. My whole life. Search my house, my car, my office. Call Garcia to do the whole internet search thing. Though, I bet she's already on that. I'm an open book. Ask me anything."

Derek cleared his throat, not wanting Hotch to say something he might regret. "The last victim was killed on November the 8th. Where were you that day?"

Elle took a second to think and then answered, "I had worked all day. I probably visited with victims, maybe even stayed with them that day. It was two weeks ago, let me look at my schedule and the clients' information to confirm my alibi." She opened her purse and found a small calendar and looked through her plans. "Aha. Actually, I had an office meeting. Our whole building spent the day in Milwaukee with another care center. I was there all day. Check with everyone. And I bet I have an alibi for each day a body was dumped. Because I'm innocent."

The team looked at each other, considering every word coming out of her mouth. Emily then piped up, not knowing if she was crossing lines. "Look, Elle, I'm not accusing you of anything, but you have to understand that at one point you had killed a man who hadn't been caught by the police. And when you move here, victims start popping up. It's a hell of a coincidence."

Elle wasn't angry, or even surprised at her words. If anything, she had appreciated the agent's honesty. "You're right. It sounds terrible, I'm not going to deny it. And I'm not going to lie, I killed that man. A man who I thought was never going to be caught. A man who I thought was going to kill more girls and go free. So I killed him. And while I understand why some can consider it wrong, I understand that it's against the law and that I was incredibly lucky I wasn't charged for murder. That's why I want to spend all my time helping victims. My life was saved, so I want to save others."

That was enough for Emily and others to believe her. After a few seconds of silence, Hotch stated, "Reid, can you take Elle to the snack machine? We need to talk for a second."

Reid nodded and got up with Elle following behind him. Once they left the room, the rest of the agents turned to communicate with each other.

"We know her," Hotch decided. "I think that there could be bias for some of us. So Emily, Dave, what do you think?"

"I think Elle is smart," Prentiss told the team with confidence. "I think she has the ability and motive to have killed all of these men. But I don't think she did it. It's UnSub 101 to kill in the radius of where you live. Elle knows that that would have given her away. She would have at least killed people in different areas so they or we couldn't track her down. It's too… normal." She turned to Rossi for his opinion.

"I agree with Emily. I don't think Elle committed these murders. However, I think it is plausible that Elle would know who had done it. The murders are still in the radius of the care center. So maybe it's another counselor or a victim." Rossi explained thoroughly.

Derek and JJ nodded at both of the agents' words, agreeing with the both of them. Hotch stayed blank. "Alright. So what do you suggest we do with her?"

"We let her in on the case," Emily offered. "Like Rossi said, she probably knows the UnSub. And besides, now that she knows it's going on, she probably won't let go of the case. I know I wouldn't."

"I agree," Derek informed the team. "That way we can also keep an eye out on her. Make sure nothing else is going on."

Hotch finally began to nod, as if he was conceding. "Okay. But if anything gets out of hand, we have to let her go. This isn't going to be permanent. And if the bureau gets a hold of what we are doing, we may have to abandon the case."

The team nodded, understanding the rules. And a few seconds later, Elle and Spencer re-entered the room.

"Elle, we would really appreciate it if you could give us a hand on this case. We feel that with your specialty and your knowledge of the area and the possible victims and UnSubs, you could be an extreme help. It would be unpaid of course, and you don't have to agree." Hotch said very professionally, really not liking this plan.

Elle took a quick second and nodded, "Yeah, sounds good. Alright, where do we start?"

The team began the profile, and the room finally started to let go of some of the lingering tension.

* * *

"I'm sorry. I just find it really hard to believe that someone I know has been killing all these assholes. I don't know anyone that I think is really capable of doing something like that." Elle confessed as she looked through the photos of the victims.

Emily watched the ex-agent carefully, silently profiling her without trying. She proposed, "Is there a possibility you don't know everyone in your building? A colleague or a patient? Maybe there is someone doing it that you don't know or haven't had much interaction with."

Elle gave her suggestion a good thought before sighing, looking unenthused. "I don't know. Maybe? There are definitely people I don't know as well as others, but most of us deal with each of the clients. We want them all to be comfortable with all of us. I mean, I suppose that there are clients or other workers that had worked there before me that I wouldn't know about. But I haven't heard of any stories of anyone being homicidal or anything like that."

"You also have a bias," Reid pointed out without much of a filter. "You work there and have befriended most of the people. You probably wouldn't think any of them were capable. How do you know that what you are telling us hasn't been compromised?"

Emily expected Elle to snarl or glare at the genius, but she merely smiled. "Man, Spencer. Have I missed you."

Spencer flushed a little but then grinned back at her. "You still didn't answer my question."

Elle sighed, looking around at her old colleagues. "Honestly, Reid. You're right. I could totally be compromised. And I understand if all of the trust you all used to have in me was gone. The last time we were together I killed a man. That's really not a good way to finish or say goodbye, is it?"

"From what I had heard," Emily told the girl suddenly. "You were a good agent. I don't know too much about you. But I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here."

The rest of the team nodded in agreement, and are in the same place that Emily was. Elle gave Emily a quick smile, and JJ definitely noticed it. She was beginning to wonder why her girlfriend was being so nice to her in the first place. She thought that girlfriends weren't supposed to like exes. "Thank you, Emily. So, can I steer this conversation then? Why don't we try to profile this UnSub? Or figure out the victimology. Maybe we can get somewhere from there."

"Okay," Morgan said starting it off. "Thirteen men were killed, all being convicted rapists who only spent partial time or not long time in jail."

"And from it looks like from the file," Rossi piped in for the first time. "These guys aren't the kind of guys to stop raping. I mean each one of them had raped women under the age of thirty. Seven of them have many charges from separate people, and others had been charged for other crimes like stalking or theft. These guys were obvious douchebags, but what is the connection besides the rape?"

"They all had committed these crimes in the state," Reid informed the team gently. "But they lived all in different areas. Why would the UnSub kill these men and drop them off around here? It makes it obvious that there is a serial killer."

Elle shook her head, disagreeing with him. "Maybe the UnSub doesn't care about being caught. Maybe they just want the people to know who these men are and what they did."

"The police have kept it hushed up. There has been no chatter that these guys were all convicted rapists," JJ mentioned. "Maybe that is making the UnSub angrier."

Emily nodded, knowing where she was going. "Jayje may be right. Maybe the UnSub does want people to know what the unSub is doing to these awful men. Maybe the UnSub even wants the people to know that the streets are safer. Maybe we have an UnSub who thinks that they are protecting the streets- not committing murder. And to be honest- it might bring up some controversy if this gets out. I mean, I know I wouldn't be upset if I saw the news saying thirteen rapists were dead."

Elle watched the female profiler carefully, seeing herself in her and the way she profiled. "I agree. If I was killing these men, I wouldn't keep it a secret. I'd want people to know that these men aren't victims. They are dead rapists."

The room got quiet. Everyone knew that what Elle had just said was incriminating, but everyone was still convinced of the woman's innocence.

"So what type of person are we looking for here?" Morgan asked the team. "I see many different options. A rape victim, therapist, police officer, doctor, or even someone disgusted by these men."

"Not to mention that rape victims sometimes don't go to the police. There are thousands of people who were raped and there were no arrests." Emily said with defiance.

Hope was leaving the room and not coming back. While they had the help of Elle, they were no closer to catching the UnSub, and everyone knew it. Hotch cleared his throat, getting everyone to turn to him. "I think that we are no closer than we were two hours ago. And I think that something may still have to do with Elle's office. So, I think that tomorrow we should come up with a game plan to talk to all the victims and co-workers at the care center. I know that you may think that no one is capable, but anything could have triggered something. So let's sleep on everything and come back tomorrow with fresh ideas. I know that I need to sleep." Hotch got up and added, "I'm going to head out to the hotel. Meet us back here at 7:00 tomorrow. That goes for you too, Elle." At her nod, he left the room.

Once Hotch was out of earshot, Morgan clapped his hands and said, "I'm heading to the bar. Anyone with me?"

Elle was the first to raise her hand. "I wanna catch up. Besides, I know the best one in town. I can take you guys there."

"I'm out," Rossi said, causing a groan from everyone else. "Sorry, guys. But like Hotch, I need my sleep. Besides, I'm going to go make sure that Hotch eats. I think he thinks he is invincible and can go without food and water for days. See you all tomorrow." He also left the station.

Morgan then turned to the girls and Reid with a mischievous grin. "Huh? You guys in? Prentiss? JJ? Pretty boy?"

The three of them were torn for different reasons. Reid hated going to bars in general and didn't want to get drunk like he used to when he'd go with Morgan and Elle. JJ didn't want to go because she didn't want the inevitable awkwardness with Elle and Emily. And Emily didn't want to go because she wanted to spend time with JJ after a long day's work.

"Come on, you guys have to!" Elle begged with hope.

JJ and Emily turned to each other and JJ stated, "You know I was going to help Emily to the hotel room. This is her first day back in the field and I don't think she should push it."

Elle raised her eyebrows, immediately knowing what was going on with the two girls. But she decided to not mention it and wanted to learn information before she asked them. "Gotta live on the edge, ya know? Come on, Spencer Reid. I know you missed me."

Reid groaned but Derek came to his rescue. "You don't have to if you don't want to. But we'll miss you out there. It's never as fun without you."

Spencer melted at his words and he gave in. "Fine, fine, fine. I'll go. But you can't make me do body shots or make me dance or make me flirt."

Derek and Elle turned to each other and both yelled at the same time, "DEAL!" Elle then turned to only the girls. "Look, it won't be crazy. I was just going to bring everyone to this cute bar. No big deal, low key. Just friends reconnecting. And we'll make sure to go to bed before midnight."

JJ and Emily turned to each other again and began to nod. "Okay, but if anything crazy happens, we're leaving."

"Of course," Elle agreed. "Alright, let's go!"

* * *

Elle had told the truth. The bar wasn't a club like the team had expected, it was a hipster beer crafting bar. The team had found a small table in the corner so that they could be secluded from the rest of the people in the restaurant.

When they sat down, the Wisconsin resident claimed, "Hotch isn't married anymore. What happened there?"

"Divorced," JJ informed her sadly. "It messed Hotch up. Not as bad as Rossi though. What is it, three divorces?"

The rest of the team laughed along to her joke, each person praying that this night was not going to get awkward. Elle realized that the room was tension-filled, "Look, guys, I know that you all don't trust me and it's hard to be around me and shit, but I just wanted to lighten up the mood."

After a few seconds of silence, Emily broke it. "Let's order some drinks then."

Elle grinned at the other brunette and said, "I like this chick. Darren! Hey Darren!" She called out to a staff member. "Get us a couple rounds of tequila will you?" The guy nodded and started pouring the drinks and Elle turned back to the team. "Alright so, I think we should all talk about something embarrassing to start us off with the night. Virginity, when did y'all lose em and what was the situation? I'll start. I was sixteen, in the car after watching a movie. It was actually a pretty good night. Very typical, very suburban."

She turned to Morgan who grinned at her without looking the slightest bit flustered and answered, "Seventeen. But to be fair, I don't remember much of it. I was super drunk. What about you, Pretty Boy?"

All the girls and Derek turned to the boy genius who blushed madly. "Uh… eighteen. I was getting my third Ph.D. and at college, my roommate thought I should go to this party. I met this guy there who was almost as intelligent as me. He was a lot older though. Anyway, we slept together and I never saw him again. I woke up naked in the bathroom. Not very fun." He rolled his eyes at everyone's awes and turned to JJ.

"I was nineteen, actually," the blonde admitted carefully. "Also like Reid, I was in college and I was dating this really uninteresting guy, but I guess we were dating. Anyway, after a few weeks, he was getting antsy and told me that it was abnormal that we hadn't had sex. Once we did it, it was gross. Broke up with him the next day. Also, like Reid, not very fun." She looked at Emily to go, who was seriously freaked.

She knew that they were profilers and could tell if she was lying, so she decided on a whim to tell her team the truth. "Um, I was, uh, fourteen." She waited for the responses and expected what she saw. Each one of them had gaped at her, surprised about how young she was. "It wasn't that big of a deal. He was gentle about it and I was high, so…"

The team stared at her, but Emily just felt isolated and attacked. She knew immediately that she shouldn't have said anything. JJ especially looked upset for her girlfriend.

"I compartmentalize, remember? I'm okay. Fuck, I shouldn't have said anything. Just forget it, okay? Everyone? I have to go to the bathroom." Emily suddenly got up with the feeling of her eyes burning as she ran to the bathroom across the bar.

JJ got up after she left and was about to follow her when Elle put her hand on the blonde's arm. Elle told her, "Wait, let me. I know how to deal with this kind of thing." JJ glared at her and so the brunette added, "JJ, trust me. Emily doesn't want to be talking to someone she cares about right now. She needs basically a stranger. I'm going to make sure she is alright."

At JJ's nod, Elle walked to the bathroom. When she entered, she heard a soft sob coming from the large stall. She knocked on it quietly. "Emily? Can I come in?"

After a few seconds, Emily opened the door, but she had her head in her arms. Elle crouched down next to her and said, "It's okay, Emily. I know that you compartmentalize, but you don't have to."

"I know what you're thinking. It wasn't rape," Emily growled. "I said okay, it was consensual." Her voice broke at the last few words.

"But what happened to you was still traumatic at such a young age. And what you're feeling right now, doesn't mean that you are weak. It means that you are strong. Dealing with this, not keeping it in, that's strong."

Emily shook her head rapidly. "I don't even know why I'm crying. It wasn't even a big deal. Just give me a second and I can put all these feelings away."

It was now Elle's turn to shake her head. "No, Emily. You can't do that. When you show emotion, become more human. Besides, everyone in the BAU has one of those kinds of stories. You wouldn't be in the BAU if you didn't."

Emily stared at her quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"You aren't the only one on the team without a sob story, Emily. Derek was sexually abused as a kid. Do you see him any differently? Reid put his own mother in a mental hospital. He's afraid of his own mind. Do you see less of him? JJ's sister committed suicide. Do you think she is weak?"

The profiler took her words to heart and she started to feel better about everything. "Of course not. I guess- I guess you're right. What's yours? I mean you said everyone in the BAU. What's your story?"

Elle frowned self consciously, but quickly returned her smile. "They were right. You are a helluva profiler. I'm glad that I was replaced by you."

"Elle-"

"Wanna get out of here? They wouldn't care if we left. You can stay at my place. I can make dinner, we can… relax." Elle offered her gently.

Prentiss could read in between the lines. "Oh, uh, Elle. I really can't. I appreciate the offer, I do. But I don't think it would be a good idea."

Elle didn't give up. "You're gay, right? I didn't get that wrong? Honey, I'm not asking for a relationship. I know you, Emily. You're just like me. No relationships, no feelings, right? We can do that. No one will need to know."

Emily stood up, not wanting to give the girl the wrong message. "Elle, I'm sorry. I'm in a relationship."

Surprising Emily, Elle's face turned into a grin as she shouted, "Aha! I was right. You're dating JJ, aren't you! I fucking knew it! Don't worry about it, sweetheart. I'm not into you. I mean, I'd be if you weren't into the blonde, but hell yes! I'm so glad that JJ is with a girl. She's finally letting her gayness show."

The profiler was utterly confused. "So, you aren't into me? We're cool?"

Elle snorted, "Cool? We're good, Emily Prentiss. Honestly, you're my new favorite person. Now go fuck your girlfriend. I'll hang out with the boys. Maybe if I get them drunk, I can get them to admit their damn feelings. Go! GO!"

Emily ran out of the bathroom and found JJ who looked positively worried. She whispered in her the blonde's ear, "Can we please get out of here?"

JJ nodded and turned to the rest of the team and said, "We're going to get out of here. Sorry that we are leaving early. Have fun, guys."

"You go have fun, girls." Morgan grinned as Emily took JJ's hand and rushed her out of the bar.

* * *

It didn't take Emily's profiling skills to know that her girlfriend was angry with her. JJ refused to speak to her their whole drive home. And while Emily was, too, prone to the silent treatment, she hated it when someone used it against her. Once they returned to the hotel and entered their room, Emily tried to communicate again.

"JJ, I don't know what to say…"

JJ looked at her with tears in her eyes. "You could have told me this a long time ago. Em, what happened to you was traumatic and you kept it from me." She sat down on the bed as if she were about to collapse from the news she had heard previously.

Emily started to pace around the room, thinking of something to tell the blonde. "It's not something you come out and say. Besides, I wasn't hiding it. I didn't find it to be that important. It's not like you would tell me about bad sexual experiences."

That was apparently the wrong thing to say because it only made JJ groan in frustration. "Yeah, because all the times I have had sex were when I was an adult and were consensual."

"Mine was consensual, too," Emily muttered under her breath.

"Consensual? Emily, you're acting like what happened to you was an everyday experience! You were fourteen and high and someone took advantage of you. It would have been traumatizing to any kid."

Emily huffed, annoyed that she was making this into a big deal. "No one took advantage of me. Jen, I'm okay. I know that it wasn't normal. But for me it was."

"Are you really telling me that this type of thing happened to you all the time?" JJ asked, even though she wasn't sure she really wanted to know the answer.

"I want to tell you that it didn't. I want you to think that only a couple of bad things happened to me when I was a kid. But Jayje, I've learned how to compartmentalize since I was young. Everything that happened to me I was able to push back. And while it's probably not the greatest thing in the world, it helps me do my job and it brought me to you. So yeah, what happened sucked. But I wouldn't change my past at all, because who knows what would have happened if I didn't go through that trauma." Hoping that this wouldn't set JJ off, she joined her on the bed and wrapped her arms around her.

"How many times?" JJ asked her in a whisper.

"How many times what?"

"How many times did you have sex as a kid? How many times were you forced into sexual situations?" The blonde demanded.

Emily sighed, knowing that she wasn't going to get out of this one. "Honestly, Jay, I don't know. I spent a lot of time trying to get friends. Before John, I think I slept with three other guys to get them to like me. None of them were rape. I promise, Jay. I've only had consensual sex. It was just uncomfortable. After I got pregnant, I didn't sleep with anyone, until my girlfriend in college. I stopped trying to get friends. I just let myself be alone. That was my, what did you guys call it, my emo goth phase?" She tried to add a joke in there to lighten up the mood, but it wasn't working. JJ continued to wear a frown that broke Emily's heart. "You're probably right. I should have told you at some point. I keep too much in. But Jesus, Jen, I'm trying to get better. I'm working on it. And I know I'm not the greatest girlfriend right now, but I'll get there, okay?"

JJ shook her head, scaring Emily for a second. Emily was afraid that JJ was going to end it, but instead, she just said, "You're not a bad girlfriend, Em. In fact, you're pretty damn good at it… and getting better. I'm proud that you want to start opening up more. And I'm glad that we can talk about these things. I shouldn't have gotten so angry. I love you, you know that?"

"Yes," Emily replied, putting her head on her shoulder. "Cos I love you too. And now that you're not angry, I'm going to say something that will either make you laugh or make you angry at me all over again." At JJ's confused stare, she continued, "When Elle met me in the bathroom, she kinda asked me to go home with her. Don't worry, I shut her down telling her that I was taken. She guessed that it was you. Apparently, it was just a ploy to get me to admit we were together, so Elle knows about us too."

JJ sighed, neither angry nor entertained. "We suck at keeping this a secret. Maybe we should just tell Hotch. If he didn't think you and Morgan would be a big deal, maybe he won't care about us either."

"You sure? I mean, I'm in. We can tell him when we get back to DC." Emily agreed with her.

"Sounds like a plan. Maybe then we can discuss Thanksgiving." JJ tried to say calmly as if it wasn't a big deal.

But Emily Prentiss was a profiler. She knew that statement meant something more. "What about Thanksgiving?"

"Oh, just the fact that I'm going home for it and promised my parents that I was going to bring my significant other." At Emily's cold gape, she added, "I'm sorry! I told them that when I was with Will. But they need to know."

Emily groaned, hating the idea of, 'meeting the parents.' "Jennifer Jareau. I swear you are going to be the death of me."

JJ playfully slapped her girlfriend and said, "Hey! But you love me. Is that a yes, then? Are you going to meet my parents?"

Emily rolled her eyes, knowing she was about to regret what she was about to agree to. "Whatever. But you have to owe me. You're going to be the one that tells Hotch."

"Deal," JJ said and kissed Emily's cheek.

* * *

"I had a thought last night," Emily informed the team as everyone sat down in the small conference room. "What if the UnSub isn't a victim, but a loved one of a victim?"

The rest of the team, besides JJ who had already heard of her girlfriend's theory, looked confused at the idea.

"Uh," Morgan started without trying to be harsh. "Can you explain more? I don't really understand."

Emily nodded and continued, "victims of sexual assault can sometimes feel broken. And not only do the victims feel betrayed by the system and world, so do their loved ones. Their families, friends, significant others. And what happens when the victim breaks? How can the loved one stand there and watch? Maybe they took it in their own hands and maybe even liked it a little too much. Maybe the UnSub only wanted to murder the victim's assaulter but realized that they felt better. More complete. Like they were ridding the world of monsters."

Rossi and Elle began to see where she was going while the rest of the team was still lost. Elle added to her idea, "Maybe the victim lost all control. Maybe the victim even took their own life. Maybe the loved one felt like they could have prevented it and wants to prevent others to go through the same thing. Maybe this loved one has begun to have a bit of a god or hero complex and feels like it is their job."

"It makes sense," Rossi agreed. "Elle hasn't been able to think of anyone who was capable of these killings. Maybe that is because she doesn't know them, or thought of them in the wrong context. Maybe we aren't looking for a victim, but a concerned loved one. Are loved ones allowed to join victims at the center?"

Elle nodded and said, "It doesn't happen often, but yeah. I can think of a couple of cases."

Hotch joined the theory, starting to see it as plausible now as well. He asked Elle, "Can you think of any victim's loved ones that were really invested into their recovery and maybe became friends with other victims?"

"I'll start thinking about them and writing them down and-" she was interrupted by the door opening and the lead detective coming into the room.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but we found another body. Seems to be dead only about six hours. Found on the street of the care center," he told the team, looking upset and worried.

"Morgan, Rossi, we will go to the crime scene while you all go through possible UnSubs with Elle," Hotch commanded to the team. He, Rossi and Morgan got up and he told the detective, "We'll join you if possible."

"Of course. We're leaving now," The detective agreed as the three men left the conference room. The rest of the team turned to Elle, waiting for something to go on.

Elle was overwhelmed, trying to go through all the possible people that could fit the profile. "I'm sorry guys, this is going to take a while. There are a lot of people I have met over the past couple of years."

Prentiss nodded and offered, "Can you think of any victim who has committed suicide over the past couple years? They would have had a loved one come to every meeting. Maybe this loved one became such a regular that they started befriending all the victims. And when the victim committed suicide, became very angry but also dedicated to the center? Maybe even becoming an intern type or volunteer?"

Elle thought this through and was shaking her head. "I don't- I don't know! This would have been years ago! I- I… wait." A realization hit her suddenly. "Holy shit- Siena Saunders. She committed suicide a month after a joined. Her girlfriend uh… Jasmine Soloway got really angry. We were able to calm her down and we convinced her to join the program and help others. She was always good with other victims and was always able to connect with them and care. She still works with us on our conventions when we try to find people who need our help. It's every month, I didn't even think of her as a co-worker."

Everything about her fit the profile. Emily began to dial Garcia's number. "Hey, lovel-"

"Garcia," Prentiss interrupted. "We need you to look someone up for us."

After a few seconds of what Emily guessed as Penelope going to her computer, she replied, "Of course, my deary. Go ahead."

"Jasmine Soloway. She lives in the Madison area." Emily told her.

After a few seconds, Garcia informed them, "Jasmine Soloway, 28. Lives in Madison. She quit her job as a nurse when her girlfriend Siena Saunders passed away. She still earns money from her parents. That is how she still can pay rent."

"Any weird payments recently?" Elle butted in.

"Elle is that you? Anyway, yeah. She goes to hardware stores all the time, but they are always different. Never the same one twice. She always buys floor surface shields for paint, tree clippers, and plastic body suits."

"Her address Garci-"

"I know where she lives." Elle interrupted somberly.

Emily turned to the rest of the team. "We got her. Thanks, Garcia. I think we're coming home soon."

"Thank god," Penelope answered cheerfully. "I miss all of your pretty faces! See you all soon!"

As Emily hung up, she turned to the team who all started to get up. "Let's get her." As Elle began to follow them out the door, they all turned to her. "Elle, you're not an agent anymore. We can't let you come with."

"I know her," Elle plead sadly. "She knows me. She trusts me. I can get her to turn herself in. We don't have to bombard her house."

"She does know where to go," JJ added quietly. She and Reid who were on the same page turned to Emily, waiting for her to agree.

Emily gave in with a sigh. "Fine. Let's go. Hotch is going to kill me."

The team rushed out of the door and Elle began to drive them to the UnSub's house as Reid called Hotch and the others to inform them that they were going to catch them.

* * *

After a ten minute drive, they arrived at the small house. Looking very un-UnSub-y. Elle turned to Emily sadly. "I know you guys don't trust me. So Emily, will you come with me?"

"We're supposed to wait for backup," Reid piped up. "Hotch's orders."

"This isn't our normal UnSub, Spencer." Emily reminded him carefully. She didn't like what she was going to do. "Okay, so here is what is going to happen. Me and Elle are going to go talk to her and try to convince her to give herself up. You two are going to wait outside and if anything seems out of place, you are going to come in immediately. When Hotch arrives, tell him that this was my decision, okay?"

"No-" Elle disagreed. "Tell him that I went against orders and I ran to her and that Emily tried to stop me. I don't want any of you to get in trouble for helping me. This is all on me."

Emily and the others nodded. "Alright. Let's go."

Elle and Emily got out of the car and walked up to the door of the UnSub's house. Elle rang the doorbell and after a few seconds, the door opened.

"Elle? What are you doing here?" Jasmine asked carefully as she crossed her arms.

Elle chuckled sweetly. "I'm sorry for not calling first, Jas. This is my friend, Emily. She's signed up to join the staff of the center. She's new to the area and I told her that I'd introduce her to some of the other members."

"Oh," Jasmine said, looking reassured. "Sorry for being so hostile, I'm a little wound up. Wanna come inside? I can make some tea."

"That sounds amazing, J. Thanks." Elle and Emily followed the UnSub into her house. "So what have you been up to recently? I haven't seen you in like what- a month?"

Jasmine chuckled as she brought three mugs of tea into the living room where they all sat down. "Not much, to be honest."

"How's work? Emily was a doctor too. Before she moved here at least." Elle questioned her friend.

"Work's work, you know? What did you specialize in, Emily?" Jasmine asked her new acquaintance curiously.

"Pediatrics. But it really wasn't working out the way I thought I would. I thought it would satisfy me, helping kids in that way. But it wasn't. Especially after well… nevermind. So I packed my things and moved here, needing a new change in pace. Thought I'd do work that I really believed in." Emily lied carefully, waiting for a reaction with the UnSub.

Jasmine nodded, seeing herself in her. "You're very admirable. I wish I could work at the center full time but I don't have the guts to quit my job. So why'd you pick the center? If it isn't too personal."

Emily pretended to look sullen. "Five months ago yesterday, my uh, my girlfriend died. And I decided to help more people like her. It's the only thing that made sense to me."

Jasmine stared at her, surprised that she had a similar story. "My girlfriend died almost three years ago. You're making a good decision working here. I don't think my girlfriend would have lasted as long as she did without the center. Are you doing okay?"

Emily nodded sadly. "I just feel helpless, you know? Like I could be doing something more for Jen. My life just feels so empty without her. Like I don't have a reason here in the world. I don't want her to be forgotten because her life was taken by a man who thought that wearing a dress meant that he had the right to violate her." She knew that her words would make her angry. And she was right.

Jasmine squirmed uncomfortably. "They're evil. All assaulters. They deserve to die."

"They do," Emily agreed truthfully. "I wish I had more power to do something. I wish I could hurt them. All of them." She paused, looking at Jasmine carefully. "But I can't. Because it's against the law. And despite how incredibly screwed up the justice system is, we have to follow it. And as much as you think that you are helping the world, and as much as you might be, it's still murder." Jasmine's eyes widened as Emily pulled out her FBI badge. "SSA Emily Prentiss, FBI. You're under arrest."

Water entered Jasmine's eyes as she turned to Elle. "How could you? I thought you understood me! You were the only one who I could trust after Siena!"

Elle frowned at her. "Jas, I'm incredibly sorry. But I was apart of the team that's arresting you. They'll treat you fairly. Let Emily put the cuffs around you and we can walk out of here peacefully."

Mad tears streamed down her face as she began to shake. "They kill girls all the time and don't go to prison so why the fuck should I? I saved lives better than any cop!"

"You can tell your story if you let us take you in," Emily told her, trying to hold steady as she saw the UnSub break down. "Our media liaison will make sure the right things go to the media."

"Siena deserves more than good media. All- all the girls deserve more than what society and the system has treated them." Jasmine shook her head as she turned to see the knife for bread that she had earlier on the table. Elle and Emily saw where her eyes were going too late. Jasmine lunged, grabbed the knife and pushed it through her own body.

Emily didn't know who screamed, her or Elle, but it rang through the house. Emily fell down to the ground and tried to stop the bleeding that was pouring out of Jasmine's body. "No, no, no, Jasmine hang on. Stay awake."

Elle started pacing around the room as Spencer and JJ burst through the door to find an Emily pressed on top of the UnSub's abdomen. Her eyes had just turned blank and Emily let go, looking horrified. Spencer went out the door and yelled out, "We need medics in here!"

The medical unit came in and went to Emily and Jasmine. As they tried to pull Emily away from her, she yelled at them, "She's dead."

Hotch, Derek, and Rossi then came into the room to see Emily what had happened. As the medics put Jasmine in the body bag, Hotch approached an empty looking Emily. "Emily-"

She interrupted him by running out of the house, with her hand covering her mouth. She ran to the side yard and threw up in the grass.

"Emily?" JJ asked carefully as she put her hand on her girlfriend's back as she threw up again. "It's okay. Let it out, sweetheart."The brunette retched once more and then wiped her mouth with her jacket, for her hands were smothered in Jasmine's blood. JJ wanted to cry, seeing her all covered in blood and hurt. "Oh honey, I'm so sorry."

"I'm fine," Emily muttered. "Where's Elle? Is Hotch angry?"

"This wasn't our average UnSub, Em. Hotch knows that. He's not angry. He knew that you made the best decision you thought you could. Elle left. I think she's on her next stop to the bar." JJ guessed seriously.

"She's on the brink," Emily admitted sadly. "This could have tipped her over. We could have just ruined Elle's life as well."

"We'll get Pen to put tabs on her the whole time. There is nothing more that we could have done. I know that this isn't a win, but we finished the job."

"Yeah, and at what cost? Jasmine's dead. We probably just ruined Elle's life. And there are predators out there that we'll never catch." Emily raged angrily.

"And that's exactly why you have this job. Because you can make real change that follows the law. Em, it's okay that you're angry, but you can't unravel. I won't let you." JJ's lips quivered, in fear that her girlfriend was going to break right in front of her.

Emily looked into JJ's eyes, seeing all of her fears. "You're so good. I love you so much, JJ. I'm going to make it for you."

They collapsed into a hug, not caring how much blood was going to transfer onto JJ. The blonde gently pressed her lips against the brunette's, not caring about everything around them. Hearing a rustle in branches near them, they both turned around to find the rest of the team, including Hotch, to be watching them. He didn't look disappointed or angry, just worried.

He cleared his throat and said, "Wheels up in two hours. We meet at the hotel in one and a half." He and the rest of the team left so that they could give the girls some more privacy.

Emily chuckled nervously. "I guess Hotch now knows."

"Maybe that's a good thing," JJ said with hope. "Are you okay?"

"No," Emily admitted honestly. "But I'm getting there. And with you by my side, I don't see a scenario with me not being okay." JJ smiled at her and took her hand. "I do want to shower, though. And then, maybe we can go say goodbye to Elle."

"Sounds good to me." JJ agreed lovingly. Hand in hand, they walked together towards a car so they could get clean and eventually head home.

* * *

Emily and JJ entered the bar that they had visited last night and wandered through it until they found Elle who was drinking beer at the back table.

"Elle," JJ said when they approached her. "Are you doing okay?"

Elle took another sip of beer before looking up at the two girls sadly. "I thought you guys would be flying back already."

"We're heading out in an hour. We couldn't just leave without saying goodbye, Elle." JJ reminded her sadly.

"Well, apparently the others can," Elle snarled before taking another sip.

"Elle, you and Emily did what you guys could. Nothing could have saved her from this. I know that it doesn't feel like justice. But you can't start losing your faith in the system. It's the only thing putting these people away."

"You know," Elle said coldly. "I once had my whole life dedicated to the justice system. It was the one thing I had faith in. But I soon realized that victims were believed a whole hell of a lot less than the criminals."

"It's rape culture, Elle. It's not the justice system's problem. It's society. Have you ever thought about writing? Writing about your experiences working for the system. I think that you would have a lot of people on your side." Emily admitted to her new friend.

Elle began to think about this and started to nod. "You think? I am going to miss you two. The others as well, but especially you two."

"You can always visit," JJ reminded her. "And DC is still big enough for all of us. You don't have to still work in the BAU to live there."

Elle nodded in agreement. "I know. But my work is here. I feel like I truly am making a change. Besides, I love this bar. There isn't one like it in DC. And see that bartender?" All three of them turned to look at the beautiful bartender who was cleaning a class behind the bar. "I'm so close to getting into her pants."

The three of them laughed and Emily told her, "I hope you do, Elle. You know, it doesn't hurt to be in relationships. It might even make you happy." She batted her eyes playfully at her girlfriend.

Elle groaned, "Ewww… You two disgust me. But in a good way. But maybe you guys are right. You think that someone could love someone like me who is so damaged?"

Emily smiled at her and took JJ's hand. "From experience, I know someone can."

Elle smiled appreciatively and got up to hug both girls. "Take care, ladies. You both deserve all the happiness. See you guys later."

"See you, Elle," JJ said as she and her girlfriend began to head out, hand in hand once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH! That was a long chapter. Hopefully, the next one will be shorter! Thanks for reading! Review! XX


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Criminal Minds!

"Prentiss, JJ, can you both follow me to my office?" Hotch commanded as the whole team entered the bullpen late at night.

JJ and Emily gave each other a fleeting smile before following their boss to his office, awaiting their future. When they stepped into his office, he closed the door and sat down on his chair, waiting for the women to follow.

He cleared his throat in an assertive tone. "I presume that you both are in a relationship?"

"Yes, sir," JJ told him with certainty.

"I made this speech earlier to Prentiss. You both are phenomenal agents. And I'd hate to lose either of you. But if this makes it up to Strauss, I can't be able to protect you from what they decide to do to you both. I can't promise that you guys will be able to both stay on the team. But if it was my decision, I would let you. Your work ethics haven't changed, but it can't. I would suggest you refrain from PDA on the job."

"Sir, and if Strauss finds out?" JJ asks, not really wanting to know the answer. "What do we exactly do?"

Aaron sighed. "Honestly, I'd do whatever she told you both to do. Your jobs are important, don't get me wrong. But from experience, sometimes, relationships are more worthy in the end."

Emily and JJ knew that Hotch was referring to his divorce with Haley. "Hotch," Emily said, surprising herself. "You have no idea how much this means to us. We've been wanting to tell you for so long. You're family."

Hotch gave her one of his one smiles per week. "Emily, you don't have to thank me. I could never blame you for falling in love. I wish- I hope- that this job doesn't ruin yours like it did mine. But I have a feeling it won't. And if something happens. If you both want to leave, I'd understand."

JJ grinned at him. "Hotch I really want to hug you right now."

Aaron chuckled. "Agent Jareau, I think that's unnecessary," He joked. "Seriously. You both have had long days. Go home, rest. It's Thanksgiving on Thursday, so I don't expect you both to be back until Monday. But I expect to see you both at the BAU dinner tomorrow night."

Emily couldn't help but grin at him, with happy tears in her eyes. All of her fears, all of them, about JJ, have been erased. She felt for the first time in her life that she was allowed to be happy. She and JJ got up and left the office, itching to get home.

But when they left the office, they found their team waiting outside, with apprehension. JJ laughed, knowing they were waiting for her and Em to tell the team that nothing was wrong and that none of them were going to be split up.

Spencer approached them first, hoping that his sister figures weren't going to be separated. Without letting him speak, JJ wrapped her arms around him. "Don't worry, Spence. We're staying."

Everyone else heard the news collapsed on top of Emily who was bombarded by the hugs from her family. Emily laughed as Morgan picked her up. He twirled her around and Rossi laughed as Penelope took a video.

Emily hugged Spencer as well as JJ hugged the others on the team.

"You kids should get going. I bet you are both just praying to get home. I'll text all of you about Wednesday and the BAU Early Thanksgiving at the mansion." Rossi told specifically the girls, but the rest of the team.

Emily and JJ nodded and grinned at each other. "I think we are going to head out," JJ told the team. "But we will definitely see all of you tomorrow. Goodnight."

The female agents said goodbye to their team and family and then left the building, leaving to go to their home where they desperately want to be.

* * *

"Emily, you really don't have to make dinner! We could just call in." JJ pleads as she hung over the brunette's shoulder as she scrambled eggs.

Emily sighed and turned around to kiss JJ. "Babe, we literally just had sex. I'm not letting some stranger bring us food. It's just eggs anyway. I've been making them since I was a kid." She turned back around to cook the eggs.

"I love it when you say, 'babe'" JJ whispered seductively, kissing Emily's neck.

Emily moaned and then turned around, for JJ began to kiss up her chin and eventually on her mouth. "Jen…" she muttered between kisses. "I love… you... but… these… eggs… are… going… to… burn."

"Let them burn," JJ stated as she pulled Emily closer to her.

Emily laughed and pulled herself away. "I love you, Jennifer. But not enough to burn my apartment down." She turned the burner off and put the eggs onto two plates. She got two forks and placed the plates and silverware on the small coffee table, waiting for her girlfriend to join her. She sat down and saw JJ staring at her in awe. "What?"

"Is it possible that me, Jennifer Jareau, domesticated  _the_  Emily Prentiss? Did she really just make me eggs after we fucked?" JJ jokes lightly.

Emily rolled her eyes. "Shut up, weirdo, and join me. They are going to get cold."

JJ snickered and took a seat at the table. She took a bite of the eggs, and it surprised her. "Damn, Em. What the hell did you put in these? They're so good."

The brunette shrugged as if it was no big deal. "This and that. See? Eggs are sexy now, aren't they?"

JJ scooped up another huge chunk of egg and nodded. "How'd you learn to make them?"

"My nanny, that I had when I was eleven, taught me. I was closer to her than my own mother. But I only had her for a year when we lived in Russia." Emily informed her.

JJ tried to hide the frown on her mouth. She hated Emily's mother. "Did you ever see her again?"

Emily shook her head sadly. "No. I just wish I could have thanked her. She was my savior that year."

The blonde could read between the lines. "Is that the year when your father died?"

Emily bit her lip, not wanting the conversation to go this route. But she decided a while ago, that if she wanted to get close to JJ, she had to tell her things, even if it made her uncomfortable. So instead of putting up walls like she normally would have, she nodded. "Nikita was there for me when my father died. She let me cry when I wanted to. She took care of me. When, when my father died, all my mom told me to do was hold it in and never present sadness."

Anger rose up in JJ. "I hate her, Em. I know that's horrible to say. But I don't like your mom."

Emily laughed in a raspy tone. "Me neither. You would have liked my dad. He was kind and intelligent. He'd read bedtime stories to me. He'd sing to me at night. He'd just hold me for hours. He'd treat everyone like they were equal, no matter their social status. I feel bad that he had to marry my mother. I like to think that all my genes came from him."

JJ smiled at her, glad that she was opening up. "I wish you had more time with your dad. But he sounds like he really loved you. My parents will really love you too. And if you let them, they can be your second parents. They'll probably make you call 'em Mom and Dad after a day."

Emily laughed along, but she was truly worried to meet her parents. "Jen, will they… will they accept us?"

JJ took Emily's hand and nodded. "They love me, Em. After my sister's death, I think they'd do anything to keep me. Besides, my parents have become a lot more accepting. My brother married an African American woman, and my other brother has gotten three divorces. I think they're going to be fine with us."

Emily nodded, only feeling slightly reassured. "Do you think that maybe, you should warn them ahead of time?"

JJ sighed. "It's gonna be okay, Em. I'd prefer to tell my parents in person who I'm in love with. Besides, it's only two days. If something goes wrong we can just leave early." Emily nodded grimly, still not sure about everything. "Emily, if I didn't think everything would be okay with my parents I wouldn't take you. But I think my parents deserve to get to know the girl that has my heart."

Emily snorted, "You dork."

JJ smiles at her lovingly. "You love this dork, dork. You're the nerd, remember?"

Emily rolled her eyes and chuckled. Something was still bothering her, though. "Jayje, I believe you when you say that they'll accept us together. But what about me?"

JJ raised her eyebrows. "Are you really worried that they won't like you?" At Emily's hesitant nod she added, "Em, they are going to love you. Everyone does."

"My mother doesn't," Emily muttered under her breath hoping that the blonde wouldn't hear.

But she did. "Em, your mother doesn't know you. She never bothered to get to know you. Because if she did, she'd love you. But she wasn't a good mom. My mom is. She'll understand you. Besides, she loves all the other members of the team. They made me introduce them when they visited when I first joined."

Emily nodded, more reassured since finding out that JJs parents liked Reid. "Okay. I'm sorry for being like this."

"You never have to apologize. I'm so glad that you're talking to me about it. It shows how much we have grown. I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

JJ and Emily parked in the long driveway of David Rossi's mansion. Self consciously, JJ turned to Emily and asked her gently, "Do you think that we can, you know, act like we are in a relationship around them tonight?"

Emily considered her question. While she wasn't used to PDA in public, she did feel the need to show off her girlfriend at least a little bit. "I dunno, Jen," Emily answered realistically. "I don't think they would mind. But I'm not sure if it's too soon or anything. But then again, we came here together and there is nothing to hide."

The blonde nodded in agreement. "They will have to get used to it, won't they? This might be a good start. Nothing too much. Just hand holding maybe?"

The brunette grinned at her. "Just hand holding? I don't know if that's possible. My girl looks sexy tonight." Her eyes traveled JJ's body closely as she blushed. "I don't know if I'll be able to keep my hands to myself."

"Who knew you had such little self-control?" JJ joked lightly as she unbuckled her seat belt. "Come on, Em. We can't stay in the car forever."

Emily raised an eyebrow. "What about a little touching now so that-"

"As tempting as that sounds," the blonde interrupted. "We are already late as it is and the food is waiting for us. So get your ass out of the car."

"Yes, ma'am," Emily said in a sultry voice. "I love it when you order me to do things." She unbuckled and followed JJ out of the car and to the door of Rossi's large home.

Hand in hand, JJ knocked on the door to find a grinning Rossi there smiling fatherly. "Hey, guys! How're two of my favorite girls doing?" He wrapped his arms around both of the girls happily.

"We're good," JJ told him as he stepped aside so that they could enter the mansion. They looked in awe at the beauty of the home. "Dave, your home is beautiful."

"Thank you. My last wife didn't think so." As they stepped through the foyer, he added, "Everyone's in the kitchen. Garcia's trying to show Aaron how to make gravy. So there's entertainment." The girls laughed along with the elder agent. "Derek and Spencer are in charge of the turkey, so I don't know how they'll get through it without one of them getting angry at the other."

"What do you want us to do?" JJ asked him seriously as they passed by all the large rooms.

"Stand there and look pretty," He joked and then said, "Make the sides. Are either of you guys good cooks?"

"Emily is," JJ answered of the both of them. "Me, not so much. I'm the youngest sibling and with work, I never bothered to learn."

"Alright. Emily and I are going to try to make the sides while you either help with mixing things or setting the table or whatever. I really like my kitchen, don't really want any disasters." He informed them.

When the three of them entered the kitchen, the rest of the team looked back and greeted them cheerily. Penelope in fact, dropped her spoon in the pot and ran over to hug the girls cheerfully. "You guys are finally here! How am I supposed to survive with all of these boys here?"

"Sorry for the long wait, Pen. Emily wanted to take the scenic route." JJ quipped playfully.

Emily rolled her eyes. "What she means to say is that she  _is_  the scenery."

JJ gasped and hit Emily. "Em!" She turned to the rest of the team who was grinning at the two girls. "She's kidding."

"I'm not. But whatever. So I heard that you were teaching Hotch how to make gravy. How's that going?" Emily asked Penelope.

Garcia glared at Hotch and said, "Not well. He's not really willing to learn. It's really not difficult,"

Emily followed Penelope to the stove where Hotch was standing. Emily pats Hotch's shoulder sisterly. "Being a hard ass, Hotch?"

"I think you should remember, Prentiss," Hotch said stiffly, in a deadpan. "Your job is in my hands." When Emily frowned and the rest of the team gasped, Hotch's face broke out into a deeply seeded grin.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny, Hotch. But at least I can cook." Emily retorted, backing away carefully, seeing him grip the spoon that he was holding harder. She ran over to where JJ was talking to Derek and Spencer.

"Don't come over here for protection!" JJ shouted as Emily hid behind her as Hotch laughed menacingly. "You told everyone I was the scenery."

Emily turned to Spencer and Derek who were highly amused by the interaction. "Sorry, Princess. Can't help you here."

"Alright, alright, calm down children," Rossi told the rest of the team.

"Yes, Mom." Emily snickered playfully.

David narrowed his eyes at the brunette profiler. "Come here, Emily Prentiss."

JJ shoves Emily towards Rossi who grinned, "Let's make the food before you have a heart attack from all this fear. While we cook, you can try to explain to me why you and Jareau tried to hide your relationship. Not that I didn't know the whole time."

Embarrassed, Emily followed Rossi to the island where he was mixing the dough. "You know how to make bread I presume?"

"Lived in Italy for a year, Dave. I got this." Emily said confidently.

Rossi put his hands up and stepped aside to let Emily put her hands in the dough. After a few minutes, she had a perfect shape of the dough. Rossi was mildly surprised. "Didn't expect this, Emily. Are you sure you aren't my daughter?"

Emily scoffed, "Did you ever sleep with my mother?"

"No."

"Then yes, I'm sure. Gross. Now I have an image of you and the ambassador doing the dirty." Emily shivered, trying to get the thought out of her head.

"Your mother is an attractive woman." Rossi stares, knowing how it would affect Emily.

Emily stared blankly at him. "Can someone please save me from him? Jen? Please? Anybody."

The rest of the team burst out into laughter as everyone tried to finish up the bit of cooking they had left.

* * *

"It's not stupid!" Morgan shouted as the rest of team laughed at his seriousness. "It's always been a tradition at my house to say what we are thankful for. You can't have Thanksgiving without saying what you're thankful for."

"Actually," Reid butted it. "Traditionally speaking, saying what we are thankful for only started—"

"SHUT UP REID!" Derek commanded back.

The girls tried to hide their giggles as the genius slumped back into his chair. "Fine. We will do it your stupid way."

"Thank you," Morgan said as he took a deep breath. "I am thankful for my friends and family. I'm thankful for the job, except its crazy hours, and I'm thankful for my house. And I'm incredibly thankful for this team." He turned to Garcia to go next.

Garcia grinned playfully. "Good speech, chocolate thunder. I'm going to speak for everyone and thank Derek for having the body he has. I am thankful for my friends here today. I'm thankful for my romantic and oh so good sexual life. I'm thankful for the work that I am given even though it gets hard and isn't always pretty. Boy wonder?"

Spencer nodded and said, "I'm thankful I'm alive and in good health."

"BOOOOO!" Garcia and Morgan shouted as Spencer finished.

Spencer gaped at his friends. "Why are you booing me? I did it just like 'tradition.'"

Penelope rolled her eyes and muttered, "Cuz it sucked." She cleared her throat and said, "Dave?"

"I'm thankful for being on this team again. I'm thankful for the success I have received from my books. I'm thankful for working with a great group of people. Strong people. Brilliant people. Kind people. People who I trust with my life, even though I get tired of seeing every day. I'm also thankful I didn't let Aaron or JJ cook something on their own."

"I'll have you know, David," Hotch argued. "I can make a good Mac n cheese." At the roll of everyone's eyes, he said, "Fine. Fine. You are all right. I can't cook. I am certainly not thankful for all of you." At the share of boos and groans around the table, he chuckled. "I'm kidding. I am very thankful for all of you and the good work that you put in. You make the job worth it. I am thankful for my son and his mother. I am just thankful for good people in this world that outway the bad." They all took a moment of silence, agreeing with their boss.

JJ then started, "I'm thankful for the love and happiness that surrounds me. This job can be a lot and without you all I'm not sure I could handle it all. I'm thankful for my family. Blood-related, and this team. I'm also thankful that David didn't make me cook something on my own. And I'm thankful Emily can cook because I sure as hell can't."

Everyone laughed at her joke and turned to Emily, waiting for her to speak. "Like everyone here, I'm thankful for the team. Before this team, I never really had a family or a place that I belonged to perfectly. As much bad as we see here, I'm astonished by the amount of good that we have accomplished. I'm thankful that you are all amazing friends that I trust a hundred percent. And finally, I want to thank JJ. She's been there with me through all the bad, and for some reason, I don't know, she's stayed with me. I'm grateful to have her as a friend and so much more than that. I love her with all of my heart. And I'm thankful that she loves me back."

JJ definitely did not expect such a moving speech from Emily. She teared up and smiled as she heard the "awws" circle around the table.

"Who knew Emily Prentiss was such a sap?" Garcia joked lightly as JJ and Emily continued to stare at each other. "Jayje, you seriously put a number on this girl."

"Yeah…" Derek agreed. "So, I'm just curious. How did you guys get together? And Jay, how did you get Emily to become such a romantic softie?"

"Actually," Emily interrupted. "JJ did not make me a softy, and I am not a sap! Okay, I just want to get laid tonight!"

The rest of the team groaned as JJ glared at her. "You just lost your chance, hon. Besides, she is a softie! Did you know it was Em who really initiated the relationship?"

"You're kidding!" Garcia gasped with disbelief.

"Nope!" JJ nodded as Emily quickly began to eat her meal faster. "She put her hands on my cheeks and professed her love."

"Smooth, Prentiss!" David chuckled, patting Emily on the back.

She grunted. "She makes it sound like it was like some beautiful speech. It definitely wasn't. I just had to tell her. And so I did."

"And so I heard from a little birdy that you are meeting the parents tomorrow, isn't that right? That's a big step." Garcia mentioned as she took a bite of food.

"It's really about time," JJ admitted carefully. "My parents have met all of you except Emily and David. Besides, I want them to get to know Emily. My parents will love her."

"Oh... so they know. That you both are dating," Morgan inferred out loud.

"Uh..." JJ started as she turned to look at Emily who was giving her the 'I told you so' look. "No, actually. All I told them was that I'm bringing my significant other. I thought it would be better to tell them in person rather than on the phone."

"Good plan," Hotch said out of the blue. When everyone looked at him in confusion, he added, "If Jack was in a serious relationship I'd want to meet them not just hear about it over the phone."

"Thank you, Hotch," JJ said, glad that someone had agreed with her.

"And your mom, Em?" Garcia asked the brunette. "Have you told your mom yet?"

Emily shook her head saying, "Pshhh, no. I'm not close with my mother. If anything she'll just get angry with me."

"All parents love their kids, Emily. I know that you and your mother haven't always gotten along, but she may be happy for you. You never know." Hotch told her wisely.

Emily rolled her eyes, knowing the real truth. "You're probably right. But she's barely a mother. I call her ambassador more often than mom."

"There are no rules that say that you have to tell your mother," Derek pointed out. "I mean, I'd tell my mom, cuz if she found out that I was hiding something, she would kill me, but if you guys aren't close, I mean, would you really have to?"

"No," Emily agreed sadly. "But if she found out, I think she'd kill me too. She would at least want a warning to have time to prepare. Because god forbid anyone finds out that I'm in a relationship before her. She'd want to be able to defend her position on gay marriage." Everyone sat there awkwardly and began to focus on the food that was on their plates. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be such a downer."

"You're not," Garcia reassured simply. "I think we forget from time to time that you have a weakness. And that isn't supposed to be mean, it's the truth. I've always seen you as a badass woman, that I forget that things can bring you down."

Emily chuckled. "Ah, yes. Meeting Jen's parents is a hell of a lot scarier than taking down the worst UnSubs."

Everyone laughed and are glad how much it lightened up the mood.

* * *

"Thank you for having us, Dave," JJ thanked one of her father figures as they all stood on the stoop.

"You don't need to thank me," David said as he leaned over to hug the blonde. He then turned to the brunette. "Don't worry about tomorrow. Everything is going to be alright."

Emily hugged Rossi, feeling a bit better about the whole situation. "Have a good Thanksgiving, Rossi."

"You, too. Now go. I'm guessing you'll have to get up early in the morning. Get home. I'll see you both back on Monday."

The couple left Rossi with his warm smile. Both were reassured about their situation the next day.

* * *

"Are you sure you have everything?" JJ asked as she slammed the trunk door after putting the luggage in.

"Yep," Emily replied as she opened the car door and sat on the passenger side. She wished that she was the one driving, but JJ knew the route better than her.

JJ entered the car as well and turned to Emily, giving her a thoughtful look. "Are you sure about this? I don't want to make you do something you don't want to do."

While all Emily wanted to do was to run, run from meeting the parents, run from getting serious, run from the pressure. She smiled instead. She wasn't going to run away this time. "I'm sure."

JJ was completely reassured. "Okay, let's hit the road then. It's a seven-hour drive, so we should be getting there around 2:00."

"Sounds good," Emily said. "Do you want to pick up some coffee on the way?"

"Hell yes. How I'm going to stay awake, I don't know."

Emily snorted, "Jen, we get up a lot earlier than this on normal days with cases."

The blonde sighed, "I know. But you were so warm and snuggly this morning. And it's going to be a long drive and ugh I just want to sleep in the bed with you forever."

"Aww, me too. But unfortunately, you have family waiting for us, and eventually, we have jobs to return to."

JJ nodded and started the car. As they pulled out of the apartment garage, Emily put her AUX cord into the car. "I'm playing Snow Patrol."

JJ groaned, "you know I love them, but it's so depressing! I want to be happy on this trip! Turn on something like Keane."

Emily followed directions and turned on a Keane album. "So, are we staying in your room?"

"Are you wondering if it's secluded? Unfortunately not. We are right against my brother's room. That was the worst while he was in high school."

Emily chuckled. "Is that the older one or the younger one?"

"Younger. Stephen. The one with three divorces. He's a little bit of a player, so he may flirt with you. And don't play along too much, I know you. You tend to flirt with anyone who flirts with you."

Emily fake gasped as if she was offended. "I do not!"

"Uh, you and Derek? Besides, he's under the impression that any woman that is in his presence falls in love with him."

"Too bad for him I'm gay. And your other brother? Is he a player too?"

JJ chuckled and shook her head. "Oh, no. Definitely not. Patrick met Annessa in college and they have been together ever since. Five kids so far. Not surprised if she's pregnant again."

"That's nice," Emily told her. "Does your family still live in the area?"

"Not really. Patrick and his family live around Boston. and Stephen lives wherever his job takes him. He's an economist or something like that. I've never understood. Patrick and Annessa are both teachers."

Emily listened closely. She wanted to learn as much as she could before she arrived. "So how many people are going to be staying at your parents' house?"

"Probably just the immediate family. Most of my other family live in France. My mom said that everyone was very excited that I was bringing someone home."

Emily groaned. "Your family is going to be so upset to realize it's me. I'm so boring."

"Boring? Em, you're a profiler. They will probably just spend hours asking you what it's like to catch serial killers."

"Jen, you catch serial killers. Don't they realize that?" Emily asked with a bemused tone.

JJ grimaced. "Uh, they are kind of under the impression that I don't do that much. I mean, they think since I'm the media liaison…"

"That you don't do more of the crime solving. That sucks."

"Well don't correct them. My parents were so angry when I joined the FBI. They were so worried that I was going to die."

"Them and me both. Don't worry. I won't tell them how much you actually help the team." She looked out the window, enjoying the scenery. She couldn't remember a time when she just looked out the window and felt joy. "Is there anyone I should worry about?"

"I don't think so," JJ responded honestly. "My parents aren't too Democrat, though. So I wouldn't suggest getting into politics. But they are getting better about that kind of thing. My nieces and nephews are pretty crazy. Patrick's oldest, Grayson, had drug problems a year back, but she's better now that she's been in therapy and isn't a freshman in high school anymore. The two boys after her are both middle school, but they are pretty cool, both being band nerds. The next daughter is sort of annoying. She's a bit of an attention hogger. The last kid is 5 and he's a delight. His name is Joey and he loves everyone. And you should probably watch out for my mom who is probably going to ask about marriage and kids constantly."

"That would be my mom. Except, she'd be hoping that we wouldn't marry… or tell anyone."

"I'm sorry, Em. I wish that your mom wasn't a jerk and that you could tell her and she would be happy for you."

"Me too," Emily agreed. "But it is how it is. I don't need her approval anymore. I care more about how Strauss will react more than my mother."

JJ nodded in agreement. "Are we going to tell her? Strauss I mean. I mean, I don't know how much longer we can hide it."

Emily sighed, "You're right. We should tell her. After the holiday. Maybe when we return?"

"Yeah, that sounds good. I know we are hoping for the best, but what if she decides to you know, force us to break up or transfer?"

"Then I'll transfer," Emily told her simply.

JJ raised her eyebrows, surprised by how fast she answered. "Really? But you love the job. And you are the profiler."

"There will always be profilers. There is only one media liaison. Your job is too important to replace. Besides, the job has become less important." Emily stated out the window, surprising herself by the words falling out of her mouth.

"You'll end up resenting me for it, though. I couldn't make you do that."

"Jen, you wouldn't be. It would be my decision. Besides, Hotch and Rossi will back us up. Strauss may be strict, but she isn't unreasonable. Our work hasn't changed since we have gotten together. Besides, we have pretty clean records. There is nothing against us. Kevin and Penelope are okay."

"They aren't in the same team," JJ pointed out.

"True. But we have a cavalry behind us. And we don't even know what Strauss will say. I don't want to worry about this right now."

"Okay," JJ replied simply, knowing that this conversation was getting to her. "If you weren't with me, would you have slept with Elle?"

The brunette raised her eyebrows, surprised by the sudden change of conversation. "Maybe. Probably. I'm not sure. I'm more into blondes. But, maybe. Maybe if we weren't together, you'd still be with Will. And if you were, then definitely."

"What would my relationship have affected who you would sleep with?"

Emily groaned, knowing she backed herself into a corner. "While you were with Will, I tended to have one night stands with any girl after a long case. After spending a lot of time with you. I thought it would get rid of my feelings."

"Oh." JJ remained silent for a few seconds, taking that all in. "I had no idea. Was it really that bad?"

"Yes," Emily muttered. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you that."

"No, you should have. You shouldn't have to keep things in like that. I'm a grown woman. I want to know all of you, Em. The good, the bad, the ugly."

"I don't think you really do."

JJ rolled her eyes, hating when Emily acted like she was a burden. "When I was with Will, I'd still have lots of dreams about you. Some of them were… very sensual. So when I'd wake up, he'd ask if I was dreaming about him, and I lied, telling him I did." Emily didn't know how to react. "My point is, Em, that we both did regrettable things when we weren't together. But it doesn't matter anymore, okay?"

Emily sighed, "Okay. How come you can think so logically when it comes to us?"

JJ chuckled. "I'm making it up as we go, babe. So, just curious here, what are you going to say when my mom grills you about marriage?"

"Uh…" Emily was lost for words. "Someday…? But not in the near future. When we are ready, I guess. Wait— is it me that is the one that is supposed to propose?"

JJ shrugged, "I don't know. I guess I never thought about it. I guess it's been implanted in my head that I'm not doing the proposing but… I guess it could be either of us."

"I think Strauss will have a heart attack," Emily joked, trying to lighten up the mood. "When we tell her that we got married."

"Are you kidding? We are inviting Strauss to the wedding. We need to prove to that lady that couples on the same team can work out."

Emily snorted, "Are you sure it just wouldn't just be a huge, 'fuck you, look how good we turned out'?"

The blonde grinned at the brunette mischievously. "You know me so well."

"It's weird, isn't it? How we started dating only like three months ago, and we are already talking about marriage."

"This is what serious couples do, Em. This is a very couple-y thing to do."

"Oh." Emily was slightly embarrassed. Changing the subject she asked, "Do you think that Derek and Spencer will ever get together?"

JJ shrugged. "I don't know. I was hoping that us getting together would also push them along, but no. I'm pretty sure each one just thinks the other doesn't feel the same way."

"Probably," Emily agreed. "But I know from both of them that they like the other. I just wish there was something more that we could do."

"Emily, talk to Penelope if you want to come up with a devious plan. She's been trying for years. I think she'd be happy to have you on her side."

"Yeah, but Spencer and Derek both told me thinking I would keep it a secret. I don't want them to lose their trust with me."

"That's why I never helped Pen. Can you imagine what Hotch would do if four members of his team dated?"

"I think he wants us to be happy," Emily argued. "He knows how hard it is to maintain a relationship. He knows how important it is to be with the person you love."

"I wish he still had Haley. I wish he had his family with him always. But I understand why she made that decision. I mean I think if I stayed with Will long enough he would do the same."

Emily nodded. "Maybe. Do you think we are going to last?"

"I have no doubts, Em. That's why I'm introducing you to my parents. I've never done this before. That's because I'm confident in us."

"I am too," Emily whispered, surprising herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! More fluff coming soon!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Criminal Minds!

It was just over 1:30 when they arrived at the Jareau Residence. Emily turned to JJ, looking grim.

"It's going to be okay, Em. Look, there aren't many cars here, so it probably will be a small group right now." She tried to calm her girlfriend, who looked like she was a step away from having a panic attack.

"What if they don't like me?"

JJ took Emily's hand and smiled. "They are going to love you, Em. But if you ever feel uncomfortable, just let me know and we can leave. No questions asked. Actually, I probably will ask, but you get the point." Emily nodded and JJ leaned to kiss her. "I love you, Emily. More than you will ever know."

Emily smiled at her, a little reassured. "I love you, too."

"Come on, then. Let's get our bags."

They got out of the car and got their duffel bags from the trunk. As they walked to the front porch, JJ grabbed Emily's hand. The blonde wouldn't admit it to her girlfriend, but she was worried as well.

They rang the doorbell, and a few seconds later, an older looking version of JJ opened the door. JJ's mother squealed and pulled her daughter in a hug. "Jennifer! You're home!"

Emily stood there awkwardly as she watched the mother-daughter reunion. When they let go, the mother turned to Emily.

"Hi, there! Jen, I thought you were bringing your boyfriend over." She said, looking slightly disappointed.

"Mom, this is Emily Prentiss. She's my girlfriend."

The mother looked like she saw a ghost. Emily swallowed and stuck out her hand. "It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Jareau. I'm Emily."

The woman did not shake her hand. Instead, after a few seconds of staring at her, she pulled the brunette into a hug. "Oh, Emily. We hug around here. And don't call Mrs. Jareau, call me Linda. You're practically family if Jenny decides to introduce you to us. Come in, come in! I'm so glad you guys are here!"

When Linda let go of Emily, the brunette turned to JJ who was grinning from ear to ear. They followed Linda inside of the rustic house. After closing the door, they were approached by a very tall man, Emily could only guess being JJ's father.

"Pumpkin!" The man shouted as he wrapped his large arms around the blonde.

"Daddy!" JJ murmured as she pressed her head into his chest, childlike. Emily couldn't help but smile. When they let go, JJ told him, "Daddy, this is my girlfriend Emily."

Emily smiled awkwardly as the man chuckled and hugged Emily. "Nice to meet you, Emily! I'm so glad to meet the girl who took my daughters heart."

"I'm glad to meet you too, Mr. Jareau. Jen has told me all about you both."

"All good things I hope."

"Of course," Emily replied.

"And please call me Jacob. Put your stuff down, girls. I know it has been a long day do you both, but your siblings need help in the kitchen."

Emily chuckled. "I don't know if you want JJ's help. Unless you want everything burnt."

The parents laughed as JJ hit her girlfriend playfully. "Not fair, Em."

"She's right, Pumpkin," Jacob agreed. "You really can't cook."

"Good thing Emily can," JJ told her parents.

"Thank god," Linda replied. "Follow me, girls. Let's get some aprons on and we can get to know Emily." As they followed Linda to the kitchen, she continued. "The kids are outside, playing. Only your brothers are here. I think it will be just us this Thanksgiving."

When they reached the kitchen, three adults cheered as they turned to see the group.

"Kidlet!" The older man greeted as he ran up and picked up JJ.

"Patrick, I'm too old for this!" JJ laughed as her brother twirled her around.

"You're never too old, little bit," Patrick stated matter of factly. When he let go, he turned to Emily. "Who is this?"

"Everyone, this is Emily, my girlfriend," JJ introduced.

Emily waved awkwardly, much like Spencer would. "I'm Emily Prentiss. It's nice to meet you all."

Patrick grinned at her. "Hi, Emily! I'm Patrick. This is my wife Annessa."

Annessa joined them as she hugged JJ and shook Emily's hand. "Welcome to the family," she said sweetly to the brunette.

They all waited for the other brother to reply. He slowly walked up to the group and said, "Wow, Jay. You have good taste in women."

Everyone groaned as JJ hit her brother.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" He smiled charismatically at Emily as he reached out his hand. "I'm Stephen. Aka, the best and most beautiful Jareau."

"It's nice to meet you, Stephen."

"All right, introductions over. Let's get cooking. Emily, do you know how to make mash potatoes?" Linda asked Emily.

"Of course!" Emily answered as she rolled up her sleeves.

"Wonderful. There are potatoes on the counter with everything that you should need. Jenny, help your girlfriend. And when I say help, I mean just help her get ingredients."

"You don't mind if it is a little foreign, do you? I know the best recipe from Russia."

"Anything edible is great," Jacob joked. "Have you visited Russia?"

As Emily began to peel the potatoes, she answered, "Actually I lived there for about a year when I was eleven."

"Oh my! I just realized this! I'm so silly! You're  _the_  Emily Prentiss! You work with JJ. In the BAU!" Linda shouted excitedly.

"Yes, I'm a profiler," Emily answered sheepishly.

"Ah, Yes. So that's how you met," Jacob inferred. "Jen is never able to meet anyone. She's a workaholic she is."

"Dad!" JJ shouted as if she was offended.

Emily grinned. She had never seen JJ look so… carefree.

"So does that Mr. Hotchner lets you both date?" Linda asked her daughter, curious. "Or does he not know?"

"Hotch knows. The whole team knows," JJ answered. "They are all fine with it. It's the higher boss, Strauss, that we have to be careful about. We are planning on telling her when we return. We don't want Hotch to get into any trouble."

"I'm planning on transferring if they force one of us to," Emily added as she poured her contents into a bowl.

"I hope you guys don't have to do that," Patrick mentioned as he and his wife were making a pie. "It seems overly harsh."

"We hope so too," Emily agreed. "But the job isn't near as important."

After a few seconds of silence, Linda questioned, "So, Emily, were you always planning to be in the BAU?"

"Kind of. I was raised to be a politician, but I never really liked politics. Thought it was crude and awful. Especially growing up in it. I went to Yale though and discovered criminology and psychology. I worked in different places for a while until I got the job in the unit."

"Politics? Are your parents senators or something?" Stephen asked, his attention peaked.

"My mother is an ambassador."

"Ah, so now Russia makes sense." Stephen joined in.

"Well I am glad you joined the BAU," Linda told Emily. "It's nice to know that someone is looking after our little girl."

"Mom…"

"JJ is safe," Emily told everyone. "Everyone in the team looks after her. We look after each other."

"And how is Spencer doing? Is he eating?" Linda asked her daughter.

JJ sighed, "Yes Mom. Spencer is a grown up. He is able to eat on his own."

"That boy was too skinny. He needs someone to take care of him. Like that other boy, Derek. They were quite flirty, weren't they? Or was he into the… tech girl, Penelope?"

JJ's jaw dropped as she turned to Emily who was just as surprised to hear the mother's opinion.

"Mom! How do you know about Derek and Spence?"

Linda snorted, "I'm not blind, Jennifer. I may not be a profiler or work in the BAU, but I know when two people are smitten. Like you both. And how long have you been together?"

JJ scratched behind her ear nervously. She and Emily weren't together when she promised her mother that she would introduce her to her significant other. "Oh," JJ began. "Not too long. Less than six months." It wasn't a lie, it was just very vague.

Linda smiled. "Serious relationship, then. I'm so glad. Everybody needs somebody. I hope you aren't disappointed, Jenny, that none of the other family is coming this year."

"Of course not, Mom. It'll be great. More time to catch up with just us."

* * *

"So, Emily, you said you spent a year in Russia, but where did you grow up? What's home for you?" Jacob asked Emily as they carved into the delicate food they spent hours making and eating.

Swallowing all her food, Emily replied, "I never stayed in one place longer than a year, really. I never really considered a place home. But I love DC. And as much as we travel, I love coming back home to the city."

"Where was your favorite place to live?" Annessa questioned.

"That's difficult. I don't remember enough from before I was ten, so maybe Paris when I was thirteen. It was definitely most beautiful. I also loved Scotland when I was seventeen. I only spent a few months there though before I had to leave for college."

Stephen piped up, "You said you went to Yale, right? Did you like it?"

"I loved the learning, but I wasn't the biggest fan of the environment. I prefer getting down and dirty rather than prestige. It didn't help with the last name."

After taking a large sip of wine, Linda questioned, "Are you close with your parents?"

"Not really," Emily admitted. "I was close to my father as a child, but he passed away when I was young. And my mother and I never got along. I think she expected a very different daughter. She wanted me to have the same life as her, and I didn't want that."

"Well then," Linda stated with one of the warmest smiles Emily had ever seen. "I guess we will just have to adopt you, won't we?"

Emily blushed, surprised by the amount of kindness she was experiencing. "Thank you, Linda. That means so much more to me than you could ever know." She turned to JJ, who was grinning at her. Emily's eyes watered, but she was able to hide it fairly well.

There was a sharp high pitched scream coming from the other room and Annessa quickly got up. "I'll see what's going on." She left the dining room to go to the kitchen where the kids were eating.

Emily turned to Patrick and asked him, "Patrick, Jen told me you are a teacher. What kind?"

"I teach Sophomore World History. It's a tough gig, but it's a very rewarding job. It must sound boring compared to what you and Jay do."

Emily shook her head rapidly. "No, actually, I think the opposite. I'm used to the job. Honestly, I'd be more afraid to talk to teens then chase a serial killer."

Light chuckles were shared around the room.

"It's not that bad. Actually, teenagers can be really intelligent and intuitive when they actually pay attention and do the work," Patrick informed Emily.

"Talking about school again?" Annessa joked as she re-entered the dining room. "Don't let him start. He'll go on forever."

"What do you teach, Annessa?"

"AP Lit. Some of my kids are real nerds this year. Two kids wrote me a thirty-page essay on why they think "The Lord of the Rings," should be considered a classic and should be read in class. If I knew better, I would have thought they were talking to our sons."

"I see their point," Emily nodded. "But I think "The Hobbit," is a bit better written and should be considered more of a classic."

The family gaped at the brunette. "Emily is quite the nerd," JJ pointed out happily. "That's probably the hardest thing to adjust to. Watching nerdy sci-fi movies."

Stephen gasped, "Emily! You got Jenny to watch a movie that isn't a rom-com? How is that even possible?"

Emily snorted, "Believe me, it took a long time. But eventually, she agreed to take turns. During Halloween, we had quite the horror movie binge."

"You guys are acting like I never watched a movie other than a rom-com before I met Emily! That is so not true." JJ argued.

"Jenny, your girlfriend is over. We have to make fun of you. This is how it works. Remember when I brought Annessa and mom showed her my birth video?" Patrick pointed out.

"Oh my god. I have never been more horrified. That should have been a sign for me to get out," Annessa muttered jokingly.

"Well, that's how we knew you were perfect for Patrick!" Linda retorted. "If you could handle that, hell, you could handle anything."

Emily frowned. "You're not going to show me JJ's, are you?"

"Oh, honey, no. Don't get me wrong, we would if we had one. But after Patrick, we decided not to do any more filming. We didn't want to remember any of it," Linda told her.

Emily sighed, relieved. "So I don't get any test?"

"Of course you do," Linda corrected. "But Jennifer is the little girl of the family. So I believe Jacob is the one in charge of the grilling, not me."

Emily turned to Jacob, afraid.

"Dad," JJ said. "You don't need to interrogate my girlfriend. There is no need for it."

Jacob shook his head. "Sorry, pumpkin. I have to. It's only tradition."

JJ was about to disagree before Emily interrupted. "It's fine, Jen. I can handle it. I've been through a hell of a lot worse."

Linda decided to change the subject when she turned to her youngest son. "Stephen, are you dating anyone right now? Do you have a new model?"

Stephen rolled his eyes. "I don't only date models. It was just a coincidence that my last two wives were models. But, no, mom. I am not dating anyone right now. I like being a bachelor."

"That's what all lonely single men say, son," Jacob grunted. "You need to find a nice girl like Annessa or Emily. Even someone as busy as Jenny found someone. You can find someone too."

Stephen sighed. "My last marriages didn't work out if you didn't notice. I'm obviously very bad at the dating thing."

"Or you're bad at the staying loyal thing," Patrick muttered under his breath, but everyone heard it.

Stephen's face hardened. "If you have a problem with me, Patrick, say it to my face. Don't be a coward about it."

Anger rose up in Patrick's cheeks. "Fine. You had a great marriage. Remember your first wife, Rebecca? She was wonderful. You guys seemed so perfect for each other. She was kind and intelligent, and she was able to get through to you. But then you got your promotion. We always wondered why you two didn't work out. I bumped into her a few years ago. She said you cheated on her. With your second wife. Your problem isn't dating, Steve. Your problem is that you don't respect your wife enough to stay faithful to her."

Stephen's fists curled up into balls. Linda looked horrified. Annessa and Emily remained quiet and emotionless, not wanting to get into it. JJ looked torn, due to her cheating on Will with Emily.

"Stephen!" Linda shouted. "Is this true?"

"Don't judge me, mom. I'm an adult and I made a decision. It may have been a terrible decision, but it was mine. I wish I ended the relationship before it had gotten to that point, but I didn't. That doesn't make me a terrible person."

"No it doesn't, Stephen." Linda agreed with him. "What made you a terrible person is how you let us all believe that it was that poor girl's fault that the marriage ended. Not yours."

Stephen slammed his fork and knife down on the plate. "I'm not hungry anymore. I'm going to my room." He got up and walked out of the room.

Linda shook her head, looking extremely disappointed. "I'm sorry, Emily. I wish you hadn't seen that. But it's true to the family. I don't know how I taught him to be so disrespectful."

"Don't worry about it," Emily said honestly.

"I'm sorry, mom," Patrick added. "I didn't mean to get into it with him. You know how we are when we get together. Stephen has changed so much over the years."

"Don't apologize, honey. I guess I lost my appetite too." She got up and headed out of the room as well.

Everyone put their silverware down, everyone tired of eating.

"I'm going to see if the kids need anything," Annessa stated as she got up.

JJ got up as well. "I think I will help you with that."

Jacob sighed as the two women left the room. He got up as well and started to pick up the plates. "I'm going to do the dishes."

"Let me help you, Jacob. It's the least I could do." Emily told him as she also got up.

* * *

Emily was washing the dishes as Jacob put them in the dishwasher. They were silently doing this ritual before Jacob cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, Emily. That you came here for Thanksgiving, and it was interrupted by an argument. It's embarrassing."

Emily shook her head. "Don't worry about it, sir. Being with any family on Thanksgiving means the world to me."

"Stephen is a good kid, he is. He just gets lost sometimes. Money goes to his head. And I don't know where he learned that from."

"He's an adult, Jacob. He made all of his own decisions. People get lost sometimes. I used to get lost all the time before JJ. I think he just needs to find his own version of stability. But as easy as that sounds, it can be hard for some people."

"Know somebody like Stephen?" Jacob asked her.

"Everyone I used to know before the BAU was like Stephen. My best friend had his own troubles. Instead of his problem with cheating, his problem was with drugs. It happens, and sometimes they can't control it. That doesn't mean that Stephen is a bad person, he just so happens to make bad decisions."

Jacob chuckled. "You are quite wise, Emily Prentiss. I think my daughter found a good match."

"Thank you, sir," Emily whispered, blushing.

"But, I do think I need I need to go over the typical questions. Like, what are your intentions with my daughter?"

"Well," Emily began, a little hesitant. "I intend to make JJ happy. Because she deserves it more than anyone I know. And, I don't know, eventually, if she wants the same, I plan to marry her. Start a family. Give her the life she always wanted."

"I think…" Jacob said gruffly. "That sounds wonderful. I'm glad that Jenny has you. And I'm glad you have her. From what I know about you from the couple of hours that I have known you, you seem to cherish any family time. I know what it is like to not grow up with a family. My parents died when I was eleven and the rest of my family lived in France. I know how lonely it is. And I know how it feels to finally be with a real family on holiday. It was probably how I felt when I spent my first Thanksgiving with Linda's family. Am I close?"

Emily nodded with a smile. "Spot on, really. You know, you probably would have been a good profiler."

"Speaking of, I think you would tell me the truth. Jennifer tells me that she is never really in danger. How true is that?"

Emily was torn. She was loyal to her girlfriend, but she also wanted to stay truthful to Jacob. "JJ is the media liaison, so she isn't in the day to day danger like I am or the rest of the team is. But she sees everything we see. She's familiar with the danger, but she can handle it like nobody else. You have every right to be worried. Hell, we are worried about each other. But I also think that she is as safe as she can be with this job."

Jacob nodded, listening closely. "Thank you, Emily. For telling me the truth. It actually makes me feel a lot better about it. I don't know if she ever told you, but I was pretty adamant about her not being in the FBI. She's my little girl. And after losing her sister-"

"She doesn't blame you, sir. She knows that you only want the best for her."

"I know it has been hard for her to come home. I know that we remind her of her sister. I know how much pain she is in. They were so close and when she died, Jenny was never the same. Every time she would come home, she'd always look so… separated. But now, Emily, she looks truly happy. I haven't seen her look so herself in years."

"I'm glad. But I do want you to know that she loves being with you all. You know, she didn't want to tell you guys over the phone that she was seeing me. She needed to tell you guys in person. She cares about what you guys think. You both are very important to her."

"I hope you know, that I don't mind. You and Jennifer being together. Granted, I was surprised. I never knew that she… well, you know. But I could tell immediately that you two were serious. Love is love, Emily. And if she loves you, then I know your love must be true."

"That means a lot to both of us. I was so worried. That you were going to see me and hate me. I grew up surrounded by homophobia. Before JJ, I only had one relationship with a woman. My mother found out and ended it. I didn't know how accepting a family could be. I didn't give you all enough credit."

"Oh honey, it's alright. It's very understandable. I wish things were different in the world and that you both wouldn't experience any hatred. But I know that isn't likely. If anything, I'm sorry. I never saw myself as homophobic, per say. But for the longest time, I didn't see it as natural either. But now, of course, I know it is. I wish I was more… accepting, when JJ was younger. Maybe she could have come to me-"

"No, sir. I don't want to speak for JJ, but it wasn't that she was afraid to tell you. She just didn't understand her feelings. I mean, I didn't realize until I was in college. And besides, Jen is bisexual. All of her previous relationships, they still were real to her. You did nothing wrong." Emily tried to comfort the sad parent.

"You see? I don't understand it very well. I guess I'm being stereotypical. All I know about gays is from Will and Grace."

Emily laughed gently. "Don't worry about it. I'm always happy to answer questions if you are afraid to ask Jen. But I'm also sure she would be happy to answer any questions you had for her."

"I bet you're right. Thank you, Emily. For helping me see clearly. I'm glad you came. And I am even more glad that you are with Jenny. You are basically apart of the family."

* * *

After Dinner, Annessa put her youngest kids to sleep, and only her eldest, Grayson, stayed up with the rest of the family as they began to play poker.

Grayson turned to Emily when they were in the middle of Patrick's turn, who took forever every time they played. "So Emily, you are dating my aunt, right?"

"Yep," Emily answered happily.

"Rad. My best friend is transitioning. We run the GSA club at our school," Grayson informed her happily.

"That's awesome!" Emily told her honestly. "I'm glad teenagers today are more accepting than when we were kids. How's your friend doing? How are their parents taking it?"

Grayson was surprised by how interested Emily seemed to be. "He's doing better. It was rough for both of us last year. He got slammed a lot at school and people took it out with both of us. But after we started the GSA, a lot of people have been coming out and joining us. We have been making a lot of good friends. His parents are… getting better."

"Yeah, parents can be tough sometimes. But, it sounds like you are really making a difference at your school. Ever thought about getting into politics? We need more people like you running our government."

Grayson grinned at her cheerily. "I have been taking a lot of politics classes recently. I love raising awareness. Maybe."

"Well, good. I'd be happy to give my support. You can run for office in 2020. I know some people." Emily smiled at the young teenager, seeing herself in her.

The rest of the Jareau Family was also smiling and looking at each other. That was the moment they were absolutely positive that Emily belonged in their family.

Suddenly, they were all interrupted in their happy moment by Stephen coming into the room, looking guilty. "I'm sorry, everyone. I lashed out on all of you and I'm sorry. I'm especially sorry to you, Emily. You get invited over to Thanksgiving and there's a massive fight. I actually just called my therapist. He... er— helps me with my anger. He helped me realize that I'm not angry with you all, I'm angry with myself and my behavior."

"Oh, Stephen." Linda cried. "It's alright, darling. We are all family here. Come, come. Sit down. You missed Emily giving Grayson her future vote in 2020."

Stephen smiled and took a seat in between Emily and Jacob. "You'd be a hell of a politician. Don't let those republicans get ya down."

Grayson facepalmed and groaned, "Uncle Steve, you're a Republican."

"Yeah, but not at heart."

Happy chuckles we're spreading around the room. Everything felt warm and accepting. Emily thought that she would stay here forever if she could.

* * *

JJ crawled into her small twin bed and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. "So, Em. How do you feel?"

"I feel… right. Happy. Perfect." Emily leaned and kissed JJ's nose. "I love your family, Jen."

"They love you back. Nothing made me happier than to see you bonding with them. Especially my dad."

"I think your mother is expecting a proposal soon, though."

JJ laughed and muttered, "All in due time. Someday, Emily Prentiss, I will be your wife."

"It would be crazy if we got married now, wouldn't it? I mean, it's only been three months."

"Probably. I say give it three more months. But it would be interesting telling Strauss and being like, 'we're not just dating, we're engaged. And we are going to get married so screw you.'"

Emily snorted, "And they call me the dork."

JJ sighed, "You are a dork. You are my dork. And I love you very much."

"Ditto."

* * *

"Hey, Emily! Can you come here for a sec?" Patrick asked as he pushed his youngest son, Joey, on the swing in the backyard.

The brunette was slightly confused, but she left the conversation about baseball happily to go talk to her girlfriend's brother. "Hey, Patrick. What's up?"

"Can I ask you for your opinion? It's a little… embarrassing."

Though she was hesitant, she replied, "Sure! What's up?"

"Well, you heard what Grayson told you about her trans friend?" At Emily's nod, he continued, "She and Aly— Ryan— were best friends even as little kids. So of course, when Ryan was Alyssa, I let him you know, constantly hang out with Grayson. Sleepovers, vacations, sleeping in the same bed. Everything. Anything."

Emily could read in between the lines. "So you are worried that every moment you let them spend together was between a boy and a girl rather than a girl and a girl."

Patrick frowned, looking embarrassed. "Yes. Is it wrong for me to think that way? How do I know that when they hang out for hours, they aren't…"

"Well, honestly, Patrick, friendships that tight don't normally become relationships. And if they are experimental, it's okay. There is nothing wrong with that. But you are Grayson's father. You have every right to talk to her about this. You also have a right to tell Grayson that you aren't comfortable with her sharing a bed and that you want anyone who sleeps over to sleep on the couch."

Patrick nodded but looked solemn. "I'm so sorry for asking you this. I mean you are probably wondering why I am asking you."

Emily shrugged, "You don't want to offend JJ. It's okay, Patrick. I understand. You aren't transphobic, you are just afraid that your daughter is having sex."

Patrick nodded rapidly, looking extremely uncomfortable. "Yes. Is that wrong?"

Emily shook her head. "No. I mean I think any Dad would be worried about their daughters having sleepovers with boys. Just tell her like that. Just tell her that you are afraid of her having sleepovers with boys. She'll understand, and it will make you sound more accepting."

"Thank you, Emily. For helping me. For being there for Jay. I was afraid that she would never let anyone in after Rosaline's death. But I am glad she let you in."

"Me too," Emily agreed. "I do think that she has done just as much good for me though."

Joey squealed as Patrick pushed the swing higher. "Daddy! Too high!" Patrick slowed the swing down. Joey then cried out, "Too low Daddy!"

Patrick groaned. "Ugh, my arms are so tired."

Emily snorted and offered, "Here let me."

Patrick happily let go of the swing and Emily took over. Patrick watched her with a smile. Emily was grinning, watching the little boy squeal. "Aunty Emmy!" Emily laughed as she heard her name shouted by a toddler.

"Do you want kids someday?" Patrick asked his sister's girlfriend with curiosity.

Without any hesitation, Emily nodded, "Definitely. I have always pictured my life having kids in the future. Especially with Jen."

Nothing made Patrick happier. "You guys would be amazing parents. And hurry up. I want nieces and nephews soon."

Emily chuckled, "Patrick I think we have gone over this, buddy. I can't knock your sister up. No matter how much we try."

A short laugh escaped the man's mouth. "You're right. Sorry. I forgot. There are always options, though, right?"

"Yep. And medicine is getting better. Artificial insemination is a possibility. An adoption is always a viable option."

"Thinking about marriage yet?"

Emily sighed, pushing the giggling kid. "Of course. All the time. But we haven't been together for that long. I feel like it's a little too early. Besides, we have to figure out stuff with the bureau and I don't know what will happen from that."

"Are you worried about it at all? How your boss will react and such?"

Emily shrugged somberly. "Of course. But in the long run, transferring won't be a big deal if I have JJ. Nothing else would matter much."

"Annessa was my TA in college for a class. And of course, dating a TA was unprofessional. So after our first date, I gave her a gift, switching classes. Relationships matter. And I for one am glad to see that you understand that."

"Patrick, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course. Ask me anything."

"What exactly happened to Rosaline? I'm afraid to ask Jen. It's basically the only topic from her past that she closes herself off from."

Patrick didn't seem surprised. "Well, Jayje was the youngest of the Jareau clan. She was 11 when Rose died, herself being 15. I was 18, Stephen was 16. I'd like to think that we were all close. But none of us saw it coming. I mean there were a few things, like how she had trouble sleeping, but also had trouble staying awake in classes. She smoked, she sneaked out, she kept a lot of things hidden from us that we didn't know. And I think that was what hurt JJ the most. How she kept her depression to herself. It was hard for everyone. Dad picked the family up. Mom drank for a while. Stephen acted out. Did drugs. Went to parties. I worked harder, drowning myself in work. And Jen, she hid away. Kept everything inside. She tried to be a rock, but she was struggling herself. She lost her best friend. So, I don't know too much more than you. But I'm sure that she isn't trying to hide anything from you. I think over time, she might reveal more."

"I wish it didn't happen," Emily said, mentally cursing herself, embarrassed by her lack of grace.

"Me too. But now I just see it as she was in pain, and then she made it so she wasn't in pain. I don't blame her. I don't blame anyone, really. She made her choice, and I respect it now. Of course, I couldn't imagine what I'd do if any of my kids did it. I was worried Grayson was going down the same road."

"She's a good kid," Emily attempted to comfort him. "She reminds me of a tiny JJ."

"She's a lot like Rosaline. Nessa and I thought about naming her Rosaline, but I thought that Jenny would like to name her daughter after her sister. So when the kids come…"

"I'll remember," Emily promised him.

"I wish you guys didn't live so far away. I miss home. Annessa and I have talked about Virginia a lot recently. The school we work at isn't the greatest anymore. And the pay could be better with five kids."

"Well Virginia always needs more teachers," Emily joked. "Especially when our kids get into the school system."

Patrick smiled and told her, "I'd be so honored to teach a mini you and Jenny."

"EMILY! PATRICK! THE FOOD IS READY!" Called Jacob who was grilling chicken on the other side of the backyard where all the other adults were conversing.

"I think that's our cue," Patrick said as he picked his son out of the swing. "Come on, Joey. We get to eat some of Grandpa's chicken!"

"Yay, chicken!" He cried out as he clapped his hands.

Emily walked alongside the two, enjoying every ounce of her vacation. "I'm going to miss you guys."

"Me too," Patrick agreed. "But there is always Christmas. It's too bad that we all have to leave tomorrow."

Emily was surprised when she actually agreed with him. After spending a few days with the Jareau family, she had already felt like she was home.

* * *

Emily didn't want to say goodbye to the family she had just met only a couple of days ago. She wanted to stay at that house forever. Eat Jacob and Linda's food. Play with the little kids. Get into political discussions with Stephen. Laugh with Patrick and Annessa. See JJ happy. It was all so rewarding, and she'd like nothing more than to have a life with the Jareau's forever.

"It was so nice to meet you, Emily," Linda said as she wrapped her arms around the brunette. "Call anytime. Jacob and I will always be there for you girls. Don't work too hard, catch the bad guys."

"Will do, Linda." Emily promised her, hiding the tears in her eyes efficiently. She then turned to Jacob who was done hugging the last grandchild. "Jacob."

Jacob smushed Emily into a bear hug. "Stay safe, Emily. Keep Jenny safe too, while you are at it. Be happy. You are a wonderful person. And in my eyes, daughter. How about we make that official soon, eh?"

Honored, Emily choked out, "Yes, sir."

"Emily Prentiss," Stephen called out arrogantly. Emily turned around to find him with raised eyebrows.

"Stephen Jareau."

"The one and only," Stephen replied smugly.

Emily sniggered, "And that we are all thankful for."

She was more than surprised when the cheeky asshole wrapped his arms around her. "Thank you so much for being there for my sis."

"Of course. Take care of yourself, Stephen. Don't get into any trouble. Remember, I'm always armed."

Stephen rolled his eyes as he let go and moved on to his sister, who also had tears in her eyes.

Emily then hugged Annessa quickly as the woman whispered into Emily's ear, "Now you are really in the family."

"Thank you," Emily whispered back, really feeling as if she were really apart of the family. She then turned to Patrick, who she had become close with on with the small amount of time that they had together. "Patrick…"

"Don't be a stranger," he said when he tackled her with a hug. "Call me or Nessa at any time. We'll be there for you. And if you are in the Boston area, don't be afraid to come hit us up. Even if you are on a case."

"Of course. Thank you for everything, Patrick. I'll see you soon, okay? Christmas, right? I can make hella good chocolate chip cookies."

Patrick chuckled. "I'm looking forward to it. Have a safe trip." He leaned in and whispered, "It's never too early to get married to the person you love."

Emily nodded and took JJ's hand carefully. Neither of them wanted to go, but they had to. Hotch had texted them early this morning telling them that they had to come in Sunday instead of Monday. Apparently, there was a huge case that they all needed to handle as quickly as they could.

"Do you guys have everything?" Jacob asked his daughter and her girlfriend.

"Yep. We should be getting on the road to beat the traffic." JJ muttered solemnly.

"Thank you so much for having me," Emily told everyone. "I had a wonderful time. And it was so nice to finally meet all of you."

"You too, honey. But you girls need to get on the road if you want to make it back before it gets dark." Linda warned them.

The blonde and brunette nodded sadly and they headed towards their car. Getting into the car, they both took a huge breath. Everything was going to go back to normal, they were heading back to their job, where nothing was beautiful like their vacation.

Reluctantly, JJ started the car, and wordlessly, she pulled out of the driveway, watching the whole family wave to them happily. Five minutes after they left the house, tears fell down JJ's cheek. She hadn't let herself go like this in years. She felt so free to be with her girlfriend and family. For once, she didn't feel like the pain was pressing down on her when she was at her childhood home.

Emily rubbed JJ's back soothingly. "Are you okay, baby?"

"Yeah," JJ replied. "I'm just-"

"I know," Emily responded. "I feel it too. Being away from them feels so disconnected. I wish you were able to see 'em more often, Jen. Hell, now I wish I get to see them more often. And I'm not even related to them."

"But you are family. They see you as if you were family. They love you, Em. How does it feel to know that you have family that loves you?"

"It feels wonderful. I feel renewed. Less empty."

"Me too," JJ agreed.

"Thank you for pushing me to come. I know how much it sucks coming home now, but I wouldn't change it for anything."

"I wish we didn't have to leave so soon. But at Christmas, we have a week off. That will be nice."

Emily nodded. "I love them, Jen. All of em."

"Even Stephen?"

A laugh escaped Emily's mouth. "Even Stephen. I think he is actually a teddy bear. But not as much as a teddy bear as Patrick."

"Is he your new best friend?" JJ joked.

Emily shrugged. "You're my best friend, babe, but Patrick and I are friends."

"You should have heard the way they were all talking about you when you would go to the restroom. I think they think that you are absolutely perfect."

"Finally, someone realizes the truth."

"Shut up, Em," JJ said as she rolled her eyes. "I think they were serious about the adoption thing too. Seriously. My mom said that when you told them how much of an asshole your mother is, that she was considering printing off the forms. And of course, you had the talk with my father. Which he wouldn't talk to me about. So it must have been good."

"It was. Never thought that I would ever have to do that though, with anybody. He was really sweet about it, though."

"Yeah, I told him to be nice on you. That I already decided to be with you and that whatever he said didn't matter anyway. He was pissed, but I am glad to hear that it went well. And of course your bonding with Patrick."

Emily laughed. "That brother of yours was quite the nerd. But he's an amazing father. He just asked for advice and all that. I think he was afraid to ask you about your gayness."

"Of course he was!" JJ added, very amused. "So he asked you about being gay?"

"No, he talked to me about Grayson and if he should be worried about her and her trans friend."

"Good thing he asked you, I don't think I would have known what to tell him," JJ admitted, shaking her head. "It was really sweet to see you connect with Grayson. Of course, my mother had to comment about how you would be a wonderful mother."

"Oh, I heard that from so many members of your family. I think they'd be disappointed if we weren't parents by the next Thanksgiving," While it was a joke, both JJ and Emily blushed.

JJ cleared her throat. "Well, I am glad we went. But now we have to get back home and start working. The case must be really bad if our vacation is cut short. I don't remember a time when Thanksgiving weekend was cut off."

Emily nodded. "I hope it's nothing too awful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love JJ's family and I loved writing them! Here comes angst and more harsh storylines. Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Criminal Minds!
> 
> Thank you all for staying with this story. It's about to get a whole lot more violent. I warn you, now. I apologize ahead of time.

"The file that you all have in front of you includes five pictures. Five pictures of girls who were killed in the last two weeks." Hotch informed the team as they opened the files, disgusted by the pictures of mutilated girls. "Each one shows sign of rape and torture."

"Five girls in two weeks? That's a short resting period," Emily noted as they all glanced through the rough and nauseating photos.

"It's less than short," Derek stated. "It's no resting period. If this guy is raping and torturing these girls, he could be picking them up one right after the next."

"It's sloppy," Rossi added, grimacing at the picture. "They were all sliced open with a knife, and they weren't clean cuts. But the Medical Examiner isn't even sure that the cuts are the cause of death?"

Hotch nodded. "Each victim had stab wounds. But some of the victims also other weapons used to kill them. One was shot in the head. One was hung by a rope. One was suffocated."

"Different MO's?" Reid asked as he looked at each of the pictures. "That's unusual for sexual sadists."

Emily snorted, "This guy gets off from the torture. Maybe the killing doesn't matter as much to him. Gun is unemotional but suffocation is. He's all over the place. But the cutting, that remains the same."

"He also seems to have some sort of mission. Which I think is to get the media's attention." Hotch told the team.

JJ replied, "But the media isn't covering it. Why isn't there a media frenzy right now? How are five murders not being covered?"

"Because," Hotch answered. "Each victim is some sort of a political figure. Whether in social media, blogs, or the niece of a secretary. I think the media is getting paid well from families who don't want to get this out. But there will be at some point some media coverage. At some point, no money will be enough. JJ, get ready. This is going to be a bad one."

"So not only does this guy get sexual release from torture, he also really wants to be noticed. And he is killing one girl after the next with no witnesses."

"But that also means, Morgan, that he will have to make a mistake at some point." Rossi pointed out.

"Okay, so all of the girls all have some sort of popularity. There must be someplace where they have all met. DC isn't that big." Emily argued.

"Garcia is on that right now-" Hotch was interrupted by Penelope bursting into the conference room.

"You were right, Hotch!" Garcia said as she pulled up a picture onto the screen. "All of these girls are under 25, and all of them met at this house. See, the Nightingale manor is quite the scene for up and coming popularity. They held this gala, three weeks ago, that all of the victims attended."

"Maybe the UnSub works there. As a waiter, a planner, a staff member." Morgan suggested.

"Exactly my thought, chocolate thunder! But unfortunately, everyone checks out with a clean record. The owner, Damien Lewis, recently bought the house. He does a lot of charity work and is the son of the famous, Yvonne Lewis, the model."

"Right." Hotch nodded. "Morgan, Prentiss, you two will go check out the house and try to talk to Lewis. Maybe he will know someone who matches the profile. Reid, Rossi, we will try to formulate the profile and let it be known to other officers. JJ, talk to a media outlet. Let's try to get our story out before they come up with a name for the killer or twist the story. There hasn't been a body since yesterday. We should be expecting one in the next two or so days. Alright, let's get moving. This isn't going to be a very easy case."

* * *

After spending a whole car ride talking about the kindness of the Jareau family, Emily and Derek walked up the front entrance of the Nightingale Manor. Before knocking on the wooden door, it opened before them. A handsome man smiled at the agents warmly.

"How do you do? I am Damien Lewis. Is there something I could do to help you lovely couple?" His calm tone settled the agents.

"Excuse us, Mr. Lewis." Emily began politely, quickly reinhabiting the polite language she had with her mother's friends. "I'm Agent Prentiss from the FBI and this is my partner, Agent Morgan. Do you mind if we ask you a few questions about some of the people who attended a party here?"

Concern spread all over the owner's face. "Oh, no. Is there something wrong?"

"Do you mind if we step inside, sir? We can talk in full detail there," Emily asked him, waiting to be invited inside.

"Of course, of course! Follow me!" He said as he opened the door widely, so both of the agents could follow him inside. As they walked through the foyer, he added, "And please call me Damien. Mr. Lewis or sir makes me think of my father."

Derek and Emily followed Damien into the front living area and they all sat down respectively.

"So what can I help you with?" Damien asked them curiously.

Emily continued to take the lead, understanding him more than Morgan. "There have been a string of murders in the last two weeks."

Damien frowned. "Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. But I really don't know what that has to do with me."

"Each of the victims came here for the Vivian Chantel party held here three weeks ago. We think that there is a possibility our murderer found all of his victims here that night." Emily told him thoroughly.

"That is quite unfortunate! Well, I'd be happy to help with whatever you need! Do you have any suspects?" His voice stayed level and intrigued.

"Not specifically," Emily answered. "We do believe that the potential perpetrator was here at the party that night. Is there a possibility that you have a list of all the staff that was there that day?"

"Of course. Excuse me one second. MRS. LINDE!" At his call, a woman entered the room.

"Yes, Mr. Lewis?" The small woman asked him, looking frail and tired.

"Can you please get me my list of all the staff who worked on the night of the 5th for beautiful Agent Prentiss here?" At her nod and swift disappearance, he turned back to Emily and Derek. "She'll be back soon. But I know all of my staff pretty well. I couldn't dare think that any of them had the heart to commit such terrible acts. Could I help narrow down your search in any way?"

"We think that we are looking for a white male. From the mid-20s to early 30s. He's well educated and charming, but you don't want to get on his bad side. He can become violent when provoked." Emily informed him.

Damien took a few seconds to ponder what he was told. "Constantine. Edward Constantine. He hasn't been here for weeks, I guess that is why I hadn't thought of him previously. But after you described the man in question, I thought of him immediately. He was on the wait staff. He had the perfect eyesight of everyone at the party."

"And he has a violent streak?" Morgan asked for the first time.

Mr. Lewis seemed annoyed that he was spoken to by Derek and not Emily, but he nodded. "Yes. One time, another employee flirted with a girl I had believed he was smitten. He broke the man's nose. But I had thought nothing of it because I thought he was dating the girl and protecting her. But now that I remember, she had left the next day and never returned. I haven't seen her since."

Emily and Derek turned to each other, their attention peaked. Both of them wondered at the same time if Edward Constantine killed the girl who had gone missing.

Mrs. Linde then re-entered the room and passed the sheet of paper to Lewis. "Thank you, Mrs. Linde. You may go now." When the assistant left the room, he took a look at the paper. "Ah, yes. Just as I thought. Mr. Constantine was working here that night. And after that night, he never returned."

"Thank you, Mr. Lewis. You have been a great help." Emily told him.

"Damien, Agent Prentiss. Please call me Damien." He smiled flirtatiously. "Forgive me for asking, but, the name Prentiss. I believe I have heard of it. In my gatherings maybe."

Emily nodded, knowing exactly what he was referring to. "You probably have. I'm the daughter of Elizabeth Prentiss."

"Ah, yes, the ambassador. I see the resemblance. Is there anything else I can do for you? I know how to get to Mr. Constantine's house from here. I could give you directions." Damien offered.

Before Derek could say no, Emily responded, "Yes, that would be lovely. Thank you, Damien."

Damien grinned at her and grabbed a pen from inside his jacket pocket. He began to write directions and after a few minutes, passed them to Emily. "Here you are, Agent Prentiss. I hope this is useful."

"Thank you, Damien. For all of your help. I think we should be getting along, but we will call you if we have any more questions."

"Please do. Have a wonderful day, and I hope you catch the killer." 

* * *

"I am telling you, we are taking a longer way to get here, Prentiss. This guy gave awful directions. He was… too helpful." Derek muttered as they drove through twisty woods. "You played along too much."

"Derek, I can take care of myself. If flirting got us better answers than so be it," Emily reminded him, rolling her eyes. "Besides, think of how happy Hotch might be if we catch this bastard today."

Derek snorted. "That doesn't mean I have to like him. He acted like such a rich snob."

"He reminded me eerily like my mother," Emily joked. As the pulled up into the driveway, Emily added, "I think we are here. Should we call for backup?"

Morgan considered it for a second. "He's not expecting us. And he may not even be the UnSub. Let's just see if we can ask him some questions."

Emily nodded in agreement as they parked. Stepping out of the car, they both walked up to the house that was oddly secluded. Perfect for UnSubs. Emily was going to knock on the door when her knuckles pushed the door open. The two agents looked at each other, both getting a bad feeling. Pulling out their guns, Emily and Derek silently entered the house.

Derek pointed to the side of the house while he pointed for Emily to go downstairs. She inwardly groaned, hating basements.

She slowly went down the stairs in the pitch dark. When she reached the floor, she searched for the light when suddenly, a hand and cloth reached over her mouth. She couldn't even let out a gasp when everything went dark. 

* * *

Emily woke up to a dripping sound. Her head was pounding almost as hard as her feet were aching. She eventually opened her drowsy eyes and noticed that she wasn't in a familiar place. All at once, her memories came rushing back to her. She tried to move, but she realized she was hanging from a bar on the ceiling. Trying to move meant that her wrists were getting ripped raw.

"My name is Emily Prentiss! I'm an agent for the FBI! Let me go now, and we can make a deal!" She yelled out to the closed room. There was no response. "HELLO?"

The room she was in was small and dingy. She knew she was taken by the same man who took all the girls. She just didn't know why. She tried to profile him by the room she was in. The walls and floors were merely gray. Nothing was there but her.

Bile rose up her throat, but she quickly pushed it down. No, this sick bastard wasn't going to get any satisfaction. And she knew that her team would find her soon. Morgan was with her. He would find her.  _JJ._

"You don't seem too surprised, Emily," A familiar voice called out as the door creaked open. "Is this why you were friendly to me? Did you want this?" Damien Lewis entered the room with a smile on his face.

Emily silently cursed. She hadn't seen this coming. And she knew she should have. "Damien, you have made a mistake. Please, just untie me and we can talk this through. No one needs to get hurt."

"Get hurt?" He chuckled calmly. "Emily, sweetheart, what I want is for you to get hurt. Don't you see? That's why you are here? You practically begged me to hurt you when we spoke. I hadn't expected the FBI to come so soon. But I was ready, my dear. You see, Mr. Constantine was very easy to kill. Very easy to put the blame on. And all I needed to do was give you the long directions to his house and all I had to do was come the short way. It was a very simple plan, and you played along perfectly."

Emily attempted not to cringe, but it was hard not to. She had missed so much. She had trusted him so easily, and now she was here with him.

"My team will find us," Emily told him. "They are probably on their way now."

"Oh, Emily," Damien whispered as he walked up to her. Though Emily tried to raise her hand, she couldn't stop his hand that stroked her face. "They won't find you. They will never find you. You'll learn soon enough."

He pressed his lips against hers. Emily tried to resist but couldn't. Instead, she bit his lip and he recoiled. "Bitch," he shouted. "You'll learn how to respect me."

Emily spats, "You monster. You are nothing but a pathetic-" She was interrupted by a slap. "You're sick." A punch in the stomach. "Perverted little b-" Hands wrapped around her throat.

"You will never speak to me in that way again. I am to be obeyed by you little wretch. You are filthy. But I will cleanse you and all of your nasty disease."

"Fuck you," Emily muttered. "You can't touch me."

"Oh Emily," Damien laughed. "I already am." He dragged his arm from her chest down to her pants button.

* * *

"Morgan! What the hell happened?" Hotch almost screamed as the rest of the team ran into the abandoned house.

Derek was pacing back and forth, trying to hide the tears that he had already shed. "I don't know! I don't know! We came in together but when she went down into the basement, she didn't come back up! I checked on her and nothing was there."

"No signs of a struggle?" Rossi asked, his voice drowned in worry.

"No. And we both know that Emily would fight back. Where's JJ?" Morgan asked the team when realizing the blonde wasn't there with them.

Reid frowned, looking nervous and scared. "We haven't told her yet. We thought she'd…"

Derek nodded, knowing what he meant. "I understand. But she may never forgive us. Goddamnit. I was the one who said that we didn't need backup. And now she's...

"Morgan, stop blaming yourself. That's not helping Emily right now. What will help her is if we find the UnSub. Tell us all that you know. Starting with whose house is this? And why did you come here?"

Derek retold the team the whole story from beginning to end. As he spoke, he tried to understand what he had done wrong. He knew something didn't feel right. "Why would he take Emily?"

"We profiled that the UnSub is looking for attention. Kidnapping an FBI agent. That'll get attention. He might not even know that she is the daughter of the ambassador," Rossi pointed out.

"Morgan," Hotch questioned. "Do you think Edward Constantine is the UnSub?"

"I never met him, so I can't be for sure. But from what I have heard about him and from the fact that she was taken from his house all points to him. We are going to need Garcia to look at his background. Does she know?"

"Not yet," Hotch answered. "We are going to need to tell them both about Emily."

"How do we tell JJ that her girlfriend was kidnapped by the UnSub who brutally tortured, raped, and killed five girls?" Morgan asked.

"We do it just like we are informing any family member. But the hard part is going to be how she wants to continue working on the case." Hotch stated.

"Well, based on the other times of death, Emily has less than 48 hours to live," Spencer pointed out.

"Then let's get moving." 

* * *

"What's going on? Hotch? Derek?" JJ asked as she sat down in the conference room where the whole team met. She looked at Penelope, who shrugged, also not knowing what was going on. She then turned to Spencer, who she knew she could always get the truth from. "Spence? Tell me."

"JJ," Morgan began, feeling like it was his responsibility. "Emily and I went to who we thought could be the UnSub's house. We went our separate ways and eventually, I realized… she was gone."

It immediately dawned on Garcia what was going on, but the media liaison was barely listening. "Gone? Where did she go?"

Hotch now took over. "JJ, we believe that Emily was taken by the UnSub. Based on the amount of time each victim had before their death, we believe that we have around 48 hours to find her."

"No," JJ stated simply. "No. Emily would have fought back. She wouldn't have let herself be taken. She-she wouldn't."

"JJ," Spencer said calmly. "The M.E. found traces of chloroform on the victim's mouth. We believe that was used on Emily as well."

JJ shook her head over and over again. "No, that's impossible. Emily promised me that she wouldn't get hurt. She promised my parents. She doesn't even fit the Victimology."

"It's exactly his MO, Jennifer," Rossi reminded the blonde. "He hasn't gotten the attention he thought he would have from killing the five people. Killing an FBI agent, that's attention-grabbing."

JJ didn't want to hear any of it. She got up and paced around. "How could have this happened? Derek, how could you let him take her?" Tears were running down her eyes as she glared at her team member.

Derek flinched, not expecting to have been targeted. "Jennifer, I never would have thought that it was dangerous."

"Well, it obviously was! Emily is kidnapped by an UnSub who has no emotions or empathy. He is going to torture her and kill her without feeling any guilt. He could touch her… oh god." The realization that Emily was in danger of getting raped dawned on her. She ran to the trashcan in the room and threw up.

Penelope got up and bent down, patting her friend's back. "We are going to get her back, JJ. Emily's tough. And we are going to find her. She will be back in your arms."

"Garcia is right," Hotch said quietly. JJ looked up at him and listened closely. "We are going to catch this UnSub. We already know a lot of information about him. Garcia, get all the information you can about the owner of the house, Edward Constantine."

"Yes, sir," Penelope said as she got up and left the room. As she walked out, Strauss entered the room.

"Did I hear correctly?" The Section Chief asked the team. "Was Agent Prentiss taken by the UnSub?" She looked genuinely worried, but she annoyed JJ.

"Yes," Hotch answered. "She was taken an hour ago from the house that we had believed that the UnSub could have lived."

Strauss nodded. "How long do we think she has?"

"Less than 48 hours," Hotch told her.

Erin frowned. "If you need anything, Aaron. Just ask. Let's make sure we get Emily Prentiss back home. I will be calling her mother." She turned around and headed for the door.

"Don't!" JJ shouted at her, rage in her voice.

Strauss turned back around and raised her eyebrows, surprised by the sudden uproar. "Excuse me, Agent Jareau?"

"Don't call her mother. Emily wouldn't want her here." JJ told the chief harshly.

"Elizabeth Prentiss is the mother of Emily Prentiss. Of course, Emily would want her to be here. It's her mother after all."

"Emily hates her," JJ spat. "In fact-"

"JJ," Hotch interrupted, knowing the blonde was about to go too far. He turned to the chief. "Thank you, Erin. We will keep you updated."

Strauss nodded as she left the room, knowing she wasn't welcome.

JJ felt all eyes on her. "You all know that Emily wouldn't want her here! I just had the guts to tell her about it!"

"JJ, we all are hurting right now, but we can't let our emotions dictate our actions. We can't let you yell at Strauss when she has the ability to fire you." Hotch told JJ.

JJ's fists curled up into balls. "Emily is my girlfriend. And she is experiencing pain we can't imagine. And you think I should play nice?"

"No, I think you should keep your level head. JJ, we have to put our anger into our work. I want you and Reid to profile Emily. You know her better than anyone, and Reid knows what she is experiencing more than anyone." He told the two youngest members of the team. He then turned to Morgan and Rossi and said, "We are going to figure out if Edward Constantine really is the UnSub. And if he is, we are going to talk to every single person he knows. We are going to find Emily. We just need to stay calm and work." 

* * *

"Water," Emily's voice cracked as she hung from the bar. "I need water." Her breathing became more rapid as she felt like nothing was staying in her lungs.

Damien traced his fingers down Emily's naked thighs. "See, you aren't that strong anymore, are you?"

"Fuck you," Emily muttered as she started shaking. Without clothes on her body, she realized how cold the room is.

That resulted in another slash on her thigh. "Excuse me? Are you showing me disrespect, Emily? Admit to me that you aren't strong. Admit to me, that you like it."

"Never," Emily coughed out.

Damien used his blade and ran it across Emily's stomach causing her to groan in pain. "Say it."

"I can't… I won't…" She murmured over and over again, becoming dizzy from the loss of blood. "I'll never…"

"You will, my dear," Damien told her. "They always do." He ran his tongue across the cut on her stomach, cleaning the blood on her stomach. At her moan from all the pain, he asked, "Do you like that? I can do some more." He licked further down to her thighs, causing her to squeal in agony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, guys. I know. It's rough. And it's only gonna get a whole lot worse until it gets better. Thank you all for reading. Reviews are welcome! XX


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! I still don't own Criminal Minds. Sigh.

45 hours left…

They decided to join back together after each group found out more information. Garcia started off the meeting by saying, "Edward Constantine is 33 years old, he has only a high school diploma and has no record. Both of his parents died when he was young. He was brought up in foster care."

"And foster care is where a lot of abuse takes place," Rossi added. "Fits the profile exactly. You told me and Hotch that you found something interesting?"

Penelope nodded and informed them, "I was tracing his credit card and I found some weird things. Over the past two years, around the same time every month he buys lady products and chocolate."

She let this wash over the whole team. "So…" Morgan stated as he was coming to the same conclusion as everyone else, "He has a girlfriend."

"And it has to be serious enough for him to buy this stuff for her. Not every guy is willing to do such a thing," Penelope argued.

"Do you know who the girlfriend is?" Hotch asked her.

"Of course! Her name is Meredith Stefian. She's a florist. She has an apartment in the city and…" She passed each of the members a sheet of paper. "I just gave you all an address."

"Good work, Garcia," Hotch told the analyst. He then turned to the youngest agents. "Prentiss has been taken for three hours and counting. What have you both come up with?"

"Well, physically, Emily is getting to the point where she is getting enormously thirsty, if our inference that he is not giving her water is correct. Also, based on the lesions on the other victims, we suspect that she is being hanged in the air. Probably from a bar of some sort. She's probably tied to something on the ceiling. I'd guess that she is already starting to lose the feeling of her arms and legs." Reid reported to the team.

Hotch nodded, listening carefully. "Okay, but what about emotionally? We don't exactly know his reason for kidnapping these girls besides his sexual desires. Do you think Emily is playing along with his fantasies?"

"No," JJ answered shortly. "She's strong. It will take her a long time to not fight back. But she also knows him better than we do. I can't say that we can be sure of anything. She knows what to do to stay alive."

Hotch nodded curtly. "I agree, JJ. So, I think that we should visit Constantine's girlfriend. If he is able to pretend to have a stable relationship, she would have to be submissive. We might not get any straight answers if that's the case, but she may know him better than anyone."

"Agent Hotchner?" A stranger FBI agent asked as she approached the team with a file. "Here are the ME reports of the victims. The cause of death has changed."

"Changed?" Rossi wondered aloud. He looked at the file that he was given and told the team, "Suicide. We thought that he killed the victims with different weapons because he was done torturing the victims. But maybe that's part of the sexual sadism. He gets them to the point where they kill themselves for him."

JJ flinched, hating every word coming out of his mouth. "Emily would never. She wouldn't even think about it."

"This is good, JJ," Hotch muttered. "We all know that she wouldn't commit suicide. This could give her a lot more time than we had previously thought."

"But Hotch," Derek countered. "I hate to say it, but that also means he was able to drive five girls to kill themselves in less than three days each. That means that the torture must be so bad that there is no longer any hope or will to survive."

A shudder was shared amongst the team. "Derek, Rossi, interview the girlfriend. We have to keep each other updated."

* * *

"You know, my mother was a beautiful woman," Lewis whispered as he twirled Emily's hair. "She was a singer. She wasn't known for her singing, she was known for her body, but she'd sing to me every night before I fell asleep. People loved her. Watched her when she walked by. She was idolized."

"So, what?" Emily asked, her throat becoming parched. "You kill women because you loved your mother?"

"No, Emily," He sighed as he put both hands on Emily's naked waist. "I do it because she was weak. She didn't deserve me or my father. No woman is innocent, Emily. You must already know that, for you are one yourself. All women are bitches, asking for orders, but really wanted to be told what to do. You like to be controlled, don't you, Emily?" At her silence, he continued. "My mother blamed me for the end of her career. Apparently, kids ruin the body. Well, then why have sex, mommy? She blamed my father for me. He'd do anything for her. He did everything for her. But then she did what all women do. Bitch. Whine. Cry. About nothing. Never saw my father more heartbroken when he found my mother dead with a bullet in her head. I never cried. Hell, I never loved her more than when I laid next to her, the pool of blood soaking in my hair."

Emily tried to absorb in all that she was told, trying to find something about him that she can use against him. "I'm sorry that your mother died. My father died when I was young."

Lewis snickered, "I know what you are doing, Emily. You are trying to relate to me. But can't you see, Emily? The happiest day of my life was when my mother pulled the trigger. She had ruined all of us, and made the decision to end her life."

"Is that what you want me to do?" Emily asked, her voice shaking. She already knew the answer, and now understood his reasoning for all that he did.

Damien grinned at her. "You're catching on. Of course, not yet. No, you aren't anywhere close to your breaking point yet."

"If you are taking it out on your mother, Damien. You are doing it wrong. She was an unhappy woman. You are raping and torturing happy people who did nothing to you so you can get them to kill themselves."

Lewis twitched uncharacteristically. "Did nothing? Emily. You should know this. No one is innocent. Everyone is guilty. Everyone deserves what they get. Even you. Why do you get to decide who receives justice? Why do you get to refuse me? I am your superior. But then again, you seem to like it when I am inside you. They always do."

Emily wanted to throw up. Her memories of the hours she had spent with him resurfaced in her eyes. But she wouldn't let him get the satisfaction. At least, not yet. "You like the attention. That's why you kidnapped me. No one was watching you. You are like a child, begging his mother for her attention."

Lewis slapped her and pressed his mouth against hers. "I'm… not… a… child…" He murmured as he pulled out his blade again. He squatted and ran his fingers across the blade. "You must learn to obey me, Emily. You must learn that you have no power." He dragged the blade across her thigh where cuts had already started to heal. "No one is coming for you. It is just you and me."

"They'll catch you," Emily groaned as she flinched from pain. "They will never stop chasing you."

"Oh dear, don't worry about that. They won't get to you until you are dead. They will never know how much you enjoy this." He put the blade down and to trace his fingers up her thigh.

* * *

44 hours left...

"Excuse me, Ms. Stefian. I'm Agent Morgan and this is Agent Rossi and we are of the FBI Behavioral Analysis Unit. We have a few questions about Edward Constantine. Do you mind if we come inside?" Morgan asked as he and David stood at the door of their suspect's girlfriend's apartment.

She automatically looked concerned. "FBI? Eddie? What's wrong?"

"We'll explain everything once we come inside, ma'am. It's too complicated to explain here." Rossi informed the girlfriend.

Meredith nodded worriedly and the two agents followed her inside her apartment. She took them into the living room and she sat down. "Is Eddie alright?"

Without answering her question, Derek asked, "Has Mr. Constantine been home in the last two weeks?"

The girlfriend shook her head. "No. He hasn't been home in… three weeks I think. But that isn't strange for him. Ever since he has worked with Mr. Lewis for the past year, he takes these trips all the time. That's why I never- oh god. Do you think he is dead?"

"No, ma'am. Five girls were killed in the last two weeks. All of them were at the same party that your boyfriend worked at. No one has seen him since that party." Rossi tried to explain.

Water entered her eyes. "No, Eddie would never do such a thing. He's a good man. I have been with him for four years. Plannin' on getting married in the next year. That's why he got that job. He hated it. But he said that he wanted to buy me a fancy ring."

David and Derek turned to each other, not expecting this. "Ms. Stefian, would you consider your boyfriend to be patient? Respectful?"

Meredith nodded repeatedly. "Eddie is the best man I have ever known. He's kind and intelligent. And always does whatever he can so that I can be happy. And even though we moved recently, along with his boss, he always asked me if it was alright that we were leaving. I didn't mind, though. I would be fine wherever he is."

"And is Mr. Constantine ever violent? Ever hit you or get extremely angry with you for what seems like no reason?" Derek interrogated.

"No, never. The boyfriend I had before him was like that. Eddie actually saved me from him. After breaking up with my abusive boyfriend, I became suicidal. But Eddie showed me how life was worth living. He saved my life. And ever since, we have been in love," The woman reiterated for the detectives.

"And how would you say his relationships are like with other people?" David asked.

"Good. He's always good at making friends. I never minded moving around with him because he has always had the ability to meet good people. Do you really think that Eddie could do such a thing? Is he really a suspect?"

Avoiding the question, Derek asked, "Had Mr. Constantine ever brought you to his house on the East side of town? Has he ever brought you to any other property? Do you know if he owns any other property?"

"He got that house so that he could renovate it and eventually move into it. We love it here. We were going to get married and start a family. He definitely doesn't have other property. His parents died when they were young, so he never inherited much."

Derek and Rossi were both confused, but all of their questions were sufficiently answered. "Thank you for speaking with us, Ms. Stefian," Rossi told her. "If you have any questions or anything that you would like to add, please call this number." He passed her one of his cards.

As Derek and David stepped away, she spoke up, "I know that he may be your only suspect. But Eddie isn't capable of hurting anyone. He's still sad about his parents' death. He wouldn't want to cause that pain on anybody else. He's a good man. Please, if you find him, please call me."

"We will, Ms. Stefian," Derek promised her.

The two agents left the apartment, and when they met a point where they felt like they could converse about what they had just learned, they began to talk.

"Either this UnSub is the best liar we have ever seen and can act like a decent human…" Rossi began.

"Or he isn't our UnSub." Derek finished for him.

* * *

43 hours left…

"Are you saying," JJ asked, trying to not cry on the spot. "That you don't think that Edward Constantine is the UnSub?"

Rossi put his hand on her shoulder. "He doesn't fit the profile. His girlfriend wasn't submissive. She said that they had a kind and loving relationship. He wasn't violent. She wasn't scared of him. She was only worried that he was hurt."

"Can't he just be pretending?" The blonde asked the elder agent, wondering aloud the same question that the other agents who hadn't spoken with the girlfriend were thinking.

Derek shook his head. "Psychopaths can pretend to love someone. But pretending for years? And never laying one hand on her or showing any violence at all? That's impossible."

Hotch nodded, agreeing with their conclusion. "So if it isn't him, who could it have been?"

Derek shrugged. "I have no idea. We didn't tell anyone where we were going. Except for Lewis and… damn." He said, coming to the realization. Looking at all the confused faces, he continued, "The owner of the house, Damien Lewis, he gave us directions to the house. I felt that they were too long. He seemed so… wrong."

"Wrong?" Aaron asked him, starting to get a weird feeling. "What are your instincts telling you, Morgan?"

"He was too calm. He let us come inside his house, and he never once believed that we thought that he was a suspect. His assistant was very wary of him. She looked afraid, but I… I never thought anything of it. He had acted so… confident."

"Confident how, Derek?" David questioned his colleague.

Morgan turned to the blonde, concerned. He didn't want to reveal what happened but he knew he had to. "Er- he was very flirtatious with Emily."

JJ became uncomfortable. She tried to not become angry, but everything was piling up. "Did she- did she- return the…"

Derek could read in between the lines. "Yes. Just so that he would answer more of the questions. But I never thought he was the UnSub. He just felt off. We didn't know."

"She played along," Rossi murmured, not trying to sound accusatory. "She played into his fantasies. She targeted herself without even trying to."

"He recognized her last name. Ambassador's daughter, that'll get a lot of attention." Morgan added, trying to put himself in Lewis' perspective.

"We can't let him get the satisfaction," JJ sputtered, tears bubbling up in her eyes. "We can't broadcast it to the world. Not when… not ever. She wouldn't want that."

"JJ, we have to pretend like this is like any other case. We don't want the UnSub to start killing again. Even if he has her." Hotch warned the girl.

Suddenly, Penelope ran into the room and said, "You all called me?"

"Yes," Hotch replied as the tech analyst took a seat at the conference table. "Can you do searches from here?"

"Of course," Penelope told him as she opened her laptop. "What do you-"

"We don't believe that Edward Constantine is the UnSub. His life with his girlfriend seemed too real to be faked. We now think that the UnSub could be Damien Lewis, the owner of the Nightingale house." Hotch informed her as she began to type.

"Damien Lewis is thirty-three years old. He bought the house a month ago. He has never had a job. He has inherited all of his money from his mother who was a model. She died when he was eleven. Her mother's death was ruled a… suicide,"

"If he witnessed his mother's suicide, that could be why he gets the girls to kill themselves. He views women as his mother who was too weak and selfish to live. His mother gave up on him." Rossi pointed out. "What about his father?"

"His father is in prison. For… rape."

Silence spread around them until Reid spoke up. "If he had just moved here, is there a possibility he raped or killed in the other places that he had lived?"

"I'm checking VICAP..." Penelope typed and then answered, "This guy never lived anywhere longer than a couple years. He lived in South Carolina previously and… oh god. When he lived in Atlanta, there were seven unsolved murders of girls that fit the profile. The case became cold when he moved. The officers thought that the perp must have been arrested for another crime or died. Before that, he lived in Miami… four victims. Boston… 3 victims. Chicago… 1 victim. From there, there were only rapes. I think his first murder was in Chicago."

"Good work, Garcia," Hotch thanked her. He turned to the team, noting their anger. "I know we all want to get this guy. But we can't do this hastily. Everything we do has to be by the book. This guy has money. He can find a good lawyer. We can't make any mistakes."

"Warrant?" Reid asked his boss.

Hotch nodded. "Rossi, talk to Strauss. She trusts you. You can convince her to find someone who can get this done for us fast."

Without hesitation, David got up left the conference room.

Hotch turned to the rest of the team. "He isn't stupid. He won't have the girls inside his own house. He is probably keeping them somewhere no one knows about."

"We can pretend like we have more questions," Morgan offered. "And maybe secretly talk to the assistant? If she has spent time with him, she may know where he goes."

Hotch nodded in agreement. "We can't let anytime go to waste. There's a likely chance that when we get to his house, he'll know we are on to him, so we have to be extremely careful. Morgan, are you ready to-"

"I want to go, Hotch," JJ spoke up. "I need to go. I need to feel like I am doing something. I can't handle not doing anything."

Hotch contemplated his options for a few seconds and then concluded, "Alright. But you can't make decisions. Don't attack the UnSub or the assistant. And keep a calm head. We can't let them know that we know that Lewis is the UnSub."

JJ nodded, agreeing with his terms.

* * *

She was growing dizzy. She didn't expect how fast the lack of water would make her feel this lightheaded. But she also knew that the loss of blood and all the trauma could impact her mental state. She felt lucky at the moment. He had left her alone in the silence for the past hour. Finally, she felt like she could breathe again. More than anything, she wanted to sleep. But every time she closed her eyes, images would reappear. Sometimes she wished that she could just fall asleep and not wake up. She tried to push those thoughts out of her head. She knew she was only there for a few hours. People had lived with their kidnappers for years and lived. She had been with him for less than ten hours and she already felt like giving up. She took a deep breath.

She constantly wondered about her team. If they realized that it was Lewis behind it all along. If they were investigating Constantine. If they felt pity for her. If they come to terms with what they knew was happening to her.

She tried to see herself as a different person. She tried to separate herself from the person who was being tortured. But she couldn't handle the out of body experience for as long as she used to. She kept remembering a certain blonde. And while thinking of her brought her back to her tortured self, JJ was the one thing that kept her feeling alive. Sometimes out of the corner of her eye, she thought she would see JJ coming into the room, saving her. But it was always a trick of the eye. All she wanted was to be in her girlfriend's arms. She told herself that she just had to stay realistic. Hope for the best, but expect the worst.

But positivity wasn't really on her mind. Especially when he re-entered the room. She avoided his glare. It was easy for her to stare him down at first. But now, now, after everything he had done to her, she couldn't bear to look at him and be reminded of how easily she let him touch her.

"Emily, you are bleeding," He chuckled as he walked over to her. He touched the inside of her thighs and brushed against the blood that was drying. The blood didn't come from any cuts. "Did I hurt you, love?"

She tried to stay emotionless. Tried to stay neutral. Tried to tune him out.

"Emily, not answering is disrespectful. Don't you remember the rules? You are supposed to obey my orders. And when I ask you a question, it is your job to reply." At her silence, he grunted. "I see how it is. Maybe, you are just teasing me. Is that it- Emily? Are you a tease?" He dug his fingers into her, earning a groan of pain roll over her. "Do you like that?" He went in deeper. "It's okay to want it, baby."

"Never," Emily muttered, breathlessly. "Stop touching me."

He pulled his fingers out and grabbed her head, his hands covered in blood. "You don't tell me what to do. But fine. I'll do what you really want." And once again, he unbuckled his pants.

* * *

42 Hours Left…

Derek took the lead, knowing the UnSub better than both Hotch and JJ. He knocked on the door, not knowing what to expect. The door slowly opened at a crack, Mrs. Linde behind it.

"Mr. Lewis isn't here right now," The assistant whispered softly as she began to close the door. "He'll be back la-"

"Actually," Derek interrupted as he put his foot in the doorway. "We were wishing to speak to you. And look around the residence."

Fear entered the poor woman's face. "No, no, I really don't think that is such a good idea. Mr. Lewis would not like that, no he wouldn't."

"Lewis isn't here right now," Morgan murmured impatiently. "Besides, we have a warrant." Rossi had gotten their warrant in time, and now they had full access to the whole house.

Mrs. Linde was more than surprised. "Oh, well then. Come inside," she told the team, opening the door wider, letting them all through.

As they all walked inside, Hotch asked her, "Mrs. Linde, can I get a full name for the record, please?"

"Annabeth," She told him, shaking viciously. "Annabeth Linde."

Awkwardly standing in the foyer, Hotch continued, "And how long have you been working for your boss?"

"Almost seven years," She admitted solemnly.

JJ noticed how uncomfortable she was. As much as she hated it, she put on a fake smile and said, "Mrs. Linde, would you like to sit down somewhere. This isn't an interrogation. We just have a few questions."

The woman nodded anxiously and took them all to the front room. The team sat down with apprehension. They knew that there was no time to waste.

"Mrs. Linde, are you aware of any other residences or buildings that your boss might own?" Hotch asked her politely. At her nod, he also questioned, "How often does he let you outside of the house?"

The assistant gaped at him. She never thought that anyone would ever ask that question. She never thought that anyone would find out. "How did you… he lets me… I don't understand."

"We know, Mrs. Linde," Hotch said simply. "We know the terrible things that your boss has been doing for the past decade. We know that he has power over you. But Mrs. Linde, you are safe with us. He can't touch you here."

Water entered the victim's eyes. "He always knows," She told him. "I can't hide from him."

"How long have you known that your boss has been killing pretty girls that look like you?" Morgan asked her roughly. When she shrugged he grunted, "So, what? No police? Did you never think about saving those girls?"

Annabeth trembled as he spoke the harsh words. "I don't… he knows."

JJ could read in between the lines. Understanding the poor woman she said warmly, "You were the only one, weren't you? His prize. His anomaly. You were the only one out of his victims that didn't take your own life. And now he owns you, doesn't he? He threatens and tortures and rapes, but you know how lucky you are. Because you know just how many girls he kills. But you also know how easily you can be one of those girls. That's why you don't go to the police."

Hotch and Derek turned to JJ, surprised by her ability to easily profile the woman. She nodded, tears streaming down her face. "I was 18. Just out of high school. I told my parents that I would make it without going to college. I met Lewis, who was 26. He was old. And I thought he was different. He let me think… He was rich. And I was always so poor. I just wanted to have the money and maybe be loved as well. But then I woke up in a room with no windows. There were days of non-stop touching and torture, but then days of non-stop silence. After a couple days, he took the bandages off. He left a noose in the room. I wouldn't- couldn't. Every day I wish I did. But I couldn't. He kept beating me. Kept raping me. But then he thought I was special. He let me out and took me somewhere new. He told me that if I told anyone, he'd kill me and all the girls he could. Some nights he wouldn't speak to me. Other times he'd come into my bed."

JJ tried to not picture these treacherous things that were possibly happening to her lover and continued the conversation, knowing that the assistant had trusted her. "And what about Edward Constantine?"

Annabeth bit her lip, causing it to bleed. "I know where he is. But you have to promise me, that you have to keep me protected."

"Of course," JJ promised her.

Annabeth nodded. "You have to know that he is smart. Smarter than anyone. He knew that you'd find him out. I think he was hoping for it. He killed Eddie and pinned it on him. He never liked him. He was always so nice to me. But he knew you'd find out it was him. I'm sorry about the other agent. I know he has her. And before you ask, I have no idea where he is with her. He never let me out of the house."

JJ swallowed, upset that she didn't know where Emily was. "I understand. So I thought you said you know where Constantine is?"

"I do," Annabeth answered. "Please follow me." She got up and started walking away. JJ and the other two agents soon followed.

* * *

"WAKE UP, EMILY," Lewis shouted as he shook her violently. She had passed out from the extreme pain and trauma. When she finally began to blink again, becoming more conscious, he laughed. "I thought you were never going to wake up. But I think you should be awake for this. Of course, because we are in this together now."

Emily was groggy and didn't understand what he meant. It wasn't until he thrust the tablet into her eyesight that she knew what he meant. Once her eyesight became clearer, she started to depict the video that was playing. People were entering a room. She gasped when she realized that it wasn't a film, it was a live video. Of her team. Of JJ.

"Where are they?" She croaked Out.

"My house," Lewis answered, pulling the tablet away from her. Emily wanted to keep watching the blonde, knowing that it could be her last time seeing her. But she had to let it go. She wouldn't let him know her feelings for her girlfriend. "They got there faster than I had expected. Not that I wasn't ready, of course. Just about now they will be finding Constantine's body and a flash drive."

She knew that he wanted her to ask questions, but she decided to play along. "What's on the flash drive?"

Lewis almost giggled giddily. "Us. Live video of us. You know, it's not enough to just torture the girls anymore. Who knew messing with friends could be just as fun?"

Emily sunk inside. In not too much time, JJ was going to see her. She was going to see her in this position. Beaten up. Naked. Damaged. "Do you want them to catch you?"

He scoffed, "Catch me? Emily, I'm controlling them. They are playing along perfectly. Honestly, I couldn't have asked for a better team. No police or detective team was ever able to get this far. Bravo, really."

"Am I your last? Is that why you are putting all your cards on the table. Are you planning on one last kill? Me?" Emily asked him, trying to get under his skin as much as she could.

He sighed, not wanting to answer. "Did you hate your mother because you were jealous of her having a relationship with your father?"

Emily was utterly confused. "Freud's theories have been debunked. I have never felt jealousy for my mother. I've never felt really anything about my mother. But did you feel something for yours?"

"She left me," Lewis reminded her. "She left me alone with him."

"She was unhappy."

"No, she was weak. She had me and my father and that wasn't enough for her. She didn't deserve us." Lewis spat, gradually getting angrier.

Emily tried to profile him, tried to understand. Even tried to empathize. "Maybe she didn't. Maybe she shouldn't have left you. But your father shouldn't have touched her like that either. Did he let you watch when he'd rape her, or did you hide when you watched?"

His head snapped up. "Don't psychoanalyze me. Don't get inside my head. And just when I thought you were learning how to obey. I think you need another lesson."

She prayed that he wasn't going to rape her again, and almost sighed from relief when she saw the blade. She didn't know where the camera was, or if he was even telling the truth about that. But she'd prefer to anything over JJ seeing her in this state.

* * *

The team reluctantly followed Annabeth down the stairs to the basement. Each agent had one hand on their gun, just in case. Hotch was in the front, Morgan in the back. JJ knew her boys were trying to protect her, but it was just pissing her off.

Once they reached the bottom of the stairs, Annabeth flicked the light switch. It was there in the middle of the room as if it was a planned presentation. Constantine's body hung from the ceiling, having blood still dripping from it. On the wall, his blood outlined the words, 'having fun?'

"Did you know that this body was going to be like this?" Hotch asked the woman.

She nodded grimly. "He planned this out. He knew you guys would come. See underneath the body? The flash drive? That's for you all."

JJ shuddered and muttered, "He's toying with us. He thinks that this is a game. He never did this with the other victims."

"Why now?" Morgan asked Annabeth. "Why is he trying to give all of this information to us? Now when we catch him, he has no defense. Does he want to get caught?"

"He knows that we will kill him. After killing an FBI agent, he knows that he won't survive." Hotch theorized.

"So is this his last performance?" Morgan asked, receiving no answer.

Hotch turned around to look at the whole team. "Morgan, stay here and try to look through everything. Call forensics. JJ, we are going back to Quantico. We can't trust the drive yet. Mrs. Linde, you need to come with us. It's the only way to protect you until this is over."

Annabeth nodded. She took one last look at the body and turned away, heading back upstairs. JJ followed her as Hotch grabbed the flash drive. Before heading up, he turned to Morgan. "Come back as soon as you can. I don't think we are going to solve this anytime soon."

Derek nodded and replied, "You know what this means, don't you? He has every intention of killing Emily. No matter what. That means…"

"It might not even be by suicide. It's his finale, though. He'll want to play with her."

"But how long?"

"I have no idea," Hotch responded hopelessly.

* * *

Emily felt like she was in limbo. Not dead, but not alive. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw him. She felt him. She was incredibly tired and worn down. More than anything, she wanted the time to pass. She prayed that her team wasn't watching her. Wasn't seeing how totally screwed up she was. She hadn't believed in God in a long time. Not since she was a teenager. But now, when death seemed so close, she felt that God was all she had left.

She wanted to believe that her team was going to find her. She wanted to believe that she would be in her lover's arms once again. But she knew that nothing was certain. She knew that Lewis was incredibly intelligent and probably steps ahead of her team. She also knew that from the profile she was creating in her head from what she has learned about him, that she was going to be his last victim. His last hurrah. His last farewell until he died. She just didn't know why he was giving up so soon. He could have stayed hidden if he didn't do this. He could have moved away. Killed more innocent girls. But no, he decided to take Emily. He decided to end his own life, just as he decided to end others. The reason behind that, she didn't know.

As much as she hated him. Hated everything that he did. She couldn't help but get inside his head. Know why he was doing the things that he was doing. His upbringing wasn't his fault. And technically, neither is his mental illness. But killing and raping, she didn't know if she could justify that.

The door opened again and he walked inside. For once, he wasn't smiling. He looked purely emotionless. He slowly walked up to her. He placed his hand on her cheek.

Controlling her feelings, Emily asked him, "Why am I your last? You could have gotten away with killing for a long time. Why now?"

Caressing her skin, he shrugged. "I have no idea. It felt right. Besides, killing you will make me a legend."

"You know they won't report me in the media, right?"

Lewis became puzzled and asked, "What? What do you mean?"

"They can't release my photo, and probably not even my name. If I die, my team wouldn't let my name get abused."

Emily noticed a huge change in tension. He quickly tensed up and brought his hand away. "It doesn't matter. Your team will know what I did. That will be enough for me."

"Why do you like torturing my team? Isn't it enough to just hurt me?"

Lewis scoffed, "Really? You think that me doing this to you is enough? I want to know that my art matters. That what I am doing matters. That my father- that people will one day bow before me. Like I said. Killing you will make me a legend. That is how I will live forever. Doesn't mean I still have to be alive for it."

She couldn't argue with his logic. She hoped that she would have been able to get a little under his skin, but it didn't seem to work.

"You don't scream," Lewis pointed out while putting his hands back onto her body, tracing her hips. "All the others would scream for the first 24 hours. You haven't even yelled."

"I know that there is no point. You're too smart to not have soundproof rooms. Besides, I don't want to lose my voice." Emily confided to him.

He nodded, trying to hide his ego and satisfaction at his compliments. "Did they train you for this? When becoming an agent?"

Emily snorted, "No one can train you for this."

"Then how do you handle it so well? You don't scream, you barely cry, you don't beg. Have you gone through this before?"

Emily was surprised by the blunt question. She turned to look at him, making sure that she had eye contact. "I just don't get intimidated by weak men."

That earned her a slap. She barely felt it. A slap was nothing compared to everything else. "Do weak men kill girls just for the fun of it?"

"Weak men rape girls because they can't get any themselves. And the killing, hell, the killing, that's from their insecurity about their dick. Don't forget, Lewis. I've seen yours. And I am not impress-"

He pulled a knife on her and jabbed it into her lower abdomen. She cried out in pain. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." She murmured over and over again as the blood trickled down her stomach.

"You don't have a right to say any of those lies. I thought you were learning, Emily. I thought you were learning how to obey me and be respectful. I'm disappointed in you. Guess I have to give you another lesson." He unbuckled his pants. She had lost count how many times he had done this. She just took a breath and prayed that she would be anyone else. But the out of body experience just wasn't working anymore.

* * *

40 hours left…

Penelope typed quickly on her computer as the team sat around her, watching closely. The rest of the team impatiently stood around her, waiting to find out what was on the flash drive. JJ was pacing back in forth away from the crowd in the small room.

"Ha! Got it!" Garcia yelled. JJ stopped pacing and huddled into the rest of the group. "Huh, that's strange. I was expecting the drive to at least have some encryption. Or… or a virus. But it's clean. All that's on it is a video file. And it seems to be live."

"Open it!" Derek yelled at the tech analyst.

"Wait!" Garcia shouted, trying to think through things thoroughly. "What if this is of Emily?"

"Exactly!" Morgan argued. "That is exactly why we need to open it."

"But we know what he is doing to her. We know that he is… If this is a live shot of Emily, we know that we can never unsee the things that we are going to see. I mean we are going to see her as if we see a victim. And I'm not sure I want to do that. And I'm sure Emily wouldn't want us to."

The team considered her words and took them into account. Especially JJ. She knew that Emily would be so embarrassed if she knew that JJ saw her being beaten and torn apart.

"Garcia," Hotch began to say. "I understand where you are coming from. Emily is a friend to all of us. But we have to save her. And if this helps us get any information about where she is or about how she is being handled, we need to see it. If you don't feel comfortable watching, I would understand. You have every right to leave, and we won't think any less of you. Or any of you, for that matter. What we are going to see isn't going to be easy. But, we have to look at her as if she were any victim to get her back."

Everyone turned to JJ, knowing that she was going to be affected more than anyone. She was utterly uncertain about what she wanted to do. Biting her lip and holding her tears she said, "I have to watch it. I have to know- I have to know that she is alive."

Hotch nodded, understanding exactly what she meant. "Alright. Garcia, please play the file."

Penelope opened the file, and the screen showed the scene of Emily being hung in this room. JJ let out an audible gasp, and everyone else looked stunned.

They knew it was going to be bad. In fact, they suspected it. But they weren't expecting such a real scene. They weren't expecting to see Emily hanging there: naked, shaking, and bleeding.

JJ couldn't hold the tears in any longer. And neither could Penelope. Or Reid. Or Morgan.

"Goddammit," Rossi whispered. "Is that blood?"

No one answered him, but everyone knew.

Derek put his hand on JJ's shoulder, knowing that she would need comfort. "She's alive, Jennifer. Emily is alive."

JJ nodded, listening to what he was saying, but wasn't really comprehending it. All she knew was that her girlfriend was in extreme pain, and she couldn't do anything about it.

Everyone took in a sharp intake of air when they saw Lewis enter the frame. He and Emily began to talk and JJ questioned, "No audio?"

"Nope," Penelope answered, looking upset.

A couple minutes passed of them just talking, which surprised everyone. They were all cringing, trying to ignore how Lewis was touching her. How he'd run his fingers all along her body. How he was violating every part of her. But then they saw something changed. Lewis backed off, and Emily looked enraged. She began to get straighter, and everyone knew what that meant. Emily was offending him and getting under his skin.

A slap. They all saw it. Emily barely flinched. JJ bit her lip and she took Spencer's hand. He was almost just as worried as she was. He loved Emily almost more than anyone. This was killing him.

They noticed how defensive Emily became. How pissed off he was becoming. And then it happened. Apparently, Emily said something so offensive, that it resulted from her getting stabbed in the stomach. JJ cried out and rolled into a hug with Spencer.

Once they looked back and saw his body language, they knew what was next. He started to unbuckle his pants.

"JJ, Reid, I want you two to go interview Mrs. Linde. Ask her about everything. Everyone that has visited him. All his friends and acquaintances." Hotch ordered them as he stood in front of the screen.

The blonde was outraged. "But- but-."

"No, Jennifer," Hotch said calmly. "You do not need to see this. Emily would not want you to see this."

JJ wanted to argue with him. Tell him that he was wrong. But she knew, deep down, that her boss was right.

"Okay," She said, giving in. "Come on, Spence." Without letting go of his hand, they both robotically opened the door and stepped out of the room. Both feeling nauseous and dirty.

* * *

Emily didn't know how much time had passed. She knew that she wouldn't last too long. She could barely see and her throat was already burning from the thirst. All she wanted at the moment was water. And that desire, that was keeping her going. "Lewis," she breathed out. She hated begging, but she felt like it was her only choice.

He didn't come in. Emily didn't know why she even tried in the first place. She felt as if she was slowly losing it. She didn't even know if she was profiling him correctly anymore.

"Damien!" She called out once again, not knowing why she was expecting a different result. She wondered if she was becoming clinically insane by definition.

She shook her head, disappointed with herself. When she first got here, she thought she would last a lot longer than this. She thought that she had more strength. She thought that JJ would keep her sane. She thought that just the blonde in her mind would be able to keep her steady. But in reality, thinking of her made everything worse. As much as she wanted to stay alive to be with her, she just wanted to not be here. She just wanted water. She just wanted to feel her limbs again. She just wanted to breathe again.

"Fuck, Damien PLEASE!"

He then entered the room. He was grimacing. He had been in a bad mood ever since Emily had insulted him. "What?"

"Water," Emily begged. "I need water."

Damien walked up to her, looking pissed off. "Really? You do?" he took out his knife and brushed it across her bare thighs. "I thought you were stronger than this, Emily. The other girls, they lasted hours longer than you."

"Please," Emily pleaded, her voice giving out. "Just a sip."

"But Emily, you haven't been a good girl. You haven't deserved it yet." He whispered in her ear, manipulating her.

She knew that he was just trying to get her to become submissive. But Emily was at the point that she would be submissive if it meant that she could have water and survive for a little bit longer. "I'm sorry, Damien. I shouldn't have said what I said. It was wrong and improper."

Lewis looked sympathetic for a second as he caressed her face. But then he snatched his hand away. "See, I understand you, Emily. I understand your motives. I know you don't mean it. But you will. Soon, you will understand."

He left her there. Without water. Without hope. Without a desire to live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the really harsh chapter. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Reviews are welcome! XX


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Criminal Minds. And in this chapter, I bet you all will be glad of that.

38 hours left…

JJ was close to banging her head on the interrogation table. She and Reid had been interviewing Annabeth Linde for almost two hours and they weren't getting any closer to finding out where he had taken Emily.

"I'm sorry I don't have any better information for you," Annabeth said, disappointed in herself.

"I'm sorry, I just don't understand," JJ muttered, getting more annoyed by the minute. "You lived with him for seven years, and not once did you try to escape or call the police?" Her tone was harsher than she had ever been with a victim.

Annabeth frowned, ashamed. Reid looked at the victim sadly. He knew that JJ wouldn't have said that if it wasn't about Emily. "Mrs. Linde, my colleague isn't trying to insult you. We are just trying to understand the psychology, so we can try to understand Lewis more."

Annabeth nodded and said, "I know. And I wish that I had done something earlier. But he always kept his tabs on me. I always felt like I was being watched. I always felt unsafe. I can't explain it. And then after a while, I felt like he was protecting me."

"You didn't kill yourself," JJ pointed out once again, trying to get some answers. "All the other girls did. Why? Why didn't you, but why did the others? What was the difference?"

"I don't know why I couldn't," Annabeth admitted. "It wasn't like I was hopeful. I abandoned my family and moved away to where no one knew me. No one looked for me. But I couldn't do it myself. I just couldn't."

"Did you have suicidal thoughts?" Spencer asked her.

"Of course." She told him. "I still do. Death is all I have thought about for seven years."

"Did he still give you chances to kill yourself?" He said.

"Yes and no. He didn't give me a weapon or anything after he let me out. But he also didn't prevent me from being around or touching weapons. I could have gone to the kitchen at any time and slashed my wrists."

"So why didn't you?" JJ asked her, none of her questions being answered.

Tears rose up in Annabeth's eyes. "After around eight hours was when I first wanted to die. You see, it's not the physical torture that makes us want to kill ourselves. It's how he rapes over and over again and blames us for it. Makes us think that we wanted it. So when I got through that. Those first couple hours, Hell, I thought I could get through anything. But then he let me out. I know I could have run. And you think I don't realize that some of those murders are partly on me because I didn't go to the police? But I couldn't leave. I just—"

"It happens a lot," Reid informed her, trying to smile sympathetically. "It's called Stockholm Syndrome. It's where people of extreme abuse become submissive to it and end up caring for the abuser."

"Is— is that wrong of me?" Annabeth questioned.

"No. It happens quite often. But with therapy, you can be good as new." Reid smiles at her, but JJ stated upset.

Annabeth could tell that JJ was angry. "You blame me, don't you? For your colleague's kidnapping. You think that if I had just told the police years ago, that none of this would have happened."

JJ didn't disagree. "You're right. But I don't have to understand. Especially since we are going to find her."

Annabeth nodded. "But when you do, she's not going to be the same. She is going to have felt things that you can't even fathom. There won't be a moment she doesn't feel unsafe. There won't be a moment she won't feel him on her. There won't be a moment she will understand."

"And how do you think she is feeling now?"

"Well, if she is anything like me, death sounds like a good option to her right now."

JJ narrowed her eyes. "But what about thinking about hurting family or friends. What about hope?"

"For me, hope left after 5 hours. Five hours of the constant rape. And when you are hung from a wall, you aren't thinking about how anyone will feel if you die. And if you think about other people, you hope no one ever has to see you like this when you are alive."

JJ shook her head thinking about the fact that she already saw what was happening to her on the live feed. She wished the woman was wrong. "Emily wouldn't. Couldn't."

"She would and could," Annabeth argued. "If she's like most of the girls, she won't last more than another day and a half." She watched both of the agents' reactions. "You are in love with her, aren't you?" She asked JJ. At JJ's confusion, she added, "He is worried. Very genuinely worried. But you, you look like you are ready to kill Lewis. I've learned how to read people. It helps with knowing when Lewis will get in a rage."

JJ had no idea she was so obvious. "I can't let her die."

"I know. But she'll want to. I'm sorry. But that's just how it is."

JJ's face hardened. "I can't accept that." She couldn't handle being in that room any longer. She got up and ran out the door. Heading for a bathroom, when she reached a toilet, she threw up everything. She didn't even notice that Spencer's hand was on her back until he pulled her hair out of the way.

"It's going to be okay," he whispered soothingly. "We are going to find her."

"I can't— I can't live without her," JJ choked out as she began to sob. She turned around and fell into her friend's arms.

"We have a lot of time left," Spencer reminded her. "She's surviving. You know that. She's a fighter."

JJ nodded, trying to believe the words that he was saying. "You're right. Okay, thank you. Let's go see if the others need help."

* * *

He figured her out. Emily knew she was better than this. She knew that she could have played him better. She was trained for this. And she studied guys like this. So she had no idea why he could see through her so easily. She worried that she was losing her touch.

But she did know that she had to come up with something. Because as much as she felt like things were getting hopeless, she needed him to know that she was feeling that to a higher extent. She needed him to think she was worse than she really was. She needed him to trust her. She just didn't know how.

"I'm sorry," Emily whispered gently, knowing that he was listening to her. "I'm sorry. You are absolutely right. I shouldn't have lied. I-I mean it now. You know I mean it. I will obey you now. You just have to give me a-"

He entered the room with a smile on his face. "My dear, this is all you had to do." He took out a bottle of water from behind him as he walked up to her. "Say please, Emily."

"Please, Damien. Please allow me to have some water."

He looked at her eyes very closely, trying to spot any lies. "Alright, I can tell you mean it." He opened the water and poured it into her mouth.

Automatically, she felt better.

When he took the bottle away from her, he slapped her. "That's for not saying thank you right away. That's proper manners, Emily."

"You're right," She apologized. "I'm sorry."

"It's taking you quite a while to learn. But I'm happy to be your teacher." He said before laughing and unbuttoning his pants.

* * *

37 hours left…

"So I was able to record everything that we have gotten from the live camera," Penelope informed JJ and Spencer. She tried to stay uplifting, but after watching it, she knew things weren't looking good.

"Okay…" JJ said slowly, not understanding what the tech analyst's point was. "And that helps us how?"

"I was thinking, that if I could slow the tape down, that maybe Reid would be able to read lips?" Garcia asked, turning to Spencer with hope.

Spencer thought about it for a second and then told her and the team, "I won't be able to read Lewis since I haven't heard him speak. But I think I may be able to read what she said."

The team nodded, a new hope rising in all of them. Penelope rewound it to the beginning of the video. Spencer looked at the film closely and said, "When he enters, she first asks, 'why am I your last? You could have gotten away with killing for a long time. Why now?' He replies as he… touches her. She then says, 'you know they won't report me, right?' Lewis looks confused as he speaks. She then replies, 'The can't release my photo and probably not my name. If I die, my team wouldn't let my name get abused.' Lewis gets tense and removes his hand from her body. She then asks, 'Why do you like torturing my team? Isn't it enough to just hurt me?'"

The team stayed silent, each one feeling pain from every retelling Spencer did. "Lewis then scoffs and gives her a long speech, it makes her uncomfortable. She answers to him, 'I know that there is no point. You're too smart to not have soundproof rooms. Besides I don't want to lose my voice.' I'm guessing that means Lewis asked her why she doesn't scream. He asks her another question and then she replies, 'no one can train you for this.' He asks another question and Emily stiffens and says, 'I just don't get intimidated by weak men.'" Reid cleared his throat when he saw the slap again. "After he slapped her, she got even angrier and said, 'Weak men rape girls because they can't get any themselves. And the killing, hell, the killing, that's from their insecurity about their dick. Don't forget Lewis, I've seen yours. And I am not impressed.' She is interrupted by the knife in her arm. She cries out 'fuck,' a lot and then… Garcia, you ended the video?"

Penelope shrugged tears at the corner of her eyes. "Nobody needed to see that again. If you continue the film, there is more."

Spencer nodded and pressed play. This was a video he hadn't seen before. "Emily looks more tired and on edge. She calls out, 'Lewis.' and 'Damien' a few times, looking disgusted with herself from begging. She then yells, 'Fuck, Damien, please,' which is when he enters the room. She tells him, 'water, I need water.' Lewis still looks angry, he takes out the knife and runs it across her thighs which are obviously still cut up. She says, 'please just a sip,' and her demeanor changes to act more submissive. She says, 'I'm sorry, Damien. I shouldn't have said what I said. It was wrong and improper.' That causes Lewis to be very happy as he starts to touch her again. Shit- but then he takes his hand away and looks angry. He found out that she was playing him. He leaves."

"He has only come back once since," Garcia told Spencer and JJ. "Play the rest of the film."

Spencer nods and looks at the scene. "Emily looks dourer. Depressed. Hopeless. Even though Lewis isn't in the room, she says, 'I'm sorry. You are absolutely right. I shouldn't have lied. I mean it now. You know I will obey you now. You just have to give me a-' she is interrupted when he walks inside with a grin on his face. He walks up to her and she says, 'Please, Damien. Please allow me to have some water.' He then gives her some water but he then slaps her and she doesn't flinch. She merely apologizes again and hey! Why did it end?"

Penelope frowned, turning to look at JJ. "He began to uh… He uh… No one needs to see what he did next to Emily."

Hotch didn't let JJ or Spencer process what Garcia had told them because he cleared his throat so that everyone turned to him. "As terrible as this looks, there is some good from it. If we are able to read what Emily is saying, and she is able to get information out of him, we have a chance that she could figure out things that we don't have knowledge of. Also, Emily has been playing along well."

"She's getting stabbed and slapped and raped!" JJ shouted, anger rising up in her body. "How could you say that she was playing well? She's getting hurt!"

"She's allowing him to hurt her," Hotch disagreed. "She's letting him play with her so that he thinks that she is becoming submissive. He will start to think that she won't have a mind of her own and will start to trust her. She wants him to think that she is breaking down. JJ, this is a good thing. She is doing everything right."

JJ shook her head. As much as she knew that Hotch was right, it didn't mean that what was happening to her was a good thing.

"What have you found out about the victim?" Rossi asked Spencer, trying to change the subject.

"Not much," Reid told him. "She seriously believed that she couldn't leave him. She has barely been her own person for seven years."

"Here's what I'm thinking," Morgan informed the team. "I think that Emily is thinking the same thing as us. I think she is trying to understand why he has screwed himself over just as we are. More than anyone, Linde has spent time with the UnSub over years. Whether she realizes it or not, I think it is a big possibility that she knows what the trigger was. I think we need to ask her more questions about that."

Hotch nodded, agreeing with him. "I think you are right. I think that learning about Lewis will help us find where he is. Morgan, Reid, JJ, go continue interviewing Mrs. Linde. She may have more information than she knows."

"Rossi?" JJ asked the eldest agent.

David smiled at her and nodded. "Yes, JJ?"

"Can you stay here with Emily?" JJ asked him. "She needs someone to watch her right now. And I don't want Pen to be watching her for too long."

"Of course, JJ." He agreed with her warmly.

JJ nodded and turned to Hotch. "Okay, I'm ready."

* * *

She didn't know how much time had passed since the last time he came inside to give her water. Oddly enough, it bothered her that he hadn't come to see her. She always thought that if she was taken by an UnSub, she would want to spend as little time possible with the UnSub. Especially when the UnSub was as bad and ruthless as this one. She couldn't believe that she'd want to see him, even though she knew it was a possibility that he'd touch her again. But she needed water. She needed to be let down. She needed her team. She needed JJ.

She asked herself if she was really playing the role of being submissive or if she was actually becoming submissive. She would never have thought that she would fall this easily. Break this easily. She knew it wasn't even a full day. But she already felt done with everything. And even though she planned to get out. She planned to see the team again. She planned to be in JJ's arms again. She knew, deep down, that if they didn't find her, this would be her last few days. And as much as every part of her hated Lewis, she hated being alone more.

Emily didn't want to ask for him. And as much as she knew how fallen he would think that she had become, she couldn't let herself pretend to be that weak yet. She needed more time.

She needed hope. She needed to know that her team was going to find her. That she'd be reunited with them soon. That she had a happy future with JJ that didn't involve violence or depression. She needed to know that she wasn't going to die.

Her eyes were becoming more droopy. She didn't want to sleep like she did previously. Before, she wanted the time to pass, but now, she wanted to spend her possibly last days fully aware of everything. But her brain was on a different page. Everything slowly became more blurry. It was as if suddenly her eyesight had manifested itself to need glasses.

She blinked slowly, becoming more lethargic every second. It didn't take too long until she blinked and her eyes remained closed.

* * *

36 hours left...

"Annabeth," JJ interrogated as Spencer and Morgan watched her carefully. "How often do you think that Lewis kills his victims? When does he stop? How does he stop? And when does he decide to move on to the next place?"

Bombarded with questions, Mrs. Linde told her, "I think he kills around four girls at every place we stay in. He waits a couple months to find the girls. He stalks them. Messes with them maybe. Or even plays with them, becoming close with some of them. We always go before he kills more than seven, I'd say. I don't know why he decides to leave, the police never come."

"How do they not come?" JJ asks her, confused. "I mean, he chose all his victims from one party. That's easy police work to figure that out."

"He's never done that before. He usually spends months tracking them. Finding the girls that won't be missed. It wasn't until here when he killed girls that meant something to society. Girls that would be missed by family. Only recently has he wanted to become… popular."

"And why is that?" JJ questioned. At her shrug, she also asked, "Have you noticed any change of emotion in the last couple months? Has he acted any different?"

Annabeth looked down and shook her head. Immediately, all the profilers could see that she became guarded. They struck a nerve. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" Morgan piped up, getting irritated. "Mrs. Linde, you are the only one that has spent a long time with him. You know him better than anyone. His MO has changed drastically in DC. And didn't you say that you learned how to read him?"

He got to her. She knew that she had to confess. She cleared her throat, embarrassed. "I made us leave and come to DC. I was always afraid that it would happen. And sometimes I'd think it did. Even though he was always so careful. But then he wasn't and- he didn't like the news."

The men were confused, but JJ understood right away. "You're pregnant."

Annabeth nodded solemnly. "I had never seen him more terrified than when I told him. The next day he told me that we were leaving. And now we are here. And you have me. And I can't help thinking that he has let me go. He knew you would find me, catch him."

"Annabeth," JJ told the younger girl. "He's a psychopath. He may have let you go, but he knew that this would stay with you forever. He hoped that your child would continue his legacy. He's torturing you without even touching you."

The poor girl flinched and started to play with your hands. "You must think I am crazy. To want the baby. To love this baby."

"No," JJ disagreed. "I don't think you are crazy. I think your mother instincts kicked in the second you found out you were pregnant. I think you thought that for sure, that he wouldn't let you have a baby. But now that you are, you see it as a miracle."

Annabeth nodded, smiling with tears in her eyes. "Yes. As much as I know my child will be a reminder of him, the child will always be part me. The baby won't even have to know about their father."

"You said that Lewis was terrified?" Reid asked her, changing the subject. "Terrified at what? Of you? Or the baby?"

"Oh, the baby," Annabeth said with no hesitation. "Every time he'd rape me, he'd wear a condom. He made sure that everything was safe. I think that being a father was the last thing that he wanted."

Morgan turned to the rest of the team and pondered, "Being a father would mean having a child that is made from you. Partially you. It's the most egotistical thing humans can do. Why wouldn't he be thrilled? Why would he give up everything because of it?"

JJ's eyes widened, coming to a realization. "Because he didn't want to be his father. Think about it! His mother committed suicide and his father was charged with raping several women. If he had raped his mother and she had become pregnant, he would be replaying what his own father did. He hated his mother because she didn't love him because she didn't want kids! And that was his father's fault! Without him trying to, he subconsciously created the same situation his father did and didn't want his child to have the same life he had..."

"Then he hated who he was becoming!" Morgan finished energetically. "This is his last hurrah because he doesn't have the will to survive and be like his father!"

"And that's also why he couldn't kill you," Reid told the woman sitting across from the team. "Killing you would have felt like when his mother committed suicide because of his father. He never realized he hated his father until now. His father was his idol. He's the very reason why Lewis kills and rapes today. But now that he might have a child, he realized that she was becoming his father and he realized his father treated him poorly. And as much as he hates his father, he has become his father. And when he realized that, he didn't want to live any longer."

"Right," Morgan agreed with the other profiler. "And now that he doesn't care about getting caught, he will try to get as famous as possible before he dies."

"And that includes Emily," JJ pointed out sadly. She turned back to Annabeth. "Where were you when Lewis took you, hostage?"

"North Carolina," Annabeth informed her. "Near the coast."

"Do you remember where you were held?" JJ asked her.

Annabeth shook her head sadly. "No. But, I do remember where he took me after. The first house I lived in with him."

The realization dawned on her. JJ suddenly got up and left the interrogation room, leaving both Reid and Morgan speechless.

* * *

Her eyes fluttered open. She had no grasp on how long she had been asleep, she just knew that she didn't feel any better after resting. She felt just as tired, just as weak. Her blurry eyes scanned the room and she noticed Damien was sitting down on a chair he must've brought in, watching her.

"I didn't know if you were ever going to wake up."

Emily coughed, not knowing if she was capable of speaking. Her tone was breathless when she asked, "How long?"

Damien let out a harsh chuckle. "How long have you been here?" At Emily's nod, he told her, "A little bit longer than a day and a half. 40 hours, maybe. How long has it felt for you?"

"Longer."

Damien got up and began to examine the brunette. He pressed his cold lips on hers, and she didn't even flinch. She wanted to, though. Ever part of her wanted to bite him like she did at first. But she had to play along. She thought that playing along would be the only way she could make it.

She wanted to hurt herself when she let her mouth be opened by his tongue. She could taste the bitterness. It reminded her of blood.

When he removed his lips from hers, he stepped back, almost with admiration for her, if he could ever feel such a thing. "You know you are quite beautiful when you want to be." He brushed his hands against her body and he moved down to her thighs, where he had brutally cut them. He even delicately ran his hands over the knife wound. Her body was becoming dark purple and blue from the bruises he placed on her. She didn't want to know how many bones had been broken. "It's a shame, really. If only you had respected me from the beginning. And all these aches and pains wouldn't be here. No cuts, no bruises. Just me and you."

The words formed in her head and she surprised herself more than Lewis when she told him, "Maybe that's how I like it."

He laughed tirelessly. "I had never thought of that. But it does make sense, with your line of work. Who chooses to be in the line of fire if they don't deep down want to get shot? Do you like it rough?"

"And what if I did?" Emily asked him. "Wouldn't that make you stop? Aren't you trying to torture me to suicide?"

Instead of answering he pressed his fingers through her hair. "I'm not torturing you. I'm teaching you how to be a good woman. I'm teaching you respect. It would be your fault if you die. Only weak women kill themselves. If you are strong, well, I guess you have nothing to worry about."

A realization dawned on Emily. "What about your assistant? She was one of them, wasn't she? Why did you let her go?"

Damien's face hardened. "She was less weak than the others."

"And what about me?"

He stayed silent for a minute. "You are more interesting than the others. Stubborn. Yet interesting. I wouldn't mind more time with you."

Emily held in a sigh of relief. She had more time and she knew it. "Can you let me down? I can't feel my arms or my legs."

He didn't acknowledge her request. "I'm sure you don't even want your team to find you anymore."

Against every part of her body and brain, she said, "They aren't coming." The words physically pained her, but she couldn't let him know that.

Damien couldn't hide the grin that grew on his face. With both hands, he slowly slid them up her arms and when he reached her hands, he began to untie the bonds that held her to the low bearing ceiling. She immediately fell, pain surging through her body. Her back broke her fall. If she ever got out, she knew that her back would never be the same.

She let out the words, "Thank you." She didn't want another beating.

"You're welcome. You are becoming quite the learner, Emily. I'm quite surprised." He pushed her down on the concrete, flattening her so that she could look at him.

She knew what was next. And this time, when he unbuckled his pants, she didn't even get nauseous. That wasn't acting. She was tired. And bruised. And broken. What more could he do to her that he hadn't already done? At least she knew he was predictable. The possibility of her team finding her, now that she couldn't predict.

* * *

35 hours left...

"JJ!" Morgan yelled as he and Spencer ran after the blonde who had rushed out of the small room. They stopped when they realized that she had approached Hotch. They walked up to them.

Breathlessly, JJ told Hotch, "I think we should go visit Lewis' father."

Hotch looked at her carefully and asked her, "Garcia said that Lewis never visited his father. Why would he help us?"

"Because I think that Lewis took Emily to his childhood home. And Garcia couldn't find one. The one he lived in for the first five years of his life."

Hotch remained stolid as he thought about what she had said. "JJ, I'm not sure."

JJ was growing frustrated. She thought her team would back her up on this one. She groaned. "Lewis is becoming like his father and it is scaring the shit out of him. He wants his last kill to be meaningful. Maybe he is even searching for his father's twisted approval. But either way, I think he is starting from the beginning. And his father would know about that better than anyone."

Hotch stayed silent for a minute. He was hesitant to agree with any plan that JJ had come up with. He turned to Morgan and Spencer. "Do you both agree with this profile?"

Neither of them really wanted to answer that. So Morgan took the lead. "I think that she could be right. But I'm not sold on the whole, returning back to his home scenario. But either way, I agree that we need to talk to his father. If Lewis is subconsciously becoming his father, he might be able to give clues about the next steps Lewis will take."

Spencer nodded along to what Morgan had admitted to Hotch. "Okay," Hotch agreed with the agents. "I'll call the prison. It's almost midnight. I figure that they won't let us see him this late, so we may have to wait until morning. While I talk to the prison, Rossi has a few updates that he would like to share with you. He's still with Garcia."

He began to walk away as the other agents hurried over to Garcia's cave. When they opened the door, Garcia quickly turned the screen off.

"Hey!" JJ shouted as Penelope and Rossi faced her defensively. "Turn the screen back on! What's going on?"

Calmly, Rossi put his hand on JJ's shoulder before she shrugged it off. "JJ, the things that have happened are not things that you need to see. However, there has been some progress."

"Progress?" Spencer asked quietly.

"Lewis untied Emily," Penelope told the three agents.

David continued, "From what we can tell, Emily has made some headway with him. My guess is that her playing the victim is now working."

"But isn't she taking away more of her time?" JJ asked the other, not understanding the decisions that Emily has made.

"Jennifer," Rossi reminded her. "The faster he thinks she is closer to the break, the closer he gives her a weapon. Remember, each victim killed themselves with weapons. Weapons she could easily use on him. Besides, now that she is free, she can get some energy back. This is supposed to be good news."

JJ felt terrible. As much as she agreed with Rossi, that this was indeed good news, she couldn't help but continue feeling helpless and afraid and annoyed. "It happened again, didn't it? That's why you won't let me see. Is he doing it to her right now? Is she more bruised than before? Is that what this is?"

The room remained silent.

David sighed, not knowing how much he should tell the blonde. "He finished a couple minutes ago. She didn't react this time. I think she's… becoming quite numb to it all. Or she's doing a hell of a good job pretending like she has given up."

"What if she's not faking it?" JJ asked the others. "We all think that this is some dramatic plan so that she could kill him, but what if she's really giving up? What if she's tired of living? We keep telling each other that Emily's strong, but who can be strong enough for this? Torture is one thing. But this, this, there is no fixing this."

The others couldn't hide that they were wondering the same thing. They all were slowly losing hope. Even Rossi, but he wouldn't let the others know that. He knew it was his job to maintain their spirits. "We have to keep our faith that Emily can survive this. We have to keep hoping that she'll come back to us. Because I'm sure her hope is running out. And we need to make sure we have enough for her to take."

The group nodded at his wise words. It left some reassurance in everybody. Except for JJ. She cleared her throat and said, "I'm going to see if Hotch has gotten word from the prison." And with that, she left.

* * *

She began to shiver. Violently. She hated the feeling of her naked body on the concrete. She hated the feeling of the blood oozing out of her like a pinata. She hated how submissive she had become to the whole situation. More than a day and a half. That's what he told her. Believing him was a whole other story. But she had no idea why he would lie about it in the first place. She wanted to fight back. Push him away when he got to close. Hit him when his face neared.

She didn't even know if she was acting anymore. Hell, she was so lost, she didn't even know if she had hope that her team would find her. Her team. She shook her head. She wouldn't think about them. Couldn't. She didn't want to get her hopes up. She didn't want to think about seeing her… no. She wouldn't do this to herself. She won't let herself down. Not when everything already looks so grim.

She had no idea why it felt like it was getting colder. She wondered if it was apart of the torture. She hoped that when she was let down that she would be able to feel her arms and legs again, but they continued to feel like jelly. It didn't help that her fingers and toes were becoming numb from the cold.

Time was excruciating. Without her adrenaline pumping, every second felt like a minute. Every minute felt like an hour. At least when he was in the room, time became fleeting again. She asked herself why she hoped for the time to go faster when she was so close to death. She wondered for the first time of death was becoming a goal.

Of course, she wanted to kill him and leave. Return home to her family and her… JJ. But that didn't prevent her from thinking about how lovely it would be to stop feeling.

She shook her head again. She knew she shouldn't think that way. That way was unhealthy. And unfair to her team. She knew they were doing everything they could to find her. It wouldn't be fair to them to give up. She promised herself to give herself some more time.

He opened the door and she could feel him hovering over her. Watching her.

"Damien," Emily pleaded, her voice shaking miserably. "Please."

Lewis knelt down and put his hand on her cheek. It was considerably warmer than her own body. For the first time, she truly accepted his hand, without acting. The adrenaline began to kick in again.

With his other hand, he brought a bottle to Emily's mouth. Though it spilled all over her, she swallowed the whole bottle. "Thank you," she murmured carefully.

"You're welcome," he replied as he moved his hand down to her thighs where they were ripped open. "They aren't healing well." He then checked her stab wound. He made a tutting sound. "These aren't looking good. Possibly infections. That's why you are getting so cold."

"Blanket," Emily begged, shivering.

Damien laughed maliciously. "There are much easier ways to get warm."

* * *

As JJ walked to Hotch's office, he came out walking towards her, looking disappointed. "I'm sorry. They won't let us come until 6:00. Apparently, it's protocol."

JJ snarled angrily. "Didn't you tell them about our situation?"

"Yes," Hotch told her calmly. "And they are sympathetic. But they can't just change the rules for us, JJ. We have to pretend that this is like any other case."

JJ's stare became a glare, one that Hotch had never seen before. "But this isn't like any other fucking case! This is Emily!"

Hotch sighed, understanding her pain. They barely even noticed how the rest of the team was now watching them. "I know, JJ. But we can't—"

"I'll go myself!" JJ interrupted irrationally.

"JJ," Hotch whispered solemnly. "They won't let you in."

"I'll make them."

Hotch held JJ so that she couldn't move. "Think about this for a second, JJ. You won't get any answers out of him even if you get through. He will only talk to males. You'll just piss him off and maybe not even talk to us later. If we plan this out, we can get him to talk. We have six hours."

"Six hours, Aaron," JJ said his name clearly, trying to show that he was no longer the boss of her. "She could die in six hours. She's naked on the ground trembling in her own blood."

Hotch tried to hide his flinch at her cold words. "The profile says—"

"FUCK THE GODDAMN PROFILE!" JJ yelled out so that everyone turned to her on the floor. "Emily is getting tortured and raped and we are just standing here." Angry tears slid down her face. "How many more times will she be raped before we find her? How much more traumatized do we make her by planning?"

Hotch melted. He agreed with the blonde more than she could know. But he wouldn't let his team members get fired for this. "I understand how you feel."

"Don't lie to me, Hotch!" JJ sobbed at him. "You can't understand! You're not watching the love of your life getting tortured!"

"You're right," He agreed solemnly. "But that doesn't mean we should rush this. If we don't have a plan, he might not answer our questions. JJ, if we rush this, we may be getting Emily killed."

That shut her up. She wiped her tears and put on a hard face. She turned around to head back to her own office when she found Strauss staring at her. JJ ignored her, not being able to handle her at the moment.

"Agent Jareau!" The section chief called out.

JJ just kept watching as Hotch murmured to Strauss, "Please leave her alone. We can deal with this later."

Surprisingly, Strauss nodded curtly and she headed back to her office.

Hotch turned back to the rest of the team to find Penelope crying and the rest of them looking incredibly disturbed. He watched JJ slam her door. He walked down to the other agents.

"Reid, Morgan, we need to come up with a reason for us to interview Lewis' father so he doesn't think we are asking about his son."

The two agents nodded sadly as they all followed Hotch into the conference room.

* * *

Emily blinked her eyes several times. Her eyesight was no longer clear. She felt like her body was no longer working. She couldn't even make a fist anymore. All she could do was shake. She thought she felt her cells deteriorate.

She thought that she was dying. And maybe, deep down, she was hoping it as well. For the first time in years, she hoped that God exists.

She didn't even realize she was talking before the words spilled out of her lips. She didn't even recognize if she was acting anymore. "Forgive me for all that I have done. Forgive me for the pain that I caused. F-forgive me for the pain I will cause. Forgive me for my arrogance and the destruction my life has caused. Forgive me for my mother's life that was ruined by me. Forgive me for Matthew's life that I could have saved. I hope that he is with you and no longer in pain. I hope that I can apologize to him in person." She had no idea how there were still tears in her eyes. She thought she had shed them all long ago.

"Forgive me, JJ. I should have been more careful. Forgive me for letting you down. But you can soon rest. You will rest without me."

"Don't say that," A voice called out to her.

"Who said that?" Emily coughed out, looking around.

"Don't you recognize my voice?"

Suddenly, Emily did. "JJ."

"I'm here, baby." Emily felt a warm hand on her abdomen and one on her cheek. "Look at what happened to you. I'm here for you."

"Where are the others?" Emily gasped, trying to get up.

"Stay down," JJ commanded carefully. "The others are going to be here soon. They are getting Lewis."

Emily stopped struggling and rested back down. "Good. I'm cold." Emily then felt JJ reach her body over hers, warming her up exponentially. "I knew you'd come."

"I'd always come."

"I'm sorry, Jen." Emily sobbed quietly. "I let him touch me. It was only supposed to be you that could touch me. Forever. But I let him touch me."

"Shhh, honey. You didn't let him touch you. I know what happened. You were so strong, baby. I was so worried about you."

"But you saved me. You always save me. And I don't just mean… physically. You saved me from myself, Jennifer. You saved my life more times than I could count."

"Oh beautiful," Emily felt her kiss her forehead. "We save each other. That's the deal."

"I love you," Emily told her.

"I love you too." But this time it wasn't JJ's voice. Emily blinked several times and realized it was Lewis who was draped all over her. She was mortified with herself. She threw up the only food that she had left inside of her.

* * *

32 hours left…

"Someone should check on her," Morgan suggested as he, Spencer and Hotch discussed the game plan for when they interview Lewis' father at the prison. "She's been in her office for hours and hasn't come out."

"Maybe she's sleeping?" Reid hoped quietly.

"Emily's getting tortured. She won't be sleeping for months." Hotch grumbled. He checked his watch. "We still have two hours before we head to the prison. Why don't you two get some sleep? I'll wake you up when we have to leave."

Morgan and Reid didn't even have a chance to reply since Rossi opened the door suddenly. Everyone turned to the elder agent. "There's been a change."

"What is it?" Hotch asked him gravely.

"Garcia and I think that Emily has begun to hallucinate," Rossi informed them.

"That's normal," Reid tried to reassure the team. The other agents turned to look at him, looking for an explanation. "Even though Emily has had water, she probably worked it all off immediately due to her adrenaline. And she's lost a lot of blood. She may lose consciousness soon."

Hotch turned back to Rossi. "What do you think she has been hallucinating of?"

"I'm not sure. But, that's when Lewis came in. I think that he was pretending to be the hallucination. Emily was terrified when she realized it was just him."

Morgan almost growled. "That's horrifying. He's playing with her."

"Dave, how much time do you think Emily has?" Hotch said.

Rossi's face fell. He didn't want to even think about it. "I don't know. If she's playing him, it's damn convincing. If she's not- I don't know how much hope she has left. And as strong as our girl is, I know Emily. She'd prefer to die than be violated like that."

"Should we give JJ an update on the hallucinating?" Reid asked the group.

"It's bad enough that she has to see her being tortured. We don't need to tell her more than she needs to know. This is something Emily can tell her when she's ready," Hotch declared to the team.

"Do you have a plan for Lewis' father?" Rossi asked them, changing the subject.

"We chose to interview Mr. Lewis," Morgan began to explain. "Because of the rarity for marrying rape victims. He won't know how common it is. We'll ask him about his home life. It's for research."

"And what if he doesn't help?" Rossi questioned solemnly.

"He has to," Morgan told him with a shrug. "I'm willing to do anything."

Rossi nodded, understanding exactly what he meant. "And what do we do about JJ? Are you letting her go with you all to the prison?"

"I've thought about this a lot," Hotch admitted. "Either way, we are in a tough position. We can't allow her to be able to be apart of the interrogation, but I think we should let her watch it and maybe even have an earpiece. I need her to think that she is somewhat in control."

"Other than the hallucinating, how is Emily doing? Physically?" Spencer asked Rossi.

David frowned. "Not well. I don't think that she is bleeding too excessively, but she desperately needs medical attention. She seems to have trouble keeping her eyes open. She's shaking a lot. I don't know if it is the freezing room or if her body isn't working functionally. I think she's suffering. But she's surviving for the time being."

"Reid," Hotch turned to the youngest member of the BAU. "How many wounds do you think Emily has?"

"Besides internal bleeding that I have no ability to guess, I'd say that she has several. Mostly on her thighs and from the stab wound. But she is severely bruised everywhere else. I'm sure that she probably has broken bones. And this isn't even considering… everything else." He couldn't say, the word 'rape.'

"Is she in any danger of losing too much blood or dying from injuries?"

Reid shook his head. "I don't believe so. She's probably very weak. But unless she has more internal bleeding, I think she will be fine for the next amount of time."

Hotch exhaled. "Good." He turned to Morgan and Reid. "I know you both won't do this, but please rest. We still have to wait two hours until we can leave. At least, comfort JJ and Penelope. When we get Emily back, we can heal ourselves."

* * *

"Emily," A voice hushed out in the dark void. "Emily."

"Shut up!" Emily screamed out, her voice breaking and tearing. She was gradually beginning to lose it since the last time she had water. "You're nobody. No one is there. No one is there. No one is there."

"But I am," the voice whispered out. "Emmy. You know it's me. You know me better than anyone."

Emily shook her head, trying to remove the voices from her head. She wouldn't let herself get tricked again. "You aren't here! You're dead! You can't be here. You are all in my head."

"Of course I'm in your head. That doesn't mean I'm not real."

"Don't quote Harry Potter at me! You weren't even alive when the books came out." Emily murmured, her head aching. She knew that he wasn't there. "I'm not going to talk to you."

"Fine. Then I'll just talk to you. You know, I haven't seen you in quite a lot of years. Besides the whole "nudity and torture," you look pretty good." Emily didn't reply. She wouldn't. As much as she wanted to. "You blame yourself for too much, you know. It was never your fault. Any of it. In fact, you found my killer. So we're pretty equal."

Emily couldn't help it. "Equal?" She coughed out. "Matthew, I left you high and afraid. Friends don't do that. I was cruel."

"You were fifteen. And you didn't choose to leave. I made the decisions I made. And that's final. Besides, you made up for leaving by living your life and being happy."

"But you didn't get a chance to be happy!" Emily argued.

"I am now. Knowing that you are okay. That you have fallen in love. That you have a family that truly loves you. Besides, I'm dead. Everything goes uphill from here."

Despite the circumstances, Emily let out a bark of a laugh. "So is that your job from my brain? To convince me that I can let go? That dying won't be a big deal. That I have someone to go home to?"

"No," The voice called out. "I'm here to remind you of all the things you have to live for. Emmy, you have to keep on living. For me. If you want to make up for everything that has happened, you can start with living. And if you don't want to do it for me, do it for your future with a certain blonde. I do have to admit, I was surprised. But I do like the girl on girl action."

Emily's lips morphed into a slight smile. "I miss you, Mattie. I wish things had turned out differently."

"Me too. But then, you'd be married to me and you wouldn't be fucking that hot blonde."

"I'd still be gay."

"We'd be the Will and Grace that get married. We would get all the benefits like sharing a place, adopting a kid, and taxes!"

"You're right," Emily agreed with the ghost in her head. "I love you, you know that, don't you?"

"Oh, Emmy. I love me, too."

The voice disappeared and she didn't know what that meant. She suddenly felt extremely lonely. Even though he told her to keep going, to stay alive, she missed the warmth of her old dead friend. More than anything, she wished her mind would stop playing tricks on her.

* * *

31 hours left...

JJ just laid on her couch in her office, looking up at the ceiling. She wouldn't sleep. She wouldn't talk. She just kept thinking. About everything. She ran through her whole relationship with Emily from beginning to end. She silently corrected herself. Not, the end. She couldn't help but feel it, though. Everything has changed. And she hates that most of all.

No, she hates the fact that Emily is being tortured and she can't save her. It was their job to protect each other.

She finally did something that was in the back of her mind for the longest time. She began to dial the phone.

" _Jennifer?_ " Her mother asked as she picked up her phone.  _"Is that you, sweetheart?"_

At the voice of her mother, more tears slid down JJ's cheek. "Mommy," she whimpered into the phone. "It's Emily. An UnSub has her mommy. I can't save her."

There was a second of silence before Linda replied. _"Oh, baby. Let me get your father, and you can explain everything to us."_  There was a short pause before she said,  _"You're on speaker."_

"I— Emily was taken by an UnSub we were trying to catch. He's had her for… about 17 hours."

_"Oh, Pumpkin,"_  Jacob muttered solemnly.  _"What can we do? Do you want us to come to you? We can be there shortly?"_

Ignoring his question, JJ declared, "I don't know what I will do if Emily dies! She's like the other half of me! It'll be like when… when Rose died. I can't go through that again."

_"Jenny, don't think that way. Your team is brilliant, you will find her. I'm sure if that. You can't lose your hope. Emily will be with you again, I'm sure of that. How much time do you think you have left?"_  Jacob asked her.

"30 hours maybe," JJ told him. "She's being tortured. Emily is being tortured and I can't do anything about it!"

_"Honey, I know you haven't believed in god for years. But he's watching out for Emily. I know he is. He knows how much of a better world it is with Emily in it. Just because your sister died, doesn't mean that Emily will."_  Linda said.

"The UnSub is torturing her so that she will get to the point that she will kill herself."

More silence. Jacob cleared his throat.  _"Who is the strongest person you know?"_

"Emily."

_"Then continue to have faith in her. I know how much that girl loves you. She'd do anything to be with you again. I know it. But you have to continue to hope. Because if you don't have any hope, well, hell, Emily has a right to lose her hope. And that's the last thing we want to happen."_  Jacob replied.

JJ knew her father was right. She took a deep breath and nodded. "You are right. Thank you for talking it through with me."

_"Jenny, Emily is our daughter, too. Please keep us updated when you find her. We love you."_  Jacob told her.

"I love you too."

She hung up and got up after finding her resurrected strength. She opened the door of her office and headed to find Hotch.

* * *

She thought maybe another day passed. Because how else could time have moved this slow? She closed her eyes several times and had to bite her own lip to keep herself awake. She thought this would be easier. She always imagined if something like this had happened to her, she would be strong enough to fight through the pain. But right now, the pain was fighting her. And the pain was winning.

"You're becoming quite the bore, Emily," Damien told her when he opened the door. "I thought that getting a cop would make things much more interesting. Turns out you may be less strong than most of the girls that have been with me. Who would have guessed?"

He sat down next to her. He rested his hand on her back. "You also aren't all over the news. Which is quite unfortunate. Your team must have hushed up some people. They must actually care about you. I don't know why they would. You are worthless, you know. Practically nothing. It's ironic, isn't it? You spent your whole life trying to catch people like me, but you end up dying because of me. It's very poetic, I think."

She couldn't disagree. She wouldn't necessarily call it poetic, but it was ironic. Pathetic, maybe.

"Emily, are you ready to die? Are you ready for everything you have worked for to vanish? Are you ready for everyone to mourn you for a week and then go on with their life as if you never existed?"

She didn't respond. If circumstances were different, she would have retorted a, "What about you?" or even a subtle, "Fuck you." But the words weren't forming on her tongue, even if she meant them.

The only thing she said was, "How long?"

Lewis sighed, tired of this. "I dunno. Two days maybe. I'm not really keeping track. What does the time matter, anyway? They aren't going to find you. You must have realized that by now. Or maybe," He whispered as he leaned down close to her ear, "You just don't want to admit to yourself that maybe they don't want to find you."

She knew that he was wrong. She knew that her team wanted to find her. Hell, she even knew that if her mother knew what was going on, she would do anything she could to get Emily back. And she was absolutely positive that JJ would want her back. There were no doubts about that. But she had to act like she had all of the doubts. She was a great liar, but this, this was borderline impossible.

"Come on, Emily. You know by now that I understand you. Maybe even better than you understand yourself. Don't lie to yourself. You will hurt more in the end if you think that someone is going to find you. Because they won't. And in just a little bit of time, you will be dead."

Emily just laid there silently. She didn't want to speak. She didn't want him to know that she was still surviving. If she didn't speak, she didn't have to lie.

"I've been a witness to many deaths over the years. I know how the girls act before they take their last step. They aren't scared when they pull the trigger or slit their wrists. No, in the minutes before their death they are empty. They feel nothing. They aren't scared, they aren't sad. They become the empty vessels that they know they will be when life escapes their body. And I hate to break it to you, Emily, but you are there. I thought it would take longer, but I guess not."

She fooled him. She was sure that she fooled him. He thought that she wanted to die. He thought that she was ready to kill herself to end her current suffering. But Emily was nowhere close to that moment.

Damien cleared his throat as he got up. He grabbed his gun that was stuffed from the back of his pants and put it next to Emily's hand.

"I would say I'm sorry, Emily. But actually, I wouldn't. Goodbye," He said as he began to walk away and leave the room.

Emily was confused. Her whole plan was to get the weapon so that she could kill him with it. "Wait!" She screamed out. He turned around, surprised. "Can you stay?"

Damien looked at her skeptically. "Why?"

She bit her lip to bring tears to her eyes. Lying through her teeth, she told him, "I don't want to be alone when I die."

Damien sighed, obviously torn. He growled, "Fine." He walked back up to her and watched her very carefully.

With all her strength, Emily got herself to sit up. She held the firearm in her hands for a few seconds before bringing the gun to her head. While she didn't want to die, it was luring. The idea of never having to exist was merely thrilling. The idea that she wouldn't have to hurt anymore was intoxicating. The idea that she didn't have to live with this for the rest of her life, hell, that would be amazing.

But she'd give all of that up in a heartbeat for one thing. One person. JJ.

Suddenly, she aimed it at Damien and shot. Clank. No bullets escaped the gun.

Emily was horrified. Damien began to laugh and clap as he watched Emily's face fall.

"Did you really think I'm that fucking stupid?" Damien chuckled as he ripped the gun out of Emily's shaking hands. "You idiot bitch." With the gun, he whipped it across her face. "You think that you can just play me? Kill me?" Over and over again he hit her. Blood was streaming down her face.

She felt her face swell with agony. Over and over again. "Stop," She murmured.

"Stop? You want me to stop! You're a whore. You deserve this." He began to kick her stomach, causing Emily to curl up into her fetal position. She swore she heard bones crack and his boot slammed her back.

And then… he stopped. He wiped the sweat that lingered on his forehead. "Think about what you did. I'll be back soon." And with that, he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, guys. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading! Reviews are totally welcome! XX


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Criminal Minds!

30 hours left...

As JJ ran to find Hotch, Rossi was running to find her. "JJ!" he called out as they almost bumped into each other. His face looked deathly pale.

JJ knew something was wrong immediately. "Oh god, what happened. Is Emily… is she…"

"Emily's alive," Rossi told her. After she could breathe again, he continued. "But I have bad news. Things have changed rapidly. And for the worst."

"What is it?"

"Follow me. You should see it for yourself." He began to walk quickly back to Garcia's office where the rest of the team was.

When she entered the room, she felt the misery and knew that what she was going to find out was going to be terrible. She looked at the screen and saw Emily laying down on the ground. She was shaking and looked pale.

Garcia, who had obviously been crying, played the video. JJ watched as Lewis entered the room and sat down next to her. She looked lifeless and tired. Never a good sign. After what seemed like a long speech from Lewis, he got up and reached for the gun in his pants. JJ let out a gasp when he gave it to her.

JJ watched reluctantly as Emily got up and put the gun to her head. She was confused as Lewis began to leave, and she could tell that Emily was too. Emily said something and Reid translated, "She asked if he could stay with her. That she didn't want to die alone."

JJ nodded and watched Lewis turn back around and walk up to her. And then it happened. She moved the gun from her head and pointed it at Lewis. The gun fired, but there was no bullet.

The blonde let out a groan. "No." She knew what was next. She didn't need to see Emily brutally beaten to know that she going to have to pay for what she had done. JJ looked away and Garcia stopped the video.

"Besides the obvious bad things about this," Hotch told JJ grimly. "There is some good. We were right that Emily was playing him. She did exactly what I think anyone of us would have done. This also shows that she is hanging in there. That she hasn't given up hope on us quite yet."

She nodded, even though she didn't see it as positively as he did. "But Hotch, he still has her. She's still dying. We need to get her."

"I know," Hotch agreed with her. "Reid and Morgan came up with a solid plan to get Lewis's father to talk to us. We were thinking about leaving now. Want to join us?"

Without hesitation, JJ responded, "God, yes."

* * *

For the last few minutes, she couldn't stop coughing. She couldn't tell if the blood that was spewing along with her saliva was from her lips getting smacked, or from the internal bleeding she was sure to have.

She curled up into a ball. Every part of her body was in pain. Every nerve felt damaged. Every inch of skin felt violated. She no longer cared if he hurt her. Everything was as mutilated as it could get.

Her shaking didn't cease. She thought that when her adrenaline kicked in again that she'd warm up, but the opposite happened.

Now, now things were worse. He was gone, and she could now truly feel the destruction that he caused. Her whole tongue was swollen and her teeth lined in bloody spit. Her mouth she could only imagine was purple. And her face, Hell, if she made it out, she didn't know how she would ever look the same again.

Her nails and fingers throbbed. As he had squeezed himself inside of her, she pushed her hands into the ground, trying to stay afloat. She didn't want to check them to see if they were all still intact.

Her head ached. She was sure she had a concussion. In fact, she hoped she had a concussion. That would be better than all the other possibilities that could go wrong with the brain.

Her stomach burned. After he dug into her stab wound in her stomach, he pulled the flesh further down. She could only guess that was how burn victims felt.

Her legs were bruised. She couldn't see them, but she knew that they were covered in purple, blue, green and brown.

Her abdomen and chest crippled. Ribs were broken. Cuts were scattered. Bruises were placed. She wondered about the internal damage.

Her thighs were ripped apart. Slowly re-oozing out blood from deep cuts and re-opened scabs.

She knew everything was torn down there. It was numbing from the pain, but it had crumbled.

Her mind was going insane. Drifting off into hallucinations and delusions. Anything to keep her mind away from the pain that made her light-headed. She thought that she had fooled him. She thought that she was going to be free. She thought that she was a good profiler. She thought that she could read him. But he played her back. And easily.

And now she knew she couldn't save herself. And even though she knew how hard her team was looking for her, she knew deep down that Lewis was brilliant and capable of anything.

She was at least now pretty sure that he wouldn't kill her. If he didn't kill her before, well, he won't kill her later. He enjoyed the suffering. He enjoyed watching the hope drain from her body. He liked watching her drown herself in pain. He enjoyed watching her slowly turn to those thoughts.

Thoughts that she promised herself before that she wouldn't think about. But they were there. They were just hiding. Behind all her other thoughts. But she knew that they were there. They couldn't hide forever.

* * *

The car ride was slow and silent. It was tense, knowing that they had to get Emily soon.

Morgan and Reid watched JJ carefully as they sat behind her in the SUV. They knew that they should comfort her, but they didn't know how to.

Suddenly, without much thought, Spencer blurted, "Emily has read  _The Lord of the Rings_  in five languages. She told me that it's even better in Russian. She promised that she would read it with me again."

JJ turned around, tears bubbling up in her eyes. Spencer was afraid he had made a mistake until JJ said, "Emily loves Russian everything. She always tries to make me watch these Russian films that I never understand."

Reid laughed, "I told her to show them to you. She wanted to see how much you could suffer before admitting defeat."

Even the blonde eyes out a small chuckle. It was distracting her enough.

"When Emily first joined the team," Morgan began to recount to the others, "I asked her out a lot. It was infuriating that she didn't seem attracted to me. She was very nice about it."

"AHA!" Hotch called out. "See! I wasn't behind an idiot! You did have feelings for her!"

Derek snorted, "No. Emily was a challenge for me. Besides I wanted to lighten her up. I thought that she didn't think I was her type. But I guess I really am not her type, eh, Jayje?"

JJ shook her head at the absurdity of her colleague. "She never told me that."

"Well, I think it was embarrassing enough for the both of us."

"You don't know  _embarrassing_  with Emily Prentiss," Hotch argued carefully. Everyone turned to him, wanting him to continue. "I didn't know when Emily joined, I only realized years later, but I met Emily a long time ago. I don't think she remembers though."

"Why wouldn't she remember?" JJ asked him. "And why didn't you recognize her earlier?"

Hotch cleared his throat, "Well when I met Emily that first time, she was severely drunk. I met her at one of those political parties. Before joining the BAU, I was planning on being a politician. So I went to those parties. I think Emily had recently graduated from college. I was new to the society. She looked so different."

"After college was a hard time for her," JJ informed him.

Hotch nodded. "That makes sense. She didn't introduce herself. All she said was 'I haven't seen you here at one of these before. Are you going to be one of them?' And when I asked her who 'they' were, she told me, 'People who leave their family for political gain.' I asked her what she meant and she told me, 'You look like one of them. Your kids and wife will hate you but you'll have power so it won't matter,' and she walked away. Emily was the drunk girl who made me realize I was going on the wrong path. Even before I knew who Emily was."

JJ smiled. "That sounds like Emily. And you never told her that you remembered that?"

"I didn't realize until I saw her tipsy after a case. The voice gave it away. Besides, I didn't want to embarrass her. I wouldn't want to have been reminded of a time when I was drunk and unhappy."

Before JJ had a chance to process, Reid added, "She took me to a bunch of those gatherings. Those mandatory party things that her mother had. She'd bring me every time for a couple of months."

"Really?" JJ asked him, surprised by that piece of new information. "When was this?"

"I dunno, a year ago? You had just started dating Will, I think. She took me to the first one right after the cult case. She used me as a date so that and I quote from her, 'creepo rich white men don't approach me.' I think she used me to bug her mother as well. She basically unleashed me, making me spurt out random facts to everyone. It was a good laugh for both of us. And she got herself officially on the 'do not invite list,' ever since. That was her goal all along, I think. But I sort of miss them."

"I had no idea," JJ admitted slowly. "I had no idea about any of this. How did I not know this?"

"Because you have only been together for a couple of months. That's not long enough to share your whole life story," Morgan reminded her.

"Besides, you will have years to learn every part of Emily," Hotch told her warmly. "You'll eventually get tired of it, even."

JJ laughed with tears running out of her eyes. "I need her."

"I know," Hotch said quietly. "We are going to find her. And this is where we can find out where she is." He pulled into the prison parking lot and parked the car. After turning off the car, he turned to the blonde and asked her, "Are you ready?"

"Yes."

* * *

Dark spots crowded Emily's vision. She wished that she would just become unconscious because at least the pain would cease for a while. But her busy mind wasn't allowing herself to sleep. Or maybe it was afraid that if it fell asleep, it wouldn't wake up.

It was a couple of hours since that last time he had been in the room, and she was glad. Before, she thought that being with him meant that time would go fast, but now she just wanted the pain to go away.

She could barely move. Her whole body felt like a large bruise and every breath she took pained her. She wished that she never have to move again. Never have to breathe… No. She promised herself she wouldn't think this way. She promised herself that she would make herself stay alive… no matter what.

But she was tired. Tired of keeping her own promise. Tired of having to remind herself of the hope that she should have. She believed in her team, that was true. But having them find her in a short amount of time… she wasn't sure about that. Especially due to the fact that Lewis has been killing for years and no one noticed, let alone the BAU. She wanted to believe that she was going to be found. But she also needed to be realistic with herself. This might be her last few days on the planet, she didn't want to spend them lying to herself.

She delayed her breathing as much as she could. She created a controlled pattern so that she didn't have to take as many frequent breaths. It also kept control of the pain to a certain degree. The breathing kept her calm, although she continued to shake. She didn't think that was ever going to end. Well, she knew it would. One way or another.

* * *

28 hours left…

JJ put her earpiece in as she watched Lewis' father, Mark Lewis, enter the small interrogation room where Spencer, Hotch, and Derek sat calmly.

Mark entered the room with a charismatic yet hysterical grin spread across his face. With the bright orange suit on, he sat down across from the agents and laughed. JJ shuddered, feeling uncomfortable watching him.

"It's a little bit early in the morning for a chit-chat, isn't it?" Mark asked them as he put his handcuffed hands on top of the cold, metal table.

Aaron disregarded his statement and emotionlessly told him, "We would like to interview you, with your consent."

Mark was skeptical about the conversation. He narrowed his eyes at them, watching every movement of the agent's faces. "Interview me about what? What could I possibly tell you?"

"We are the BAU- Behavioral Analysis Unit. We've been trying to study how psychopaths live with family. You are special. Not many rapists live with and marry their victims, let alone raise their son." He used words to make Mark think that he was different than all other scumbags.

JJ hoped that this tactic would work on him. Mark was their only lead.

The rapist looked at every agent very carefully, trying to spot a lie if there was one. He cleared his throat. "Yvonne was a different girl. Besides, it's only proper to take care of a kid if you made the mistake. I have proper manners."

JJ almost smiled. He was talking. This might work. For the first time in a long while, she felt like she could see Emily soon.

"Did you marry Yvonne before or after she found out she was pregnant? Was her pregnancy out of your rape?" Morgan asked him.

"Rape makes it sound like something I did was a crime. Yvonne liked it rough. Why would she have married and stayed with me if she didn't?" He smirked, seeming entertained by the questions. "But I married her in Vegas the day after she told me she was pregnant. It was the only proper thing to do."

"Did you love her?" Reid asked him, trying to seem interested in this. "Did you love her or did you pretend to love her? How did you get her to agree to marry you?"

"I met Yvonne in LA when I was assisting the photographer taking her pictures. I was ten years older and Yvonne, she was special. Yvonne was interesting. She was like a little doe, always wanting me to save her. I had fun with her."

"But you aren't capable of love," Derek stated harshly, not breaking eye contact.

Mark let out a hearty chuckle. "No, I guess not."

"But she gave up her career as a model to play house with you and mother her child? Why would she do that?"

Grinning, he told Morgan, "Maybe she loved me. Maybe playing house was what she always wanted. She always wanted to be taken care of. Very insecure, Yvonne was."

"So you married her in Vegas. Did you both live there?" Hotch interrogated, hoping that their answer was going to come out.

Mark turned his head. "No, no. We traveled a lot before we settled down. But we never stayed in a place for too long."

"Was that because you didn't want to get caught with serial rapes?" Morgan asked him. "Travel so that you didn't get caught."

"I didn't sleep with no one when I was with Yvonne. She was enough for me."

"So you raped her while you were married," Spencer inferred. "Did your son know about that?"

"Damien?" Mark asked, amused that he was asked that question. "Damien was his mother's son. Immature, stupid, sensitive. Weak little bitch he was. I tried to raise him to be like me, but he was just too close to his mother. He didn't know nothing."

"So you didn't care for your son?"

Mark snarled, "He didn't deserve my care."

"Is that why you haven't been in contact with him since you were imprisoned?" Spencer asked him.

"He didn't need me. His mother died when he was thirteen. Practically an adult. Dropped out of high school and ran away himself when he was sixteen. I guess he got all the money when I was sent to prison."

"Thirteen years old is not anywhere near adulthood. How was your relationship like before he ran away and you got arrested?" Hotch asked.

"Damien was an angry boy. Violent after his mother died. I think he sometimes blamed me for her death."

"She killed herself," Morgan spat at him. "And you tortured her. It was your fault."

Mark rolled his eyes. "That woman was weak. It was her choice to marry me. To live with me. She liked it. Besides, can't you find out this information with Damien himself?"

"We would have," Hotch told him, coming up with an excuse on the spot. "But we haven't been able to find him. We think he changed his name."

Mark grunted as if he was surprised. "Who knew he was capable of that? Maybe he's smarter than I thought."

Hotch wanted to move things along and get some needed answers. "So you married Yvonne when she told you she was pregnant. You moved around a lot. Where was the first place you settled down?"

"It took a long time to settle down," Mark admitted, watching his own wording very carefully. "After we got married, we stayed in Colorado, until Yvonne gave birth. She said she didn't want to raise him there. So we moved to Michigan for two years. Some press found out where she was and she wanted to move again. She became paranoid about people finding us. Eventually, we settled down, though for a couple of years. She paid fully in cash for this house near Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina. We moved again when Damien was five. Like I said, Yvonne didn't like to stay in one place for too long."

The answer that they were looking for was almost all found. They just had to keep digging a little bit longer.

"Can you give us the address of your house? We would like to check it out. We want to learn as much as we can about how Damien would have been brought up." Hotch clarified, hoping that Mark wouldn't get spooked.

Mistrust entered his eyes again. He looked at each agent skeptically again. "Why? I am talking to you enough, ain't I?"

"You are, but we want the full picture."

"You want to see it, don't you? You want to see that if the house makes me seem like I was a monster. You want to know if traces of the monster were left in the house. Well, I was no monster."

Surprising Hotch and Morgan, Spencer stated, "Prove it. Give us the address."

The two other agents were afraid that Reid went too far.

But he didn't. Mark raised his eyebrows. "Fine. Fine. You'll see. Go to my old house. 3784 Morrison Drive. You'll come back and tell me that you were wrong."

Spencer glared at him. "We aren't wrong. What you did to women can never be justified. I can't tell you that you are a monster, because monsters don't exist. But what you did, calling you a monster wouldn't even cover it."

The three agents got up, startling the rapist. One by one, they left the room to find JJ already there, ready to go.

"We have an address," JJ said, hope lingering in her voice.

"We have an address," Spencer agreed.

The four of them walked out the door and began to drive to Roanoke Rapids.

* * *

"You're tired. Emily, you are so tired. We both know it. We both see the signs. You are barely breathing. You don't want to hold on any longer. You don't want your friends to see you in this way. This weak. This pathetic. You don't have to hold on any longer. You can let go. They want you to let go. You will never have your old life back. Everyone will always see you as a victim. You wouldn't be able to do your job anymore. You will only be seen as a victim and nothing else. If you are gone, you are seen as a hero. Are you ready to go?"

* * *

26 hours left...

The length of the drive was unbearable. JJ taped her foot repeatedly as she stared out the window, watching the minutes drift by. She had to keep reminding herself that she was a few hours away from being with her. That she was going to get her.

"JJ," Hotch said as they were almost two hours into the drive. "You need to prepare yourself for them not being there. I know that it fits the profile, but we are sometimes wrong."

JJ shook her head. "Not about this. We aren't wrong about this. I'm sure of it."

Knowing that he wouldn't get her to change her mind, he said, "Are you sure that you want to go inside? It might be a lot. Emily may look different."

"I want to go inside. I will go inside."

"Okay." He didn't argue. He knew that he wouldn't convince her otherwise.

* * *

"You're in pain. I can help with that," Damien whispered slowly as he drifted his hands across her waist. "All you do is have to ask."

Emily was shaking violently. She knew that her body was breaking down. She felt her lips become cracked like ice. She knew that with or without him, she only had a little bit of time left. She just didn't know if she wanted to go on her own terms. She didn't want JJ to think that she gave up on her. She didn't want them to think that she was too weak for not being able to handle the torture. Hell, she thought she was weak.

She could barely move. Everything hurt and all she wanted to do was for it to stop. She wanted it all to stop.

"I want," She breathed out. "The pain to go away."

Lewis laughed maliciously as he traced her curves. "I know, sweetheart. It's what we all want. It's what anyone could dream for."

And then he left.

* * *

25 hours left…

No one spoke. No one comforted each other. No one made a sound. Each one of them knew how this could turn out. A dead colleague. A dead friend. A dead sister. A dead lover.

Spencer and Derek saw Emily as their sister. A friend. A part of their family they couldn't lose because she was so entwined in it. They didn't know her a few years ago. They didn't know how much of an impact this girl would make on their lives. They didn't know how pain her brokenness would cause them. They were in this pain together. Holding on to the thought that they might just save her in time. In the back of the SUV, they hoped no one noticed, but they held hands. Holding on for their dear life. Hoping that their sister could be saved.

Derek didn't know what he would do if she wasn't there every day. Innocently flirting with him, messing with him, acting like the superior sibling. He didn't know what to do if she wasn't there to pick on him and call him out when no one else would. He didn't know who he could talk to when his feelings were getting all screwed up. She was always there. She never judged him, never saw him as anything less.

At this very moment, Spencer was angry. Pissed off that he was so rude to her when she first joined the team. He had no idea how similar she was to him. He had no idea how she would always listen to whatever he had to say. She never told him to shut up. She'd make fun of his nerdiness, sure. But belittle him about it? Never. He always felt that he had learned everything, that there was nothing anyone could teach him that he didn't already know. But with Emily, he still had so much to learn from her.

When Emily joined the team, Hotch thought that it was a mistake. That she was some girl who wanted to get into politics and be exactly like every other bureaucratic wannabe. He thought that she would be ill-prepared and disloyal. He never thought that she would be the most qualified profiler he had met in years. He never thought she would be this brilliant. He never thought that she would complete the team so perfectly. He felt guilty and hated that he had mistaken her for so long. More than anything, he wanted to save her now. Because he knew that if she was gone, his team would be broken once more. Unbalanced.

But that was just the business side of it. He never thought that he would ever befriend her as he did. He never thought that he would ever get close to her like he did. He never thought that there was someone out there in the world who understood him better than she did. No, there was no romance. No epic love story between a boss and colleague. Only deep hearted admiration.

On the outside, his face was stoic as normal. But inside, he was churning. Praying. Hoping that they were going to get to her in time. He didn't know what else to think. They had to find her. There was no other option.

She was going to find Emily. She was sure of it. They were going to have a life together. Get married, have kids, grow old in a huge house reminiscing about old cases to their grandkids. They were supposed to be happy together.

It's funny. JJ always wondered how Emily was so sure that she'd be able to quit if it meant that they could remain to be together. But now, now JJ understood everything. Nothing meant anything if she couldn't be with Emily forever. She understood that now. She wanted to tell Emily that. She wanted to tell her all of the things that she has realized in the day that she has been missing.

She imagines walking down the aisle. Her hands wrapped around her father's arms. She's grinning, seeing Emily in her tux, waiting for her. Emily's more beautiful than ever. Her dad puts her hand in Emily's. She expected to be anxious, but she isn't. She's never been surer of anything in her life.

She imagines Emily's face when her first child is placed in her arms. Emily is crying because she never thought that she would ever have this moment again. And JJ is crying, for the first time feeling completely happy after her sister's death.

She imagines the anger Emily will feel when their daughter goes on her first date. Emily tries to convince JJ to tail them, but JJ calms her down. She's amused by her anger and takes her hand. She has to remind Emily that their daughter is alright and that Garcia already got a background check on him and he hasn't been arrested. Besides, he's the leader of the Sci-fy club. They are just going to see Star Wars.

She imagines the day their first born goes to college. Emily pretends to be emotionless about it and is even a bit cold that day to make up for the pain she was feeling inside. JJ whispers in her child's ear that it isn't personal. That Emily is trying to break away so she doesn't shut down.

She imagines their first child's wedding. Instead of JJ tearing up, it's Emily. Though, she wipes her eyes before anyone can see. She never liked it when people saw her cry.

She imagines the birth of their first grandchild. Seeing Emily almost as happy as when her child was born.

She imagines Emily and her babysitting their grandchildren and telling them all about their adventures catching the bad guys.

She imagines she graduation of their first grandchild.

She imagines the birth of their first great-grandchild.

She imagines holding hands, walking to their death together, in perfect harmony and bliss.

But then she blinks. And remembers this whole possible future could go away.

* * *

"I've thought about this for a while now. What to end your life with. A gun is too simple. Too short. Not enough pain for the final gain. A noose is just bland. Too bland for you. I know what'll be perfect." Damien dangled a short blade with his fingers.

Emily's eyes bubbled up with tears. She knew. She knew this was it. With all the strength she had, she reached for the knife. She stared at it for a while, knowing that she had an audience. This wasn't how she thought her life would end. She definitely never thought it would be from her own hand.

She ran the blade across her wrist. It was a relieving pain. She was in control of it.

Her vision blurred. She couldn't even see how much red had bled.

"Duck," a voice called out.

"Daddy?" Emily barked out. She knew that it was normal to see loved ones during death. "Daddy where are you?"

"I'm here," He replied solemnly. "Look at you, duck. You've grown so much since I was last with you. You're so strong."

Tears streamed down her face. "I missed you so much. So much. I needed you for so long."

"But you stayed strong like I knew you would. I didn't want to leave you, Em. As a father, I never wanted to leave you."

"I was okay," Emily told him. "I made it. They'll make it without me. I can be with you again."

"Emily, darling. I loved you. More than anything in this world, I loved you. And that was why I stayed for so long. But I was in pain for so much longer. I'm so sorry."

"What are you talking about, daddy? "

"Emily, you were eleven. Your mom made sure that you didn't find out. I'm sorry."

She broke into uncontrollable sobs. "You read to me at night! You sang me songs! I was your little girl and you left me."

"I know. But you only saw me at my good moments. Your mother, she wouldn't let me see you when I was drunk. All those business trips… Emily, I broke you. I know I did. I loved you but I still broke you."

Emily shook her head repeatedly. "No, no, no, that's impossible. You wouldn't. Couldn't."

"JJ loves you, darling. Her love for you is as unconditional as yours is for her. If you end your life, duck. You'll be ending hers. You know this. I love you. And I want to be with you. But not like this. Not by repeating what I did to you." He paused and she felt a hand on hers. "You're the strongest little girl I know. Hold on. Use that strength I know you still have inside of you." And he let go.

A ringing burned her ears. Nothing was fuzzy. For the first time in hours, her sight was clear. She looked at her bleeding wrist, the bloody blade, and the grin that spread on Damien's face. She wasn't weak. She wasn't tired. She wasn't empty. She had something to fight for. She had something to live for.

Without realizing it, she got up and tackled him. Punching him, kicking him. And then with one stab in the neck. She watched life escape his eyes.

A breath left her. She fell. The loss of blood was still too much. Her broken bones caught up with her. She collapsed.

"FBI!" A voice called out.

She heard the door burst open and felt the floor rumble with feet running across it.

"Emily!" the voice screamed. Emily felt her kneel down beside her.

She made it. She was strong enough. They found her. Emily smiled. "I always knew you would find me..."

Her vision faded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried so much writing this. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Thank you so much for reading! Reviews are welcome!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds!

The waiting room was dead silent. Hotch was pacing the room angrily. Rossi was trying to calm him down. Morgan had his arms wrapped around Penelope who had finally begun to stop sobbing. Reid was whispering facts to himself over and over again. Telling himself rates of survival after the heart is stopped. Because Emily's heart stopped.

JJ was staring at a wall, shaking. No one was able to get through to her or comfort her. It wasn't until the doctor entered the room when JJ's eyes were removed from the blank wall. She and the rest of the team got up and walked over to him.

The doctor looked grim. "Agent Prentiss is alive. Our Cardiologist was able to start her heart. We were able to stop all major bleeding from the outside of the body. We need to do an MRI and a CT body scan to see if there is brain trauma or internal bleeding, but she is alive."

The team could breathe again.

"Is she awake?" Hotch asked the doctor with hope.

The doctor shook his head. "No, she isn't. We put her in a medically induced coma to protect the brain from swelling. She won't be awake for a while."

"But she'll be able to come out of the coma, right doc?" Garcia asked him.

"These things are never certain," He told her sadly. "She's getting the best care possible, though. We will update you throughout the process. Is there one of you that I can specifically talk to about what happened to her?"

JJ wanted it to be herself, but she knew she knew less than Rossi and Garcia, who saw everything. Rossi immediately stepped forward and followed the doctor to a room where they could talk privately.

"This is good," Hotch muttered under his breath. "Emily is alive. This, this is all we could have asked for."

JJ couldn't disagree with him. She wanted to be thankful that her lover was alright. But she wasn't. She wanted to be in Emily's arms. She wanted Emily to be awake and unharmed. She wanted the last day to be removed from history. She didn't want everything to change like she knew it would.

There was also a different thought that couldn't leave her mind at the moment.  _Maybe she wanted to die._

"Aaron," A voice called out from that door. Everyone turned around to see Elizabeth Prentiss hurry into the waiting room, looking anxious. "How is she?"

Hotch got up to greet the ambassador. "She's alive. They have to do an MRI and CAT scan to see if there is internal damage, but she's alive."

Elizabeth nodded, looking reassured. "Good, Good. I was so worried when Erin called me. I got here as soon as I could. What happened?"

Hotch looked uncomfortable. "Here, can we sit down? I can explain everything to you."

"Thank you, Aaron." She took a seat next to Hotch. "So how did this happen?"

"Emily got kidnapped by the UnSub we were investigating. We didn't know who the UnSub was or where he had taken her. However, we eventually found out who he was and found a live camera feed of what he was doing to her. Using his profile, we were able to speak to the UnSub's father and find out where his childhood home was. We found him and Emily, Emily was hurt and her heart stopped in the ambulance but they were able to start it again."

Elizabeth didn't even flinch. "Is the UnSub as you call him dead?"

"Yes. Emily was able to kill him before we had gotten there."

"Good. That's good. And I can get all of your reassurances that this will be discreet?"

JJ harrumphed. She was tired of Emily's mother's lack of emotion. "Are you kidding me! Your daughter almost died from extreme torture and rape for 24 hours, and you care about this getting out to the public? What's wrong with you?"

Morgan, Reid, and Penelope didn't disagree with her, but they weren't jumping to defend her either. Hotch watched Elizabeth stiffen carefully.

The ambassador cleared her throat. "Agent Jareau. You have quite the career ahead of you. Don't ruin it here."

JJ rolled her eyes. "You think I give a damn about my career right now? You ought to be ashamed."

"I don't have to justify myself to one of my daughter's  _colleagues_. I was only just informed of Emily's condition."

JJ tried to ignore the stress on the word 'colleague.' "Condition? Emily's heart stopped. She almost lost a fourth of her blood in her body. She's broken so many of her bones. And that's a condition? Emily told me about you. How dare you tell a little girl whose father just died to not cry? Do you have a heart? Are you trying to be a selfish bi—"

"JJ!" Hotch interrupted. "That's enough. We are all under stress right now. Reid, Morgan, Garcia, take JJ to the cafeteria. Eat something. We haven't had a meal in 24 hours."

Each agent opened their mouth to complain but Hotch stated, "Go. I'll call if they give us more information. I won't let you out of the loop."

Grudgingly, the four agents began to walk to the cafeteria, leaving Hotch and the ambassador alone.

"I'm sorry about Agent Jareau. She had no right to speak to you that way."

Elizabeth shook her head. "She almost lost a friend. I understand. It was quite unprofessional, but I understand. Emily must have good friends, I see. For you all to care so much."

"Emily's our family," Aaron told her sadly. "We were struggling without her. She plays a major role in the team."

"But you found her. And for that, I'll be forever in your debt, Aaron. But then again, she's in danger because of the job anyway."

He shook his head. "We both know that with or without the BAU, Emily would find a job that involves danger. She's attracted to it."

"I still wish she was attracted to the politics. Like you once were, Aaron. Do you mind if I ask, whatever happened to those dreams? You had so much potential."

He hated that she was twisting the conversation to be about him. "Politics became unsavory. I love my job. I'm impacting the world with my job. I get to work with people like your daughter with my job."

"And is she? Emily, good at her job?"

"She's one of the best."

Elizabeth nodded slowly. "I was very adamant about her not going into law enforcement. Interpol, FBI, I didn't want her to get hurt. I didn't want… this happening. I thought maybe she'd get tired of it and return to this life. But she won't, will she?"

"No, I believe she won't."

"I was never close to her. Never understood her. And now I'm here, at the hospital. And her friends are more emotional about her wellbeing than her own mother. What kind of person does that make me?"

Hotch narrowed his eyes at her. He couldn't believe that he was going to have to give her a pep talk. After everything. "There is no correct way to deal with these situations. We are all in pain, Elizabeth. But some of us show it more than others."

"Agent Jareau's a fierce one. I heard promising things about her future. But for some reason, I don't think she'll be joining politics, will she?"

"I don't believe so."

"Do you think… do you think I am a terrible person because of how bad of a mother I was?"

Hotch replied, "I don't think you're a terrible person. But I do think you should become a better mother. Because Emily is going to need a big support system. And she may need you."

"And if she doesn't?"

"Than she doesn't. She doesn't owe you anything."

It hurt, but deep down, she knew he was absolutely right.

* * *

"She shouldn't be here!" JJ almost yelled as she smashed her sandwich on the plate, not even eating it. "I mean she waltzes right inside and pretends like she suddenly cares about Emily."

The other three didn't know what to say to her. Morgan cleared his throat. "You're right. But she does have a right to be here. She is Emily's mother."

JJ rolled her eyes. "Yeah. I know. It's just hard. Knowing that Emily wouldn't want her to be here, but I can't say anything because, well, telling her I'm her daughter's girlfriend probably isn't the right move right now."

"You and Emily can tell her when she's better." Penelope tried to tell her sympathetically.

JJ nodded. "Yeah, well Strauss knows. So how much worse can it get?"

"She might not do anything," Morgan offered. "You made it seem like Hotch didn't know. You both still have good records. You were able to find her. Losing her would ruin the dynamics. You guys have a lot going for you."

JJ smiled at him gratefully. "Yeah. Yeah, maybe you are right."

The moment was then suddenly interrupted by a text sent to JJ. She got up. "Hotch said that they have all the tests and results in and they want to go over them with us."

"Let's go."

* * *

"I'm Dr. Vandenberg, I'm the Neurologist. This is Dr. Canzanelli, he's the Cardiologist. This is Dr. Slane, the General Surgeon. This is Dr. Mauro, the Orthopedic Surgeon, and Dr. Ruiz, the OB-GYN. After finding out what happened to Agent Prentiss from what Agent Rossi told us, we completed all the scans and tests."

The Orthopedic Surgeon took over. "So there is a long list of physical injuries. She has three broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, a fractured knee and a broken jaw. We were able to set those injuries easily with no problems."

"Agent Prentiss' heart is delicate," Dr. Canzanelli informed the team and mother. "We were able to start it, but there were problems. We had to do surgery, but it went well."

"I believe that Agent Prentiss has a bad concussion. Her brain is also swelling from the amount of pressure that was on it, which is the reason why we put her in a coma. If the swelling doesn't go down, I will have to remove some parts of the skull, which sounds scary, but it is very normal," The Neurologist tried to assure them.

It was now the OB-GYN's turn. "Agent Prentiss had a lot of internal damage and we had to tie her ovarian tubes. I am sorry to say that this means Agent Prentiss is now infertile."

JJ was mortified, but it wasn't over.

"Agent Prentiss had a lot of internal damage in her abdomen. Her scans showed a lot of bleeding. Her spleen was damaged by the stab wound and the appendix ruptured. With one surgery we were quickly able to remove the appendix and spleen." Dr. Slane explained.

"So," Rossi spoke up. "What does all this mean? Is Emily going to recover?"

"I know how bad this all sounds," the General Surgeon replied sympathetically. "But this is overall not as bad as it could have been. We think that if everything goes as it should, that she will have a full recovery."

Full Recovery.  _Full recovery._  Those words repeated in JJ's mind over and over again. For the first time, she felt thankful. For the first time, she felt like things were going to get better.

She noticed from behind her, the cheering. Immediately, Derek and Spencer hugged. Rossi and Hotch shook hands and chuckled professionally. Penelope collapsed on top of her boys. And they all then turned to JJ, who was paralyzed with the news.

"Will we-" JJ stuttered anxiously. "Will we be able to visit her soon?"

Dr. Slane smiled sadly. "We have to check on her swelling of the brain to see if we need to do surgery. But if she doesn't, she still won't wake up for at least twelve hours. But, you are happy to see her during patient hours. Let's keep it at two at a time though, for a few hours. Family first? Ms. Prentiss?"

Elizabeth had been silent during all of this. She looked up and saw the hopeful faces of the team. "No, no. Let her real family go first," She said, referring to the team.

Hotch took charge. He knew who needed her the most at this moment. "JJ? Reid? Want to go in first?"

Immediately, the youngest agents got up and followed the doctors excitedly behind the closed doors.

Hotch turned to Elizabeth, who looked empty. "Elizabeth, are you sure you don't want to see your daughter?"

"I'll see her," Elizabeth reassured him. "I will. I just think her real family needs to see her first. The people who have truly been there for her for the past couple of years."

Hotch didn't understand her. He couldn't. Being a father himself, he had no idea how she was able to not see her daughter after this happened. He was even a bit angry, but he kept it inside. Emily was alive. And that's all that matters.

* * *

It all came at once for JJ. All the emotions that she had been keeping inside for the last day. At one look at Emily, everything had come out. She didn't even care that she had startled Spencer. She sobbed and fell to her knees at Emily's side.

"I'm so sorry," She cried desperately, holding on to Emily's cold and bruised hand. She realized that her nails were broken and she shuddered. "Oh god, I'm sorry, baby." She kissed her fingers warmly, trying to grasp on to anything that reminded her that Emily was alive.

"JJ," Spencer said as he put his hand on her back. "It's alright. Everything is going to be okay."

She almost forgot that he was here. "Spence, I'm sorry. You should get to talk to her too."

Spencer shook his head. "JJ, I'm fine. I'm just going to sit with you and Em for a while. Wait until you calm down. Then I'll send in the next person. You should be with Emily as much as you can."

JJ nodded, glad that she had such a good friend. "Thank you, Spence. I just- I just don't know what to say to her. She's so quiet."

Spencer agreed as he looked at the unconscious body of one of his best friends. "There's no pressure. She can hear you, but she can't laugh at you. Just my kind of person to talk to."

JJ smiled at her friend. "Emily wouldn't laugh at you."

"I know," Spencer reminded her. "That's why I love her so much."

"Can you talk to her? I need some time to listen." It's not that she didn't want to talk to the brunette. She just wanted to do it alone, and she didn't want to tell Spencer that. Besides, she needed time to think about what to say.

He nodded and walked to the other side of Emily and took a seat. "Anakin Skywalker's body was torn to pieces by lava. Harry Potter got killed by the killing curse twice. Buffy Summers died twice trying to save the world. My point is, that people go through death to remember that they are alive. And while, maybe, Anakin isn't the greatest example, and maybe Harry and Buffy died multiple times and we don't want you to. But you've gone through hell and back to come back to us. I don't believe in fate. Or miracles. But what I do believe in is the strength of people. We have to believe in it with our job. And that's why I know you are going to get through this. Because you have more strength than anyone I know. And I love you. Our team- our family- loves you. And you are going to get through this. I'd stay with you longer, but I know there are some other people who also really need to see you right now." He leaned closer to her ear so that JJ couldn't hear. "Oh, and Em? Wake up soon. JJ really wants to talk to you again."

Spencer turned back and saw JJ grinning at him. "Anakin Skywalker?"

"What? She'd get it." Spencer smiled at her. "I think I'm going to go. I'm going to get Garcia. I'm sure that she is going crazy waiting."

JJ nodded, agreeing with him. "Okay, and hey, uh, Spence? I love you, you know that right?"

Spencer blushed as his smile grew. "I know. I love you, too."

* * *

Penelope walked into the small room not knowing what to expect. Spencer told her that JJ was doing okay and wasn't too hysterical, but she still pictured the liaison heaving at the sight of Emily's almost lifeless body. But she wasn't. JJ was calmly sitting next to Emily, holding her hand. She looked up when Garcia entered and smiled. It was obvious that she had cried due to her red eyes and blotchy skin, but other than that, JJ looked normal.

"Hey, Jayje. How's our girl doing?" Penelope asked as she took a seat across from JJ, looking at Emily, and trying her darndest not to cry.

"I think she is doing okay. She needs to wake up, but she is doing okay." JJ told her effortlessly.

"She looks peaceful," Garcia murmured. "Like she is resting after being tired for so long."

JJ nodded. "She deserves the rest. Pen, do you think that we can make it? Survive this and get through it?"

Penelope smiled. "JJ, honey. I'm sure she will. We will all get through this." She turned to look at JJ, concerned for her friend. "Are you okay, dear? How are you feeling? What are you thinking?"

The liaison looked down, not knowing how to respond. "I want to feel lucky that we have her back. And I do. Because she could have died and I know that. But I know what she went through. She's going to have to deal with this forever and that scares me. But I feel bad for even being scared."

Garcia nodded. "I get it. You are more than glad that she is okay, but you are also scared about her future. It's normal, Jayje."

JJ tried to smile at the tech analyst. "We're going to get through this, aren't we?"

"We will, love. We will." She got up suddenly, making JJ look surprised. "Don't worry, I'll be back. But the others need to see her too. Derek is still feeling the guilt, and well, I think he needs a reminder that his girl is alive."

As Penelope was heading towards the door, JJ stated, "Thank you."

She turned around to look at the grieving agent. "For what?"

"For you being you."

* * *

Derek was anxious as he walked to the room. Losing Emily when he was right there was one of the hardest things he ever had to go through. And now that she's back, well, the guilt is still swallowing him up. She's still damaged. She's still traumatized. And he felt like it was his fault.

He opened the door and he almost stopped breathing. Emily didn't even look like Emily anymore as she was hooked up to so many machines. Her face was colored purple. It wasn't like before when he stayed with her in the hospital. That time, she was still Emily. This time, she looked like something else, and he blamed himself for it.

"Derek," JJ whispered as she walked over to him as he slid down to the floor. "Derek, she's alive. Emily is alive." She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, trying to comfort him.

He felt ashamed about being so emotional in front of JJ who had just gone through hell. "I'm so sorry, JJ. I never meant to- she's hurt because of me."

JJ shook her head, trying to find a way to make him feel better. "She is not hurt because of you, Derek! Get your head and ego to understand that! She is hurt because of Lewis. And Lewis is dead. You do not have to apologize to me, ever. I do not in any way blame you. So you need to stop blaming yourself because I can tell that it is killing you."

"I'm sorry," Derek coughed out.

"I told you! Don't apologize to me! If you want to apologize to someone, apologize to Emily. But I'm sure she forgives you because I know she wouldn't want you to ever feel this pain." JJ put her hand to his cheek. "Apologize to her. I know you need to. I'll be right here."

Derek nodded as he gathered his strength to get up and walk over to her. He sat down next to her and took her hand. "You're my partner, Em. As my partner, we have to protect each other. And I failed. I know if you were awake, you would say that you don't need anyone to protect you, and you're right. But that doesn't make me feel any better. When we were coming to save you, I thought of all the ways you mean to me. Emily, if you were gone, who was going to help me tell Spencer how I feel? Who would help me pull pranks on the others? Who would tell me when I'm wrong? Who would be my partner?

"I'm so sorry that I left you. I left you to all this pain and suffering and I am sorrier than I have ever been. So I am going to be here for you throughout your whole recovery, whether you want me or not. And you are going to be my partner again. And I am going to make it all up to you. Because I will talk to Spencer. I will tell him how I feel. And I will be your best man at your wedding, and you will be mine. And Jesus, Em. I'm so sorry. But I will spend my whole life making it up to you. And that's a promise I will keep until the end of time."

By the end of the speech, he had gathered himself together. He had stopped crying, and he had stopped feeling sorry for himself. His mind was clear. His conscious still has a while to get there, but he's better. Derek chuckled. "Somehow, Emily makes me feel better, even when she isn't awake."

JJ smiled at him wisely. "I know."

He turned to look at her. "You know." He got up and wiped his eyes for any tears that may have lingered. "I'm gonna go get Rossi. I'll see ya later, Jennifer."

"Bye, Derek."

* * *

"JJ?" A voice called out from the door. JJ turned around immediately and saw Rossi at the door. "Can I come in?"

"Yes, yes. Of course," JJ told him with a smile.

Rossi looked at Emily when he sat down next to her. "Normally, Emily, I'd be praying. But I'm starting to think that God failed you. Because you are a wonderful, selfless person, and this happened to you. Others would say that this only happened because He knew you could handle it. But no one can handle this evil." He took a deep breath. "I never let myself get close to people. Including my wives and family. But you, Emily, it was hard to not get close to you. It's funny. For some reasons, I see you all like my family. Like you are all my children. Okay, maybe not Aaron. But you, JJ, Reid, Morgan, Garcia. I've never had kids, but you are all the closest things to real ones. And I think that is why this hurts so much.

"You are in pain and I don't know how to stop it. That's the greatest fear of a father. And for that, I'm sorry. I would do anything so that I can take your pain and give it to myself. You have such a long beautiful life ahead of you, and I don't want this to be the end of it. So when you hurt later, I want you to know, that you can share it with me. And I'll be happy to take some of that weight off of you. I love you, Em. And I'd stay with you for hours. But I know that Aaron needs to see you. And your mother, whether you want her to or not."

Rossi got up and turned to JJ. "I'll be back soon. Take care of our girl, yeah?"

"Yeah, of course," JJ told him with a smile.

Rossi walked out of the room to find the next person to talk to Emily.

* * *

Hotch didn't want to go inside the room. He had kept himself at a distance for a reason. He didn't want to admit it, but Emily meant a lot to him. And he didn't want to see her so beaten when he knew that she had so much fight inside of her. He blamed himself. Not like Derek or JJ blamed themselves, but he was the boss. He was in charge. He could have done something- anything differently and may have gotten Emily earlier. As much as he tried to convince everyone else that everything was alright, he knew deep down that Emily was not okay. And that scared him.

"Hotch!" JJ called from inside the room. "I know you have been waiting outside of the door for a while now. Just come inside. I know you need to see her too."

Aaron shook his head. He had no idea how the blonde could have known that he was outside. He walked inside, standing near the door, looking tired and down. "How'd you know?"

JJ chuckled sadly. "I know the sound of you walking. They are very distinct." She watched him turn away from her. She didn't need to be a profiler to know what was wrong with him. "Aaron, you can't even look at me right now. Stop blaming yourself for everything. You couldn't have prevented this. None of us could have known what was going to happen."

"I'm your superior, JJ. I'm the boss of all of you. I should have done what you said. Go to the prison earlier. We could have saved Emily hours earlier."

JJ shook her head sadly, disagreeing with him. "No, you were right. If we had gone in the middle of the night we would have spooked him. We made the best decisions we could have at the time. There was nothing more we could have done."

"Do you really believe that or are you just saying this so I feel better?" Hotch asked her curiously, stepping closer to Emily inside.

JJ shrugged, not knowing the answer herself. "I'm not sure. I feel guilty. Of course, I do. I think we all do. But I know that feeling guilty won't be helping Emily at all. If anything, it might make her feel worse."

Hotch nodded calmly and felt a bit better. Like the weight was less heavy on his shoulders. It was still there, and it still hurt, but the pain was bearable. "What do you need from me, JJ? What can I do for you that will make your life easier?"

"For starters, making sure I don't get myself fired by offending the ambassador," JJ joked lightly. But then reality kicked in. "I dunno. Maybe talk to Strauss about me and Em? I'd be happy to tell her that you and the team had no idea that we were together. I can lie to her. But I just don't want anyone to be kicked out. I don't want Emily to wake up and find out that her job isn't there for her after her recovery."

Hotch understood what she was asking for, even though the task was daunting and maybe even impossible. "I'll try my best, JJ. But I'm sure that Strauss will want to speak with you and Emily. I can't take care of all of it." At JJ's understanding nod, he asked her, "What else?"

"Emily's apartment has both of our clothes. I expect that I will be staying here for a while. New clothes might be nice."

"Of course," Hotch told her simply. "But you do know that you will have to leave her side and the hospital at some point, right? You need to shower. And eat food. When's the last time you have eaten, by the way? I don't want you to get hospitalized too."

"I had a granola bar in the cafeteria," JJ said. "I'll get more food in a bit. I just need… I need to come to terms with it all."

"With what?"

"The fact that Emily is alive. And that I can touch her. It's the only thing I have wanted for the last day and a half and it still doesn't feel real. I also have to come to terms with some other things. I'm afraid she's going to wake up and break down. Hide in her shell that she creates for herself when times get tough. I'm afraid that she is going to compartmentalize."

Hotch understood what she meant and had the same fears. "Yes, that worries me also. I'm sure that Emily will go through with some of that. But she has us. All of us. There is no reason for her to rush her recovery. The team will handle ourselves without you two for a while. For as long as you need."

"Me too?" JJ asked him, not expecting that.

"She's going to need you to help take care of her. You take as much time as you need. I will make sure Strauss gives you the time."

JJ smiled at him gratefully. "Thank you, Hotch. For everything that you have done for me and Emily. We owe you big time."

Hotch shook his head as if it was nothing. "I wish I could do more. We're family." After receiving JJ's smile, he said, "I'm going to head out. I'll talk to Strauss and get you your clothes. I should only be gone a few hours. But call me if she wakes up."

"Aaron, you haven't slept in hours. Go see Jack. Go to bed. Strauss and clothes can wait. It's," She checked the clock on the wall. "4:00. Go to bed. In fact, tell the others to go to bed. I will call all of you if she wakes up. I'll be good. Emily might not want to be crowded when she wakes up anyway."

Hotch understood. He could read between the lines. Hotch was extremely masculine physique, much like Lewis'. After deep consideration, he finally told her, "Alright. I'll tell the others. If Emily doesn't wake up beforehand, I should get here when visiting hours begin. 7 or 8."

JJ smiled at him, happy that she would be able to get her team to calm down and sleep. "Thank you. I appreciate everything."

"You're welcome."

* * *

A few hours after Hotch had left, the Neurologist told JJ to leave the room so that he could check Emily's brain. The doctor happily told the liaison that the swelling had gone down enough and he didn't need to do any surgery. He told her that she could wake up in the next couple of hours.

JJ watched Emily closely. It was scary for her to see her girlfriend look so… not alive. She tried to tell herself that Emily was alive and was going to be okay, but it was incredibly hard to find any positives in the whole situation. She held Emily's hand, holding on for dear life, and watched Emily's eyes, making sure she was watching when Emily woke up.

Even though she wasn't sure that Emily could hear her, she began to talk to her. "Emily, I think you should wake up now. You are safe and you are with me and no one can hurt you now. I am keeping you safe. You are perfectly safe to wake up. But baby, I want you to wake up. Because everyone wants you to be okay. Everyone wants to see you smile and talk and be Emily again.

"I think even Strauss was really worried about you. Oh, and about that. She kinda knows about us. I sorta yelled about how we were together in the bullpen. So… when you wake up, our secret is out. I don't know if that means that we will have jobs when we return to them, but I'm sure Hotch will take care of it.

"When you were away, I thought about our future a lot. It was actually the one thing I could hold on to and hope for. I thought about everything. From marrying you to having your kids, to getting old and playing with grandchildren. That's all I want with you, Emily. A future where we can grow old together and be happy. I understand what you mean, now. That you wouldn't mind giving up the job for the relationship. Emily, I would give up everything to be with you. The job doesn't even matter to me like you do. So when you wake up, remember that we have a future. We have a wedding to plan, we have kids to raise. And I want to talk about that with you. So that's why you need to wake up." Tears fell down her cheek as she finished her speech and watched Emily to see if there are any changes. She was distracted by a noise at the door and saw Elizabeth Prentiss there. JJ cleared her throat and wiped her eyes. "How long have you been there?"

Elizabeth paused for a second before replying. "Long enough to know that you are in love with my daughter."

JJ bit her lip, not knowing how to respond to that declaration. "If you are going to tell me what a huge mistake we are making, you best to leave now. Because I'm not leaving."

Elizabeth stared at her closely, noting her strength and bravery. Instead of refuting, she walked into the room and took a seat. "I wasn't a good mother. Actually, I was terrible. I pushed away from the only thing in my life that I loved, that I felt proud of. And it's my greatest regret in life."

JJ raised her eyebrows, surprised that Elizabeth had just told her that. "Then why did you?"

The ambassador smiled, but not warmly. "I was born into the life, Agent Jareau. Just like Emily was. Except unlike Emily, I followed the path I was born to take. I followed the rules, I played the game, and I did it well. There were times that I thought about other things, but I was taught not to think that way. I was taught to be my parents. So I did what they did. And when I was getting higher up the chain of command, it came the time that I was told to get married. Married women are more likely to be trusted and therefore, successful. Joel, Emily's father, was also looking to get married. We grew up in the same circles so it made sense. We went on a few dates and got engaged. We barely even knew each other when we said 'I do.' But I didn't mind. We did our own separate things. We co-existed together.

"But I didn't know that Joel had… issues, before I married him. I wasn't aware of how unhappy he was in life until I lived with him. He'd binge drink and have affairs and pay people to do the work for him. He practically wore a mask all the time. When we had social gatherings, he pretending to be sober and happy. And as unfortunate as it was, it worked. I didn't need love, Agent Jareau. I don't think Joel loved much of anything. Not his job, me, his family, his friends, life, or any of it. But he did love one thing. He loved Emily. He loved Emily as much as he could with a damaged heart. A few years after we got married, it was time to have kids. Joel didn't love the idea, but he went along anyway. He always went along. Emily was born, and I swear, when he held her, that was the happiest I had ever seen him.

"Joel loved Emily and Emily loved her father. They had a tight bond that I couldn't even amount to. At first, I didn't mind that Emily was closer to her father than me. I allowed him to be the good guy and me the bad guy. Because Joel was a good father. For a while. But even Emily couldn't keep him straight. The depression returned and he'd go on what I would tell Emily to be 'business trips.' He'd really go gambling, have sex with prostitutes, and nearly drink himself to death. But I wouldn't let Emily know. I didn't want her to think that her father didn't love her, especially when she thought her mother didn't love her. I didn't think that I would ever care for someone as much as I care for Emily, but I never let it show. At first, it was for Joel and taking care of Joel. I spent so much time making him seem like the good guy that I didn't even think about what it made me look like.

"But then Joel got worse. I knew he was getting worse. I just- I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to get him in a hospital or rehab because I didn't want people knowing about what was going on with him. I regret that I do. Because maybe if I had just taken him to get some help, his daughter wouldn't have found him hanging from a rope tied to the fan."

JJ's eyes widened. "No, no that isn't what happened. Emily told me that her father died in an accident."

"That's because that is what Emily thinks to be what happened. When Emily was 11, she walked inside our bedroom and found him hanging. I heard her scream. When I found his body I told her to go to her room. I took care of his body. When I found Emily in her room, she asked me where her daddy was. She was so traumatized that she had blocked out what she had seen. I told her that her dad died in a car accident. And I made damn sure that that was the story that got out. Emily thought her father was a good man. I didn't want her to know that her own father ended his life."

Tears ran down JJ's cheeks. "You- you protected Em and she doesn't even know. She has no clue what you have done for her."

"And she doesn't need to know. Emily has trust issues as thick as a brick. She doesn't need this to ruin her as well. I can see how far she has come with you. But I guess, now that you know, it can be your decision if you want her to know. I'd support either decision."

"I shouldn't be the one to tell Emily that her father had committed suicide and wasn't the good man she always thought he was. You're right, that would ruin her." She paused after a while, taking a long look at the mother of her girlfriend. "I'm sorry, Ambassador. That Emily never got to know that you cared."

Elizabeth shrugged casually. "Emily doesn't need me, Agent Jareau. She never has."

JJ shook her head. "No, she has needed you. She was just too stubborn and afraid to ask for help. And now… now she'll need her mom more than ever."

"I don't know how to be a good mother."

"Well, being here is a good start. Letting her know that you are here for you, that will mean everything to her," JJ explained to her.

Elizabeth smiled as warmly as that cold woman possibly could. "I can see what my daughter sees in you, agent Jareau. You have a fire in your eyes. It's the same fire that is in Emily's. I want you to know that I'm not going to judge the relationship that you and Emily have. I used to judge who Emily was with when she was younger and I did a lot more harm than good, I think. Besides I have no right to tell her who to date and who not to date. If only I had learned that earlier."

"Are you referring to you giving Emily an ultimatum when you found out that Emily was dating a woman in college?"

"Yes," Elizabeth told her simply. "I was cruel. Only for the reason that I was afraid. Not that my daughter was gay, which I had made it seem to her, but that she was going to leave. Her girlfriend had plans about moving continents away and backpacking through strange lands. Selfishly, I didn't want that for Emily. I wanted her safe. I wanted her where I could easily get to her. Funny how she ended up in the FBI, even after all of that. But, I'm also referring to her teenage years when she was quite the… when she was prone to lots of male partners."

"Even Emily knows she was being irresponsible."

"Yes, but I didn't have to be so judgemental. Just because I had never been the same way as a kid. But then again, I had stable parents. They weren't bursting with love, but there wasn't a lack of it either. Emily had a drunk for a father and a robot for a mother. I'm not surprised she acted out."

"But in the end, Emily made it," JJ argued calmly. "I know how hard it is to say that when she is in the hospital hurting, but overall, Emily made it. She's happy helping people and putting bad guys away. As awful as you think you were as a parent, she still turned out alright."

Elizabeth began to chuckle. "You must be very compassionate if you have empathy for the woman who ruined your girlfriend's childhood. You're a good one, aren't you, Agent Jareau?"

Surprised by the kindness she was given by the witch of a mother JJ had always thought Elizabeth to be, she said, "Please, call me by my first name. I think we are past formalities."

"Yes, I guess you are right, Jennifer. You are dating my daughter. Please, call me Elizabeth. Ambassador sounds so… wrong."

"Alright, Elizabeth. But you can call me JJ. My friends call me that."

"Jennifer's fine, I think."

JJ laughed at the raw moment between the two of them. Apparently, they weren't to be considered friends yet. But JJ thought that she had a chance to have a relationship with Emily's mother. Something that she would never have thought would happen in a million years.

"If I didn't find out about you both, would you two have told me about your relationship?" Elizabeth asked JJ curiously.

JJ shrugged, not knowing the true answer to that question. "A little while ago we told my parents. So I'd like to think so. But Emily… She likes to keep things hidden."

Elizabeth chuckled. "That's the Prentiss complex, my dear. All of them like to keep things hidden. It's how we do things."

"Emily is getting better, you know. At sharing. At letting me in."

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows, surprised. "I'm glad. I never thought that would happen, but I'm glad that she has let you in. That truly shows how strong your relationship is if Emily Prentiss lets you in. I'm also just glad that Emily isn't dating the twig."

JJ snorted, "You mean Spencer Reid?"

The ambassador pursed her lips. "He was quite the guest at dinner parties. She thought I didn't know what she was doing, but I knew she was just trying to get herself off the lists. I know that girl."

"Yeah, she isn't the biggest fan of social gatherings."

"Isn't a big fan, that's the understatement of the year. Here, let me tell you of the time that Emily tried to start a fire in the kitchen to get the party to evacuate and stop…"

For the next few hours, Elizabeth told JJ stories of Emily's childhood as JJ told Emily's mother about stories of their cases and all the brave things that Emily has done apart of the BAU.

* * *

Many hours had gone by as Elizabeth listened to stories of Emily and JJ's adventures. She had enjoyed her time with the blonde more than she had thought. She felt like she was getting to know the real Emily, even without talking to her directly. However, over the past few hours, she has noticed that JJ has been getting lethargic. She watched her blink slowly as she stared at Emily, waiting for her to wake up.

Elizabeth frowned, concerned for the girlfriend of her daughter. "Jennifer, how long have you been awake? When is the last time you have slept?"

JJ shrugged as if it didn't matter. "Uh," She said before looking at the clock on the wall. "Almost 36 hours, maybe?"

"Aren't you getting tired?"

"I am," JJ admitted sadly. "But I'm used to it. Sometimes cases don't have time for sleep."

Elizabeth smiled at the girl. "Take a nap if you want, Jennifer. I'll be right here. If Emily opens your eyes, I'll wake you up immediately."

JJ considered her offer for a few seconds but shook her head. "Thank you for the offer, but I don't think that I can fall asleep. I won't be able to sleep soundly until Emily wakes up and I know that she is alright."

The ambassador nodded, understanding what she had meant. "She's lucky to have you. Not everyone would do this for their loved one."

JJ chuckled and shook her head. "No, no, no. I think I'm the lucky one. Emily is… she's everything. She is all that I could have ever asked for."

"I'm glad. I was afraid that she would turn out like me. Emotionless, not letting anyone in. Not letting anyone love them."

"That was Emily at the beginning," JJ told her. "It took a while for her to get used to the whole relationship thing. She thought that she would be awful at it, but she's the good one. She's the steady one."

"I am  _not_  the steady one," breathed out the brunette who attempted to open her eyes on the hospital bed. JJ and Elizabeth did a double take. "And I wasn't emotionless."

"Emily?" JJ cried out as she watched Emily struggle with opening her eyes. "Emily are you okay?"

Emily groaned as she started to open up her eyes. She saw the blurry lines of her girlfriend and her mother. "Is this a dream or do I see my girlfriend and my mother looking friendly with each other?"

JJ let out a sharp laugh, happy to see Emily joke. Tears spilled out of her eyes. "You're really here? Awake? Okay?"

"Yep," Emily answered as she squirmed. "Except my ass hurts like hell." She grinned at her girlfriend, trying to reassure her that she is fine, even though she isn't.

JJ's grin widened. "I'm going to call the team, Em. I promised them that I would call them when you woke up. They'd still be here, but I sent them home so that they could sleep. Ooh, I also have to go find your doctors. They should know that you are awake." JJ got up and rushed out the door to make some phone calls.

Emily turned to look at her mother who frowned at her anxiously. "I'm sorry for saying ass."

"No, you're not." Elizabeth shook her head. "You don't need to joke around with me, Emily. You don't have to act like you are okay. I know you aren't."

Emily's face fell, returning to the emotion that she felt on the inside, knowing that she didn't have to pretend. "JJ can't know."

"She'll know, Emily. When she starts seeing clearly. She loves you, Emily. She'll know that you are hurting. Now I know I haven't been a good mother to you, but I'd like to start trying."

Emily glared at her mother carefully, trying to find a reason why she would act so kindly. "Why? I got hurt, it's apart of the job."

"This isn't because you got hurt, Emily. It's because you've never had a mother. And I'd like to be one now. It's for you just as much as it is for me."

Emily didn't know how to respond to that. "How guilty do they all feel?"

"They are all hurting for you, but they are glad that you are okay. I think they all just want you to be okay. They wish what happened to you didn't happen."

"What did happen?" Emily asked her. At Elizabeth's concerned look, Emily clarified, "I mean medically. I know what happened to me. I just mean-"

"I get it," Elizabeth told her. "I'd prefer for the doctors to tell you though. I don't have those answers for you."

Emily nodded, understanding what her mother had meant. "Is JJ okay?"

"Jennifer is breaking for you, Emily. She needs you to be okay. And I'm afraid that when you aren't, it'll scare her. But at the moment, I think she's okay."

"Do you think I should leave her? I don't want to ruin her. Her happiness. Her freedom. She could find someone else who doesn't have the ghosts I have. She could be fine without me."

"Emily, dear, I can't tell you what you should do. I'll support you with whatever you decide, but I can't just tell you what to do. If you think that you need to go through this recovery without her, I think that's a decision you need to make. But I don't think you should go through it alone. And I know that is what you would want to do. But you can't. You need to find someone who can take care of you. Whether it is Jennifer or not."

Emily nodded, listening to her suggestion carefully. Then a realization dawned on her. "You like her, don't you? You like JJ. You wouldn't be calling her Jennifer if you didn't."

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows and didn't want to answer. "I think she is good for you, Emily. She's tough and brilliant. People only say good things about her. And she truly cares for you. She isn't using you. So yes, I do like her."

"I didn't even know that was possible."

The ambassador glared at her daughter. "It is possible for me to feel, you know."

Emily's face softened. "Yeah, I know. I have a favor to ask. Can you try to make sure that JJ isn't in here all the time? Can you make sure she eats and sleeps? Give her tasks or something, too. And try to make sure that she isn't in here while I'm sleeping."

Elizabeth could read between the lines. "You don't want her to see you have nightmares. You don't want her to see you struggle."

"I can put on a happy face for a while when she's here with me. It's not hard."

"But dear, you shouldn't have to. You have every right to feel… traumatized. Everyone understands."

"But I'm Emily Prentiss. I'm tough. And strong. And willful. I don't want anyone to see me as less than that."

Elizabeth sighed. "Won't they be more concerned if they think that you are unaffected? They are profilers if you can remember. Can't you tell when something is wrong with one of them?"

Emily couldn't even respond because the door opened and three doctors along with JJ entered. As the people piled into the room, Emily tried to sit up straighter. She felt uncomfortable laying down while everyone else was standing. The sheer amount of people and three strangers made her feel anxious.

As JJ took a seat next to Emily and Elizabeth, the eldest doctor smiled. "How are you feeling, Agent Prentiss? Any pain?"

"I feel a little sore…" Emily admitted slowly. "But I feel fine."

"Dr. Deutch, can you bump up her morphine? Dr. Stratwell, how do her vitals look?" Dr. Slane asked the two interns.

"Her vitals look stable," The blonde, Dr. Stratwell, told her boss.

"Good. Agent Prentiss, I'm Dr. Slane. I will be your main doctor during your recovery, even though you had multiple doctors take care of you. Your recovery has been successful so far physically. Our Psychiatrist will have to speak with you when you are ready to talk. Do you have any questions you would like for me to answer for you?"

"Yeah, um, can you tell me everything that was damaged and everything you had to fix?" Emily asked her with hope.

"Of course. Our Orthopedic Surgeon was able to fix a dislocated shoulder, release pressure on three broken ribs, and set a fractured knee and broken jaw. Our Cardiologist was able to make sure that your heart was working correctly after it had stopped. Our Brain Surgeon was able to heal some swelling of your brain, there should be no lasting problems. And with one surgery, I was able to remove a ruptured spleen and appendix. And uh…" She looked uncomfortable to tell her the last thing.

Emily narrowed her eyes at the doctor, knowing that she was keeping something from her. "What else? You can tell me. I'm emotionally stable right now."

Dr. Slane hesitated. She wasn't positive that she was in a stable mental set without the psychiatrist to tell her so. Elizabeth saw that Emily was struggling without knowing. So, she made the decision for her to tell Emily. Elizabeth informed her daughter, "You had a lot of internal bleeding, Emily. The Doctor had to tie your ovaries tubes. You are infertile." She watched Emily for a reaction and wasn't surprised when Emily didn't have one. She looked blank. Void of feeling.

But inside, Emily was horrified. Not only had Lewis taken her dignity, he had taken her chance of having kids. Something she had recently thought about a lot.

JJ knew that look. That was the compartmentalizing look. She reached over to put her hand on Emily's, but she immediately flinched away at the touch. The blonde tried to not be offended. She knew that traumatized victims had problems with physical contact. But it was still hard.

Dr. Slane watched this interaction closely. She couldn't imagine how the poor girl must have felt.

Emily felt uncomfortable, seeing everyone stare at her, waiting for her to break. "I'm getting tired. Can I rest?"

"Of course," Dr. Slane said simply. "One of my interns will check on you every few hours. If you need me, you just call for a nurse, alright? I will come to you as soon as I possibly can."

"Thank you," Emily told her as the three doctors left the room. She was tired, but she didn't want to sleep. She didn't want to relive everything. She turned back to her mother and girlfriend, seeing their pity on their faces. "I'm okay, really."

"Do you need to sleep, Em? Because that's okay. You can sleep. You must be so tired." JJ told her kindly.

"No, no. I just wanted them to leave. I heard enough. I want to be awake for when the team comes. I need to make sure they are all okay."

JJ cocked her head, trying to understand the brunette. "Are you sure? Because they would unders-"

"Emily!" Penelope squealed as she entered the room, happy tears falling down her cheeks. "Oh, love, are you okay?"

Though Emily was slightly overwhelmed seeing Garcia, she was glad to see her friend. "I'm fine, Pen. How are you?"

"I'm worried! That's how I am! But I'm feeling much better seeing you awake. You scared us, Emily," Penelope told her as she stood at Emily's bed.

"I'm sorry. Believe me, I wish it didn't happen too." She joked slightly.

Penelope chuckled, happy that Emily still seemed like the old Emily. She wasn't like Elizabeth, she couldn't tell that Emily was hiding behind her fake smiles. "Everyone is going to be so excited to see you. I think Derek would have given all his blood for you if he could. Even if you didn't need it."

"You betcha I would," Morgan called out from the door. He grinned charmingly. "How ya doing, Princess?"

Emily wanted to say, 'good,' but no words came out. She was breathless. Her throat went dry and her heart raced. She wanted to backup, but she couldn't. She couldn't leave. She couldn't escape.

"Princess?" Morgan asked, concerned for his friend who looked like she had seen a monster. "Are you-"

Penelope understood immediately what was happening. "Chocolate Thunder, let's take a walk for a second." She walked up to him and grabbed his arm and tried to push him out of the room, but he wouldn't budge.

"Emily, it's me, Derek. Your friend. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not Lewis." He tried to step forward, but Emily's heart monitor started to beep louder, showing she was going into distress.

An intern raced into the room and shouted at Derek, "Get out! Get him out of here!" She added an extra dose of something into her IV to help her calm down. Once he was out of the room, her heart stabilized.

"What the hell just happened?" JJ asked the intern.

Once the intern was able to put Emily to sleep, she turned to the patient's family. "Agent Prentiss was triggered by her friend. It's normal. It's nothing that he did, it was purely because he's male. That's also why she can't have any male doctors or interns."

"How long will she be like this?" Elizabeth asked her.

"It depends on the person. But if they are close friends, I'd give it a couple of days. Just ask Emily. She'll know for next time. Besides, visitor hours are ending. Emily will be asleep for a while, so I'd suggest you go home and sleep for a few hours. Come back at 6:00. I'll stay with her tonight."

"I'm not sure I should leave…"

"Jennifer, you haven't slept in hours. You need to go home. The nice doctor will stay with Emily and make sure that she's alright. We should go."

JJ knew that Elizabeth was right. But she also didn't want to leave Emily's side. JJ got up and kissed Emily's forehead. She whispered, "I'll be back soon, Em. Don't you worry." She followed Elizabeth out the door.

When they walked to the exit/entrance, they found the rest of the team there looking extremely worried.

"I'm so sorry for calling you guys here. I had no idea that Emily would react that way. Derek, it was nothing that you did."

"I triggered her. Me. I'm one of her best friends and I made her freak out. This shouldn't be happening." He felt so guilty about everything.

Hotch spoke up. "We all knew this was a possibility. We know that this can happen. It happens with a lot of victims. We will just wait for her to get better. It wasn't you, Morgan. It was just the fact that you are male. You can't help that."

"I thought she would be feeling better," Derek admitted sadly. "I thought, I dunno. That everything would be the same. It's stupid, but now everything feels… Real."

Everyone was silent, taking that in. It was hard to hear, but it was true. They stood there, taking that in. After a day of chasing the bastard down to find Emily, this was the first time they all realized that this was real. This was the first time they all realized nothing was going to be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! Reviews are welcome!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds!

Everything was burning. Her insides. Her outsides. Everything was turning to flakey ash. Smoke took up all the air around her. There was nothing left to breathe.

"There is still more damage that I can do to you," A voice called out to her. She could have recognized it anywhere. "When I picked you, I was sure that you would die. It wouldn't even have to be at my hand. I knew you'd crack. They all do."

She tried to get out, but she was stuck in a tight hold. "Get away from me!" She tried to run, but she was being squeezed tighter. She felt cold in the burning room. She felt the burning hand on her thigh and she screamed, "You're gone! Stop touching me!"

"But you liked it so much the last time I did it," Lewis whispered in her ear. "You want more of me. You like the darkness."

"I don't, I don't, I don't," She couldn't move away from him and she screamed again. But then it all vanished.

Everything was white, but she still couldn't breathe.

"Emily! I got you. Stop struggling, you are safe. You are in the hospital. Lewis is dead." He tried to put his hand on her arm but she hit it away.

She didn't even realize it was Reid. She swatted at him, trying to get him off of her. She tried to fight back. "Get the fuck away from me!"

"Emily, it's me. It's Spencer." He didn't move anywhere. He put his arms on Emily's shoulders, trying to calm her down and get her to stop hitting him. "Emily look at me. It's Spencer. Not Lewis. I have got you, now."

The familiar voice brought her back to reality. She was horrified with what she had done to him. "Oh my god. Spencer." Tears fell down her cheek and her breathing became unsteady once more.

"Emily, it's okay. Don't worry about it. I've got you." He let go of her gently. "Take a deep breath, we don't want the doctors to come in, do we?"

Emily considered that and shook her head and started to take deeper breaths, calming down. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, I still have em. The nightmares. They become less frequent, but they are still just as bad," Reid admitted quietly. "I get it."

Emily forgot about that. She forgot that he went through something like she did. She forgot that he understood. "I'm okay, Reid. I'm fine."

"You don't have to lie to me, Emily," Reid told her. "I'm not going to judge you for the dreams or the fears. I understand them. I have them."

She nodded and was starting to shake the bad feelings away. "How'd you get in here? I thought visitor hours were over?"

"I told one of the interns that I'm your little brother. I started to cry, and they believed me. I didn't want you to wake up alone."

"Thank you," Emily told him honestly. She was glad it was him that was there. Everyone else would be too much. "Is Morgan angry with me?"

Spencer shook his head. "He's frustrated. But not with you. He's frustrated at what happened to you. He wishes that he could change what happened to you. I do too… but he's a bit more overprotective than me."

"I feel bad. I wish that I didn't react that way to him. I wish that I felt as comfortable with him as I feel with you."

"You will," Reid reminded her. "It just takes a while. But you'll get there. Morgan understands, he does. He just doesn't show it sometimes. I thought about what could have been a trigger to you about Morgan. Garcia told me that you only started having the panic attack when he started talking. His voice is low. And I'm not a risk to you. Hell, I think my voice is higher than JJ's."

Emily let out a rough laugh. She felt better talking to him. She didn't feel like she had to force anything. "Thank you. For being here."

"I know what it's like to want to keep it all in and make it look like you're okay. But you can't do this alone like I did. Or you'll be addicted to Dilaudid."

"Somehow, I think that someone will make sure that doesn't happen," Emily said and smiled at him. "How long do you think that I will be here?"

He shrugged, not wanting to tell her the answer that was in his mind. "A couple days maybe. If the psychiatrist thinks you are okay."

Emily nodded, thinking that his answer was pretty accurate. "Can't it just be you that I hang out with? Is that selfish?"

Spencer chuckled. "I think JJ might be a little angry with me. And I have to admit, I'm a little bit afraid of her. Especially after what happened. She got a little- serious."

Emily frowned. "What did she do?"

"At one point, I think she was close to attacking Strauss. And that was even after she yelled at Hotch, screaming about how you and JJ are together, in front of Strauss. But don't worry. I'm sure Hotch and Rossi will make sure you have your job to return to when you want to return."

"I don't want her to get worked up about me. She didn't sleep, Reid. When I was gone or in the hospital, she wouldn't sleep. I don't want her to get hurt trying to help me. I want her to be okay even if I'm not."

Spencer nodded, listening to what she was saying. "JJ just worries about you. But I bet it can be overwhelming. She just cares a lot."

"I know," Emily agreed with him. "I just wish she didn't put her life on hold just because I'm recovering. Hell, I'd prefer for her to be with someone else if I knew that she would be happy."

Reid's eyes softened. "Don't push her away, Em. I see it in your eyes. You are looking for ways to push her away. You think she is better off without you. She isn't. You both need each other."

Emily glared at him. "You'd do it for Derek. I know you would. You do it now. You don't tell him how you feel because you think that he would be happier without you. It's hypocritical, Dr. Reid."

"Maybe so. But that doesn't make me wrong, Emily. I'd understand if you didn't want to go through recovery with her, but you can't push her away. You can't end things with her because of your fear of hurting her."

"How can you look through me so well, Reid? No one is supposed to be able to do that. I mean, except JJ."

Spencer shrugged. "Maybe it's because we are similar. Gay nerds who like putting up walls and would do anything for the people we love, even if it meant putting our own happiness on hold. It's what we do."

"I love you, Spencer Reid. You know that, right? You are like a brother to me. A little annoying brother who constantly gets on my nerves, but a brother no less."

Reid chuckled. "And I love you like a sister, Emily Prentiss. My big sister who makes fun of me and is pushy and severely needs an attitude check."

"Dweeb."

"Dork."

Emily smiled at him, truly feeling better for the first time. "Wanna talk about Vonnegut?"

"Always."

* * *

JJ walked inside the hospital not as refreshed as she hoped she would be. She only slept for a few hours. She kept waking up from seeing the image of Emily tortured in her head. Once she entered, she noticed that Emily's mother was only a few yards ahead of her and that she was talking with Penelope.

"Hey, guys!" She called out as she ran up to them.

"Jayje!" Garcia shouted as she hugged her friend. "How are you doing? Did you sleep at all?"

"I slept enough," JJ lied. "Do you know if Emily is awake?"

Before Garcia could reply, an intern approached them. "Hey, Agent Prentiss is doing fine. Her vitals are still strong, which is a good sign. That probably means that she will be able to leave the hospital in a few days if everything else checks out. I spent the night with her until her brother showed up. He looked so sad, I just let him inside. He was so glad to see her."

Worry spread through the women.

"Sorry," JJ asked. "Brother?"

"Spencer Prentiss," the intern clarified. "He came at around 5:00. He's still here. They've been talking for a while. I think it's a good sign in her recovery that she is able to speak to him."

After realizing it was only Reid who was with Emily, JJ sighed with relief. "Yeah, yeah. Can we go in there?"

"Of course! I'll be back in an hour or so."

"Thank you," JJ said as she quickly walked to Emily's room, ready to kick some nerd ass. As much as she loved Reid, she was ready to hurt his scrawny butt. She entered the room with anger. Spencer stopped smiling and jumped up. Emily looked annoyed.

"Who knew that Emily had a brother? But I guess you knew that, didn't you, Spencer Prentiss?" JJ walked up to him as if she was about to hit him.

Spencer gulped and stepped back. "I'm sorry, JJ-"

"You're sorry? You could have triggered her, Spence! You could have done a lot of damage. Next time maybe you should think about that before you-"

"BUT HE DIDN'T!" Emily shouted to get her girlfriend's attention. "He didn't trigger me. He was able to calm me down. Don't yell at him, he didn't do anything wrong. You can't blame him for missing me. I don't care that he lied about being my brother. I think it's funny-"

"Funny? You think this is funny? You think that this is a joke? Spencer could have-"

"But he didn't. Sweetheart, you need to calm down. He did nothing wrong. What he did was actually very kind and he kept me company. You should be thanking him, not yelling at him."

JJ thought about what Emily was saying, and she nodded. "You're right. I'm sorry, Spence. I'm just a little on edge."

"It's okay. I knew you were going to do this. I expected it. I should have called you or something. I'm sorry."

"It's o-"

"Sorry for interrupting," A strange woman said as she entered the room. "I'm Dr. Donovan. I'm Emily's psychiatrist. Emily, do you mind if I speak with you for a while?"

Emily didn't want to talk to her, but she knew that she would have to eventually, so she decided to get it over with now. "Sure."

Dr. Donovan smiled. "Great. Do you mind if we have the room to ourselves? It's procedure. We can't have anything influence your answers." She looked at the guests in the room.

Reluctantly, the four of them left the room, leaving Emily alone with a stranger, making her extremely uncomfortable.

"I see that you are able to speak to him. I heard that you had a panic attack when you saw one of your colleagues yesterday. Can you talk to me about how you felt about them?"

Emily shrugged, already hating the questions. She knew that she could easily just lie to the woman, but she decided to answer them honestly. "Morgan, my colleague from yesterday, he's very loud. His voice, it's loud."

"Like your attacker's?" Dr. Donovan inferred.

Emily nodded slowly. "It's not like I think Morgan would ever hurt me. He's like my brother. He's very protective of me. But his voice, it reminded me of Lewis'."

"Lewis was your kidnapper?"

"Yes," Emily answered easily.

Dr. Donovan wrote some things down into her notebook. "So Morgan's voice was a trigger for you. That's perfectly normal. And your other colleague's wasn't. Why do you think that is?"

"Reid… his voice is different. It's calming. He was able to calm me down when I woke up from the nightmare. Or he woke me up from it."

"What was your dream about?" The psychiatrist asked gently. Emily hesitated, not wanting to answer such a personal question. Dr. Donovan noticed the fear and smiled sympathetically. "Nightmares are very typical for people who went through the trauma that you went through. I know that you think that I'm judging you. And maybe you are even afraid that I won't let you out if I think that your dream is worrisome. But to tell you the truth, Emily, I'd be more worried if you told me that your nightmare wasn't bad. Or if you didn't tell me what it was about."

Emily took a deep breath and began, "I thought I was drowning in fire. But then his voice called out and I realized I was back with him. He told me that he was torturing me even as a dead man. Even after I killed him. He told me that I was breaking. That he could kill me without even touching me. But then, I felt his hand…" Her breaths got faster. "He told me that I liked it. That I liked it when he touched me. But I don't. I hated it. I hated every second of violation. More than anything I wanted him dead."

"And he is dead, Emily. You have to remind yourself that. That Lewis is dead and that you killed him. He can't touch you ever again. He can't take your life away unless you let him."

"He tried to get me to kill myself."

"So the marks on your wrists are self-inflicted?" Dr. Donovan asked curiously.

"Yes. But it was the only way to get a weapon. It was the way that I was able to kill him. I had to make him think that I was ready to commit suicide."

"So you were faking?"

"Yes," Emily said almost too quickly.

"He did things to you that were unimaginable. Your pain must have been unimaginable. Any normal person would want the pain to end, even if that meant death."

Emily looked down, feeling ashamed. "I think at the time that I cut my wrist, I was ready for either outcome. Death or murder. Anything to get him to stop touching me."

"So what kept you going?"

"I hallucinated my dead father as I started dying. He told me to keep going. Reminded me that I have something to live for."

Dr. Donovan wrote a few things down. "So that's when you decided to kill Lewis. When you cut yourself and killed Lewis, did you think that you were going to make it?"

"I didn't even think that way. I don't know. I just remember passing out in JJ's arms. I knew she was going to save me. But I did think that if I were to die, I wouldn't mind dying that way."

"In your friend, JJ's arms?" At Emily's nod, Dr. Donovan questioned, "Are you in a romantic relationship with JJ?"

"I am," Emily told her honestly.

"And is she the reason why you held on for so long?" She asked her.

"She's definitely a huge part of it. But I had a lot to live for. Friends, family, my job. I still had more life to live."

That was the right thing to say. That was what convinced the doctor that Emily would be able to be released. But she still had some questions. "I think that you are recovering quite well. The fact that you are talking to me is a great sign, Emily. If you can talk about what happened to you, you will recover faster. But you should know, that you aren't going to be able to go back to what it was like before. You won't be able to just forget about what happened to you."

"I know."

"Good. I just have a few more questions. Do you have any history of depression or suicidal thoughts? Have you ever been on any medication?"

"I was never diagnosed of having depression. But I wasn't a very happy kid. My father died when I was young and I didn't really get over it. I had trouble fitting in. So yeah, I was probably depressed as a kid. But I haven't had those feelings as an adult. Before this, I was actually very happy. For the first time, I had a stable relationship."

"You say it like it is in the past tense," Dr. Donovan said curiously. "Do you think that your relationship will or is ending?"

Emily shrugged. "I know that JJ wants to take care of me. I know she wants to protect me. And I love her for it. But I don't want her to wrap her life around me. I still want her to live her life and do her job without worrying about me."

"If she loves you, Emily, it's her job to worry about you. But if being with her overwhelms you, that isn't good for recovery. I've had several patients who choose a friend rather than their partner to go through with their recovery."

"Is that wrong? Don't you think she'll be offended?"

"She could be," Dr. Donovan admitted. "But you shouldn't stay with her because you are afraid of hurting her feelings. Emily, you need to put yourself first. You need to find someone that you feel perfectly comfortable showing them your insecurities. Because you have to admit it, Emily. You aren't okay. And that's okay that you aren't. You are going to be in recovery for a long time. You are going to need therapy for a long time, maybe your whole life. But you have to put yourself first. And you need to find someone that can help you. And you might only stay with this person for a month and then go back to JJ. You might need only a few weeks. It's different for every person."

"So it would be okay if I got help from someone that wasn't my girlfriend?"

"Yes. You look relieved. You know who you are comfortable with, don't you?" At Emily's nod, she smiled. "Good. I'm glad. So this is what we are going to do. You are going to promise me that you are going to let yourself get help from the person you want to get help from. You also have to promise me that you are going to talk to a therapist. And, you have to promise me that you are going to let people in and be honest with them. Because you might be okay right now and feel worse later. You might be triggered later. You might smell his soap on someone else and feel the urge to fight him or hurt yourself. You have to tell someone if you feel like hurting yourself. Because people love you and depend on you. This is going to hurt like hell, but you can get through it. I know it. So are you going to promise me?"

"I promise," Emily said honestly.

"Good. I think that when you are physically ready, you can be released. And remember, Emily. This is about you." Dr. Donovan got up and reached into her pocket. She passed Emily her card. "Call me if you need anything. Day or night."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Good luck, Emily. And stay strong." She left the room and Emily was alone.

She only had her thoughts for comfort. Tears drifted out of her eyes. She didn't know why. She was feeling… something. Fiercely.

"Emily? The doctor just told us that you were giving the okay to get released. Isn't that- Em? Em, honey. Are you okay?" JJ rushed to Emily's side when she saw that the brunette was crying.

When JJ tried to put her hand on Emily's, she flinched her hands away. "I'm fine. I'm really fine. I don't know why I'm crying. I'm actually hungry," Emily lied. She hadn't felt hungry at all. Food actually nauseated her. "Do you think you can get me some jello?"

"I'll get some," Penelope offered excitedly as she left the room.

Emily turned to look at JJ and saw the concerned look. "Don't look at me like that, Jen. I'm fine. I'm not an invalid."

"I know that," JJ said defensively. "What do you want to do?"

"Want to play cards?" Emily asked her, trying to get her mind (and JJ's) off of the obvious elephant in the room.

"Are you sure that you want to-"

"Spencer, wanna play 7's? I'll try to pretend like I know that you aren't cheating," Emily said, ignoring JJ's concerns.

Spencer looked between Emily's hopeful smile and JJ's glare. He grinned sheepishly, taking Emily's side. " I do not cheat. Sometimes people look away and I just become resourceful. That's not cheating."

Emily laughed, trying to prove to JJ that she was fine. She turned to her mother, who had stayed silent, watching her daughter carefully. " Mom, wanna play? I'm sure you haven't forgotten how to play."

Surprisingly, she agreed. Emily then turned to JJ. " Jennifer, I'm okay. I want to play games. It'll help take my mind off of everything." JJ was still unconvinced. Emily groaned and said the one thing that she thought would get JJ to think that she was okay. " Invite Morgan and the others over. We can get everyone to play."

JJ raised her eyebrows. "Are you sure, Em? You don't have to prove anything."

"I know, Jennifer," Emily said sternly. " I just want to play a game with my family. I was just caught off guard yesterday. I'm better today."

At Emily's pleading look, JJ gave in. "Fine. You win. I'll call the boys. But If you get anxious at any point, don't feel like you can't let us know."

Emily faked an innocent smile at her girlfriend. "I know."

* * *

"Well, Agent Prentiss. Everything seems to be healing on time. Your vitals look great," Dr. Slane informed the team who had just finished playing their third round of 7's two days later. "How do you like the idea of going home tomorrow? Of course, we will have to give you long speeches about caring for your injuries, but I think you want to go home, don't you?"

"I do," Emily said, smiling at all of her friends who watched her carefully. She noticed the stares and muttered, "Guys, I'm fine. I'm not going to break."

"Em, you don't have to act all strong and tough," Morgan told her gently. "We all already know how much of a badass you are. You don't have to pretend with us."

While she understood that he was trying to help, him just being there made her quiver. She loved Derek Morgan like a brother. But his voice… It boomed like his. While they are nothing alike, and neither are their voices really, but it was the closest to his. And that was bad enough.

The doctors walked out of the room and Emily looked down at her fingernails and was reminded of how awful they looked. Most of them were ripped or torn. She wondered how long it would take for them to heal. For them to not hurt.

"Emily, are you doing okay?" JJ asked her girlfriend.

At hearing the worried tone, Emily finally looked up and saw the same face on everyone. "Yes, I'm fine. Please, just stop asking." She didn't mean to be so rude, she just wanted them to stop looking at her like that. Like she was a victim.

"Emily, darling, you must be getting tired," Elizabeth piped up, saving Emily. "I can stay with you while you all get some lunch. It's way past lunchtime and you all must be getting hungry." When JJ was about to refute, she added, "Jennifer, your health is important as well. Emily can speak for herself though."

They all turned to Emily, looking for some direction. Emily cleared her throat. "Um, yeah. I'm tired. You all go eat. I'll be right here when you come back."

Reluctantly, JJ and the rest of the team headed out of the room, leaving Emily alone with her mother.

"How are you really doing?" Elizabeth asked her daughter as she slid her chair closer to the hospital bed.

Emily shrugged, not wanting to answer honestly. "I don't know. Overwhelmed I guess. I just- I don't know how I'm supposed to be feeling."

"I don't think that there is one feeling that you should be feeling at the moment. But I think you know that. I think you know all the things that I could tell you to try to reassure you that you are doing fine. So I won't do that. What I will do is ask you why you seem so down about being released tomorrow. You hate hospitals. Aren't you glad to leave?"

Once again, Emily was hesitant to answer. "I want to not be here. But I don't know where I want to be."

"I'd tell you that you are happy to stay with me," Elizabeth told her softly. "But I know you don't want to stay with your mother. Maybe you'd even prefer to stay here."

Emily chuckled, amused by her mother's honesty. "Yeah, but I appreciate the offer."

Elizabeth saw the deep seeded worry in Emily's eyes and understood what she was thinking. "You don't have to go home with Jennifer you know. I think that you think that you have to. But you don't. Jennifer will understand. She might be a little angry at first, but that doesn't mean that she won't forgive you. You just need to explain things to her."

"That's what Dr. Donovan said. My psychiatrist. She told me that I need to go through my recovery with someone I felt comfortable with. And that didn't have to mean it would be with JJ."

Elizabeth nodded carefully. "Then you should do that. I know that you will feel guilty about it, but you can't. Jennifer can handle herself. Who do you want to stay with?"

"Reid," Emily answered without hesitating.

"I thought so. I knew immediately when we found him in the room with you. He's an adequate man. He seems to have similar tastes as you do. I cannot even believe that someone else likes the same Science Fiction books as you do."

"Me too. But I don't even know if he will want to take care of me. I don't know if I would."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "You know you would. Darling, Dr. Reid cares about you. I think he will take you in. I wouldn't worry about it."

"What do I even say to JJ?"

"You tell her that you love her. But that you don't want her to see your lowest points. That you will return to her when the dark feelings start to go away. That you need to find someone who only cares about your recovery because you need to recover not to continue a relationship. And if you can't tell her, write to her. She'll understand. Maybe not immediately, but over time she will."

Emily nodded, glad that her decision was becoming clearer. She smiled at her mom for the first time in what felt like forever. "Thank you, mom. For everything. I know I haven't always been the most gracious daughter. But I will try to be better."

"Oh, Emily," Elizabeth replied gently. "I wasn't the greatest mother. I have so many regrets. I moved you around too much. I didn't pay attention. I didn't listen to you."

"You were busy-"

"That's not an excuse for neglecting you. I wish I did better. I wish that I didn't push you away when you were growing up. There is so much that I wish I had done differently."

Emily didn't know how to reply to that. She had grown up hating her mother, and now she was shifting her opinions. "You did the best that you could do. I never really understood that until now. I didn't give you the benefit of the doubt, and I am sorry for that. But if we could… start over?"

Elizabeth smiled widely. "I'd like that."

* * *

As the team began to leave for the night to go home, Emily called out to Reid, "Hey, Spencer? Can you stay for a sec? Can I have a private moment with you?"

Reid looked confused but he gladly stayed with her as the others left the room. "What is it? Are you alright?"

Not answering his question, she explained, "I love JJ. I love JJ more than anything in this world. But I don't want JJ to see me like this. I don't want to refuse my love for her because I can't touch her at the moment. I don't want her to see me in pain. I don't want her to stay up every night afraid that I'll have a nightmare. I don't want her to think that I need a babysitter 24/7. I love JJ, but I can't let her take care of me. I know this is a lot to ask, and if you say no I'd totally understand. But is there any way that I can stay with you? Only for a couple weeks. Until I don't flinch and have the bad nightmares? Until I don't need to hold someone's hand to walk around?"

Spencer was more than surprised by the request. He sat down, trying to take it all in. "Emily, of course, you can stay with me. But I have to ask, why me? Why not Derek? Or Garcia? Hell, even Hotch."

"Because as you said before, you understand. You know what it is like to feel this pain. You would take care of me because you want me to get better. Not because you want me to get back to the BAU. And selfishly, I want to get better because I want to, not because I want JJ to think I'm better. I don't want to end up faking it. I know it's too much to ask. I just don't know who else I would go to."

"No, I'm glad you came to me, Em. I'm glad you aren't doing this alone. But I am sure that JJ won't be happy with this decision. How are you going to tell her?"

"I'll ask her to stay with me tonight. I want to be with her as much as I can before we go to your place. Because I want to stay away from her as much as I can when I'm not staying with her. Every time I see her, I feel the pressure of needing to get better. It makes me feel worse and ashamed that I'm not feeling any better." Emily told him honestly. "And when she falls asleep or between bathroom breaks, I'll write to her. Explaining everything. And tomorrow when she has breakfast which I will make her do, I will make sure that I go home with you at that time. So I'll just call you when she goes to eat."

Spencer nodded, but he didn't exactly like the plan. "Emily, she's going to hate me for this, you must know that."

"I know I'm putting you in a bad situation," Emily confided in him. "But I'm hoping that she will understand. I told my mother, too, so she may be able to calm the situation too."

"Do you want me to work while you are with me? I don't want to leave you alone. JJ was going to stay home with you. Is that what you want me to do?" Reid asked her.

Emily shrugged, not knowing the answer. "I'm not sure, Spencer. Can't we just see how things go? Who knows, maybe I'll be fine after a week."

Awkwardly, Spencer announced, "I only have one bed."

Emily chuckled lightly. "I've been to your place before, Spence. I'll just sleep on the couch."

"No, you can sleep with me." He declared.

"What about the nightmares? I don't want to wake you up."

"And I don't want you to struggle in bed all night. I don't mind, really. I don't want you to wake up and hurt yourself." He lowered his voice. "I know that everyone has told you this, but I'm glad you're here. I don't know what I would've done if you died. I don't know what any of us would have done."

"You would have gotten over me," Emily answered for him simply. "That's what happens when one dies. Everyone adapts and gets over it."

Spencer rolled his eyes. "Are you kidding me? Em, I'm barely over Gideon leaving, and he didn't even die."

"Well, he was an asshole." After receiving Reid's glare she asked, "What? He left us all and left you with a note. He was like a mentor to you. Maybe even a father figure. And he just left with a note. It was a dick move, Spencer. He knew that it would break you and he did it anyway. It was wrong."

"Aren't you doing the same thing to JJ?"

Emily stared at him carefully, knowing that he wasn't trying to offend her. She bit her tongue, knowing that he didn't mean to be accusatory. "But I'm coming back to her. And I'm right here. I'm with you. She will know where I am. I'm not planning on leaving her."

"Aren't you though?"

"Spencer, I love her," Emily told him.

"I know you do. But things are a little bit more complicated than that, aren't they?"

They were interrupted by the door opening suddenly. The blonde entered the room looking worried. "Are you guys okay? You have been here for a while. I thought something was wrong."

"We're fine. I'll see you later, Emily." Spencer said as he got up and left the room.

Emily watched him leave the room anxiously, knowing that the youngest member of the team was right.

JJ sat down where Reid was just sitting. "The others left. They told me to tell you goodnight. So what was that about? What did you need to talk to him about?"

Emily felt guilty for having to lie to her. She looked down, knowing that she couldn't lie to the blonde if she looked at her. "Nerd stuff. I asked about what were the best things to read when you can't do anything all day."

"Ah, now it makes sense why it took so long," JJ said lightly as she smiled at her girlfriend. "Are you getting tired, Em? You can go to bed if you want."

Emily shook her head. "No, I just want to spend time with you. Think you can stay the night?"

JJ grinned at her. "I think that can be accomplished."

They spent that night talking about anything and everything until JJ had accidentally fallen asleep.

* * *

Early the next day, Emily became anxious. She knew that she had to convince JJ to leave for a while so that she could go home with Spencer, but she didn't know how to do it. She thought about just telling her to go eat breakfast, but she knew that it would only take her a short time. Finally, a good excuse came into her mind.

"JJ, I know I asked you to stay tonight, but is there any way that you could go feed the cat? I feel really bad that I'm not home to love him right now."

The blonde looked at the brunette quizzically. "You'll be home later today. You sure you don't want to feed Sergio yourself?"

Emily pretended to look disappointed. "Oh. Well, I guess I could."

JJ frowned, feeling guilty. "No, no. It's fine! I'll go feed him now! I'll be back soon, Em. And then we can get you discharged. How does that sound?"

Now Emily felt the guilt. She hated lying to her girlfriend. But she thought that this was the only way that she could do it. She needed to get better for herself, not JJ. She kept telling herself that over and over again. Tears entered her eyes. She didn't want to leave JJ. But she knew she had to. "Sounds wonderful, JJ. Jen? I uh, I love you. So much. More than you could ever know. And if I'm not able to tell you, just know that I do. And I always will."

JJ knew that that had sounded odd. Uncharacteristic for normal Emily speak. "Are you sure you are okay, Em? I can stay for a little while longer if you like."

"I'm fine. I just love you and I want you to know that."

The blonde knew that something was off. Emily hadn't looked her in the eye for hours. She was suspicious and worried but didn't know what to do. She didn't want to accuse Emily, but she was afraid of letting go too. She decided that she would talk to Emily about it once she got back. "I love you too, Em. I'll be back soon, alright?"

Emily nodded, having more difficulty keeping the tears from falling. She watched the blonde hair face her and leave the room swiftly. Nothing was keeping her tears in any longer.

As she cried, she texted Reid to come to get her. After him responding that he was on his way, Emily called out to the intern.

An intern entered the room with a cheerful smile. "How ya doin' today, Emily? Feeling any better? Excited to go home?"

Emily wiped her tears away. "I'm feeling better. But uh, is there a way you can get my discharge papers together? My fr- brother, is taking me home in a bit."

The intern was confused by the request. "Oh, sure. But didn't your girlfriend just leave? I could try to go get her if you'd like."

Emily shook her head rapidly. "No, no. My brother, Spencer, is taking me home. I need to stay with my family. I just don't want to be a burden on my girlfriend, you know?"

The doctor nodded. "I get it. I'd do the same, I think. We tend to push away the people we need most, though. "

"I know it makes me sound like a bad person. And believe me, I feel like one. But I want to get better. I don't want to get better so that JJ thinks I'm better. I don't want to have to start pretending."

The doctor began to understand. "Then I think you are making a good decision. Just don't push her out all the way. A love like you both have… it's once in a lifetime. I'll go get your papers signed by Dr. Slane."

"Thank you, Doctor."

A few minutes after she had left, Reid had entered the room looking nervous and awkward.

"I realized you needed clothes to leave in, so I brought you one of my t-shirts and some boxers. I know it's not great, but-"

"Spencer," Emily interrupted him. "It's fine. It's great, really. I didn't even consider that. Thank you for thinking ahead. My doctor is just getting my papers signed and we are good to go. Can you pass me those clothes? I want to get into them so that when I get up my butt isn't hanging out."

Reid passed Emily the bag that he was holding out in his hand and turned away politely.

Emily smirked and pulled on the boxers and put the large "Lord of the Flies" tee on. "You can look now, Spencer. I'm not naked. Thank you for the clothes. Did you pick the shirt specifically because you know it's one of my absolute favorites?"

Spencer chuckled gently. "Yep. I thought that it would make you feel at ho-"

"Emily!" Elizabeth shouted as she entered the room. "Leaving soon?"

"Doctors are signing my discharge papers this very minute! I'm ready to not be at the hospital."

The ambassador looked at her daughter carefully. "Did you tell Jennifer that you are going home with Dr. Reid here?" She turned to the man. "Hello again, Doctor."

Spencer waved awkwardly at her as Emily rolled her eyes. "Don't embarrass him, mother. He agreed to take me in. Don't give him a reason not to. But uh, no I didn't tell her. I was wondering if you could give her this letter I wrote to her for when she returns. I'm sorry if she puts all her anger on you. I just didn't have the heart to tell her."

Elizabeth sighed, weighing her options. "Fine. Come over and give it to me. You need to practice walking."

"I'll have crutches for a while, mother." But she did as her mom said and she wobbly got up and passed the note to her. She immediately got tired though and sat back down on the bed. She clutched her abdomen where her appendix and spleen used to be.

"You still in pain?" Her mother asked her.

Emily shrugged. She definitely was but didn't want to admit it. "Not too bad. The pain pills don't hurt. I just don't want the injuries anymore, you know? I just wished I was all healed. Then maybe breathing didn't have to feel like a workout."

"I think it's a miracle this hospital is letting you go home. You were tortured and you get to go home four days later," Elizabeth muttered under her breath.

"My injuries weren't that excessive," Emily argued. "I'll be fine in a bit. And then I can return to the BAU and JJ."

Elizabeth kept her mouth shut. Normally she would argue with Emily about returning to the BAU, but she had told herself that she needed to be better with Emily. "Darling, if you need me, please call me. I am one phone call away. You too, Dr. Reid. If you need help with my daughter, please let me know. I should be in the states for a long time."

"Thank you, mother." She dug underneath a book on the counter and passed her mom a sheet of paper. "This is the letter I wrote to JJ. If you could give it to her when she arrives, I would be super grateful. She should be here anytime soon." At Elizabeth's nod, Emily passed the letter to her mother. "Are you ready to go, Spencer Reid?" Emily asked, turning to her friend.

Spencer nodded awkwardly. "Yeah, let me just go grab your wheelchair and we can head out."

* * *

JJ and the rest of the team walked excitedly to Emily's room, happy that they were going to be able to release Emily. Once they approached closer to the room, JJ shouted, "Hey, Em? Guess who I found! I think they are just as excited as me to see-" She stopped talking when she saw the empty bed and Elizabeth sitting on the chair, looking upset.

"What the hell?" JJ asked her as she looked around the small room. "Where's Emily? Elizabeth, where did they take Emily? Is she okay?"

"Jennifer, Emily is fine. Please, sit down. I can explain everything." Elizabeth tried to say sympathetically.

JJ didn't sit. She crossed her arms, agitated with the ambassador. The team looked just as confused.

Elizabeth sighed. "About ten minutes ago, Emily was released from the hospital. She went home with Dr. Reid. He took her to his place. Emily decided a while ago that she wanted Dr. Reid to take care of her during recovery."

JJ snorted as if it were some sick joke. "But  _I'm_  her girlfriend. She wants me to take care of her, not Reid. Reid doesn't even know how to take care of himself sometimes. This is stupid. It's a joke, right? Stop playing around. Where is Emily?"

The ambassador frowned, not expecting this much outrage. "Jennifer, Emily is with Dr. Reid. Emily has been considering this for a while. It was a tough decision for her. She never wanted to hurt your feelings, but she thought it would be the best decision to go through this with Dr. Reid. At least until she gets to a point where she feels comfortable enough to go through it with you. It might only take a few weeks."

"You don't know anything, Elizabeth. I'm sorry, but you don't. You don't know Emily at all. She wouldn't do this. Not to me. You just started to get to know her after abandoning her for years. You don't have the right to lie to me like this."

Hotch touched JJ's arm, trying to calm her down. "JJ, calm down. There is no need to take your frustrations out on ambassador Prentiss."

"Jayje, I hate to admit this," Penelope began to tell her. "But I think this is exactly something that our girl would do. She doesn't want you to see her go through the nasty part of the recovery process. She's trying to protect you."

"Ms. Garcia's right," Elizabeth agreed. "Jennifer, I have a letter that Emily wrote for you. It will answer the questions that you probably have for her."

JJ scoffed. "This is insane. You are all insane."

Morgan walked up to Elizabeth. "JJ, I'll read it to you. May I, ma'am?" Elizabeth gave him the letter and he began to read it out loud. "Dear JJ, I know you are angry right now. And you have every right to be. It's not fair that I left without saying goodbye. It's not fair that I chose Spencer. It's not fair that you saved me and worried so much about my safety and I chose him. But I have to tell you, Jen. I'm not choosing Reid. This isn't a 'him over you' situation. I'm choosing myself over you. I love you so much. So much that I would do anything to make you happy. And I'm afraid that if I stayed with you, I would end up pretending to get better to make you happy rather than actually getting better because I want to get better.

"Believe me. I'd do anything to be in your arms. But I can't be. I can't even touch you right now and that kills me. Seeing you physically hurts me. Because I know that you are my future and it was so close to having been taken away from me. And while nothing makes me more glad to know that we can still have that future, I need to get better first. And I think that I have a better chance of getting better if I go with Reid. And I know that I am hurting you. And I'm so sorry about that. I will always be sorry. But I hope someday you will be able to forgive me. Because I think we will have a great future if you want it. I love you, but please don't try to come to me. I won't want to see you. Love, Em."

JJ wasn't crying the team expected her to be. No, she wasn't sad. She wasn't disappointed. She was furious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know things might seem a little rough right now, but things have to get worse for them to get better. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading! Reviews are welcome! XX


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Criminal Minds

Spencer hoped that eggs would be digestible for Emily who hadn't eaten properly in days. He put it all on two plates and looked around to see if his house guest was around. Something was… off. He realized that Emily had been in the shower for… He began to run to his bathroom.

"Emily? Are you okay?"

When there was no answer, he pulled back the curtain to find Emily sitting in the shower shaking back and forth. He saw the water turn red and he realized that she must have been bleeding somewhere. He stepped into the freezing cold shower and grabbed her body harshly. "Emily!"

She collapsed into his arms as they both fell onto the bathroom floor. She began to sob. Spencer held her carefully and grabbed the towel from the wall. He wrapped it around her numbing cold body. "Shh…" He whispered gently. "It's okay. It's all going to be okay," He lied.

This was too much for him to handle. He needed help. He didn't know that he had to watch her this constantly. He picked up her shivering body and carried her to his room. He dried her off carefully and wrapped his robe around her so that she was no longer naked. He gently carried her to his bed.

She was hyperventilating. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. "Emily, it's okay. Breathe in and out with me. Follow my lead. Good. That's good. Just like that"

She became steadier. But she continued to cry.

"Emily? Where is the blood coming from?"

She shook her head rapidly and didn't say any words.

He wanted to ask her what she meant by that, but his train of thought was interrupted when there was a loud knock on his door. He didn't want to open it. He was still holding Emily, trying to calm her down. But the knocking increased rapidly, consuming his attention and thoughts. And then he heard the yell.

"Spencer Reid! Get your ass to this door or I will knock it down, I swear to god. You have 10… 9… 8…"

Reid got up and ran to the door and opened it, still soaked from getting Emily out of the shower. JJ looked pissed, but her face changed from angry to concerned when she saw Spencer's state.

"Spence, is everything okay?" JJ asked him.

"Yeah," Spencer lied. "Emily slipped in the shower. But she's alright now. I got her. She's sleeping in my bedroom."

JJ believed him. She had no reason to not believe him. But she still needed to see her. She tried to pass through into his apartment, but he blocked her. "Spence, let me in. I need to see Emily. This is absolutely insane. I know that she needs me. She's just too afraid to let me in. You know this is crazy."

"I can't let you in," Reid told her. "I'm sorry, JJ. But I'm following Emily's wishes. She wants to get better for herself. Don't worry. I'm sure she'll be with you in a few weeks. You'll see her soon enough." He faked a smile at her. He just wanted her to leave so that he could return to Emily.

"A few weeks? Emily is my girlfriend, Reid. Not yours. You do know that, right? Are you sure that you're not in love with her? I mean, I'd get it. She's the only one that understands you, right?"

Spencer cringed at her harsh words. He knew that she was only saying these things because she was hurting, but that didn't make him hurt any less. "You know I'm not in love with Emily. And you wouldn't be saying this if you weren't so angry with the fact that Emily doesn't need you right now. So please get out of my apartment before you say something else that you will regret."

JJ was about to refute, but Reid didn't get a chance to hear what she was going to say. He slammed the door on her face and locked the door. When he heard silence, he was sure she was gone. He ran back to his bedroom.

Emily was looking at the blood that ran down her thigh and leg. Her stitches from a deep cut on her thigh reopened. He ran to the bathroom and got his medical kit. He returned to Emily and sat on the bed next to her. "I need to stitch that up, Em. I'm not great at it, so it will probably scar. But It'll be better than going to the hospital again, yeah?"

Emily finally registered that Reid was there. She looked up at him and stopped crying. She nodded.

Spencer took her arm and began to work on stitching her arm. "It's okay, Em. It really is. We can fix this."

"I'm sorry," Emily muttered. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. You don't have to apologize. You never have to apologize to me. We can get through this okay?"

The words weren't registering in Emily's head. "It's heritable. That's why. I did it because of my genes. That's why."

Spencer was confused. What Emily told him made no sense. "What? Emily, what is heritable?"

"I wouldn't. Never. I wouldn't do it ever. But he did it." Emily said.

"Who did it? Lewis? What are you talking about? Emily, who did what? What are you referring to?" Spencer asked her again. She shook her head. She didn't want to answer him. No, this pain was still fresh in her mind. He nodded. "Okay. It's okay. You don't have to tell me right now." He finished stitching her up and asked her, "Do you want to eat? I made eggs."

Emily shook her head again. The thought of food made her nauseous. "I want to sleep. Spencer, I just want to go to sleep."

"Okay," Reid told her. "Let's go to sleep. I'll hold you if that's alright with you?"

She nodded and laid back down onto the bed. Spencer wrapped his arms around her. He waited for her to fall asleep, which only took a few minutes. Once she was asleep, he carefully got up and walked out of the room. He took out his phone and started to dial a number he hadn't used in a long time. The person picked up after a few rings. "Hey, It's me, Spencer… Yeah, something is wrong… No, no, no, no one died… I, er, need you… a couple days ago, Emily got kidnapped… we got her back, but she was with her kidnapper for a day… she was raped repeatedly… I just don't know how to handle all of this on my own. She needs to see a professional, but she won't trust just anybody. I don't know what to do… thank you. So, I'll see you in a few hours?... Good. See you soon."

He hung up the phone and returned to his bedroom. He tried to get back on the bed but Emily screamed and started to hit him. "Emily! Emily, it's me, Spencer! You're safe! You're safe." He held her hands down like he did before. "I've got you, Emily. You are okay. You are home." Eventually, Emily stopped struggling.

Once again, Emily looked mortified. "Fuck, Reid. I'm so sorry. I did it again. I don't know what happened."

"It was my fault," He told her. "I shouldn't have left you. When I came back, you thought I was someone else. It wasn't your fault. It's okay."

"This shouldn't be happening," Emily groaned. "I'm stronger than this. This is weak. And childish. I can be better than this."

"Emily, you were traumatized. You didn't do anything wrong. You are not weak. You are strong. Now, let's try to get your mind off of it, okay? Want to watch something? We can watch  _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_. I know that always makes you feel better."

At Emily's reluctant nod, he took her hand and led her into the living room. They began to watch the show, but all of Spencer's attention was on Emily. He knew something was wrong. Something had obviously changed from a couple of hours ago when she was telling him and her mother that she wanted to get better. Something had triggered her. He just didn't know what it was.

* * *

They were in the middle of the episode, "Something Blue," when there was another knock at the door. Emily jumped and took Spencer's hand.

He smiled at her with reassurance. "It's okay, Emily. I'm expecting someone. Don't worry. It's not JJ. At least it shouldn't' be. I'll be back with our guest in a second."

He got up and walked to the door. He opened the door to find his old friend there, looking worried as hell. "Thank god," Spencer blurted out as he and Elle hugged. "Thank god you're here."

"Of course, Spencer," Elle told him. "I'll always come. Where is she? Did she know that I was coming?" At Spencer's shaking head she said, "It's okay. Let's go see her."

Elle followed Spencer into his apartment and up to the couch where Emily was sitting. "Emily," She called out to the brunette laying on the couch. "How are you doing?"

Emily groaned as she tried to get up. "Not that I'm not happy to see you, Elle, It's just that it's not necessary. Spencer, I'm fine. I didn't mean to cry and go all panicky on you. I just-"

"Yes?" Elle asked her, wanting her to continue.

"I couldn't help it. I forgot how to breathe." Emily whispered with shame wrapped in the words.

Elle nodded as if she had seen this before. "Okay, that's a start. Emily, if Spencer doesn't mind, I'm going to stay here for a while. You're going to need a person who you can talk to. About everything. And you already know I don't judge. It's my job. Besides, you won't want to talk to a total stranger, will you?"

Emily couldn't disagree with the ex-agent. "Okay."

Elle smiled at the girl. "Good. So, Spencer. Will you go make us some food and tea? I'm sure Emily hasn't had food in a while. And she needs to eat. We can talk a little bit."

Spencer gladly left them to it, for he felt a bit overwhelmed.

Elle sat down next to Emily. "So you had a panic attack. Has this happened before?"

"Yes. I felt the same way when I saw Derek for the first time since everything happened. I felt like the whole world was closing in. I don't know. But this time, every little scrape and bruise hurt. I just wanted to…"

"You wanted to, what, Emily?"

"It's not like I wanted to die, or anything. I just wanted the pain to stop. I know death, I don't want it. I don't know if Spencer told you about anything that happened to me, but I did die. The doctors started my heart back up, though."

"Do you wish that they hadn't?" Elle asked her sympathetically.

"I'm glad I'm alive. I fought for my life for so long. It would have all been for nothing if I hadn't stayed alive." Emily admitted, not realizing that was how she felt until she said it out loud.

"Were you considering hurting yourself to control the pain?"

Emily shook her head. "Never. I thought about it a few times when I was a kid. But I was more into the idea of doing drugs and drinking and hurting myself that way. Or doing things that could get me arrested."

"You have scars on your wrist that look recent," Elle noticed curiously.

"I cut myself when I was with Lewis- my kidnapper. It was the only way that I could get a weapon that I was able to kill him with."

"You killed your kidnapper?" Elle asked her.

"I did. Is that bad?"

"No," Elle answered honestly. "That's actually a good thing. So Lewis kidnapped you. Was this on the job?"

Emily nodded and explained the case that they were investigating. "So Derek and I went to the house that Lewis told us where he would be at. But that's where he took me from. He held me for a day. But he told me that I was with him for days longer. I was surprised that I was only there for 24 hours. I thought three days felt more real."

"Why do you think that Lewis would have told you that you were taken for longer than you actually were? Did it have a meaning to you?"

"I think that he just wanted me to feel more tortured and hopeless. He was trying to get me to uh… Um-"

"Commit suicide?" Elle inferred sadly. At Emily's embarrassed nod, Elle said, "But you didn't. He did everything to you to get you to try to kill yourself self. And he obviously thought that you were close to suicidal because he gave you a weapon. Emily, you're strong, you know that right?"

Emily shrugged, still feeling extremely guilty. "I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry that I got Reid mixed up in it. I'm sorry I got you into it."

Elle shook her head nonchalantly. "Emily, this is my job. Whether it's here or there, taking care of rape victims is my job. And I know that you wouldn't go to a therapist let alone be honest with them. This is the best solution for all of us. And I certainly don't mind. And I'm sure pretty boy doesn't either."

Emily nodded, but she still didn't feel confident. "Thank you. For coming."

"You're welcome. But I'll be here for a while. Until you go back to your girl. Besides," Elle said as Spencer brought two plates and two cups. "I think Reid will want to be leaving this place during the day. He can continue his job while I do mine. It's a perfect plan."

Reid frowned. "It's okay, Elle. I can take care of Em—"

"I'm offering, Spencer. Besides, it'll be good to hang out with you all again. Spencer and I had some good sleepovers back in the day, didn't we?" She winked at the poor boy.

Spencer flushed and looked away. Emily looked quickly from Reid to Elle. "Really? You two, too? Elle, did you get with everyone?"

Elle shrugged. "No. Hotch was too uptight. I'd be willing but he was faithful to his wife. And Gideon… ew. And me and Penelope never did anything. Not that I wouldn't, I just never offered."

Emily turned to Spencer and she raised her eyebrows at him. He got redder. "I don't know what to say. It only happened when I was severely intoxicated."

"Oh don't look at him like that. I don't get romantic. I don't have feelings. And I knew that Reid was totally into Morgan, so."

"Good," Emily stated. "Just please don't get all horny while we all live together."

Spencer groaned. "This is going to be great."

The two girls laughed as Reid looked completely miserable.

* * *

It had been two weeks since Emily and Elle began to live in Spencer's apartment. Surprisingly, everything wasn't too complicated. Elle slept on the couch and Emily and Spencer slept in the bed. It was Reid's job to wake Emily up when her dreams got worse and to make the girls food. Spencer stayed home for that week just to make sure everything would be okay if he was gone. He walked on eggshells, afraid to leave Emily alone at any time.

But most of Emily's recovery was dealt with Elle. They spent hours talking. About the past, future, shows, books, and sometimes, if Elle was lucky, about the incident. Elle knew it would take a while until Emily would talk to her about everything, but until then they would have to stay and Emily would continue to have panic attacks and fears.

Spencer raced around the apartment, torn. "I'm not sure. I mean I texted Hotch saying I might come in, but you might need me—"

"Spencer!" Elle shouted at him, getting frustrated. "Emily is fine with me! She's making progress. But we know how unsettled you get when you don't work."

"Really, Spence. I'm fine." Emily agreed with her gently.

"Yeah, and Em wants to know how JJ is doing. You have to be her spy for her," Elle pointed out.

Spencer groaned. "But what if the case is a bad one and is far away? I don't want to be gone for a week."

"We are fine here! We have cereal and take out! It's all we need!" Elle argued.

Spencer sighed, giving in. He knew that the girls weren't going to give up. "Fine. I'll go. But if you need me at all, just call. Day or night."

"Ugh, don't be such a worry-wart. But alright. Not like we will need to, but alright. Now go to work! You can't be late on your first day back."

Spencer nodded as he grabbed his bag and put it on his shoulder. He walked towards his door and opened it. Before leaving, he turned to Emily. "Are you sure, Em? Cause I can stay."

Emily smiled warmly, feeling the brotherly love. "Go. I'll be alright. I'll call you if I need you, I promise."

That was apparently the right thing to say because Spencer finally looked reassured. He waved awkwardly and left the apartment.

* * *

Spencer took a deep breath before the elevator opened. He braced himself for the anticipated incoming storm. The doors opened and he stepped out, not knowing if he was going to be ignored, punched, or yelled at. He walked towards the bullpen when he saw JJ talking to Morgan. He froze.

They looked back at him. He saw the anger rise in both of them. It made him want to flinch in the corner. He had never seen them madder at him. Yes, they'd get annoyed with him some days, but never furious.

He was about to walk up to them, to prove to them that he wasn't afraid of them when he heard his name called out from behind him.

"Dr. Reid? Can you come to my office for a second?" Strauss asked him as she stood at the top of the ramp.

For the first time, Reid felt thankful that she asked to speak to him. Without hesitating, he followed the woman to her office. She shut her door and they both sat down.

"I heard," Erin Strauss started, "That you are taking care of Agent Prentiss?" At Spencer's anxious nod, she continued. "Good. How is she doing?"

"Better," Reid told her, trying to stay as vague as possible. "The dreams are getting better and she's becoming more like her old self." It wasn't exactly a lie, but he knew that she wasn't anywhere close to being able to go back to work.

"That's wonderful. I am very glad that you are there to take care of her. But if you are back at work, how do you know that she is secure?"

Reid wanted to roll his eyes. "She's staying with someone. Her mother," He lied carefully.

Erin looked pleasantly surprised and glad by that news. "That's wonderful. Do you believe that Agent Prentiss will return to the BAU in the coming future?"

"I believe so… I don't know how soon, though. Maybe a month or two." Spencer told her. "I don't want her to return when she isn't ready. But I am confident that she will want to return."

Strauss nodded and then squirmed as if there was a question that she was holding back. Spencer definitely noticed. "Ma'am, is there something you would like to ask me?"

"May I speak frankly and just between us, Dr. Reid?"

Spencer didn't know how to respond. He shrugged.

Strauss nodded, thinking that was enough. "Is it too much to assume that the relationship of Agent Prentiss and Agent Jareau is over since you were the person Emily decided to go through her recovery with."

Reid felt incredibly uncomfortable on every level. "I'm not sure," he said honestly. "They didn't end their relationship. But they haven't spoken since the… incident as well. I do not know if they will continue their relationship. I wouldn't be the one to ask, though. I'd ask Agent Jareau if you have questions about  _her_  relationship."

"Yes," Strauss agreed, as equally uncomfortable. "Yes, you are probably right about that. Thank you, Dr. Reid. For being so direct and honest with me. That is why I am glad that Agent Prentiss chose you. I know you will keep her real priorities in check. You don't have raging emotions like Agent Jareau or Agent Morgan."

Spencer couldn't disagree. "Yes, they aren't exactly happy with me."

"Don't take it personally," Strauss told him, almost warmly. "They will get over it. This is normal for teams. Things will get back to normal eventually."

Spencer nodded, surprised by the sudden empathy of his boss. "Thank you, Ma'am. Is it alright if I return to the bullpen? There is a briefing I need to attend to. Hotch told me there was a case."

"Yes, of course. And if you or Agent Prentiss need anything, just ask me."

Reid nodded and headed out the door. As much as he didn't want to talk to the other members of his team, he really didn't want to continue that uncomfortable conversation with his superior. He noticed that everyone was already in the conference room when he entered.

Everyone stared at him. He received glares from Penelope, Derek, and JJ. Rossi looked surprised. And Hotch. Hotch looked like normal Hotch.

"Welcome back, Reid," Hotch told him with a nod. "Case file's down there. But we got to leave now. We will explain on the way to New Mexico. Wheels up in five."

As fast as Spencer entered the conference room was as fast as the time it took for him to leave. He tried to ignore the pain he felt as the angry stares followed him.

"Pretty Boy!" Derek called out from behind him.

Spencer turned around quickly to see his friends look like as if they were going to tackle him. He made a large sigh. "Jesus Christ! Stop looking at me like I did something wrong! None of you understand what I did or what position I was in. If you did, you wouldn't look at me like I killed someone! You'd look at me like I was helping a friend who asked for help. Because that's what I did. So either get that through your dense skulls or leave me alone. But I will not accept you ganging up on me because you don't like what I decided to do when a friend asked me for help."

All three of them raised their eyebrows, surprised by Spencer's declaration. Quickly, that surprised face turned back to frustration and JJ turned back around and started to walk away.

Derek looked no longer upset but still hurt. "But Reid here's the thing. We don't understand what you did. You never gave us a chance to understand. You left in secret so that you couldn't tell us what you were doing. You left before giving us a chance so that you could explain yourself." After his short speech, he turned around and followed JJ.

Spencer turned to Penelope, who looked sad. She shrugged, looking torn. "Spencer, I'm glad that you are helping Emily. I am. I'm glad that she has help from you and that she is getting better. But Chocolate Adonis is right. You left us, Spencer. You didn't explain anything to us. You left JJ hurt in so many ways. And I'm guessing that wasn't your decision. It has Emily written all over it. But that doesn't mean you had to go through with it."

Reid groaned, knowing that she was right. "I know. I didn't want to leave like that. But that was what she felt comfortable with. So I went along with it. And I don't regret it."

Penelope nodded and hugged him. "I know you didn't mean any harm. But I think JJ's going to be hurt for a while. You might want to be extra nice to her during this case."

"I don't think she'll ever forgive me," Spencer commented.

Garcia shook her head. "No, she will. Give her some time. So, how is our girl doing? Is she okay?"

"She's doing alright. But I think it'll still take some more time."

She nodded and smiled "Okay. Now go kick some criminal butt, boy wonder."

* * *

Elle sat down next to Emily on the couch and passed her a cup of tea. This was how every session started and by now it felt mechanical.

"I'm sorry that you have to stay with me all day with Reid gone," Emily mentioned as her friend/therapist took a sip of herbal tea. "I don't know how you deal with me all day."

Elle rolled her eyes, tired of this comment that Emily said almost every day. "Emily, how many times do I have to say it? This. Is. My. Job. There is no dealing. It's the career I chose. And if I wasn't doing it with you, I would be doing it with someone else."

"That sounds sexual," Emily muttered.

"Only when you have a dirty mind," Elle stated calmly. "Okay, let's get started. How do you feel today? And be honest."

Emily shrugged. "It's not every second anymore."

Elle furrowed her brows. "What? What's not every second anymore?"

"The pain, the thoughts, the… everything," Emily answered. "It's not always on my mind anymore. I feel like I can think about other things."

Elle nodded carefully. "That's good, Emily. That's progress, but I am guessing that you already know that. How were the dreams last night? Spencer told me that he didn't have to wake you up last night."

Emily froze, not wanting to answer. "I didn't have nightmares," She fibbed vaguely.

The ex-agent looked at the agent carefully. "You didn't? That's very surprising. Usually, they don't go away like that. Especially since you still haven't come to terms with everything."

Emily conceded, knowing that she couldn't hide anything from her. "Fine. I… I didn't sleep last night. I didn't mean to stay awake all night. I just had too much on my mind, I guess."

"Memories?"

Emily shook her head. "No. I thought about JJ. A lot. I'm starting to feel very guilty. She must hate me right now. I don't want her to think that I don't love her."

"Emily, you made the decision to go to Reid for a reason. It's not because you don't love her, you know that. You didn't want her to see you like this, did you? You didn't want her to find you shaking in the shower. That's understandable, you have to know that. She'll understand." At Emily's shrug, she continued, "There's another reason why you don't want to see her, isn't there? Did something happen with Lewis that has to do with JJ?"

The ambassador's daughter sighed. "I don't know why you are asking me. I mean, haven't you seen the video already?"

Elle shook her head. "No. I never want to see the video. And I haven't asked anyone what has happened either. I don't want the bias, Emily. I want you to tell me what happened. I don't need some video. I want to know you felt."

Emily groaned and avoided her friend's eyes. She didn't want to see her reaction to this. "I hallucinated… a lot when I was in that room. But the first hallucination I had was of JJ."

Elle started to understand. "Okay. Good. What did your hallucination tell you? What happened? How did you feel?"

"Hallucination JJ saved me. She told me that she would always save-" Emily bit her lip, trying to keep herself from crying. "She told me that she would always save me. I apologized to her, the hallucination. For letting him touch me. She told me that I was strong, but I didn't believe her. I felt her kiss my forehead and I told her I loved her. When my hallucination said, 'I love you,' I knew it wasn't JJ. It was him. It was Lewis. I was talking to Lewis the whole time. I told Lewis that I loved him."

Elle tried to hide her pity for her friend. But it was difficult. She knew that Emily wouldn't appreciate it. "So even amongst the dehydration and pain, you realized it wasn't JJ. Emily, I know that you are embarrassed and afraid that this happened in the first place, but you have to realize that you got out of the hallucination. That's not normal. You fought against your mind. That's hard to do. I get why you don't want to see JJ, but we both know that she isn't a hallucination. You aren't going to touch her and realize that it is Lewis. He's dead. And JJ is real and alive."

Emily nodded, listening carefully. "I know you're right. But these are the things I don't want her to know. I don't want to still flinch at her touch and have to explain to her that I don't mean to be a bitch, I'm just traumatized by that one time I hallucinated her but it was my kidnapper the whole time."

"It's your decision if you want to tell her," Elle reminded her. "You don't have to tell her. You don't have to tell her anything you feel uncomfortable with. You shouldn't feel pressured at all. But I do think that you miss her. That's why you feel guilty."

"I don't want to move back in with her," Emily told her. "But I don't want to never see her either."

Elle nodded. "You can invite her over. With or without me and the nerd. I can always be your buffer just in case. But I don't think that you should go anywhere at this point or sleepover with her. I don't think you should do that until-" She stopped herself.

"Until what?" Emily asked her.

Elle sighed, not really wanting to answer the question. "Until you come to terms with what happened to you. Until you tell me everything that happened."

Emily frowned sadly. "But what if I never do it? What if I never come to terms with it?"

"It'll break you," Elle stated. "You won't be able to live with what happened to you. You will probably become depressed. You won't let JJ back in. You won't be able to work at the BAU anymore. You won't be able to live the life you want to live. But Emily, I have faith that you will be able to get better. But you have to believe it, too."

Emily watched her carefully, realizing something. "Your er… opinion. It isn't from your training, is it? It's personal. You did say that everyone in the BAU has a backstory. A reason why they are in the BAU."

Elle laughed lightly. Without answering the question, she said, "Well, at least we know you are still a talented profiler."

Emily didn't laugh. She knew that her friend was keeping something from her, but she didn't push it for now. For even Emily was hiding things from her. "How do I go back? How will I work at the BAU after everything that happened?"

"You'll get triggered sometimes," Elle answered honestly. "But you will also have a new perspective. A new reason to find the bastards."

"Is that why you do it?" Emily asked her. "Do you hunt the rapists and sadists because you have a personal reason to do so?"

Elle avoided her friend's eyes. "I'll answer that when you tell me everything, Emily. When you are ready to share, I'll be ready too."

"Have you ever told anyone? Morgan? Reid?"

"No," Elle said as she shook her head. "You'll be the first. But only when you tell me what happened. It'll be like some twisted reward."

Emily nodded and asked, "Do you think that there is hope for people like us?"

Elle shrugged carefully. "I'm not in prison and I should be. You aren't dead and you should be. I think that that's doing pretty well, don't you think?"

Emily hadn't thought of it in that way. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Good. I think that's good enough for right now.  _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_?"

"Yes, please."

* * *

When Reid got onto the jet, he immediately avoided Derek and JJ. He took a seat across from Hotch who looked at him expectantly.

"How's Emily?" Hotch asked the youngest agent of the BAU.

Spencer cleared his throat. "She's doing better. But I, on the other hand, am getting worse. Aren't they going to have to talk to me while we are on the case?"

Hotch tilted his head, trying to understand the nerd. "Reid, they'll forgive you. You just have to give them some time. To digest everything."

"That's what everyone has been telling me. But it's been two weeks, Hotch. What am I supposed to do? Apologize? For doing something I believed to be correct morally and as a friend?" Spencer tried to not rant, but he couldn't help it. He was frustrated beyond belief about how his friends were treating him.

"I understand your point, Reid. But you have to understand, that even though you followed what Emily asked you to do, you still hurt two of your closest friends in the process. I know that you didn't mean to hurt them, but you did. Maybe that's why they are so angry."

Spencer snorted as if that was a stupid statement. "They're just angry that Emily asked me." Reid looked up and saw that everyone was looking at him. He made his voice louder. "I know that's why you won't speak to me or look at me. You're not mad at me, you are mad that Emily didn't pick you. JJ, you're mad that Emily won't let you, her girlfriend, take care of her but that she will let me do so. Morgan, you see Emily as one of your best friends. Out of all of us, you probably would have chosen her if this happened to you. And she didn't pick you. So to be super clear, I'm not sorry for taking Emily home. For the record, I wanted to wait to tell you all, but Emily didn't want that. I did what she wanted. And I'm sorry for doing that because it hurts you all so much."

The rest of the team looked at each other anxiously, surprised by the sudden outburst by the usually peaceful doctor.

JJ's cold stare softened and Morgan's tough posture weakened.

"I didn't realize what position you must have been in," JJ commented quietly. "I forgot that it was Emily's decision. I'm hurt, Spence. And I blamed it on you. I'm sorry about that. But you have to understand that I don't understand. I don't understand the decision that Emily made. And I don't get why she did it so harshly. And that's confusing and painful."

"I know," Spencer replied. "I wish I could take that pain away. I wish I could take Emily's away. I wish that she had you, too. But after these weeks, I understand why Emily made the decision."

"Why?" Morgan questioned. "Why did she leave with you so abruptly? Why did she choose you?"

"I don't want to answer for Emily, because that isn't fair and I don't want to put answers in her mouth. But I just think that she knew I had the least amount of bias. And I think that she is still ashamed and doesn't want to see you all. She knows about the video."

Water entered JJ's eyes. "She does? God, how is she dealing with everything?"

"She's strong," Spencer answered. "But she isn't a god. She needs more time. She needs to be able to come to terms with everything and she hasn't yet. But I'm not worried that she won't. She's made plenty of progress."

"Is that why you are here?" Rossi talked for the first time. "Is that why you decided to come back today? Do you think that Emily is in a good enough position to be left alone with all of her thoughts?"

Spencer didn't want to lie to his friends about Elle. But he didn't feel like he had any right to tell them, either. "She's not alone. She's with her mother. They have gotten closer since the… incident. But yes, I felt comfortable leaving her. She actually told me to, for the first time."

"When do you think that she'll want to see us again?" Morgan asked his friend.

Spencer shrugged, unsure of the answer. "I think that Emily does want to see you all again. I think she wants it more than anything. But she's still traumatized and I can't put a timestamp on how long I think she'll be traumatized. But I do think that she may want to see you guys before she comes back to work. I think her triggers are decreasing. But when I get home, I'll ask her. Okay?"

The team nodded slowly. They knew that Reid was doing all he could, they just wished the recovery was faster.

* * *

After the long, grueling case, Spencer Reid turned his key and opened the door to his apartment. He walked inside to find Emily and Elle under a blanket watching,  _Roswell_. He groaned and flopped on top of the couch next to them.

"This again?" He muttered under his breath, but loud enough for the other two to hear him perfectly.

"If you supposedly hate it so much, why do you own it?" Emily asked her friend, smiling happily.

Spencer rolled his eyes. "It's Roswell, Emily. You and I both know that I don't own this show for its… romantic drama."

Elle snickered. "Yes, because you totally bought all three seasons of this show because you thought it would give an accurate scientific explanation about aliens from Roswell. Come on, pretty boy. We know how much you love it."

Spencer facepalmed and got up suddenly. "Why in the hell did I let you guys stay with me again? I should have known that you two teaming up would just make me a living target for jokes? It'd be like living with Morgan." He went silent and flushed, realizing what he just said.

Emily paused and said, "Ooh. Spencer, thinking about Derek again? Don't you just want to wake up next to him and be in his arms every night?"

"Yeah, or see him walk out of your steaming shower with just a robe tied lightly across his waist, as it starts to sag down?"

Spencer started to walk back anxiously as the girls got up and followed him.

"Or late night booty calls in the hotels that we stay in on the road?" Emily asked him.

"Jesus Christ, why did I let girls live with me?" He asked, looking at the ceiling as if he was talking to god.

Emily chuckled, "This is like every guy's dream, Reid."

"I'm fucking in love with Derek, Emily!" Spencer shouted causing both girls to lose breath from laughing too hard. "Oh, you think this is so funny, huh? Teaming up against me? Elle, how many members have you slept with?"

Elle shrugged and began to think about it. "Once again, I didn't sleep with all of you! I drew the line at Hotch and Gideon. Though, I think that old hag woulda wanted me."

Spencer shivered, disgusted. "Gross, Elle."

"Sorry, Spence. Didn't mean to ruin your mojo." She winked at him ridiculously as there was a knock on the door. She jumped up excitedly and headed towards the door. "Finally, pizza is here. Em and I have only been waiting for—" she froze when she opened the door to find JJ there staring back at her.

"Elle? What are you doing here? How long have you been in town?" The blonde asked her old friend crossing her arms.

"I… er—" Elle didn't know what to say. She didn't know what lie they were supposed to tell her.

JJ ignored her and pushed through the door to find Emily and Spencer staring at her on the couch, abruptly getting up from their comfy position on the sofa.

Tears entered the liaison's eyes. "What's happening, Spence? You told me that Emily's mom was staying with her. But Elle is here?"

"JJ-" Spencer tried to start to explain but was interrupted by Emily who had decided to talk to her girlfriend for the first time in weeks.

"Jen, don't blame Reid. He did what I told him to do. He decided a while ago that I needed help. He knew that only Elle could see through all my bullshit due to the knowledge of the job. I could have lied to any therapist."

"So what?" JJ asked, hurt by her friends. She waved her arms angrily at the tv. "You are all playing house now? Cuddling and watching tv? And that's somehow more therapeutic than staying with your girlfriend? I don't understand, Emily."

"JJ," Elle began to explain. "I know it looks like all we do is have fun and hang out, but this is how we cool off after a hard session. We watch silly shows to help get her mind off the trauma. Please don't blame her."

JJ shook her head rapidly as if she couldn't believe what she was hearing. She turned to Emily with tears running down her cheeks. "Emily, be honest with me, did you stop loving me?"

All the color drained out of Emily's face. " _What_?"

"Do you not love me anymore? Is that why you have been avoiding me now? I'd understand. You tend to push away your feelings when things get complicated. Maybe you just threw them away this time."

"JJ!" Spencer shouted when he saw Emily's darkening face as if she were returning to her bad place in her mind. "Don't even insinuate that! She's gone through trauma—"

"Don't you all know that I know that! I know what Emily has gone through. I was there the whole time. But I can't help it if she doesn't want to let me in. I can't help it if she chooses you both." JJ turned to Emily, refusing to back down. "I know you've been traumatized, Em. Fuck, I understand. But if you don't let me love you, well, I guess I just will have to stop loving you too, won't I?" Angrily she ran out of the apartment.

Elle and Spencer looked to their friend, not knowing what to say. They were just as surprised as Emily. Though, Emily didn't look surprised anymore. She looked empty.

Emily stood up like a robot. "I'm going to go to bed."

"I'll come with you!" Reid said immediately following her to their bedroom.

"No," Emily argued. "I want to be alone."

Spencer couldn't disagree with that, but he didn't want to leave her alone. Especially not right now. Once Emily closed the door, he turned to Elle. "Are you sure we shouldn't follow her right now?"

Elle looked uncertain. "I'm not sure about anything right now. We just need to be there for Emily. But we should check on her every 20 minutes."

Spencer gulped, trying to read between the lines. "You mean you think…"

"I'm not sure about anything. But right now I'm glad that you removed anything that could be of harm to her. This is going to set her back. I'm just not sure by how much."

"How could have JJ done that?"

Elle shrugged. "She's in pain too. I think we tend to forget that JJ went through trauma as well."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made so many references to "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" because it has been my "feel good" show since I was young. For all of you that don't know, the show, "Roswell", is a teen drama about the aliens that crashed down in Roswell and look like human teens. It's angsty as hell but enjoyable.
> 
> I know the story is really dark right now. But it will get better, I promise. Only a few chapters left!
> 
> Thank you all for reading! Reviews are welcome! XX


	15. chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds!   
> This is my last chapter before the epilogue. I hope you all enjoy!

Elle and Spencer watched Emily carefully in the following weeks. They watched her pull away. Avoid communication and touch. She didn't laugh. Didn't smile. She didn't even pay attention to anything she watched. They saw her waste away to nothing as she no longer wanted to eat. And when on a special occasion they somehow convinced her to eat, she wouldn't be able to hold any of the food down.

Spencer didn't know what to do. He wanted JJ's help. But he hasn't spoken to her since that day. The team asked what happened between them, but he couldn't tell them. This wasn't something that he could just forgive. Hell, JJ never even apologized. She hasn't asked about Emily in three weeks.

It had been almost a month and a half since the incident occurred. And they were farther from helping Emily out of the hole since when they began. The hole was deeper, darker, and more dangerous.

Even if Emily wasn't with JJ, she always thought the blonde was who she would eventually go home to when she got better. She was something worth fighting for. But now that was gone and Emily didn't know how to understand it.

She stared at herself in the mirror in the bathroom. She tried to hide it with the baggy clothes, but it was obvious that she had lost a ton of weight. The once curvy figure was now bony and stick like. She traced her cold fingers over her scars. They were finally healing now and she no longer had to worry about them opening up.

She was disgusted with herself. She understood why JJ didn't want her anymore. She didn't think anyone would ever again.

Her stomach growled but she ignored it. She tried to push down the bile that entered her throat like it did almost every morning. She didn't even recognize herself anymore.

She blinked a few times when she realized everything was becoming blurry. She grabbed the sink, trying to stay steady. But everything went fuzzy and she collapsed as her version went black.

* * *

Morgan chuckled happily with his two blonde friends in the bullpen as Hotch and Rossi greeted them with ghostly faces. Immediately the agents knew something was wrong.

"Hotch?" Morgan asked him. "What's wrong? Where's Reid?"

Hotch lowered his voice so that only his team could hear. "Reid's in the hospital. He's fine, he just called me. He said that Emily's unconscious. He's not sure what happened and the doctors haven't told him anything. I don't know the full story though."

"Oh," Penelope muttered. "Not Emily. Not again. She's gonna be fine, though, right?"

"I wish I had boy wonder so he could tell me the statistics of people who faint and are okay," Morgan muttered to himself.

"I asked Reid if he wanted company," Hotch mentioned to his team. "He said that he wouldn't mind if we came especially if we don't have a pressing case."

"Our girl needs us, Hotch," Morgan stated calmly. "We need to go. Besides, I won't be able to get any work done here if we stay."

"Good point." Hotch agreed. He turned to the liaison who had stayed remarkably quiet. "JJ?"

She looked sullen and guilty. She was already blaming herself. And she was upset that she wasn't called first. But then again, she realized she lost that right. "Yeah, let's go."

* * *

"Spencer!" Penelope shouted as she reached her friend and gave him a giant hug. "Any news?"

Spencer shook his head gravely as he turned to his other colleagues. "Nothing. I think Elle is trying to sneak in at the moment, though." At the confused looks at the name he mentioned without thinking, he realized they didn't know she was staying with them. "Oh right. Elle has been staying with us. She's been taking care of Emily when I'm gone. She's her therapist, the one person she trusts to talk about what happened."

He could tell all his friends were confused but they weren't given a chance to ask questions as Elle approached them. She looked agitated. "They fucking caught me, those assholes. Hey, guys."

Trying to ignore the fact that his old friend randomly showed up, Morgan asked, "So what exactly happened?"

"She was getting dressed in the bathroom," Reid explained to them. "But she was taking forever. So I went to check on her and found her on the floor. I think she passed out."

"Do you know why she would?" Rossi asked him.

Spencer shrugged. "Emily hasn't eaten well for weeks. She's hit a rough patch a few weeks ago. Been more depressed than normal." He couldn't help but look at JJ, unconsciously blaming her. JJ looked away, ashamed. "She is with her old doctor, though. Dr. Slane. She knows Emily well."

Speaking of the doctor, she came into the visitor area looking grim. "Dr. Reid, could I speak to you?"

Spencer nodded solemnly as he followed her to a corner of the hospital where they could speak in private.

"Emily is still unconscious," Dr. Slane explained right away. "She woke up for a brief amount of time, but we didn't want her to stay awake as her body needed to rest."

Spencer nodded, comprehending her logic. "So what happened exactly?"

"We believe that it's a few things. Due to the color of her eyes, we believe she hasn't slept much in a while. She also has drastic weight loss. We are guessing she has had a lack of food and water because she is in kidney failure, but we caught it just in time. overall, we think she fainted because of her lack of food, water, and nutrients."

He was in awe. "She didn't— I didn't— no one knew. I could have pushed her harder… I thought she was just going through a rough patch. She told us she was eating… she must have lied."

"We think that she was throwing up her food. Her throat seems somewhat inflamed," Dr. Slane said sympathetically.

"When can I see her?" Reid asked the woman.

"She hasn't fully stabilized yet. Other doctors are keeping a close check on her. But when she has stabilizes I'll come to get you myself. I'd say give it a few hours."

Reid smiled thankfully and turned back to his friends. "How do I tell all of our friends that Emily passed out from a lack of food under my care?"

Dr. Slane sighed. "I'm sorry, Sir. I have no idea. If there is anything I could do, let me know."

Reid nodded and told her, "Thank you. Thank you for everything you have done for Emily and all of us. Hell, the FBI probably thanks you."

"It's my job," she told him simply and began to walk away, leaving Spencer alone with all of his thoughts and guilt.

He felt like a zombie walking back to his friends who shared a similar worried look.

"What is it?" Penelope asked him anxiously. "Is she okay? Is she going to be okay?"

"She's not yet stable, but they think that she will be." He sat back down feeling blank and confused.

Elle sat down next to him and took his hand sisterly. She looked at him directly in the eyes, making sure that he saw her. "Spencer, what did she say?"

"She passed out from lack of sleep and eating," He fibbed gently, purposefully leaving out that she was throwing up her food. He looked down, not being able to lie well. Almost everyone believed him. Except for Elle who noticed his change in body language, and JJ who could tell by his voice.

"Has she had trouble eating recently?" Hotch questioned him.

"Yes," Spencer answered calmly. "We didn't know what to do about it. We didn't want to push her. But we knew how sick she was becoming. We just hoped that she would gradually just get out of the hole."

"She was recovering well," Elle explained to the team. "Reid called me in to be her therapist since she has extreme trust issues. I've been with her since the beginning. She was doing well at the beginning but something changed and she stopped trying to get better."

Reid saw JJ's face redden with shame. She blamed herself. And she thought that Elle and Reid did as well. She got up and walked to the bathroom. Somehow, Spencer felt like he needed to follow her. So he did. When they were far enough away from the group, the blonde turned around with tears running down her face.

"I know I don't deserve any answers. But I could tell you were lying. Be honest with me. Did she try to kill herself because of what I did?"

Reid almost broke down. He hated seeing one of his best friends look so vulnerable and afraid. He wasn't even angry with her anymore. "No, Jennifer. No. She didn't try to kill herself. Not intentionally anyway. She starved herself, but I don't think she thought it would take her to the hospital or become life-threatening."

JJ looked slightly relieved. But she knew that there was something he was still hiding. "I'm sorry, you know. I wish I could tell her that right now. What I said was unforgivable. I'm ashamed."

"I know you are," Reid agreed. "I'm not going to sugar coat it. Your words sent her recovery back and caused her to stop eating. I'm not going to lie to you and say you didn't cause any harm because you did. And this could have been what you thought it was. Easily."

She nodded, knowing that he was right. "Do you think that I'll ever be able to redeem myself?"

Spencer shrugged. "I'm not sure. But I do know that whether or not Emily knows it, she will need you. She needs you through this recovery. She can't do it with just her friends now. There's no time or room to be jealous of me and Elle."

JJ nodded once more. "I know. I'll try to be better. Do you, er, forgive me?"

He considered his options briefly and then replied, "Yes. I have to. She'll need all of us to work together. And I know that deep down you didn't really mean it. You're too nice to have. I won't forget what happened, but yeah. I forgive you. But I won't hesitate to choose Emily."

"Understandable."

* * *

"Hey," Morgan said as he tapped Reid on the shoulder at the coffee machine when they were alone. "How are you doing with all of this? You alright?"

Spencer shrugged, not wanting his friend to know how he was feeling and how he was lying. More than anything he didn't want to lie to him. "I'm fine. Worried, but fine. I thought everything was behind us when we saved Emily from Lewis. But a little bit of me is afraid that part of her is still with him."

"She's dealing with trauma, Reid. We see it with victims all the time."

"I know," the doctor agreed solemnly. "I just… it's Emily, Derek. Not a victim. Not to me."

The older agent nodded with wisdom. "I understand. I feel the same way. I miss her every day. It's idiotic. I know she's okay and that she's with you— and really it's only a ten-minute drive— but she feels like oceans away from her at all times."

"I think we made a mistake." Reid declared anxiously. At Morgan's confused look, Reid clarified, "Me, Emily, and even Elle. We kept her separated from the outside world and the people who she loved. Maybe she needed all of you. It wouldn't have pushed JJ away from her. Emily wouldn't have stopped eating."

Morgan thought about the doctor's words carefully. "Maybe. Or maybe nothing would have prevented it. Maybe it would have been worse. You never know. But don't blame yourself for this."

Reid snorted as if his statement was incorrect. "I basically watched Emily starve herself to death and did nothing about it. I don't deserve any sympathy."

"Elle was there too," Morgan pointed out. "You weren't alone in this. You both thought that Emily would have gotten better. You trusted your instincts and they were wrong. It happens. To everyone. Don't beat yourself up about it."

"She should have stayed with you," Reid mumbled. "She wouldn't be here—"

Morgan interrupted the doctor's rant with a hug. "I know you don't like personal contact, Spencer. But you need this. You are overwhelmed. You need help and we are all here for you. Her weight isn't just on your shoulders anymore."

Surprising himself, Reid gripped harder into the hug, being soothed by the close contact with him. "Thank you. For everything."

"You don't have to thank me, pretty boy. You would have done the same." Derek said as he grinned at his friend. "Though, I'm not sure I would have called a serial killer's killer."

Spencer groaned knowing that he was referring to Elle. "Yeah, I'm not sure that was a good idea. She helped Emily a lot in the beginning, but she should have been able to tell that Emily was at her breaking point."

"No one's perfect," Morgan stated. "Except for me. But you called her. Why?"

"I trust her," Spencer explained. "Her job deals with rape victims. I thought her expertise could be of use to Emily."

"That makes sense, but why call her? I mean you could have easily called one of us if you needed help but you called her." He started to profile the doctor slowly and Reid knew that he was getting close to the truth. "Would you tell me what happened if I asked?"

Spencer frowned. "I didn't want anyone of you to know. Emily wouldn't want any of you to know what kind of mindset she was in. Emily trusted Elle and wasn't embarrassed."

"Emily went through trauma we all would have understood—"

"She knows. Believe me, Derek. She knows. It was the best idea I could come up with at the time."

Derek nodded, understanding. "Did you tell JJ?"

"Tell her what exactly? That I had to drag Emily out of the shower after she had such a bad panic attack I was afraid I would never be able to get through to her? After I had to hide anything that she could kill or harm herself with? How would one tell one that? Especially JJ. And Emily didn't want her to know and—"

Derek interrupted his rambling with a kiss. It wasn't even long enough for Reid to kiss him back. "I'm sorry that you had to deal with those decisions on your own."

Spencer blushed and shrugged. "It's how it is." He didn't know what else to say. Especially after such a random kiss.

"You're brave and a good friend, you know that right? You did what was best. I understand that now. I just wish I would have understood it earlier. Please forgive me for my… annoying behavior."

Spencer let out a breathy laugh. "That's an understatement."

Morgan rolled his eyes and grabbed Spence's arm playfully. "Yeah yeah. Let's get a move on, pretty boy."

* * *

Spencer followed Dr. Slane as she showed him to Emily's room when she woke up. He entered and smiled at her, trying to reassure her. But seeing her in the hospital again brought up too many bad memories again. It was hard for him to hide his feelings.

"There you are!" Emily chanted as he approached her. "These doctors aren't telling me what happened." At Spencer's uncomfortable frown, she knew something was wrong. "Spence, just tell me what it is."

Reid turned to the doctors and asked for some privacy. He then sat down next to his best friend. "Your kidneys started failing, Em. You haven't been eating, and the doctor has told me you've been throwing up your food? Why didn't you tell me this was going on?"

Emily looked down, ashamed of her actions. "I don't know. I wasn't hungry anymore."

"You weren't hungry anymore?" Reid almost yelled, tears spilling from his eyes. "Emily, you almost starved yourself to death. You're lucky that the kidney was the only thing that got damaged. What happened?"

"I lost my hope!" Emily cried out. "JJ was my goal, Spencer. I tried to get better so I could be good enough for her. And then she said… she said she was going to stop loving me and I stopped trying."

Spencer sat down next to her and took her hand. "Emily, you're doing exactly what you told yourself you wouldn't do! You put all of this pressure on yourself! And what JJ said was cruel and unfair. But we both know she doesn't mean it."

"But what if she does—"

"She doesn't. We just talked about it. Look, Em. I want to think that you made a mistake and you didn't try to kill yourself by starving, but I don't know if I can."

Emily nodded and knew she had to tell him the truth. "I didn't consciously decide to starve myself. But controlling my hunger and food made me feel better because I could control  _something_. I don't want to die, Spencer. I promise you."

He believed her. "Okay, good. From now on, you will have planned meals. You will continue to talk to Elle. And you will talk to JJ. Because having her as a goal made it worse. You need to see our friends, Emily. They need you, and you need them, too. I know you're afraid. I know that you're afraid that they will see you fall. I know that's been your fear all along. You don't want anyone to see you differently than before. But you have to stop shutting everybody out."

"I promise. And Spencer? I'm sorry for putting you through this again. I love you," her voice cracked. She was ashamed of what happened, but she needed that reality check.

"You know you never have to apologize with me. I love you, too."

He leaned over and hugged her and Emily felt like everything was a little less cloudy and a lot more clear.

"Spencer, do you mind if you go get JJ for me? I'd like to talk to her."

Spencer jumped up and grinned. No words could have ever made him happier. He ran to find the blonde.

* * *

"JJ!" Spencer shouted as he ran up to the blonde. His face was a drastic change since before. "She's asking for you."

The liaison furrowed her eyebrows, confused. "What?  _Why_?"

"She feels better. I think she realizes it was a wrong decision to push you and everyone else away."

JJ smiled for the first time in weeks. She nodded and started sprinting toward Emily's room. Without knocking she entered the small room. Emily was staring at the ceiling when she entered. JJ's eyes watered at the sight of her back in a hospital bed. "Emily," she whispered gently.

"I blocked it out, I think. I mean, now that I know, I have flashbacks. Reminders. I used to think that he loved me enough to be happy." Emily admitted to her randomly, without removing her eyes from the ceiling.

JJ was confused. She thought that she was referring to Lewis but it no longer made sense for it to be him. "Who?"

"He used to read to me at night. And sing to me when I was sick. He had a sad face, I remember that. But I always thought he was just tired of my mom. Because she was hard to deal with. That's why I thought he took the long business trips. To get away from her. I idolized him and thought that he was working against the man. He seemed to hate the life so much. I thought he was happy. He smiled at me."

The blonde realized that Emily was referring to her father and she frowned. "Oh, Em."

"He's the reason why I'm so sick, I think. It passed down generations. Genes I guess."

"Emily. You aren't your father. A bad thing happened to you. A lot of bad things have happened to you. And they have made you forget the happy things that have happened to you." Her voice trailed off as she took a long look at the brunette's body. "My sister did the same thing. She stopped eating. My parents didn't know. I promised her I wouldn't tell them. I blamed myself. I just thought if I could have just told them..."

"Jennifer..." Emily whispered, reaching her hand out. JJ sat down and took her hand. "When I cut my wrist, Jen, I didn't want to kill myself. I wanted to kill Lewis. And when I starved myself, it wasn't to end my life, it was about control. I never even thought about what my actions would have done to you. I forgot about your sister."

Tears fell down the blonde's cheek. "Rosaline had so many problems. You remind me so much of her sometimes. Your past. She kept everything to herself and let the isolation bury her."

Emily understood what she was asking for. She knew JJ was asking for the truth. She took a deep breath. "I had a really bad panic attack when I got to Reid's place. I ended up sobbing in the shower. It took me and Elle a long time to realize what had been my trigger, but we found out it was blood. My stitches on my thigh tore. My bloody thigh brought me back to Lewis."

These new developments crushed the liaison. "What? Emily…"

"I got better. I did. Elle came and she helped me to start talking about everything. She understood my pain like no other. It felt like living with siblings for the first time. I felt like I was at home. Sometimes I even forgot that he was inside me. That I let him get inside me. Sometimes I forgot how much I wished for a while that I should have just killed myself the first second I had a chance in that room. But I was brought back to reality."

JJ gulped, knowing what she was referring to. There was a lump in her throat as the guilt weighed down her speech. "I was hurt, Em. I was angry and confused and I took it all out on you."

"I remember now," Emily said, returning to thinking about her father. "I remember how loud my own screams rang in my ears. It's all I hear now. I remember his eyes and how they looked so clear. He didn't look sad. He looked relieved. I remember my mom dragging me away. I remember her taking care of everything and me. I have never treated her well. I spent my whole life trying to hate her because it was easier. I've spent my whole life pushing down the thought I've had since I saw my father. I pushed down the thoughts of wanting to feel that relief."

Tears poured down JJ's cheeks. "I can't pretend like I know how you feel. I don't have any words of wisdom. You know that I know how it feels like to lose someone to suicide. My sister was too young to die. And so was your father. We both know that it doesn't matter how much a person is loved because depression doesn't care about love. It grows and festers on its own like an organism. It preys on doubts and insecurity and the lack of hope. I could give you a speech about how much I love you and how it would kill me if you died, but I know how much more guilty that would make you feel.

"I could tell you how meaningful life is and how much life you have left to live. I could tell you how many people love you and need for you to be okay. I could tell you that everybody has their own demons but some are stronger than others. But I know that you are drowning right now. And I now realize that you have been drowning for a lot longer than since you've been kidnapped. You have been drowning the second you father drowned and you haven't even realized it. But let me just tell you that I'll be happy to drown with you. I will travel the darkest abyss with you because I know that if we dig far enough into the hole we could come out the other side. I'd do anything for you, Emily Prentiss. But I will not stand here and watch you slowly die. So we are going to get through this. Me and you. And Elle and Spence if you want it. And Morgan and Garcia and Hotch and Rossi. Because we are here for you and none of us are leaving you. None of us are gonna let you go without a fight." JJ squeezed Emily's hand.

Emily swallowed the blondes words. She pulled herself out of the darkness long enough to move her eyes over to blue ones. She couldn't handle it anymore. Everything fell all at once. All her walls were shattered as sobs heaved her body. She held onto the blonde's hand to stay afloat.

JJ wrapped her arms around Emily's head and the brunette cried harder into her girlfriend's shoulder. Delicately, the blonde brushed her lips against Emily's.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," JJ muttered repeatedly as words of comfort to the girl who had finally decided to live.

They finally understood each other. For the first time, all the walls were down. They were both naked and were holding each other up. Nothing was perfect or healthy. But it was a hell of a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of you might think this was an abrupt ending before the epilogue, but I love it. They are finally in the same place in the relationship. There is a long road ahead of them, but they are finally honest with each other and in perfect understanding. As a person with depression, I have learned that things don't have to be perfect to be better, especially when you finally let that person in. Thank you all so much for reading! I appreciate all of you so much! Reviews are welcome! XX


	16. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds!
> 
> This is it.

His voice entered her dream. She didn't want to hear what he was saying. She just wanted to leave. But she couldn't. She was tied up again. She screamed out, feeling the walls close in on her. She couldn't breathe and she felt violated.

"No...no...no. Please no…" She squirmed in bed, wrapping the sheets around her wrists.

JJ placed her warm hand on Emily's waist. "Emily, it's a dream. It's all a dream. I'm here for you, baby. Wake up now."

Emily jumped up, tears struggling to fall down her face. "I'm sorry," She muttered. "I didn't wake you, did I?"

"You didn't, sweetheart. Don't apologize. Remember that you never have to. Do you want to talk about it?"

Emily wanted to hold it in. She wanted to stay silent. But she's grown. Therapy has taught her that nothing is more damaging to her than holding something in. "I dreamt about being in that room. Tied. The walls were closing in on me."

"Was he there?"

"No. I heard his voice. But I shut it out. I shut out his voice, Jen."

JJ grinned and hugged her wife, knowing how important that was for her. "Em! That's wonderful! I'm so proud of you!" Emily held her tight, feeling immediately better about the dream.

Suddenly they heard what sounded like elephants pounding on the floor before entering the bedroom. Emily and JJ embraced themselves for what they had coming. The door flew open and three kids ran into the room and jumped on the bed.

"Mommy! Momma!" The children shouted bouncing on the bed.

"Hey, kiddos!" Emily said happily, the dream washing away like it was long gone. "I heard it was someone's birthday today. Hey, Mommy, did you hear anything about a birthday?"

JJ grinned wildly. "Hmmm… I think I heard something about that."

"It's  _my_  birthday!" The youngest shouted excitedly. She clapped and jumped up and down.

"It's  _your_  birthday?" Emily asked, pretending to sound shocked. "Well, Rosie. I guess we might have to celebrate it then, right? Unless you don't want a party."

"I wanna party!" Rosie squealed. "I'm turning four!"

The eldest child snorted. "Rose's only been talking about having this party for weeks. Thank god her birthday is today."

Emily smiled at her eldest, and snarkiest, son. "That's so kind of you, Henry."

"Momma," The middle child said looking at Emily. "Are you going to make pancakes this morning?"

"Hmmm. You know what, Mickey? I might just do that. We gotta eat fast, though. Uncle Dave expects us at his house in two hours. So go get changed while I start making the pancakes."

All three kids cheered as they left the bedroom excitedly.

Emily chuckled. "JJ, we have crazy kids."

"That we do. But they're good kids. And they have good parents."

Emily wrapped her arms around the blonde and embraced her warmth. "I love being a parent with you."

"I love being a parent with you, too," JJ replied, smiling widely. "You ready for this crazy day?"

Emily shrugged. "Probably not. But I'm ready to see how everything turns out. I bet Rossi did all he could so that his niece has a great party. We're just lucky Hotch gave us the weekend off. He's turned out to be a huge softie, especially since we had Henry."

"MOMMA!" the kids shouted.

Emily chuckled. "Guess that's me. Can you even believe we have this life, Jay? After everything. We have all of this."

"I think I can actually believe it."

* * *

The car entered the driveway to the Rossi Manor and they parked rather quickly. Immediately, the van doors opened and the three kids ran to the front door. Emily took JJ's hand as they watched their kids wait at the door giddily.

"Maybe making three already hyper kids pancakes wasn't the brightest idea," Emily whispered gently.

JJ snorted. "Em, if you think that  _our_  kids would somehow be able to not eat a load of sugar on somebody's birthday you must be dreaming. Besides, the more sugar they eat now, the faster they crash later."

Emily gasped, "You are a devious one, Mrs. Jareau."

"Mmmm, don't you know it, Mrs. Prentiss-Jareau," JJ replied and led Emily toward the door.

When the couple joined their kids, the door opened with a grinning Rossi standing there with a party hat. The agents had a hard time not laughing at their colleague.

"Benvenuto!" Rossi shouted, greeting all the kids with a huge hug. "I heard it was somebody's birthday today!"

"UNCLE DAVE!" Rosie said exuberantly.

"Oh, that's right! It's my favorite niece's birthday. What are you now, thirty-five?" He asked her playfully.

"No!" Rosie replied, giggling. "I'm turning four!"

"Four! That's so old! Well, come inside! The bouncy house is outside. But be careful, your Uncle Spencer is already in there. Remember to not knock him down." He winked at the kids, telling them the exact opposite.

The three kids ran outside to find the huge bouncy house waiting for them. The couple followed Rossi at a much slower pace. They stopped in the middle of the house.

"Rossi," Emily said gratefully. "Thank you so much for everything. Really. We owe you so much."

"Oh, you don't have to thank me. I love doing this. What else do I spend my money on, eh? Besides, my family deserves to be spoiled, don't you think?" He opened his arms to a hug and both women obliged immediately.

"Come on," Rossi said as he made his way towards his backyard. "Let's go make sure that Reid doesn't have any broken bones."

The girls followed him outside where the party was at. They were in awe of their friends who had shown up. Hotch had his arm around his fiance, Beth, who laughed at Jack trying to arm wrestle with Derek. Penelope was admiring her first born daughter, Sara, holding hands with her husband of three years, Kevin. Elle was laughing with her girlfriend, Jordan Todd, the replacement for JJ everytime she went on maternity leave. Elle had moved her services to D.C. and now consulted with the team on certain cases. Spencer got out of the bouncy house with a grin on his face.

"Emily, JJ!" Spencer called out. "Your children tried to push me over! Isn't it bad enough already that my kids are trying to kill me as well!"

"Sorry, Spence," JJ said mockingly as she hugged her friend. "Our kids see Jackie and Hank mess with you and they just see it as such grand fun."

"Yeah, Spencer. I think that your kids are just such an influence on-" Emily received a playful hit by the doctor and she cried out, "Ow. This is now war, Spencer Morgan."

"Is my husband hurting you again, Prentiss?" Derek asked as he joined the hugging and greeted the other profilers.

"The better question is, when isn't he?" Emily joked happily with her friends.

"Oh, it's on," Spencer told her. He hit her and ran away so that Emily could chase him. And she did.

JJ snorted and looked at Morgan who shook his head, amused. "Derek, I hate to say it, but I think we both married children."

"Yep. How'd we get ourselves into this mess, Jareau?"

JJ shrugged. "I think we must have fallen in love with them, or something."

They laughed as they saw Emily knocking Spencer down and they started tackling each other. They knew that tickling was next. JJ smiled. She knew how important he was in Emily's life. She knew how big of a role he had in her recovery, and she was thankful every day.

"She has the brother that she has always wanted, Derek. I think that's why they do this. They never got to play with their sibling. And now they get to."

* * *

Emily and JJ watched the sun go down from the top of the deck attached to the large manor. Their arms were around each other's waists as they watched their friends, family, and children run around the large backyard. There was a smile spread widely on both of their faces. This was happiness and freedom and serenity.

"I never get tired of this, Jen," Emily admitted to her wife. "I love all of it. Our whole life. I know that bad things happened to us. I know how much we struggled. But it was all worth it for this moment. I went to hell and back for this moment. I survived for this moment. And I am so damn lucky to be living this moment with you, by your side, as your wife. I'm so thankful for you, Jennifer Jareau."

Happy tears fell from the blonde's cheeks. "And I am so thankful for you. I am so thankful that you fought, you survived, and you decided to live your life with me. I am thankful for every second I have with you because I know how close we were to not having each other. I am thankful that we are married and are in love and that we have four wonderful, intelligent, beautiful kids."

"Four? JJ we have three-" She shut her mouth when she saw JJ light up from grinning. "No! Jen, you're…"

"Pregnant. Yes!" They hugged tightly, after hoping for this moment for so long. "I love you so much."

"I love you more."

* * *

They watched the stars come out as they sat in a circle along with their family while roasting marshmallows. They listened to their colleagues tell the kids stories about their adventures as agents and funny moments in the BAU. Their lives definitely weren't normal. Their lives weren't a fantasy. Their lives weren't a dream. But their lives were  _real._ And so much better than they could have ever asked for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. It's over. I loved writing this story. It took me more than half a year to write this baby. It was definitely a labor of love. Everything about this story is important to me and I hope it brings some hope and meaning to all of you. I am grateful for every single one of you readers and reviewers. Your feedback makes me want to continue writing and posting. Thank you! XX

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! More chapters to come soon! XX


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